1 00:00:11,563 --> 00:00:13,774 Agnes, cancel my appointments. 2 00:00:13,774 --> 00:00:16,110 What appointments? 3 00:00:16,110 --> 00:00:17,694 Wishful thinking. 4 00:00:17,694 --> 00:00:20,447 "Alternative Energy: It's called, 5 00:00:20,447 --> 00:00:23,117 a Brighter Tomorrow." The Key to 6 00:00:29,456 --> 00:00:32,000 Notice all the animals wearing sunglasses? 7 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,877 a brighter tomorrow? Because it's 8 00:00:33,877 --> 00:00:34,962 Yeah. 9 00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:38,339 My boys are in elementary school. 10 00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,134 They don't make as many dioramas as we do. 11 00:00:40,134 --> 00:00:42,261 making them for Green Week. The Environmental Club is 12 00:00:42,261 --> 00:00:44,471 And this afternoon, in the cafeteria, 13 00:00:44,471 --> 00:00:46,056 a Bio-Diorama-Rama. we're having 14 00:00:46,056 --> 00:00:47,682 I heard one kid made a diorama 15 00:00:47,682 --> 00:00:49,601 without dioramas. about a world 16 00:00:51,019 --> 00:00:53,021 Still cool if I sleep over at your place tonight? 17 00:00:53,021 --> 00:00:54,856 Totally. We're both done with classes, 18 00:00:54,856 --> 00:00:56,524 the sleepover now. we can start 19 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,652 and build a blanket fort. Let's get in our pajamas 20 00:00:58,652 --> 00:01:01,196 A blanket fort. Wow. 21 00:01:01,196 --> 00:01:02,906 hang out with us later. You can come 22 00:01:02,906 --> 00:01:04,741 but I think I'll find Uh, thanks, 23 00:01:04,741 --> 00:01:06,576 something more grown-up to do. 24 00:01:06,576 --> 00:01:08,620 Hmph. Okay, enjoy eating fiber 25 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:09,955 and watching The Mentalist. 26 00:01:09,955 --> 00:01:11,456 Britta, that wasn't nice. 27 00:01:11,456 --> 00:01:12,874 I'm sorry, Shirley. 28 00:01:12,874 --> 00:01:14,793 But who wants to hang out in a blanket fort 29 00:01:14,793 --> 00:01:16,837 in tiny Underoos? with grown men 30 00:01:16,837 --> 00:01:20,381 Hello. So, Jeffrey, I was just looking over 31 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,509 your class schedule. Why? 32 00:01:22,509 --> 00:01:24,928 a random spot check. Uh, maybe it was 33 00:01:24,928 --> 00:01:27,097 Maybe it was a specific spot check. 34 00:01:27,097 --> 00:01:29,474 Maybe I'm making a scrapbook. 35 00:01:29,474 --> 00:01:32,477 not be receiving credit The point is, you will 36 00:01:32,477 --> 00:01:34,062 for your independent study: 37 00:01:34,062 --> 00:01:37,065 "Conspiracy Theories in U.S. History." 38 00:01:37,065 --> 00:01:40,068 Because the class doesn't exist What? Why not? 39 00:01:40,068 --> 00:01:43,864 and neither does the teacher, Professor Professorson? 40 00:01:43,864 --> 00:01:46,158 What? That's his name, it's Dutch. 41 00:01:46,158 --> 00:01:48,076 I think it means "professor." 42 00:01:48,076 --> 00:01:50,037 I think it means poppycock. 43 00:01:50,037 --> 00:01:52,413 The ultimate Jeff Winger blow-off class. 44 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,749 The one that doesn't exist. 45 00:01:54,749 --> 00:01:57,669 Now I have to audit an entire system for shenanigans, 46 00:01:57,669 --> 00:01:59,754 which means, bye-bye, weekends. 47 00:01:59,754 --> 00:02:01,422 Bye-bye, writing at Starbucks 48 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,718 till a certain Persian barista asks me about my novel. 49 00:02:04,718 --> 00:02:07,804 to blow off regular classes, God, Jeff, it's one thing 50 00:02:07,804 --> 00:02:09,306 but this devalues all the credits 51 00:02:09,306 --> 00:02:10,682 I work very hard for. 52 00:02:10,682 --> 00:02:13,143 and say this is nuts? Can I defend myself 53 00:02:13,143 --> 00:02:16,063 this professor, in his office, I've been meeting with 54 00:02:16,063 --> 00:02:17,856 every Wednesday, all semester. 55 00:02:17,856 --> 00:02:20,359 Professor Professorson? Yes. 56 00:02:20,359 --> 00:02:22,652 You're gonna commit to this? Really? 57 00:02:22,652 --> 00:02:24,279 Commit to what? Reality? 