1 00:00:01,862 --> 00:00:05,866 Ahem. It's that very special time of year, Greendale. 2 00:00:05,866 --> 00:00:09,119 A time for me to remind you that your school acknowledges 3 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:10,871 no specialness to this time of year. 4 00:00:10,871 --> 00:00:14,666 You do, of course, have a constitutional right 5 00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:15,917 to lend this season 6 00:00:15,917 --> 00:00:17,669 the significance of your choosing 7 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:21,048 in any of our designated holiday zones. 8 00:00:22,299 --> 00:00:23,633 Merry Christmas. 9 00:00:23,633 --> 00:00:25,510 Don't you mean season's greetings? 10 00:00:25,510 --> 00:00:27,179 Shirley, you know it's Christmas. 11 00:00:27,179 --> 00:00:29,723 As a Christian, I've learned to be sensitive 12 00:00:29,723 --> 00:00:32,600 to other cultures' jealousies. What are we doing this year? 13 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,354 I'm taking a relaxation course next semester. 14 00:00:35,354 --> 00:00:37,772 I was gonna use the break to do the reading in advance. 15 00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:39,983 I'm shutting myself in with my video games. 16 00:00:39,983 --> 00:00:42,861 Fake-murdering people is gonna be my new holiday tradition. 17 00:00:42,861 --> 00:00:44,821 Hm. This is disappointing. 18 00:00:44,821 --> 00:00:47,074 What do you care, Abed? You're Muslim. 19 00:00:47,074 --> 00:00:48,407 Don't your people spend this season 20 00:00:48,407 --> 00:00:49,868 writing angry letters to TV Guide? 21 00:00:49,868 --> 00:00:51,452 True. Religiously, I'm Muslim. 22 00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,454 But I've always been a fan of Christmas. 23 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,208 And this is the most important Christmas in history. 24 00:00:56,208 --> 00:00:58,459 I'm assuming that's why we're all stop-motion animated. 25 00:01:00,379 --> 00:01:03,298 I vote we let it go. What did you say we were, Abed? 26 00:01:03,298 --> 00:01:05,800 We're stop-motion animated. I don't understand. 27 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,510 I never understand what any of you are saying. 28 00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:09,971 You guys don't see it? I noticed it this morning. 29 00:01:09,971 --> 00:01:11,472 That's how I knew it was special. 30 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,100 We've clearly entered a new medium. 31 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,143 Does "clearly" mean the same thing 32 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,895 to you as it does to normal people? 33 00:01:16,895 --> 00:01:18,438 It's probably Arabic for "not clearly." 34 00:01:18,438 --> 00:01:20,065 Ha, ha, ha. Huh? 35 00:01:20,065 --> 00:01:23,110 You really expect me to tarnish the high-five for that? 36 00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:25,486 You guys really don't see what I'm seeing? 37 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:28,531 That worries me a little. I think it worries all of us. 38 00:01:28,531 --> 00:01:30,951 Is there something that we can do to help you 39 00:01:30,951 --> 00:01:33,536 with your situation, Abed? 40 00:01:33,536 --> 00:01:35,080 You could move around more. 41 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,249 Not much point in being animated if you don't. 42 00:01:37,249 --> 00:01:38,792 And I think we should commit to the format. 43 00:01:38,792 --> 00:01:40,294 Starting with a song. 44 00:01:41,586 --> 00:01:43,588 You start. I'm sure we'll join in. 45 00:02:09,656 --> 00:02:12,742 Okay, we got him. He's down. 46 00:02:12,742 --> 00:02:15,662 Now, how many fingers am I holding up? 47 00:02:15,662 --> 00:02:19,082 And, more importantly, are they still made of clay? 48 00:02:19,082 --> 00:02:20,500 Three, and I told you, we're not clay. 49 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,751 We're silicone dolls with foam bodies 50 00:02:21,751 --> 00:02:22,961 over ball-and-socket armatures. 