AND BLOWING NOISEMAKERS] [CHEERING
That was weird. We only sang the last two words.
What happened to the "happy birthday" part?
Troy's a Jehovah's Witness.
He doesn't celebrate birthdays.
We kept the language on the cake compliant.
a random dessert, "Hello during
the month and day of which coincide numerically
with your expulsion from a uterus."
You guys, I never cry, but…
happy expulsion, Troy. All right,
we cram, for realsies. But after cake,
are coming up. Guys, finals
This group is starting to use occasions to avoid studying.
Last week we had fondue and played Boggle
because Shirley's niece took her first bath.
With bubbles. Thank you, it's a milestone.
Funny, last week was my birthday
and nobody noticed and nobody cared.
Pierce, you don't remember the huge party we threw?
We need to talk about those painkillers.
you remember anything… I don't think
Huge party, you were like,
"The best party of my life."
Nutritious. Got you!
I remember my birthday. Of course
What a party.
Yeah, you still owe me for the keg deposit.
Oh, you think I don't know that?
Troy. Troy.
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
It can be here ♪ d Somebody said
Tied up dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
Detroit? No way!
This is sold out everywhere. Not everywhere.
they're not crazy about it. I got a cousin in Detroit,
This is how you turn 20. Thanks.
There's strawberries under there.
Here, let me help you.
I broke my legs, not my gender.
Okay.
While we're watching this unfold,
some birthday facts to enjoy.
Troy's birthday is tomorrow, December 4th.
Also born that day, Tyra Banks, Marisa Tomei
and French cinematographer Claude Renoir.
Yes, jackpot. That's good.
Troy is a horse, like me. On the Chinese calendar,
self-possessed and gregarious. Purposeful,
No, I'm pretty sure I'm a snake.
because I'm determined, I remember
and mendacious. self-possessed
Pierce, what are you doing? Explain yourself.
this crappy cake anyway? Who made
A cake maker at a cake store. He did it wrong.
Troy, we're 1990, we're horses. I was born in '89.
Then you were born 21 years ago.
Which would make me 20
because everyone is 10 for two years.
is really hard for everyone. Because fifth grade
have I been living? Mom, how many lies
midnight, you are turning 21? Troy, do you realize at
As in the legal drinking age.
Whoa!
just became unacceptable. This party
We're going out. Yep.
You were just complaining about too many parties.
What makes it real? Lame ones. This is real.
taking his first bath, Think of it as Troy
only the bubbles are his manhood.
I wanna bathe in manhood. Yes.
Aw. Aw.
I'm taking you to I Street.
Ugh. Douche Street.
you hate cool bars. Oh, of course
I don't suppose you've ever even been to I Street.
No, but I also haven't been to Beirut.
I will go one day But I'm sure
because I hear they have lots of important cultural…
It's my birthday.
Unlike I Street, which is douchey.
your great suggestions. Let's hear
The Red Door.
Oh, yeah, the Red Door. The Red Hipster.
Not hipster. Hipsters haven't discovered it yet.
It's underground. Why don't we go someplace fun,
They serve virgin mudslides. like Peg Leg Pablo's?
Those are milkshakes.
All you think about is yourselves.
Think about me. I'm 19, I can't get into bars.
That must be awful. Well…
I'll bring you a mudslide.
Okay, well, have fun.
Fine, I'll get Annie an ID.
It will be real, A fake ID?
I will see you at the Red Door. it just won't be yours.
Nice try. We're not going to Red Poet's Society.
to Douche Street either. We're not going
Fine. Name the least offensive bar you've ever been to.
One, two, three.
Flannahan's Hole. Flannahan's Hole, done.
Troy, you riding with me?
Do you even have to ask?
Pierce, do you wanna ride in my van?
I'm not a disabled.
helping me do normal things I don't need people
Why don't you just leave…? and doting over me.
Okay, I'll beat you there.
I don't think this girl looks very much like me.
Come on. She's a white brunette.
So is Anne Hathaway. Go on.
What's your friend doing with other people's IDs?
I don't know, sometimes people sell their ID
when they're leaving the state and need cash.
So she's a drifter. A floater.
An urchin.
from Corpus Christi, Texas. Caroline Decker
Do I need an accent? Texas?
You don't need an accent.
Howdy, y'all.
Please don't do that. I'm Caroline Decker.
That's Cajun. I guarantee.
I should research Corpus Christi.
Annie, relax. I'm not a relaxed person.
I think ahead. I prepare.
I don't improvise my life like Caroline Decker.
really bad credit Who probably has
and an unfinished mermaid tattoo.
What?
Flannahan's Hole is closed. That's not a…
I'm not being clever. I mean it's out of business.
for trying to please everyone. Well, that's what they get
So now what?
There's a place at Third and Water.
It's fun-divey but not staph-infection-divey.
It's either got a gross name
or an ironically fancy one, possibly both.
Oh, The Ballroom. Good. Go to Third and Water.
That wasn't the deal. Wait, what?
Shirley's pushing back.
Why, because they don't have plastic menus?
