1
00:00:01,743 --> 00:00:04,204
This is what happened.
We was camping.

2
00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,830
We was eating.

3
00:00:05,830 --> 00:00:09,251
jumped down and eat my leg.
And it was mountain lion

4
00:00:09,251 --> 00:00:11,002
I think a mountain lion
jumped down

5
00:00:11,002 --> 00:00:13,130
someone's grammar. Right?
and eat

6
00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,714
The auto-tune remix
is better.

7
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:16,383
Go to related videos.
Uh-huh.

8
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:20,845
Good.

9
00:00:20,845 --> 00:00:22,597
Professor?
Oh, Annie.

10
00:00:22,597 --> 00:00:24,766
we've been through this.
Don't start,

11
00:00:24,766 --> 00:00:26,893
is the study of humanity,
Anthropology

12
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:28,270
is off-topic.
nothing

13
00:00:28,270 --> 00:00:30,605
I've seen this one.
No, it's just,

14
00:00:30,605 --> 00:00:33,275
Put in "Car Crash Camel Toe."

15
00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:36,903
"Ski Lift Ninja Crotch Rip."
Oh, wait, wait, wait,

16
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:38,113
Crotch Rip.

17
00:00:38,113 --> 00:00:40,573
I'm a ski lift ninja.

18
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:48,206
Look, Dolly Parton
eating a hot dog.

19
00:00:48,206 --> 00:00:49,791
Stop that.
Yeah.

20
00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:51,960
I can do what I want.

21
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,045
if you type in "God"?
What happens

22
00:00:55,505 --> 00:00:58,091
Everyone hates you and asks…
Do not boo her.

23
00:00:58,091 --> 00:01:00,885
of definition cuts both ways.
This subject's lack

24
00:01:00,885 --> 00:01:04,222
If farts are fair game,
so is God.

25
00:01:04,222 --> 00:01:05,765
"God of Farts."
Top hit,

26
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:07,392
Yeah.

27
00:01:07,392 --> 00:01:09,936
You asked for it.
It balances out.

28
00:01:11,396 --> 00:01:13,648
Who wants to see that?
That's blasphemous.

29
00:01:13,648 --> 00:01:15,025
Seventeen million people.

30
00:01:15,025 --> 00:01:16,651
Oh.

31
00:01:16,651 --> 00:01:19,779
at my church last night.
There were nine people

32
00:01:24,075 --> 00:01:26,535
Auto-tune "God of Farts."
Yes.

33
00:01:26,535 --> 00:01:28,705
Way ahead of you.

34
00:01:28,705 --> 00:01:32,667
[FART SOUND AUTO-TUNE
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

35
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:44,137
To run out of steam ♪
d Give me the hope

36
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:47,391
It can be here ♪
d Somebody said

37
00:01:47,391 --> 00:01:51,520
Tied up, dead in a year ♪
d We could be roped up

38
00:01:56,691 --> 00:02:00,862
They all just fade away d
d One by one

39
00:02:06,076 --> 00:02:07,285
Abed?

40
00:02:07,285 --> 00:02:08,786
Guess who's got
two thumbs

41
00:02:08,786 --> 00:02:11,081
and has a career opportunity
for you?

42
00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:13,083
This guy.

43
00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:14,834
I'm pointing my thumbs
at God.

44
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:17,003
One thumb to say,
"That's great."

45
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:20,048
I told my pastor about YouTube
and how there's no light there.

46
00:02:20,048 --> 00:02:22,467
Our church wants to sponsor
the making of a video

47
00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:24,094
with a Christian message.
Ha.

48
00:02:24,094 --> 00:02:25,636
What, "Rapping Jesus"?

49
00:02:25,636 --> 00:02:28,473
Please step aside and
make room for a new generation.

50
00:02:28,473 --> 00:02:30,934
Abed, would you like to make
a Christian YouTube?

51
00:02:30,934 --> 00:02:33,311
You're Muslim…
As a Muslim, I'd be happy to.

52
00:02:33,311 --> 00:02:36,022
storyteller, not a preacher.
As a filmmaker, no. I'm a

53
00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:38,942
the greatest story ever told.
The Bible has been called

54
00:02:38,942 --> 00:02:41,361
Ben Lyons said the same thing
about I Am Legend.

55
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:44,697
Oh, well, I'll have
to rent that then.