51 00:02:22,961 --> 00:02:25,546 Fascinating. And publishable. 52 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,008 And you say you have no memory of this morning? 53 00:02:28,008 --> 00:02:30,969 You don't recall the crisis that caused you 54 00:02:30,969 --> 00:02:32,595 to take shelter in this delusion? 55 00:02:32,595 --> 00:02:35,349 It's not a delusion. Very, very publishable. 56 00:02:35,349 --> 00:02:37,934 Abed, I've been a professor of psychology 57 00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:40,395 here at Greendale for many years. 58 00:02:40,395 --> 00:02:42,314 And I think I see a solution to this 59 00:02:42,314 --> 00:02:45,317 that might also help you with your situation. 60 00:02:45,317 --> 00:02:47,486 I'd like to do extensive sessions with you, 61 00:02:47,486 --> 00:02:48,945 including hypnosis. 62 00:02:48,945 --> 00:02:50,905 I don't need therapy. Nobody said you did. 63 00:02:50,905 --> 00:02:54,826 I just think it would benefit you and, incidentally, me 64 00:02:54,826 --> 00:02:57,578 to get to the real meaning of all this. 65 00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:00,457 You're right. I need to find the meaning of Christmas. 66 00:03:00,457 --> 00:03:02,334 Ah. Well… If I can, 67 00:03:02,334 --> 00:03:03,793 everything will go back to normal. 68 00:03:03,793 --> 00:03:05,504 Asterisk. Abed. 69 00:03:05,504 --> 00:03:07,381 The dean says if you don't get help, 70 00:03:07,381 --> 00:03:09,257 they might kick you out of school. 71 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:12,344 Why would I wanna be in a school that hates Christmas? 72 00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:15,138 He's got a point. Kidding. 73 00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:29,777 I don't suppose you know the meaning of Christmas. 74 00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:33,031 Apparently, it means getting fondled by singing mental cases. 75 00:03:33,031 --> 00:03:35,534 My snowman is alive. I'm not a snowman. 76 00:03:35,534 --> 00:03:37,202 I'm Chang. 77 00:03:37,202 --> 00:03:39,246 What the hell's wrong with you? I thought I made you. 78 00:03:39,246 --> 00:03:41,581 Yeah, you made me need to cry in the shower tonight. 79 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:44,084 It's a text from Britta. 80 00:03:44,084 --> 00:03:45,460 She says, "The meaning of Christmas 81 00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,337 is in the study room." 82 00:03:47,337 --> 00:03:48,838 Now that you started it, 83 00:03:48,838 --> 00:03:51,550 how about 10 more seconds on the third button, eh? 84 00:03:55,387 --> 00:03:57,847 You lied to lure me into group therapy? 85 00:03:57,847 --> 00:03:59,140 Surprise. Pierce. 86 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:01,726 You promised not to do that. Surprise. 87 00:04:01,726 --> 00:04:03,437 Not cool. Ah, hold on, Abed. 88 00:04:03,437 --> 00:04:05,188 I'm not just a psych professor. 89 00:04:05,188 --> 00:04:08,108 I'm also a Christmas wizard. 90 00:04:08,108 --> 00:04:09,692 You are? I am. 91 00:04:09,692 --> 00:04:13,654 And I can help you find the meaning of Christmas. 92 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:16,324 Right, guys? Oh, yeah. 93 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,659 Oh, this feels safe. Shut up, Winger. 94 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,661 What do you think, Abed? 95 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,456 Christmas wizard. Hm. 96 00:04:23,748 --> 00:04:26,126 I guess I can see that. Have a seat, then. 97 00:04:26,126 --> 00:04:27,668 Nothing to be afraid of. 98 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:31,756 All your friends are here. They just want to help. 99 00:04:31,756 --> 00:04:34,259 I'm here for the cookies. So, what do we do? 100 00:04:34,259 --> 00:04:35,843 With your permission, 101 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:39,306 I'd like to put you into a state of Christmasnosis 102 00:04:39,306 --> 00:04:42,100 and take you on a magic journey. 