Don't repeat that. Why, because they don't…
Jeez. Look, just…
The women are your problem,
are going to The Ballroom. and the men
I am being clever. And now I guess
So plastic menus are bad?
See, this is the kind of stuff I need to learn.
Plastic menus seem like a great idea to me.
You spill something, your mom says,
Fuddruckers for everyone." "Troy, you're ruining
the next chapter of your life. Troy, you're entering
it's the final chapter, Sadly,
but it's also the longest,
and if you play it right, the best.
we're just two guys now. You and I,
Peers. Equals.
So awesome.
Maybe later you'll let me drive your car.
No?
No. No way.
Hello, former enemy.
He's 21 at midnight. Cool?
Yeah, happy birthday. Thanks.
I don't like this place.
Ugh. You've made that clear, Shirley. Oy vey.
from Corpus Christi. Caroline Decker
Annie, you don't need an accent.
They'll be suspicious. My ID says Texas.
They're not gonna question your ID
because you're a hot girl. We're good for business.
The hotter you are, the more they'll risk the fine.
Howdy. All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can't be too careful.
I understand.
Hey, hey, Shirley. Welcome back.
You don't know me?
Okay? Yeah.
You don't know me.
This place is all right. Yeah, it's okay.
These pictures must be of all the regulars.
You think someday I could make it up to this wall?
I don't say this often, Troy, but dream a little smaller.
Can I get you guys anything?
Oh! Uh… I'm okay.
Another Macallan, neat.
Vodka, neat, four olives.
I'm waiting till midnight. Aw.
Sweetie?
Oh, where's that accent from? Water.
Corpus Christi, Texas. 78418.
What are you doing in town?
Not much, I reckon.
Just drifting, floating. Spitting in the wind.
General waywardness.
Alrighty.
Annie, you're in the bar.
You don't have to be from Texas anymore.
I don't know how it works. I'm not a barfly, Britta.
They have "Asteroids." Slide out.
Okay. Okay. Oh, okay.
a little look around. I'm gonna go take
Annie, don't accept any drinks. Me too.
to the bathroom. Or invitations
So, what are you gonna order for your first legal drink?
What should I get? Whatever you want.
I like beer. No wrong answers.
Don't order beer. You've had beer.
What should I get?
What do you think you might like?
Follow your heart. It's your world now.
played a big role in my life. My Uncle Carl
how to throw a football. He taught me
He passed away this year.
was a Seven and Seven. His favorite drink
Don't order that. That's an awful drink.
It's a high-school drink for girls.
Actually, I'll have a root beer instead of that water.
Sure thing. Thank you kindly.
Y'all are so nice in this town.
From Corpus Christi. I'm Caroline.
I grew up on a trout farm.
Deedily doo. Doo-doo-doo.
Oh, careful.
You score any higher on this,
the Rylans are gonna recruit you to fight the Ko-Dan Empire.
The Last Starfighter.
the 25th anniversary Blu-ray? Did you get
Was Scorpius half-Scarran, half-peacekeeper?
Frell, yes, I got Starfighter on Blu-ray.
You're a fan of the sci-fi original series Farscape.
Can I buy you a drink?
You got some ID?
Very funny, punk. Get out of my way.
I don't know how people like you even get jobs.
Do you need help, man?
Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
A little turning of the tables? Heh-heh.
The turning of what tables?
leave me alone. I don't know,
So I punched her. Right in the face.
Your probation officer? Didn't you get in trouble?
I got in trouble. Hell, yes,
Wasn't the first time, won't be the last.
I'm not exactly known for my sound judgment.
Back in Corpus Christi,
Capricious Caroline. they call me
What's "capricious" mean?
I'm too busy living life It probably means
to be learning $5 words.
Ha-ha! Hot damn.
With an aged Scotch, never use ice.
Never use ice, got it.
Why? Destroys it.
two drops of spring water. At most, what you want,
Activates the flavor.
Do they have the rules Good lord.
on the wall at I Street? to poseur drinking
Do they? Poseur drinking?
Hey, Ms. Vodka-Neat-Four-Olives. What's that called?
Is it? The too-cool-to-care-tini?
The forced starkness of that drink order
turns horn-rimmed heads at the Red Door.
I can't wait to understand these arguments.
Hey, y'all, another round. Everybody holding up?
in two shakes of a rabbit's ass. I'll be back
Who the hell was that?
I gotta go see a woman
about the female equivalent of a horse.
Classy. Way to show Troy the ropes.
Shut up, I Street.
Yeah. That woman is a hurricane.
Hurricanes are bad, Troy. I know.
Crichton fell through I think the wormhole
not only space, but time, moved him across
which suggests Sebaceans are our future selves
longs for a planet and Crichton
that no longer exists. Huh.
Hey, you're really nursing that beer.
move you one place to another What kind of wormhole could
within the same galaxy on the same day?
Speaking of wormholes, what do you say we use one
to teleport this conversation someplace a little more private?
That doesn't make sense.
Wormholes and teleportation are different.