58 00:02:24,279 --> 00:02:27,866 Okay, then, please, lead me to Professor Professorson. 59 00:02:27,866 --> 00:02:29,868 This I got to see. Gladly. 60 00:02:29,868 --> 00:02:32,162 I've dreamt of playing charades with you, 61 00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:34,748 just not like this, and not on dry land. 62 00:02:38,668 --> 00:02:41,963 To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope 63 00:02:41,963 --> 00:02:45,133 It can be here ♪ d Somebody said 64 00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:49,388 Tied up dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up 65 00:03:06,405 --> 00:03:08,115 Oh, man. 66 00:03:10,242 --> 00:03:12,994 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 67 00:03:18,833 --> 00:03:21,128 You thinking what I'm thinking? 68 00:03:21,128 --> 00:03:22,754 We're too big for this, aren't we? 69 00:03:22,754 --> 00:03:24,589 Yeah. 70 00:03:24,589 --> 00:03:26,383 If we went two pillows higher in the corner, 71 00:03:26,383 --> 00:03:29,177 we could vault the ceiling. Bump up the square footage. 72 00:03:29,177 --> 00:03:32,264 Make this a blanket fort for men. 73 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:40,480 Well, here we are, 74 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,150 Professor Professorson's office. 75 00:03:46,445 --> 00:03:49,906 Oh. Oh. 76 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,702 I don't know what's going on. Believe me. 77 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,538 studying conspiracy theories I've spent a whole year 78 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,000 with Professor Professorson right here. 79 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,210 Wait. Of course. 80 00:04:02,210 --> 00:04:05,046 Conspiracy theories. This is a test. 81 00:04:05,046 --> 00:04:07,966 about real conspiracies He's teaching me 82 00:04:07,966 --> 00:04:09,343 by erasing his existence. 83 00:04:09,343 --> 00:04:12,346 do you know what this means? My God, 84 00:04:12,346 --> 00:04:15,640 Jeff thinks other people are. That's how stupid 85 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,018 I knew you were lazy, but I didn't realize 86 00:04:18,018 --> 00:04:20,937 that you would stoop to such pathetic lies. 87 00:04:20,937 --> 00:04:24,107 are another man's truth, One man's lies 88 00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:25,650 wouldn't you say, Jeff? 89 00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:28,153 and who are you? I'm sorry, 90 00:04:29,237 --> 00:04:32,449 I'm Professor Professorson. 91 00:04:32,449 --> 00:04:34,951 Wow. You really had me going there for a second. 92 00:04:34,951 --> 00:04:37,829 I thought I was going insane. Precisely. 93 00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:40,915 to round out your education An actual conspiracy 94 00:04:40,915 --> 00:04:43,877 and theories thereof. in conspiracies 95 00:04:43,877 --> 00:04:47,297 is Professor Professorson? Your real name 96 00:04:47,297 --> 00:04:49,299 is Professorberg, My family name 97 00:04:49,299 --> 00:04:51,843 we were fleeing from the Nazis. but we changed it when 98 00:04:51,843 --> 00:04:54,595 Oh, I'm so sorry. You've never heard of me, 99 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,431 since I primarily teach night school. 100 00:04:56,431 --> 00:04:58,016 My faculty ID. 101 00:04:59,518 --> 00:05:02,312 Huh. Well, I guess I've never stuck around late enough 102 00:05:02,312 --> 00:05:04,939 night-school professors. to meet you 103 00:05:04,939 --> 00:05:07,234 TV's gotten crazy good, you know. 104 00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:09,152 Well, I have to take this. 105 00:05:09,152 --> 00:05:10,820 for indulging me, dean. Thank you 106 00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:13,407 10 through 12 of Douglas Jeff, read chapters 107 00:05:13,407 --> 00:05:15,033 and see you next week. 108 00:05:16,743 --> 00:05:20,163 That is, if I still exist. 109 00:05:21,748 --> 00:05:23,166 See you, professor. 