103 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,851 To Winter Wonderland? Sure. 104 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:46,313 Your own personal Winter Wonderland. 105 00:04:46,313 --> 00:04:47,730 Come on, everyone. 106 00:04:47,730 --> 00:04:50,942 You all know how magic Christmas journeys work. 107 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,777 You are playing with so much fire. 108 00:04:52,777 --> 00:04:53,903 Shut up, Winger. 109 00:04:53,903 --> 00:04:56,781 Hands on the table. Eyes closed. 110 00:04:56,781 --> 00:04:59,576 Heads relaxing. Necks relaxing. 111 00:04:59,576 --> 00:05:02,621 Don't relax Pierce any lower. Screw you. 112 00:05:02,621 --> 00:05:05,415 Abed, focus on the sound of my voice 113 00:05:05,415 --> 00:05:07,250 and let yourself relax. 114 00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:09,877 With each breath, you'll feel… It's beginning. 115 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,796 All right, then. The table's moving. 116 00:05:11,796 --> 00:05:13,714 Like a rocket about to take off. 117 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:14,882 Now it's leaving the floor 118 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,926 as the walls and the ceiling fly away. 119 00:05:16,926 --> 00:05:20,514 We're in outer Christmas space. There's Planet Holly. 120 00:05:20,514 --> 00:05:22,641 And Planet Jolly. 121 00:05:22,641 --> 00:05:24,142 Oh, and what's that up ahead? 122 00:05:24,142 --> 00:05:26,978 Ah. It's Planet Abed. Subtle. 123 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:29,063 We're descending onto Planet Abed now. 124 00:05:29,063 --> 00:05:31,149 It's the most Christmassy planet in the universe. 125 00:05:31,149 --> 00:05:32,733 Its atmosphere is 7 percent cinnamon. 126 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,027 Oh. 127 00:05:38,365 --> 00:05:41,242 We're here. Winter Wonderland. See how sparkly? 128 00:05:41,242 --> 00:05:43,328 What, are you crazy? All I see is the study… 129 00:05:43,328 --> 00:05:45,038 Ooh. Sparkly wonderland. 130 00:05:45,038 --> 00:05:46,956 During our journey, you've transformed into 131 00:05:46,956 --> 00:05:48,333 Christmas versions of yourselves. 132 00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:49,668 Jeff-in-the-Box. 133 00:05:52,295 --> 00:05:54,922 Uh-huh. Troy Soldier. 134 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,466 Cool. Do I have a gun? 135 00:05:56,466 --> 00:05:58,218 You have a drum. Cool. 136 00:05:58,218 --> 00:06:00,178 Britta, you're Britta-Bot. Uh… 137 00:06:00,178 --> 00:06:02,472 Just go with it. Bleep, bloop. 138 00:06:02,472 --> 00:06:04,391 Teddy Pierce. 139 00:06:04,391 --> 00:06:05,933 Bleep, bloop for me too. 140 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,269 Ballerannie. Oh. Heh. 141 00:06:08,269 --> 00:06:10,021 Baby Doll Shirley. 142 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,814 Baby what? What the hell? 143 00:06:11,814 --> 00:06:14,484 Well, we are making fabulous 144 00:06:14,484 --> 00:06:17,111 and unexpectedly intense progress. 145 00:06:17,111 --> 00:06:18,905 Now, what I'd like to do is visit 146 00:06:18,905 --> 00:06:22,492 the cave of frozen memories. 147 00:06:22,492 --> 00:06:23,993 Pass. Let's head for the North Pole. 148 00:06:23,993 --> 00:06:25,704 The meaning of Christmas will be there. 149 00:06:25,704 --> 00:06:28,206 Um… Well, yeah. Yeah, sure, cheers. 150 00:06:28,206 --> 00:06:31,292 And I actually think I know a shortcut to the North Pole 151 00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:34,087 through the cave of frozen memor… 152 00:06:34,087 --> 00:06:36,673 We can take Gumdrop Road and stop at the cave. 153 00:06:36,673 --> 00:06:38,592 I wouldn't call it a shortcut, but you got us here, 154 00:06:38,592 --> 00:06:39,967 so I'll throw you a bone. 155 00:06:53,398 --> 00:06:54,857 Let's move, folks. 