I've been talking about. That's what
I noticed. Cheers.
I followed that band Phish, spells it with a P-H.
I just lived in parking lots. I don't like their music,
just did it to see if I could.
And guess what. I could.
So, what now? I don't know.
Even if I planned it, plans just fall off me
like chicken crap off an armadillo.
who plans things, not me. Annie's the one
She goes to school here. Annie's my friend.
Thinks she's got it all figured out.
in healthcare management. She wants to major
What does that even mean? No idea.
I'll tell you what it means. It means a master's degree.
Followed by an internship.
She's got the next 15 years of her life all mapped out,
and all she's gotta do now
is just follow it or screw it up.
Actually, give me a screwdriver. Another soda?
I got no place to be. What am I, Annie?
The first season, it's better than the third season.
The fourth season, when you watch…
Okay, um, what's your name?
Abed, I'm Robert. Abed.
Abed, would you like to have Hey, Robert.
gay sex with me?
Wow. No, thank you.
what is wrong with you, Okay, so,
that you can sit here this whole time
and never pick up on the fact that a man is hitting on you?
Oh, I actually did pick up on it after a while.
And?
I really like talking about Farscape.
It's a really good show.
Stargate is better.
Battery depleted.
Oh, man.
Wait. You guys, you guys.
Hey there, what you been up to?
poor souls in these photographs. I was just praying for these
Oh, that's nice,
but, uh, you missed one.
We found it in the ladies' room.
No, no. Give that to me.
don't feel bad. Come on,
like you way more. This makes us
You think this is really funny? A little.
I had some bad years.
With a chaser. Come on.
It's a funny picture
because you act so perfect all the time.
And because you look like a zombie.
But it's not funny when you're sad.
We're on your team. Relax, sit down.
It's my birthday. Give it to me.
I will see you all on Monday.
Mm-hm. Sheesh.
Boo Town.
Shirley, wait.
Nothing, get out of my way. What?
I can't get out of your way.
I'm stuck in this… The chair broke…
I mean, I can't get…
Could you please help me?
Pretty please?
Thank you, Shirley.
You're welcome, jackass.
Hey, it's my birthday
I'm not allowed to drink it and technically
for another 45 seconds.
It'll be 30 seconds by the time I'm done saying this,
a Seven and Seven? but can I have
It's on the house. Happy birthday, kid.
I'd rather have my eyes gouged out.
would be horrible… A radio playing
My big boy. Big, big boy.
You're my big boy.
Troy.
I think I owe you a birthday.
I'm cool. I actually always wanted to drive this thing.
What?
Oh, is this my car?
Don't crash it. I'm not gonna crash it.
Crash it, Troy.
Go to sleep, Britta, go to sleep.
Crash his car, Troy.
a dark chapter in our story. This seems like
Go to sleep, Abed. Cool.
we should've gone to tonight. Hey, that's the place that
Yeah, I Street, exactly.
That's the Red Door, stupid.
that says I Street? Do you see a sign
I Street is too cool to have a sign.
It's called I Street after the street it's on.
I Street has a red… The Red Door is on I Street.
It's the same bar? Hey!
You two have been saying one bar's lame
is awesome all night, and the other one
and it's the same bar?
there on Friday nights, Well, he probably goes
You wish… which is lame.
Stop, just stop.
the last two years I just spent
thinking that you guys knew more than me about life,
you guys are just as dumb as me. and I just found out that
Yeah. Duh-doy. Duh-doy.
Got it. Duh-doy.
Duh-doy.
You can take me home first.
I only live a few blocks from here.
You do?
Annie, this is a really terrible neighborhood.
Yeah.
This is my apartment.
Weird night, huh?
alcohol makes people sad. Yeah,
It's like the Lifetime movies of beverages.
I pretended to be a different person.
three times a week. Abed does that
I didn't wanna be me. I did it because
I… I did it because I'm not sure who I am.
We went to school together for four years
and you didn't even know me.
Yeah, but I know you now. You're Annie.
little monsters on your pencil You like puzzles and
named Mark Ruffalo. and some guy
You're a fierce competitor and a sore loser.
to be better than who they are And you expect everybody
to be better than everyone. and you expect yourself
Which is cool.
Good night.
I guess everyone's gonna be embarrassed on Monday, huh?
Nah. Everybody just got a little bit drunk.
Nobody did anything that bad, right?
No, wait, wait, wait.
What are we doing?
Yeah, what are we doing?
This is a bad idea, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
the handle earlier. I flew off
I apologize.
They were making out.
Why would you say that? Abed!
Why do it in front of me? I'm not a coat rack.
Abed, no one likes a tattletale.
Happy birthday, Troy.
Thanks.
You're a man now.
this will be big enough. Don't think
Just try it, we're close.
All right. Breathe in.
All right.
Arms.
There we go, yeah. There we go.
We did it. One hundred and fifty-seven.
Yeah. That you?
Little help?
Hurry. I think it's a girl.
Left side or right side? Left side.
Tell me when I'm close. Got it.
Okay.