110 00:05:24,334 --> 00:05:26,086 Sorry to doubt you, Jeffrey. 111 00:05:26,086 --> 00:05:27,337 More importantly, 112 00:05:27,337 --> 00:05:28,713 out with this audit, 113 00:05:28,713 --> 00:05:30,257 back to chapter one of: 114 00:05:30,257 --> 00:05:34,428 Time Desk: The Chronicles of Dean Dangerous. 115 00:05:34,428 --> 00:05:37,264 That is gonna be the worst book I'll ever read cover to cover. 116 00:05:37,264 --> 00:05:39,182 I'm a terrible friend. 117 00:05:39,182 --> 00:05:42,227 I accused you of being a lying cheat. 118 00:05:42,227 --> 00:05:44,687 Can you ever forgive me? Sure. 119 00:05:44,687 --> 00:05:46,565 Here's the thing, though: 120 00:05:46,565 --> 00:05:48,691 I've never seen that guy in my life. 121 00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:51,528 Professor Professorson? What? That wasn't 122 00:05:51,528 --> 00:05:53,238 Professor Professorson. There is no 123 00:05:53,238 --> 00:05:55,365 I forged a form I made him up. 124 00:05:55,365 --> 00:05:57,951 with a phony teacher and class for a free credit. 125 00:05:57,951 --> 00:06:00,745 Oh. You lying cheat. I knew it! 126 00:06:00,745 --> 00:06:03,123 Wait, then… 127 00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:07,001 who was that? I don't know. 128 00:06:09,087 --> 00:06:11,214 Wait, what? I don't know. 129 00:06:14,759 --> 00:06:17,011 What should we do? We should grab some lunch. 130 00:06:17,011 --> 00:06:18,513 I'm serious. So am I. 131 00:06:18,513 --> 00:06:20,599 I saw Fat Neil headed to the cafeteria. 132 00:06:20,599 --> 00:06:23,143 We got 10 minutes to grab the last lima bean. 133 00:06:23,143 --> 00:06:24,478 You made up a professor 134 00:06:24,478 --> 00:06:25,895 and he appeared out of thin air. 135 00:06:25,895 --> 00:06:27,522 You're not curious how that happened? 136 00:06:27,522 --> 00:06:28,815 My latest theory? 137 00:06:28,815 --> 00:06:30,484 I've denied the signs. I'm a god. 138 00:06:30,484 --> 00:06:32,944 So typical, you're gonna blow off what happened? 139 00:06:32,944 --> 00:06:34,571 Yes, especially when not blowing it off 140 00:06:34,571 --> 00:06:36,406 my free credit. might cost me 141 00:06:36,406 --> 00:06:37,740 Now, do me a favor, 142 00:06:37,740 --> 00:06:39,451 and blow it off too. be very un-Annie 143 00:06:39,451 --> 00:06:41,369 Oh, I'll just blow it off. Oh, sure. 144 00:06:41,369 --> 00:06:43,079 everything off. I'll just blow 145 00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:45,290 Heck, I guess I'll blow off walking. 146 00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:46,625 Okay. 147 00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:48,209 And now I'll just blow off standing. 148 00:06:48,209 --> 00:06:50,253 I'm just blowing everything off. 149 00:06:50,253 --> 00:06:52,506 I'll blow off talking language. Excuse me. 150 00:06:52,506 --> 00:06:56,468 Okay. 151 00:07:01,306 --> 00:07:03,891 Hey, bros, what's the haps? 152 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,684 Whoa. 153 00:07:05,684 --> 00:07:09,314 Can I come inside? Sweet fort. 154 00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:18,573 You could, Pavel. 155 00:07:18,573 --> 00:07:21,034 Or maybe the inside could come to you. 156 00:07:21,034 --> 00:07:22,494 How would you characterize 157 00:07:22,494 --> 00:07:24,871 the amount of blankets and pillows you have? 158 00:07:24,871 --> 00:07:26,540 A buttload. 159 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:28,625 I get wicked cold, bros. 160 00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:29,959 Mad sleepy. 161 00:07:38,468 --> 00:07:40,887 to help me take my diorama If you're here 162 00:07:40,887 --> 00:07:43,723 to the Bio-Diorama-Rama, I can do it myself. 163 00:07:43,723 --> 00:07:45,266 Yes, you made that clear 164 00:07:45,266 --> 00:07:47,644 "I can do it myself" text. in your 11th 165 00:07:47,644 --> 00:07:49,729 You even work too hard at passive aggression, 166 00:07:49,729 --> 00:07:51,231 you know that? 167 00:07:52,607 --> 00:07:55,569 Hey, so do you know anything 168 00:07:55,569 --> 00:07:57,070 about Greendale's night school? 