56
00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:47,367
Whoa.
What?

57
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,202
That's a lot of pasta
for no veggies.

58
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,037
You're not in charge
of what I eat.

59
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:53,039
That's true. Britta.

60
00:02:56,418 --> 00:02:58,878
And some damn broccoli,
please.

61
00:02:58,878 --> 00:03:01,089
Pierce has been acting out
a lot lately,

62
00:03:01,089 --> 00:03:03,550
maybe you should talk
to him.

63
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:05,260
How is that my job?

64
00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:07,053
Aren't you, like,
the dad?

65
00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:09,806
Would the dad walk away
from this conversation?

66
00:03:09,806 --> 00:03:12,142
No? Uh…

67
00:03:15,812 --> 00:03:17,855
You're having cookies for lunch?
Yeah.

68
00:03:17,855 --> 00:03:20,942
Hey, you didn't pay for those.
Call a cop.

69
00:03:23,652 --> 00:03:25,405
Heads up, gay wads.
Oh, yummy.

70
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,240
when they're free.
They're better

71
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,868
Fresh and stolen.

72
00:03:30,868 --> 00:03:32,661
What are you looking at?

73
00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:34,331
Your face.

74
00:03:34,331 --> 00:03:36,291
That's what you're supposed
to look at.

75
00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:39,503
So you gonna sit down or what?
So?

76
00:03:39,503 --> 00:03:42,713
with the younger people.
Oh, no, I usually sit

77
00:03:42,713 --> 00:03:45,383
Well, la di da di da.

78
00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:47,469
No, no, we watch videos
on YouTune,

79
00:03:47,469 --> 00:03:49,679
don't know what that is.
and you guys

80
00:03:49,679 --> 00:03:51,931
We don't care.
Pierce, looking for us?

81
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,933
We're sitting over there.
I can see.

82
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,436
Did you take your pills?
Sheesh.

83
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,855
Meet Mama's boy.
Ooh.

84
00:03:58,855 --> 00:04:01,107
a private conversation here.
We're having

85
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,526
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

86
00:04:02,526 --> 00:04:05,529
Hi, I'm Britta. Pierce's…
Pbbt!

87
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:09,073
meeting you guys.
Very nice

88
00:04:11,075 --> 00:04:13,453
"Very nice meeting you guys."

89
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,041
She's a lesbian.
Come on.

90
00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,758
the New Testament.
Shirley, I read

91
00:04:27,758 --> 00:04:29,469
The whole thing?

92
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:32,556
Being raised by TV and movies,
I thought Jesus walked on water

93
00:04:32,556 --> 00:04:35,099
and told people not to have
abortions, but it's cooler.

94
00:04:35,099 --> 00:04:37,018
Edward Scissorhands
He was like E.T.,

95
00:04:37,018 --> 00:04:38,978
and Marty McFly combined.

96
00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:40,689
I'd love to make
a Jesus movie.

97
00:04:40,689 --> 00:04:43,692
What do you think we should do?
Abed, that's wonderful.

98
00:04:43,692 --> 00:04:45,443
Needs to be cool
and addictive.

99
00:04:45,443 --> 00:04:47,820
of the kitten falling asleep.
Like that video

100
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,614
The story's been told
to death,

101
00:04:49,614 --> 00:04:51,282
I wanna approach it
in a new way.

102
00:04:51,282 --> 00:04:54,202
for the post post-modern world.
We need a Jesus movie

103
00:04:54,202 --> 00:04:57,205
Like Jesus as a rapper?

104
00:04:57,205 --> 00:04:59,624
the story of Jesus
No. I wanna tell

105
00:04:59,624 --> 00:05:01,334
from the perspective
of a filmmaker

106
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,752
exploring the life
of Jesus.

107
00:05:02,752 --> 00:05:05,630
That sounds very appealing
to filmmakers.

108
00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:07,840
Jesus is a filmmaker
In the film,

109
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,593
trying to find God
with his camera.

110
00:05:09,593 --> 00:05:11,344
that he's Jesus
He realizes

111
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,263
filmed by God's camera.
and he's being

112
00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:15,056
It goes like that forever

113
00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:17,975
because the filmmakers are Jesus
and the cameras are God.

114
00:05:17,975 --> 00:05:21,271
And the movie is called,
ABED.