156 00:06:54,857 --> 00:06:58,486 This isn't going to be fun, easy or safe. 157 00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:06,035 Shut up, Winger. Mm-hm. 158 00:07:12,041 --> 00:07:13,501 A journey through Winter Wonderland 159 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,878 tends to test your commitment to Christmas. 160 00:07:15,878 --> 00:07:19,132 So when I say test, I mean Wonka-style. I'm talking dark. 161 00:07:19,132 --> 00:07:21,551 My advice: stay honest, stay alert, 162 00:07:21,551 --> 00:07:25,012 and for the love of God, stay between the gumdrops. 163 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,473 Look up there, Abed. 164 00:07:26,473 --> 00:07:30,310 I think I see the cave of frozen memories. 165 00:07:30,310 --> 00:07:32,103 A great place… It's actually the cave 166 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:33,730 of frozen peas. 167 00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:36,065 It's a common mistake. Don't worry, I got this. 168 00:07:36,065 --> 00:07:37,858 Terrific. 169 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,987 Abed, did you say 170 00:07:40,987 --> 00:07:42,656 my Christmas self was a baby? 171 00:07:42,656 --> 00:07:45,158 Are you sure you didn't say I was a Christmas angel? 172 00:07:45,158 --> 00:07:48,411 Because you respect me too much to imagine me as a baby. 173 00:07:48,411 --> 00:07:50,622 Maybe if you cry enough, he'll change you. 174 00:07:50,622 --> 00:07:52,415 You know why you were a robot, right? 175 00:07:52,415 --> 00:07:54,501 I'm progressive and kick-ass. 176 00:07:54,501 --> 00:07:55,918 How about heartless and Godless? 177 00:07:55,918 --> 00:07:58,212 I think he gave us random identities. 178 00:07:58,212 --> 00:08:00,089 I mean, me, a ballerina? 179 00:08:00,089 --> 00:08:03,802 It's not like I'm that thin and graceful, right? 180 00:08:03,802 --> 00:08:06,095 Annie, it's because you're fragile 181 00:08:06,095 --> 00:08:08,556 and tightly wound. 182 00:08:09,849 --> 00:08:11,058 Cut the chatter, 183 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,602 and keep your eyes on the prize. 184 00:08:12,602 --> 00:08:14,061 We're looking for the meaning of Christmas. 185 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,148 I happen to know the meaning of Christmas. 186 00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:18,483 And I'm the only one here that does. 187 00:08:18,483 --> 00:08:20,568 So I would appreciate a level of respect 188 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:23,196 even if I'm a guest in your therapy wonderland. 189 00:08:23,196 --> 00:08:24,698 Therapy? 190 00:08:24,698 --> 00:08:27,701 I am freezing Shirley with my wand. 191 00:08:27,701 --> 00:08:30,745 And I am ejecting her from Planet Abed 192 00:08:30,745 --> 00:08:36,376 with a remote-control Christmas pterodactyl. 193 00:08:37,711 --> 00:08:39,713 Oh, nice. Now we're talking. 194 00:08:41,464 --> 00:08:44,175 Point being, if you're not interested in helping Abed, 195 00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:46,803 there's no reason to be here. 196 00:08:46,803 --> 00:08:48,346 Cookies. 197 00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:02,861 That's wonderful. 198 00:09:02,861 --> 00:09:04,904 Let's get back to the magic journey and wrap up. 199 00:09:04,904 --> 00:09:06,489 Some of us have women to sleep with. 200 00:09:06,489 --> 00:09:07,532 You guys hear that? 201 00:09:07,532 --> 00:09:09,701 Humbugs. Humbugs? 202 00:09:09,701 --> 00:09:12,787 Yeah, a whole swarm of them. See? 203 00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:16,040 Everyone stay perfectly sincere. 204 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,625 Humbugs are attracted to sarcasm. 205 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,253 Wow. Somewhere, Tim Burton got a boner. 206 00:09:20,253 --> 00:09:23,214 Jeff, don't be sarcastic. Oh, are they on me now? 207 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:26,300 Oh, no. They're eating him alive. 