169 00:07:57,070 --> 00:07:58,779 it's the worst thing Yeah, I'm assuming 170 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,699 you could ever hope to be in, 171 00:08:00,699 --> 00:08:02,659 only at night. 172 00:08:02,659 --> 00:08:05,620 Damn it. Have you been playing detective? 173 00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:07,706 You'll Nancy Screw me out of my credit. 174 00:08:07,706 --> 00:08:10,291 Relax. All I did was ask the administration desk 175 00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,876 if I could borrow a faculty directory. 176 00:08:14,629 --> 00:08:16,797 And take a look at this. 177 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,508 Is that Professorson? 178 00:08:18,508 --> 00:08:20,343 Professor Woolley. His real name is 179 00:08:20,343 --> 00:08:22,512 And he actually does teach night school here. 180 00:08:22,512 --> 00:08:24,389 Why would someone you've never met 181 00:08:24,389 --> 00:08:26,307 pretend to be your phony professor? 182 00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:29,227 He was carrying falsified faculty credentials. 183 00:08:29,227 --> 00:08:31,771 You know what this means? Yes, you are making me do work 184 00:08:31,771 --> 00:08:33,231 for my fake conspiracy class. 185 00:08:33,231 --> 00:08:36,610 There's a conspiracy here. Exactly. 186 00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:39,153 A dark, vast conspiracy 187 00:08:39,153 --> 00:08:41,072 all the way to the top. that may just go 188 00:08:41,072 --> 00:08:43,533 This is Greendale, Annie. If there's a conspiracy, 189 00:08:43,533 --> 00:08:45,744 to slightly below the middle. it goes all the way 190 00:08:45,744 --> 00:08:47,203 Wait a minute. 191 00:08:47,203 --> 00:08:48,538 Something's wrong. 192 00:08:48,538 --> 00:08:50,331 My car won't start. 193 00:08:50,331 --> 00:08:52,875 Hold on one second. Hello. 194 00:08:52,875 --> 00:08:54,753 Tell your little friend 195 00:08:54,753 --> 00:08:56,546 to stop snooping around night school. 196 00:08:56,546 --> 00:08:59,924 things might get explosive. Otherwise, 197 00:09:03,803 --> 00:09:06,222 Annie! 198 00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:22,155 Yeah. You okay? 199 00:09:22,155 --> 00:09:23,823 need to tackle you. I probably didn't 200 00:09:23,823 --> 00:09:25,158 Probably not. 201 00:09:26,326 --> 00:09:29,203 Looks like someone sent us a message. 202 00:09:29,203 --> 00:09:32,582 A tiny, thoroughly underwhelming message. 203 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,835 I hope you've already laid out your outfit 204 00:09:35,835 --> 00:09:37,295 for tomorrow morning. 205 00:09:37,295 --> 00:09:39,046 Because we're going to night school. 206 00:09:42,550 --> 00:09:45,261 from my son's house. I stole these 207 00:09:47,138 --> 00:09:49,349 stop being a fort? When does a fort 208 00:09:49,349 --> 00:09:53,311 Hey, as long as it's still made out of blankets, right? 209 00:09:54,646 --> 00:09:55,980 These will be perfect 210 00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:58,065 for the Pierce's Mom Memorial Tunnel. 211 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,318 So this is night school, 212 00:10:00,318 --> 00:10:03,237 Professor Woolley's class? but where's 213 00:10:03,237 --> 00:10:04,572 How about this one? 214 00:10:06,199 --> 00:10:08,242 Professor Huyck's class: No, that's 215 00:10:08,242 --> 00:10:11,996 You can't pronounce it? "History of Something." 216 00:10:11,996 --> 00:10:13,914 "History of Something." It literally says 217 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,667 Let me see that. 218 00:10:17,544 --> 00:10:19,462 "Principles of Intermediate"? 219 00:10:19,462 --> 00:10:20,797 "Studyology"? 220 00:10:20,797 --> 00:10:22,799 "Class 101"? 221 00:10:22,799 --> 00:10:24,258 Look, this one just says "Learning!" 222 00:10:24,258 --> 00:10:26,678 with an exclamation point. 223 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,851 Hello, Professor Professorson. 