115
00:05:21,271 --> 00:05:24,232
Filmmaking beyond film.
All caps.

116
00:05:24,232 --> 00:05:25,734
A meta film.

117
00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:26,984
My masterpiece.

118
00:05:26,984 --> 00:05:28,861
I don't like it.

119
00:05:30,447 --> 00:05:33,283
It's okay. You're reacting
the way the world did to Jesus.

120
00:05:33,283 --> 00:05:35,535
I'm reacting the way
the world does

121
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,161
about making movies
to movies

122
00:05:37,161 --> 00:05:38,413
about making movies.

123
00:05:38,413 --> 00:05:39,664
Come on, Charlie Kaufman,

124
00:05:39,664 --> 00:05:41,458
some of us have work
in the morning.

125
00:05:41,458 --> 00:05:43,585
You don't wanna work
on the movie?

126
00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:46,170
This means there is no movie.

127
00:05:51,593 --> 00:05:53,136
This is the movie.

128
00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:57,014
is Jacks and Deuces wild.
The game

129
00:05:57,014 --> 00:05:59,850
Except if the dean comes in
and then it's Bingo.

130
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:05,231
Keep it, I got another one.

131
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,484
If you get caught
with that,

132
00:06:07,484 --> 00:06:09,611
it's your 90th birthday.
just say

133
00:06:09,611 --> 00:06:11,571
it's adorable.
Suddenly,

134
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,158
All right now.
All right.

135
00:06:15,158 --> 00:06:17,243
What is this again?

136
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:18,869
B-19.

137
00:06:18,869 --> 00:06:22,749
I told you guys, no poker.
No, B-19 my butt,

138
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:25,001
All right, shut this down.

139
00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:27,545
Shut your mouth down,
fruit.

140
00:06:27,545 --> 00:06:29,547
unacceptable.
Oh, hey,

141
00:06:29,547 --> 00:06:32,049
and barely the whole truth.
None of your business,

142
00:06:32,049 --> 00:06:34,260
everyone, go home.
All right,

143
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,680
Excuse me, mister?
What, Pierce?

144
00:06:37,514 --> 00:06:40,224
What year is it?
What?

145
00:06:40,224 --> 00:06:41,892
Poker helps him remember.

146
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,395
Veronica.

147
00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:47,023
Okay.

148
00:06:47,023 --> 00:06:48,525
Okay.

149
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,074
You're okay, kid.

150
00:06:57,074 --> 00:06:58,993
Shut up and deal,
let's go.

151
00:06:58,993 --> 00:07:02,372
for our sins? That's dopey.
Jesus, did you really die

152
00:07:02,372 --> 00:07:04,081
Oh, uh… Dope.

153
00:07:04,081 --> 00:07:05,625
Oh, Freudian slip.

154
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,877
Perhaps due to my feeling dopey.
Do the line, atheist.

155
00:07:08,877 --> 00:07:11,589
Jesus, did you really die
for our sins?

156
00:07:11,589 --> 00:07:13,466
That's dope.

157
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:17,178
If you think that's dope,
check out these

158
00:07:17,178 --> 00:07:18,429
"beat-titudes."

159
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,944
I have arrived.

160
00:07:33,944 --> 00:07:37,031
I am watched as I am watching.

161
00:07:37,031 --> 00:07:40,618
I am audience and creation.

162
00:07:42,453 --> 00:07:44,748
The Earth shall know my power.

163
00:07:44,748 --> 00:07:46,457
what are you doing?
Abed,

164
00:07:46,457 --> 00:07:48,959
You blew the take.
Oh, great.

165
00:07:48,959 --> 00:07:52,088
No, no, keep rolling.

166
00:07:52,088 --> 00:07:55,508
This can all be part of it.
Ahh…

167
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:57,301
There are no takes.

168
00:07:57,301 --> 00:07:59,136
There is no viewer.

169
00:07:59,136 --> 00:08:02,682
The film is the story,
the story is us.

170
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,601
We are the film.

171
00:08:04,601 --> 00:08:06,143
This is totally meta.

172
00:08:06,143 --> 00:08:09,021
non-meta production, shall we?
Let's get back to our

173
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,940
No, I wanna watch this.
Come on.

174
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:12,859
there's no time.
Troy,

175
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:15,027
Then we quit.
Right, Britta?