208 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:29,345 If only he could find the power to not be a smug douche. 209 00:09:29,345 --> 00:09:32,181 Oh, no can do. I'm just a horrible guy. 210 00:09:32,181 --> 00:09:36,519 Guess I'll have to go get laid. 211 00:09:38,438 --> 00:09:40,314 Ooh. Can I sing this one? 212 00:09:52,201 --> 00:09:53,453 Annie, nice. 213 00:09:53,453 --> 00:09:56,623 Get what I did with the word "presence"? 214 00:09:57,749 --> 00:09:59,250 Carol Canyon. Instead of oxygen, 215 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,794 plants produce Christmas songs. 216 00:10:00,794 --> 00:10:03,045 Will it cost a lot to walk here? No. Public domain. 217 00:10:03,045 --> 00:10:05,757 You know Jesus was born in the middle of April, right? 218 00:10:05,757 --> 00:10:07,508 The church moved his birthday 219 00:10:07,508 --> 00:10:10,136 so they could steal the solstice from pagans. 220 00:10:10,136 --> 00:10:12,722 Season's greetings from Britta Perry. 221 00:10:12,722 --> 00:10:14,682 Maybe you could sing a song about it. 222 00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:18,645 I don't sing. And if I did, I wouldn't sing Christmas songs. 223 00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:21,272 I guess that means you're gonna have me ejected 224 00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:23,149 for not loving Christmas enough. 225 00:10:23,149 --> 00:10:24,901 Nope, not for that. 226 00:10:24,901 --> 00:10:27,027 Let's get to the cave of frozen memories. 227 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,572 Man, it is cave-like in here. 228 00:10:29,572 --> 00:10:31,616 What do you mean, cave-like? It's a cave. 229 00:10:31,616 --> 00:10:32,951 Nothing to be afraid of. 230 00:10:32,951 --> 00:10:36,162 The cave of frozen memories is a safe place 231 00:10:36,162 --> 00:10:39,499 where we can observe suppressed experiences 232 00:10:39,499 --> 00:10:42,209 without being affected by them. 233 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,253 Can you show me how to do it? Sure. 234 00:10:44,253 --> 00:10:46,840 Here. I'm focusing on a part of the cave 235 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,550 and I'm seeing my 10th Christmas. 236 00:10:49,550 --> 00:10:52,470 All right? Now you try with this morning. 237 00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:55,598 I can't see your 10th Christmas. How do you know that's you? 238 00:10:55,598 --> 00:10:59,560 Well, it's my house on 52nd Street in Islington. 239 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:01,270 What room are you in? What color are the walls? 240 00:11:01,270 --> 00:11:04,524 Our living room. Cream-colored plaster. 241 00:11:04,524 --> 00:11:07,777 There's an oil painting of a forest above the sofa. 242 00:11:07,777 --> 00:11:09,946 I'm reading Paddington books. 243 00:11:09,946 --> 00:11:12,490 Mom got me Paddington every year. 244 00:11:12,490 --> 00:11:13,825 Where's your dad? 245 00:11:13,825 --> 00:11:16,034 It's Christmas. Where's your dad? 246 00:11:16,034 --> 00:11:19,831 I don't know. We never know. Mom won't stop crying. 247 00:11:19,831 --> 00:11:22,792 I'm going to America with Grandma. 248 00:11:28,297 --> 00:11:31,592 He is good. We lost our wizard. 249 00:11:31,592 --> 00:11:35,805 We don't need him, never did. And nobody needs this cave. 250 00:11:35,805 --> 00:11:37,473 Initiate self-destruct. 251 00:11:37,473 --> 00:11:39,392 Self-destruct initiating. 252 00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:43,021 This slide goes directly to Pine Tree Station. 253 00:11:43,021 --> 00:11:45,523 We can catch a train to the North Pole from there. 254 00:11:45,523 --> 00:11:46,858 The wizard didn't bring us here 255 00:11:46,858 --> 00:11:48,442 to find the meaning of Christmas. 256 00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:49,652 And I can't have anyone going beyond this point 257 00:11:49,652 --> 00:11:51,362 that's on his side. 258 00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:55,658 With you to the end, man. Always. 