224 00:10:32,851 --> 00:10:36,103 Or should I say Woolley? 225 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,022 are you teaching tonight? What class 226 00:10:38,022 --> 00:10:39,106 Math. 227 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,859 Uh-huh. Math? 228 00:10:40,859 --> 00:10:42,402 Do you mind if we sit in? 229 00:10:42,402 --> 00:10:45,405 Right this way. Not at all. 230 00:10:47,699 --> 00:10:50,493 do you teach, professor? So, what kind of math 231 00:10:50,493 --> 00:10:53,120 Oh, you know, math. Uh… 232 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,122 Numbers. 233 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,083 Pi. 234 00:10:57,083 --> 00:10:59,586 New math. Um… 235 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,256 Get him! 236 00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:13,767 that blanket fort. He went into 237 00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:15,685 I think he went this way. 238 00:11:15,685 --> 00:11:17,270 You see him? No. 239 00:11:17,270 --> 00:11:19,188 Come on. 240 00:11:19,188 --> 00:11:21,107 Hey, Annie. Troy, Abed. 241 00:11:21,107 --> 00:11:23,651 Welcome to Fluffy Town. No smoking, no farting. 242 00:11:23,651 --> 00:11:25,069 We're in a chase. 243 00:11:25,069 --> 00:11:26,362 That's allowed. 244 00:11:26,362 --> 00:11:28,155 There he is! 245 00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:31,576 Follow us. But afterwards, 246 00:11:31,576 --> 00:11:34,245 you should really check out our civil rights museum. 247 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,505 Leonard, back up. You shouldn't even be in here. 248 00:11:44,505 --> 00:11:47,174 You have three farting strikes. He's getting away. 249 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:50,637 through the Turkish district. I know a shortcut 250 00:11:52,263 --> 00:11:54,181 Hey, man. 251 00:11:57,268 --> 00:11:58,812 Britta? 252 00:11:58,812 --> 00:12:00,020 Hey. 253 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,898 Go. 254 00:12:05,693 --> 00:12:08,237 What the hell is this? There he is. 255 00:12:08,237 --> 00:12:09,823 Latvian Independence Parade. 256 00:12:11,282 --> 00:12:13,493 they had the proper permits. Don't look at me, 257 00:12:13,493 --> 00:12:15,495 We lost him. Dang it. 258 00:12:15,495 --> 00:12:18,122 I sent the diorama car to the chem lab 259 00:12:18,122 --> 00:12:19,749 to have the explosive analyzed. We could… 260 00:12:19,749 --> 00:12:21,542 playing the trejdeksnis? Isn't that him 261 00:12:23,670 --> 00:12:26,673 Now tell us everything. Nice try, Woolley. 262 00:12:26,673 --> 00:12:29,007 Tell you? 263 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,387 I'll show you. 264 00:12:38,643 --> 00:12:40,687 What is this place? 265 00:12:42,355 --> 00:12:44,691 is night school. This, Annie, 266 00:12:44,691 --> 00:12:48,444 Every student, every teacher, every class. 267 00:12:48,444 --> 00:12:50,571 Figments. 268 00:12:50,571 --> 00:12:53,324 from the lips of a ghost Puffs of hot air 269 00:12:53,324 --> 00:12:56,410 of a unicorn's dream. in the shadow 270 00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:58,579 Night school doesn't exist. I made it up. 271 00:12:58,579 --> 00:13:01,332 here at Greendale like you. I used to be a student 272 00:13:01,332 --> 00:13:03,626 I invented a fake course Then one day, 273 00:13:03,626 --> 00:13:05,419 to get a free credit. 274 00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:07,755 I had to create a fake teacher, To keep up the lie, 275 00:13:07,755 --> 00:13:09,298 other fake classes who needed 276 00:13:09,298 --> 00:13:11,258 that needed to be filled with fake students 277 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:14,470 and so on, and so on, and so on, exchetera. 278 00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:16,514 Did you just mispronounce "et cetera"? 