176
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:18,197
I don't even believe in God,
but I love me some Abed.

177
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:21,158
Yeah.
What are you…? But…

178
00:08:31,795 --> 00:08:35,298
Oh, look at it.

179
00:08:35,298 --> 00:08:38,342
"The story of the story
is the story."

180
00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:40,678
Sure, that'll play
in Poughkeepsie.

181
00:08:40,678 --> 00:08:43,473
I heard some theaters
are gonna show it in reverse.

182
00:08:43,473 --> 00:08:46,309
I heard it's the same movie
backward and forward.

183
00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:48,561
I heard the deleted scenes
are the scenes

184
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,647
and the scenes
are the deleted scenes.

185
00:08:50,647 --> 00:08:52,857
I heard Jesus died
for our sins.

186
00:08:52,857 --> 00:08:54,776
Wait, guys.

187
00:08:54,776 --> 00:08:57,528
questions in the cafeteria.
The director's answering

188
00:08:57,528 --> 00:08:59,948
and isn't part of the movie.
And it both is

189
00:08:59,948 --> 00:09:02,158
Get a table.
Yes.

190
00:09:03,868 --> 00:09:08,665
in the movie right now?
Abed, are we all

191
00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:11,960
even when there are no cameras.
We are all in a movie

192
00:09:13,377 --> 00:09:15,463
When will the movie
be released?

193
00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:17,966
When is life released?

194
00:09:17,966 --> 00:09:19,717
is a world premiere.
Every minute

195
00:09:19,717 --> 00:09:21,719
My father has already bought
the popcorn.

196
00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:24,848
Excuse me, Abed?

197
00:09:24,848 --> 00:09:27,224
actually trying to say
But you aren't

198
00:09:27,224 --> 00:09:29,560
that you're Jesus,
are you?

199
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:32,856
I am who you say I am.

200
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:36,985
Okay, yeah. Whoo.

201
00:09:36,985 --> 00:09:38,319
It's meta now.

202
00:09:38,319 --> 00:09:39,696
Except here is a thing:

203
00:09:39,696 --> 00:09:41,405
I am a devout Christian,

204
00:09:41,405 --> 00:09:44,742
into this poor boy's delusions.
and you guys are feeding

205
00:09:44,742 --> 00:09:48,412
So cool. She's an actual,
real-life Pharisee.

206
00:09:48,412 --> 00:09:50,957
Hey, bitch, why don't you
go back to your temple?

207
00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,709
Yeah.
Yeah.

208
00:09:52,709 --> 00:09:55,211
Why don't you all stop
confusing Jesus

209
00:09:55,211 --> 00:09:58,214
with an egotistical,
filmmaking lunatic?

210
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:02,468
I forgive her.

211
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,529
So how's
your film going, Abed?

212
00:10:21,529 --> 00:10:23,113
Blasphemously.

213
00:10:23,113 --> 00:10:26,325
It's not blasphemy to say
that we are God, Shirley.

214
00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:27,869
First Corinthians:

215
00:10:27,869 --> 00:10:30,413
He who unites himself
with the Lord

216
00:10:30,413 --> 00:10:31,956
is one with him
in spirit.

217
00:10:31,956 --> 00:10:33,875
Did you just scripture me,
Muslim?

218
00:10:33,875 --> 00:10:35,626
Jesus was Jewish.

219
00:10:35,626 --> 00:10:38,462
Are you ever gonna let that go?
Hey.

220
00:10:38,462 --> 00:10:40,339
No religious talk.

221
00:10:41,799 --> 00:10:43,718
Somebody's late.

222
00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:45,803
What is that
in your pocket?

223
00:10:45,803 --> 00:10:48,389
Pierce is smoking cigars.
Jeff, Britta,

224
00:10:49,473 --> 00:10:51,642
What's it to you, butt breath?
Oh.

225
00:10:51,642 --> 00:10:54,311
Look at your eyes. Out all night
with those hipsters?

226
00:10:54,311 --> 00:10:55,521
Hipsters?

227
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:57,481
Pack of old people
in the cafeteria.

228
00:10:57,481 --> 00:10:59,776
"Hipsters" because they have
hip replacements.

229
00:10:59,776 --> 00:11:01,318
They do not.

230
00:11:01,318 --> 00:11:03,237
Leonard will probably
kick your ass.