259 00:12:00,872 --> 00:12:02,665 Like I said, I came for the cookies. 260 00:12:02,665 --> 00:12:04,333 Ahh! 261 00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:06,836 I'm not ejecting you for not liking Christmas music. 262 00:12:06,836 --> 00:12:09,213 I'm ejecting you for lying to trick me into therapy. 263 00:12:09,213 --> 00:12:12,425 Abed, they will kick you out of school. 264 00:12:12,425 --> 00:12:14,802 I was trying to save you. 265 00:12:37,617 --> 00:12:38,993 Bye, Britta. 266 00:12:51,672 --> 00:12:54,258 Damn. It got real up in that memory cave. 267 00:12:54,258 --> 00:12:55,551 I know, right? 268 00:12:55,551 --> 00:12:57,303 Speaking of real, this has been great. 269 00:12:57,303 --> 00:13:00,932 But the cookies are gone, and I have to take a giant leak. 270 00:13:02,558 --> 00:13:05,352 We should be at the North Pole by 9:00 Eastern Candy Time. 271 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,646 You guys see the countryside? 272 00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:08,481 There's the Menorah Mountains. 273 00:13:08,481 --> 00:13:11,358 And Jehovah Witness Bay. Thanks for adding that, man. 274 00:13:12,568 --> 00:13:14,612 This is nicer than all the Christmases 275 00:13:14,612 --> 00:13:16,072 I ever celebrated. 276 00:13:16,072 --> 00:13:17,907 But you're Jewish. On my mom's side. 277 00:13:17,907 --> 00:13:21,159 But my dad's Episcopalian. And before the divorce, 278 00:13:21,159 --> 00:13:24,122 the holidays were a minefield of overlapping rituals. 279 00:13:24,122 --> 00:13:27,207 I like the rituals. My parents are divorced too. 280 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,794 My mom's Polish. She loves Christmas. 281 00:13:29,794 --> 00:13:32,672 Every year, she visits on the same day. December 9th. 282 00:13:32,672 --> 00:13:34,007 Every year, we sit and watch 283 00:13:34,007 --> 00:13:35,508 Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. 284 00:13:35,508 --> 00:13:37,551 Together. Every year. 285 00:13:39,012 --> 00:13:41,764 But, Abed, today is December 9th. 286 00:13:41,764 --> 00:13:44,851 It's the last day of classes. 287 00:13:44,851 --> 00:13:47,145 Yeah. That can't be right. 288 00:13:47,145 --> 00:13:50,773 She comes every year. Today must be December 8th. 289 00:13:50,773 --> 00:13:52,608 Because she comes every year. 290 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:58,656 Okay, Abed. Time to stop the train. 291 00:13:58,656 --> 00:14:01,075 After you emasculated me in the ice caves, 292 00:14:01,075 --> 00:14:02,743 I went to your dorm room. 293 00:14:02,743 --> 00:14:05,079 I know what happened now. It doesn't matter. 294 00:14:05,079 --> 00:14:06,455 I just need to get to the North Pole. 295 00:14:06,455 --> 00:14:08,708 Abed, there is no North Pole. 296 00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:09,917 We're in the study room, 297 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,752 and I'm not a Christmas wizard. 298 00:14:11,752 --> 00:14:14,296 I know. You're a Christmas warlock. 299 00:14:14,296 --> 00:14:15,840 You're trying to destroy Christmas 300 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,383 because you blame your sadness on it. 301 00:14:17,383 --> 00:14:18,592 I'm crawling out the window. 302 00:14:18,592 --> 00:14:20,970 No, you're not. Snap out of it. 303 00:14:20,970 --> 00:14:22,680 Whoa, whoa. Who taught you therapy? 304 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:23,806 Michael Jackson's dad? 305 00:14:23,806 --> 00:14:24,891 I am a professional. 306 00:14:24,891 --> 00:14:26,142 And you are tampering with 307 00:14:26,142 --> 00:14:27,810 a highly-delicate book deal. 308 00:14:27,810 --> 00:14:29,436 I mean, human being. 309 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:30,980 Oh. Now we're losing him. 310 00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:32,398 I'm on the roof of the train. 