279 00:13:16,514 --> 00:13:18,474 My Latin class was fake, Jeff. 280 00:13:18,474 --> 00:13:20,393 Like all my classes, like my life. 281 00:13:20,393 --> 00:13:22,353 Aren't you listening? Yeah, I am. 282 00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:25,481 And a very familiar feeling is starting to come over me. 283 00:13:25,481 --> 00:13:27,775 to teach me something. Someone is trying 284 00:13:27,775 --> 00:13:29,694 that's ever been learned Jeff, the only thing 285 00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:32,446 in this room is regret. 286 00:13:32,446 --> 00:13:35,157 Would that this desk were a time desk… 287 00:13:36,576 --> 00:13:39,203 so that I could correct my past mistakes, 288 00:13:39,203 --> 00:13:41,581 ride dinosaurs. 289 00:13:41,581 --> 00:13:43,081 Fight with Jack the Ripper. 290 00:13:43,081 --> 00:13:44,792 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 291 00:13:44,792 --> 00:13:46,836 Unicorns? Ghost lips? 292 00:13:46,836 --> 00:13:48,421 Time desks? 293 00:13:48,421 --> 00:13:50,965 overly stylized garbage Doesn't any of this 294 00:13:50,965 --> 00:13:52,633 remind you of anyone? 295 00:13:52,633 --> 00:13:54,092 Everything this guy says 296 00:13:54,092 --> 00:13:56,470 sure-to-be-unpublished pages is ripped from the 297 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,973 of Dean Dangerous. 298 00:13:58,973 --> 00:14:01,559 I don't know what you mean. Oh, I think you do. 299 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,437 By the way, next time you walk someone to your fake lair, 300 00:14:04,437 --> 00:14:07,105 the Theater Department. don't pass 301 00:14:07,105 --> 00:14:09,567 Drama Professor Sean Garrity. 302 00:14:11,444 --> 00:14:13,111 Whoa. 303 00:14:17,784 --> 00:14:19,577 That character was killing me. Thank God. 304 00:14:19,577 --> 00:14:22,080 if you ever scrape Word of advice, 305 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,581 the dean's car, don't tell him 306 00:14:23,581 --> 00:14:25,416 you're gonna pay him back in acting. 307 00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:28,586 On Thanksgiving, I'm supposed to crash his family dinner 308 00:14:28,586 --> 00:14:30,379 of stealing my girlfriend. and accuse him 309 00:14:30,379 --> 00:14:31,839 Wow. 310 00:14:31,839 --> 00:14:34,258 all the way to the top. I guess this did go 311 00:14:34,258 --> 00:14:35,802 I'm calling the dean right now 312 00:14:35,802 --> 00:14:38,304 and giving him a piece of my mind. 313 00:14:38,304 --> 00:14:40,598 No, wait. Garrity. 314 00:14:40,598 --> 00:14:42,683 Does the Theater Department 315 00:14:42,683 --> 00:14:45,311 have any of those prop guns that fire blanks? 316 00:14:45,311 --> 00:14:47,480 a modern retelling of Macbeth Of course. We did 317 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,356 set in gangland Chicago. 318 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:52,359 And you think I'm lazy. Oh, fresh take. 319 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,153 Prop guns? 320 00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:56,030 Jeff, what do you have in mind? 321 00:14:56,030 --> 00:14:58,116 A little demonstration for the dean 322 00:14:58,116 --> 00:15:00,409 of trying to educate me. on the dangers 323 00:15:00,409 --> 00:15:02,036 He doesn't like fake classes? 324 00:15:02,036 --> 00:15:04,204 to get a real lesson Well, he's about 325 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:08,042 on the fact that Jeff Winger never learns. 326 00:15:11,629 --> 00:15:13,798 Here he comes. Get set. 327 00:15:17,426 --> 00:15:19,012 You wanted to see me? 328 00:15:19,012 --> 00:15:20,429 Oh. 329 00:15:20,429 --> 00:15:22,140 Hi, Mr. Professorson. 330 00:15:22,140 --> 00:15:24,017 His real name is Woolley. 331 00:15:24,017 --> 00:15:25,852 And he's defrauded your school 332 00:15:25,852 --> 00:15:28,354 dozens of credits per year to the tune of 333 00:15:28,354 --> 00:15:30,815 twice as many dollars. and nearly 334 00:15:30,815 --> 00:15:32,733 Well, that's serious. 335 00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:35,194 Fortunately, I'm a big believer in second chances. 336 00:15:35,194 --> 00:15:37,279 I'm not. 337 00:15:38,614 --> 00:15:40,992 Annie! Annie. 