231
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,990
Leonard?

232
00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:07,658
You're hanging out
with Leonard?

233
00:11:07,658 --> 00:11:09,953
You know I hate him.
So?

234
00:11:09,953 --> 00:11:13,205
That's why he's cool.
Everybody hates him.

235
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:14,582
don't get it.
You people

236
00:11:14,582 --> 00:11:16,793
that I want to get it.
I'm not sure

237
00:11:16,793 --> 00:11:19,420
Take a break from these
new friends of yours.

238
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:20,964
They've got you all riled up.

239
00:11:20,964 --> 00:11:22,715
That's what Leonard
said you'd say.

240
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:25,259
Leonard is not a part
of this study group.

241
00:11:25,259 --> 00:11:28,805
right now to… What?
So you apologize

242
00:11:28,805 --> 00:11:30,014
I'm not your father.

243
00:11:30,014 --> 00:11:31,432
I never said you were.

244
00:11:31,432 --> 00:11:34,644
Where are you going?
Out.

245
00:11:34,644 --> 00:11:37,145
Uh… When did Pierce
become awesome?

246
00:11:37,145 --> 00:11:39,023
shut you down, know that?
I'm gonna

247
00:11:39,023 --> 00:11:40,108
I do.

248
00:11:40,108 --> 00:11:41,859
to shut you down.
I'm supposed

249
00:11:41,859 --> 00:11:43,277
I'm not gonna do it.
Don't.

250
00:11:43,277 --> 00:11:44,528
Good.
I won't.

251
00:11:44,528 --> 00:11:46,363
I am gonna shut you down.
Good.

252
00:11:52,036 --> 00:11:54,162
You should have seen
his face.

253
00:11:54,162 --> 00:11:55,915
He was terrified.

254
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:58,126
You're his worst
nightmare now.

255
00:11:58,126 --> 00:12:00,044
and you don't give a damn.
You're old

256
00:12:00,044 --> 00:12:02,379
Boo-yah! Ha-ha.

257
00:12:08,552 --> 00:12:10,596
Don't make eye contact,
we'll be fine.

258
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,848
Okay.

259
00:12:11,848 --> 00:12:13,223
Silly old wuss.

260
00:12:13,223 --> 00:12:15,601
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey…

261
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,728
Lovely couple.
The deanie's got a date.

262
00:12:17,728 --> 00:12:22,650
Please give us a break?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

263
00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:26,029
Don't wanna see you
when I come back.

264
00:12:26,029 --> 00:12:27,655
We've made them angry.
Go, run.

265
00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:30,116
We've made them angry.
He left his keys.

266
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:33,661
for a joy ride?
Oh, who's up

267
00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:36,580
I don't know. We could get
into serious trouble.

268
00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:38,833
Oh, come on.
If we get caught,

269
00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:41,127
we can just pretend
we're disoriented,

270
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:42,586
they can give us
a ride home.

271
00:12:42,586 --> 00:12:44,505
Where am I?

272
00:12:44,505 --> 00:12:46,007
What year is it?

273
00:12:47,925 --> 00:12:49,677
But we've all been drinking.

274
00:12:49,677 --> 00:12:51,595
Oh, grow a schmekel.

275
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,100
this is the last scene.
Okay, everyone,

276
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,602
I wanna thank you all
for contributing

277
00:12:58,602 --> 00:13:00,646
to the greatest film
ever made.

278
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:04,108
Shirley shut down production.
And on the seventh day,

279
00:13:04,108 --> 00:13:07,319
Abed, Shirley has informed me
you are using school equipment

280
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:09,822
on school property
to make a religious film.

281
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:11,824
an official complaint,
She has filed

282
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:14,160
invoking the separation
of church and state.

283
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,662
Pointed out the irony to her.
Don't give a crap.

284
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,706
Let's be ironic,
shut it down.

285
00:13:18,706 --> 00:13:21,918
Abed, are you making
a religious film?

286
00:13:21,918 --> 00:13:23,794
are religious to me.
All movies

287
00:13:23,794 --> 00:13:25,462
Nice.

288
00:13:25,462 --> 00:13:27,423
But is it a movie
about Jesus?

289
00:13:27,423 --> 00:13:29,926
Is The Matrix?
Is RoboCop?

290
00:13:29,926 --> 00:13:31,594
Is Superman Returns?