311 00:14:32,398 --> 00:14:35,234 Oh, great. Well, I'm teleporting there. 312 00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:38,320 Because I can do that because I'm a wizard. 313 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,446 Bloink. 314 00:14:40,907 --> 00:14:44,744 Abed, there is no train. This is not real. 315 00:14:44,744 --> 00:14:47,371 I can't hear you. I'm going to the front car. 316 00:14:47,371 --> 00:14:48,915 You're very clever, 317 00:14:48,915 --> 00:14:50,583 but it stops here. 318 00:14:50,583 --> 00:14:51,918 There's no more journey. 319 00:14:51,918 --> 00:14:54,212 It's just you against reality. 320 00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:56,839 And reality always wins. 321 00:14:56,839 --> 00:15:00,300 Abed, I'm unhitching the cars, okay? 322 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,763 What? Oh, give me a break. Do you know what you're doing? 323 00:15:03,763 --> 00:15:05,890 Bloink. We're learning to teleport. 324 00:15:05,890 --> 00:15:08,893 And we're helping our friend find the meaning of Christmas. 325 00:15:08,893 --> 00:15:11,771 You're actually grabbing me in real life, delinquent. 326 00:15:11,771 --> 00:15:14,023 We'll keep him away, Abed. Go. 327 00:15:14,023 --> 00:15:16,192 Find the meaning of Christmas. 328 00:15:16,192 --> 00:15:19,570 At the very least take notes. 329 00:15:36,837 --> 00:15:38,756 Oof. All right, where are we? 330 00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:40,340 Christmas train? 331 00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,802 I didn't wanna go home. 332 00:15:42,802 --> 00:15:45,554 It's depressing there this time of year. 333 00:16:00,069 --> 00:16:01,904 What are we looking at? 334 00:16:01,904 --> 00:16:04,323 Santa's workshop. 335 00:16:10,079 --> 00:16:12,581 Okay. So meaning of Christmas, right? 336 00:16:12,581 --> 00:16:14,416 You see it? 337 00:16:14,416 --> 00:16:18,254 Well, can't it just be anywhere? Like, there? 338 00:16:20,298 --> 00:16:21,507 Good job, Pierce. 339 00:16:33,519 --> 00:16:36,396 It's the first season of Lost on DVD. 340 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:39,317 That's the meaning of Christmas? No, it's a metaphor. 341 00:16:39,317 --> 00:16:41,652 It represents lack of payoff. Correct. 342 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:44,822 Thinking there was something you could do to save Christmas, 343 00:16:44,822 --> 00:16:47,325 turning yourself into an animated character 344 00:16:47,325 --> 00:16:49,409 in search of the holiday's meaning, 345 00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:53,164 these were mechanisms you used to escape this. 346 00:16:54,373 --> 00:16:55,958 This Christmas card. 347 00:16:55,958 --> 00:16:59,545 Left where you dropped it on the floor of your dorm. 348 00:16:59,545 --> 00:17:02,506 "Abed, I can't make it this year. 349 00:17:02,506 --> 00:17:04,842 "I have a new family now. 350 00:17:04,842 --> 00:17:06,385 "You'll meet them one day. 351 00:17:06,385 --> 00:17:08,262 "You're a man now. 352 00:17:08,262 --> 00:17:09,930 "Take care of Dad. 353 00:17:09,930 --> 00:17:12,350 Wash your dupa." 354 00:17:12,350 --> 00:17:14,476 Mommy's moved on. 355 00:17:14,476 --> 00:17:17,980 New family. New life. 356 00:17:17,980 --> 00:17:20,691 There's nothing left to do now but heal. 357 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,860 And share the experience 358 00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:26,655 with as many reputable journals as possible. 359 00:17:27,907 --> 00:17:30,201 Great, look what you did to the kid. 360 00:17:30,201 --> 00:17:31,744 What's your article gonna be called? 361 00:17:31,744 --> 00:17:34,205 "Worst Shrink Ever"? Hey, this is not my fault. 362 00:17:34,205 --> 00:17:36,374 This is what Christmas does to people. 363 00:17:36,374 --> 00:17:39,752 We put too much meaning into it, and it lets us down. 364 00:17:39,752 --> 00:17:41,795 We beg to differ. 365 00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:44,464 What are you doing back here? Saving Christmas. 