338 00:15:40,992 --> 00:15:42,952 Oh, my God! You… You shot him. 339 00:15:42,952 --> 00:15:45,872 He was being dishonest. Of course I shot him. 340 00:15:45,872 --> 00:15:48,875 Greendale's taught me, it's… And if there's one thing 341 00:15:48,875 --> 00:15:50,376 Whoa, what the hell? 342 00:15:50,376 --> 00:15:52,211 She had a gun. It was a fake gun. 343 00:15:52,211 --> 00:15:54,630 back at you for deceiving us. We staged this to get 344 00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:56,716 Oh, you're the deceiver, Jeffrey. 345 00:15:56,716 --> 00:15:58,801 you're the dead guy. Yeah? Well, now 346 00:16:01,679 --> 00:16:03,681 Jeff, what are you doing? 347 00:16:03,681 --> 00:16:05,808 Why do you have a real gun? 348 00:16:05,808 --> 00:16:09,020 Why did you shoot the dean? Well, he shot you. 349 00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:12,231 Not really. He and I were in on this from the start. 350 00:16:12,231 --> 00:16:14,692 When he found out you were faking a class, 351 00:16:14,692 --> 00:16:17,277 he came to me and we cooked up this conspiracy thing 352 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:21,323 to illustrate the slippery slope of academic fraud. 353 00:16:21,323 --> 00:16:23,743 actually illustrated, Annie? You know what you 354 00:16:25,494 --> 00:16:28,330 How to be a crappy friend. 355 00:16:28,330 --> 00:16:31,500 Once it was obvious the dean had orchestrated everything, 356 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:33,086 it was even more obvious 357 00:16:33,086 --> 00:16:35,588 the dean was too stupid to orchestrate anything. 358 00:16:35,588 --> 00:16:38,382 So on a hunch, I called him Mm-hm. 359 00:16:38,382 --> 00:16:40,134 and we hatched a plan 360 00:16:40,134 --> 00:16:42,469 to teach you a lesson or two about friendship. 361 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,223 But, Jeff, I only did it because I love you. 362 00:16:46,807 --> 00:16:48,559 Well, when you love someone, 363 00:16:48,559 --> 00:16:50,728 you have to take them as they are. 364 00:16:50,728 --> 00:16:52,438 People aren't playthings, Annie. 365 00:16:52,438 --> 00:16:53,689 No, they are not. 366 00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:55,649 Look who's talking. 367 00:16:55,649 --> 00:16:58,027 you've put me through? After everything 368 00:16:58,027 --> 00:17:00,738 Okay, where did you get that gun? 369 00:17:02,698 --> 00:17:05,159 There were only three prop guns. 370 00:17:05,159 --> 00:17:06,911 in a terrible neighborhood. I live 371 00:17:06,911 --> 00:17:09,163 Annie, put the gun down. 372 00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:13,500 After we kissed, I waited all summer to see you. 373 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,796 like a shameful secret. You buried me 374 00:17:16,796 --> 00:17:19,465 What's the matter, Jeff? Whoa. 375 00:17:19,465 --> 00:17:22,802 would go crazy for you? Afraid crazy Annie 376 00:17:22,802 --> 00:17:24,595 Well, guess what. 377 00:17:24,595 --> 00:17:26,305 Annie's got a gun. 378 00:17:26,305 --> 00:17:28,432 Annie, just put the… 379 00:17:34,772 --> 00:17:37,483 Annie, what have you done? 380 00:17:37,483 --> 00:17:39,777 Jeff Winger so much, If you love 381 00:17:39,777 --> 00:17:41,904 why did you conspire with me against him? 382 00:17:41,904 --> 00:17:43,447 I don't know. 383 00:17:43,447 --> 00:17:46,492 of any of it anymore. I can't keep track 384 00:17:46,492 --> 00:17:49,787 with whoever suggests it. I just keep teaming up 385 00:17:49,787 --> 00:17:52,873 Glad to hear you admit it. 386 00:17:52,873 --> 00:17:55,334 When I called you to ask you to double-cross Annie, 387 00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:56,752 you didn't hesitate. 388 00:17:56,752 --> 00:17:58,921 what a conspiracy is? Do you understand 389 00:17:58,921 --> 00:18:00,965 with every person, If you conspire 390 00:18:00,965 --> 00:18:03,050 conspiring with anyone, you're not even really 391 00:18:03,050 --> 00:18:05,261 you're just doing random crap. 392 00:18:05,261 --> 00:18:08,722 I know, I'm sorry. I just… 393 00:18:08,722 --> 00:18:11,809 I just wanted to have fun with you guys. 394 00:18:11,809 --> 00:18:16,772 in my little office and… I go crazy cooped up 395 00:18:16,772 --> 00:18:21,110 Time travel is really hard to write about. 