291
00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:34,471
All stories are about death
and resurrection.

292
00:13:34,471 --> 00:13:37,016
I've got one, Wrath of Khan.
That's a good one.

293
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:40,103
Spock sacrifices himself
for the crew and gets reborn.

294
00:13:40,103 --> 00:13:43,022
How captivating was Ricardo
Montalban in that? I'm serious…

295
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:46,525
character's name isn't Spock.
Except in Abed's film, the

296
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:49,153
That's true. It's Abed.

297
00:13:49,153 --> 00:13:52,615
creative goosebumps here.
Oh. I'm getting

298
00:13:52,615 --> 00:13:54,408
I love Charlie Kaufman.

299
00:13:54,408 --> 00:13:56,077
I need to run into editing,

300
00:13:56,077 --> 00:13:58,454
and you can watch a take.
grab a chair

301
00:13:59,747 --> 00:14:01,331
I would love that.

302
00:14:01,331 --> 00:14:04,001
I've never watched a take
before. This is exciting.

303
00:14:04,001 --> 00:14:07,046
Uh… You…

304
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:10,507
Say what you will about Abed,
but the man cannot be killed.

305
00:14:12,593 --> 00:14:14,511
I mean, it's almost like
he's Jesus.

306
00:14:14,511 --> 00:14:15,888
I got it.

307
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:18,015
we should be driving,
I don't think

308
00:14:18,015 --> 00:14:21,227
you know, old and groggy.
I mean, we're all,

309
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,187
Ah. Stop worrying.

310
00:14:23,187 --> 00:14:25,689
Richard flew zeroes
during the Big One.

311
00:14:25,689 --> 00:14:28,567
What do you mean "flew zeroes"?
He's not Japanese.

312
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:31,320
during the Big One, Rich?
What did you fly

313
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,323
Oh, stop farting around.
Where am I?

314
00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:37,160
Seriously, I don't know
where I am.

315
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,286
What year is it?

316
00:14:40,121 --> 00:14:41,831
How do I drive?

317
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:46,085
Hey, give me it.

318
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:48,504
Look out, look out.

319
00:14:58,555 --> 00:15:00,183
Let's bail.

320
00:15:00,183 --> 00:15:01,851
what about Richard?
Wait a minute,

321
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:05,604
it's every man for himself.
Screw Richard,

322
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:08,316
I'm getting out of here.

323
00:15:12,402 --> 00:15:14,238
are you all right?
Richard,

324
00:15:14,238 --> 00:15:15,906
Well…

325
00:15:15,906 --> 00:15:17,658
Am I Richard?

326
00:15:17,658 --> 00:15:19,618
Yes.
Then I'm fine.

327
00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:22,205
But who are those people
that ran away?

328
00:15:22,205 --> 00:15:23,331
Our friends?

329
00:15:24,332 --> 00:15:26,209
That's a good question.
Oh.

330
00:15:28,585 --> 00:15:30,296
What is?

331
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:37,261
There are no takes.
There is no viewer.

332
00:15:37,261 --> 00:15:40,931
The film is the story,
the story is us.

333
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:43,767
We are the film.

334
00:15:44,685 --> 00:15:47,230
So, what do you think?

335
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:49,732
I need to take a walk.

336
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:07,124
is the worst piece of crap
Dear God. My movie

337
00:16:07,124 --> 00:16:10,002
in my entire life.
I have ever seen

338
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,088
How could I have been
so blind?

339
00:16:12,088 --> 00:16:14,257
It's a self-indulgent,
adolescent mess.

340
00:16:14,257 --> 00:16:16,842
I can barely sit through it.

341
00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:18,261
And now with all this hype,

342
00:16:18,261 --> 00:16:21,138
Snakes on a Plane brewing.
I've got a real

343
00:16:21,138 --> 00:16:22,556
Critics are gonna crucify me,

344
00:16:22,556 --> 00:16:25,475
my career will be over
before it begins.

345
00:16:25,475 --> 00:16:28,562
God, if you're out there,
I know I don't deserve it,

346
00:16:28,562 --> 00:16:29,813
but I need your help.

347
00:16:29,813 --> 00:16:32,233
Please take this project
away from me.

348
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:33,650
Make it rain.

349
00:16:33,650 --> 00:16:35,403
Send a meteor.