366 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:49,303 Everybody, point your magic Christmas weapons at him. 367 00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,180 Oh, brother. This is ridiculous. 368 00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,515 You are enabling a delusion. 369 00:17:53,515 --> 00:17:55,475 The delusion you're trying to cure 370 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,144 is called Christmas, Duncan. 371 00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:59,146 It's the crazy notion that the longest, 372 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,564 coldest, darkest nights 373 00:18:00,564 --> 00:18:02,900 can be the warmest and brightest. 374 00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:05,361 Yeah, and when we all agree to support each other 375 00:18:05,361 --> 00:18:06,486 in that insanity, 376 00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,989 something even crazier happens. 377 00:18:08,989 --> 00:18:10,532 It becomes true. 378 00:18:10,532 --> 00:18:13,286 Works every year. Like clockwork. 379 00:18:13,286 --> 00:18:15,704 Try telling that to your catatonic friend. 380 00:18:15,704 --> 00:18:18,916 I got a better idea. Why don't we sing it? 381 00:18:18,916 --> 00:18:21,001 Wait, what? Let's not go overboard. 382 00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:22,628 Will you commit to something? 383 00:18:22,628 --> 00:18:24,630 Let's sing it. Yeah, let's sing. 384 00:18:24,630 --> 00:18:26,715 Can we sing while we blow Duncan away? 385 00:18:26,715 --> 00:18:29,343 Absolutely. Ow! Ah. Ah. 386 00:18:29,343 --> 00:18:32,138 You start, Britta. Mm. 387 00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:33,449 And Christmas pterodactyl. 388 00:19:35,159 --> 00:19:37,244 All right, all right. I'm leaving. 389 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,205 Initiate self-destruct. 390 00:19:39,205 --> 00:19:42,166 Don't you think that's a little bit…? 391 00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:53,802 I get it. 392 00:19:53,802 --> 00:19:56,138 The meaning of Christmas is… 393 00:19:56,138 --> 00:19:57,973 the idea that Christmas has meaning. 394 00:19:57,973 --> 00:19:59,892 And it can mean whatever we want. 395 00:19:59,892 --> 00:20:02,644 For me, it used to mean being with my mom. 396 00:20:02,644 --> 00:20:04,604 Now it means being with you guys. 397 00:20:06,357 --> 00:20:08,359 Thanks, Lost. 398 00:20:13,822 --> 00:20:16,700 Wow. I feel so much better now. 399 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,245 I guess we don't need to be stop motion anymore. 400 00:20:19,245 --> 00:20:22,289 Well, why not just keep it going for the rest of Christmas? 401 00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:26,043 It just feels so right. 402 00:20:30,214 --> 00:20:33,008 You ever get the urge to just…? 403 00:20:33,008 --> 00:20:34,552 Merry Christmas. 404 00:20:34,552 --> 00:20:38,138 Oh, there. I said it. 405 00:20:51,235 --> 00:20:53,279 Uh-oh. We're stop motion again. 406 00:20:53,279 --> 00:20:54,572 Oh. Don't worry, man. I did this. 407 00:20:54,572 --> 00:20:56,323 You did? Yeah, it's cool. 408 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:57,699 Huh. Why? 409 00:20:57,699 --> 00:20:59,618 Well, I always liked the way fake food looked 410 00:20:59,618 --> 00:21:01,120 on those animated shows. 411 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:02,746 Get a load of these things. 412 00:21:02,746 --> 00:21:05,458 They stepped up a notch in terms of visual deliciousness. 413 00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:07,918 I know what you mean. Look at that perfect bite. 414 00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:09,795 It's odd that I see this too though. 415 00:21:09,795 --> 00:21:11,130 Yeah. 416 00:21:11,130 --> 00:21:12,672 We're weird that way. I'll say. 417 00:21:14,425 --> 00:21:17,344 Ah. That's better. So weird.