396 00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:23,362 Okay. 397 00:18:23,362 --> 00:18:26,657 If I'm keeping track right, we should be done. 398 00:18:26,657 --> 00:18:30,619 I'll just take these back to the Theater Department. 399 00:18:30,619 --> 00:18:32,705 Drop the weapons! Police! 400 00:18:32,705 --> 00:18:35,333 Down on the ground. Don't shoot, don't shoot! 401 00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:36,750 Please, they're fake. 402 00:18:40,213 --> 00:18:42,798 Those were prop guns! 403 00:18:42,798 --> 00:18:46,510 it just goes to show you, Well, I guess 404 00:18:46,510 --> 00:18:49,013 prop guns belong backstage. 405 00:18:49,013 --> 00:18:50,973 And scene. 406 00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:54,268 You have got to be kidding me! 407 00:18:54,268 --> 00:18:57,855 what all of you were up to. Professor Garrity told me 408 00:18:57,855 --> 00:19:01,775 Guns aren't toys. Made me mad. 409 00:19:01,775 --> 00:19:05,612 Fact, in 100% of all fake-gun-related shootings, 410 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:08,324 the victim is always the one with the fake gun. 411 00:19:09,533 --> 00:19:10,993 you got breakfast plans? Hey, Sean, 412 00:19:10,993 --> 00:19:12,286 I do now. 413 00:19:12,286 --> 00:19:14,788 So, Sean? 414 00:19:14,788 --> 00:19:17,457 for Thanksgiving, right? We're still on 415 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:20,711 Just talk to your father, Craig. 416 00:19:20,711 --> 00:19:23,964 Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie. 417 00:19:25,925 --> 00:19:28,302 Hey, dean, how about that credit? 418 00:19:28,302 --> 00:19:30,429 No! 419 00:19:30,429 --> 00:19:31,638 Damn it. 420 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,140 I'm not sure what lessons 421 00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:34,808 teach each other, we've managed to 422 00:19:34,808 --> 00:19:36,394 but I'm proud of Annie. 423 00:19:36,394 --> 00:19:39,313 She took to deception like Abed took to Cougar Town. 424 00:19:39,313 --> 00:19:40,522 It's really good. 425 00:19:40,522 --> 00:19:43,650 Especially when she went off-script. 426 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,069 You said to be convincing. 427 00:19:45,069 --> 00:19:46,904 Check it out, bros. 428 00:19:46,904 --> 00:19:49,573 You made the front page. 429 00:19:53,244 --> 00:19:55,079 You know what this means? 430 00:19:55,079 --> 00:19:56,330 We've gone mainstream. 431 00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:57,998 Initiate Protocol Omega. 432 00:20:13,264 --> 00:20:14,807 Hey. 433 00:20:24,066 --> 00:20:26,526 We've started looting. 434 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:30,572 Hey, that old, crabby man just stole my TV. 435 00:20:30,572 --> 00:20:33,575 a cardboard submarine? Wanna build 436 00:20:33,575 --> 00:20:35,411 Get out of my brain. 437 00:20:37,955 --> 00:20:39,373 Once. Upon. 438 00:20:39,373 --> 00:20:40,916 A. Time. 439 00:20:40,916 --> 00:20:42,335 There. Was. 440 00:20:42,335 --> 00:20:44,044 A… 441 00:20:44,044 --> 00:20:46,172 Spaceship. Big. 442 00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:47,840 Aliens. And. 443 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,800 Mercenaries. And. 444 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,927 War. And? 445 00:20:51,927 --> 00:20:53,262 And? 446 00:20:53,262 --> 00:20:55,139 Betrayal. 447 00:20:55,139 --> 00:20:56,556 And? 448 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,434 Romance? And? 449 00:20:58,434 --> 00:20:59,852 Karate. And? 450 00:20:59,852 --> 00:21:01,061 Credits. 451 00:21:01,061 --> 00:21:02,771 End. The. 452 00:21:02,771 --> 00:21:04,773 a screenplay together. We should write 453 00:21:04,773 --> 00:21:07,026 Cool. Cool, cool, cool.