350
00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:38,614
Anything. Please?

351
00:16:38,614 --> 00:16:40,532
Now?

352
00:16:44,328 --> 00:16:46,205
Okay, I get it.

353
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,957
This is what I deserve.

354
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:51,085
I'll finish it up.

355
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:51,895
Hi. I'm Pierce Hawthorne's
emergency contact.

356
00:17:51,895 --> 00:17:53,481
Here to pick him up?
No.

357
00:17:53,481 --> 00:17:56,108
as his emergency contact.
I'm here to be removed

358
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,818
Hey.
One second.

359
00:17:57,818 --> 00:17:59,111
I've got a class.

360
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:01,697
Does anybody have…?
Where is everybody?

361
00:18:01,697 --> 00:18:03,657
Is anyone coming
to get Leonard?

362
00:18:03,657 --> 00:18:06,369
No, nobody comes
for him anymore.

363
00:18:06,369 --> 00:18:09,746
to stop calling them.
His kids asked us

364
00:18:09,746 --> 00:18:12,582
he acts like that?
Why do you think

365
00:18:16,379 --> 00:18:18,714
So we're in prison, right?

366
00:18:20,383 --> 00:18:21,967
bring him out.
All right,

367
00:18:23,093 --> 00:18:26,847
Come here, Pierce.
Up, up.

368
00:18:26,847 --> 00:18:30,017
Ahem. Hey.
Go wait in the car.

369
00:18:30,017 --> 00:18:33,603
Go wait in the car.
It wasn't my fault.

370
00:18:39,568 --> 00:18:41,237
You want me to change that
or not?

371
00:18:41,237 --> 00:18:43,113
I guess not.

372
00:18:43,113 --> 00:18:44,614
Could you do me a favor?

373
00:18:44,614 --> 00:18:47,368
Could you add Britta Perry
as a contact?

374
00:18:47,368 --> 00:18:49,245
P-E-R-R-Y.

375
00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:51,205
a couple times a week?
Give her a call

376
00:18:51,205 --> 00:18:53,249
She gets pretty worried
about him.

377
00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:56,585
so make sure you call at night.
And she works days,

378
00:19:13,894 --> 00:19:16,730
Everyone thinks what you did
was destined to happen.

379
00:19:16,730 --> 00:19:18,899
God was making my movie.
That it was proof

380
00:19:18,899 --> 00:19:20,859
it could never exist.
A movie so good

381
00:19:20,859 --> 00:19:23,695
and they think you're a villain.
They think I'm a genius,

382
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,617
You heard me praying.

383
00:19:28,617 --> 00:19:31,412
I don't know what you mean.

384
00:19:31,412 --> 00:19:32,996
Oh, this is gonna be good.

385
00:19:32,996 --> 00:19:34,498
Abed sent me a new link

386
00:19:34,498 --> 00:19:37,501
his video virality.
and that man knows

387
00:19:37,501 --> 00:19:39,920
So you're just gonna drop
all pretense

388
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,130
of actually teaching us?

389
00:19:41,130 --> 00:19:43,299
Yeah. Here we go.

390
00:19:48,845 --> 00:19:50,431
You finished my movie.

391
00:19:50,431 --> 00:19:51,640
Don't know what you mean.

392
00:19:57,605 --> 00:19:59,398
You humble me.

393
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,817
You humble me too.

394
00:20:06,489 --> 00:20:09,241
It can be your hood d
d Good news is

395
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:13,662
Okay, open your books because
Abed has broken the Internet.

396
00:20:21,378 --> 00:20:23,046
Great.

397
00:20:23,046 --> 00:20:25,841
is gonna head home and…
So which one of us

398
00:20:25,841 --> 00:20:27,468
Change.

399
00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:31,763
Hilarious.

400
00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:34,183
So you guys bought one
of my outfits,

401
00:20:34,183 --> 00:20:38,020
and then staked out my apartment
every day until I wore it?

402
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:39,980
That's not pathetic.

403
00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:41,440
Okay.

404
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,858
Well,

405
00:20:42,858 --> 00:20:44,193
good job.

406
00:20:44,193 --> 00:20:47,363
I guess I'm heading home
to change now.

407
00:20:48,822 --> 00:20:50,991
I hit traffic,
did I miss it?

408
00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:54,453
Darn it.