1 00:00:03,222 --> 00:00:05,059 Oh, what are you guys doing together, 2 00:00:05,059 --> 00:00:06,560 just the two of you? 3 00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:08,645 to help with the oil spill. We're gonna raise money 4 00:00:08,645 --> 00:00:11,481 show how serious the problem is. We're making this display to 5 00:00:11,481 --> 00:00:16,778 Oh, yeah. Each drop represents 10,000 gallons of oil. 6 00:00:18,197 --> 00:00:19,781 Ooh. Oh. 7 00:00:19,781 --> 00:00:21,867 this overshadowed Haiti. I'm so glad 8 00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:23,160 I didn't have ideas for that. 9 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:24,953 Yay to having fun in pairs. 10 00:00:24,953 --> 00:00:26,580 What up, party people? 11 00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:29,290 You got a Band-Aid on your arm. Be careful shaving. 12 00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,710 This is from a blood test. I wax, dummy. 13 00:00:31,710 --> 00:00:33,336 Oh, no. I knew it. 14 00:00:33,336 --> 00:00:34,880 Things were going too well for you. 15 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,673 Oh, no, no, just a physical. 16 00:00:36,673 --> 00:00:39,093 needs a tune-up. Even a Ferrari 17 00:00:39,093 --> 00:00:40,385 moonshiners now? Are you guys 18 00:00:40,385 --> 00:00:42,096 just the two of them. No, 19 00:00:42,096 --> 00:00:43,847 We're raising money for the oil spill. 20 00:00:43,847 --> 00:00:45,348 Did you even know? 21 00:00:45,348 --> 00:00:47,266 the AOL homepage bookmarked. Uh, yeah, I have 22 00:00:47,266 --> 00:00:49,019 Did you even know about the ostrich 23 00:00:49,019 --> 00:00:50,269 that raised a tiger cub? 24 00:00:53,107 --> 00:00:54,357 Troy, what's wrong? 25 00:00:54,357 --> 00:00:55,817 I just saw a dead body. 26 00:00:55,817 --> 00:00:57,986 Told you not to use the east stairwell. 27 00:00:57,986 --> 00:00:59,613 it's meth season. My pastor said 28 00:00:59,613 --> 00:01:01,698 You know I'm living with Pierce now, 29 00:01:01,698 --> 00:01:03,992 to do laundry in the garage so this morning I went 30 00:01:03,992 --> 00:01:06,161 and I found his mom, dead. 31 00:01:06,161 --> 00:01:09,039 Troy, that's terrible. Oh. 32 00:01:09,039 --> 00:01:11,708 Well, she had been in bad shape for a while, 33 00:01:11,708 --> 00:01:14,878 out there to die like a cat. so I guess she crawled 34 00:01:16,171 --> 00:01:18,173 I've never been close to a dead body. 35 00:01:18,173 --> 00:01:19,507 Oh, pumpkin. 36 00:01:20,842 --> 00:01:23,470 She was so cold and gray. 37 00:01:23,470 --> 00:01:24,930 I saw her underwear. 38 00:01:35,023 --> 00:01:36,942 Jeez, who died? 39 00:01:36,942 --> 00:01:39,945 Pierce, we're so sorry to hear about your mom. 40 00:01:39,945 --> 00:01:41,196 Why? 41 00:01:41,196 --> 00:01:43,157 is always difficult. Losing a loved one 42 00:01:43,157 --> 00:01:45,284 What? My mom isn't dead. 43 00:01:45,284 --> 00:01:46,994 But when Troy found her, he said… 44 00:01:46,994 --> 00:01:50,330 Her heart, lungs, kidneys and brain have stopped working. 45 00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:52,833 of saying that would be? And another way 46 00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:54,542 her organic body. She's used up 47 00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:57,796 By dying in it. 48 00:01:57,796 --> 00:02:00,257 Wrong. She's alive. 49 00:02:01,341 --> 00:02:03,760 Mom was a part of my Buddhist church. 50 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,512 She's a Level Five Laser Lotus, same as me. 51 00:02:05,512 --> 00:02:08,389 When a Level Five's body stops functioning, 52 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:10,809 in the Temple of Renewal it's vaporized 53 00:02:10,809 --> 00:02:13,561 in an energon pod. and stored 54 00:02:13,561 --> 00:02:15,897 In a few years, when our technology advances, 55 00:02:15,897 --> 00:02:17,482 they'll extract her body vapors, 56 00:02:17,482 --> 00:02:19,067 re-condense it to a solid. 57 00:02:19,067 --> 00:02:21,569 Before you know it, Mom will be back in the kitchen 58 00:02:21,569 --> 00:02:24,865 making Troy and me sandwiches. 59 00:02:24,865 --> 00:02:26,116 Heh. 60 00:02:28,451 --> 00:02:31,246 Pumpkin. It's okay. 61 00:02:33,248 --> 00:02:34,749 Oh, sweetie. 62 00:02:34,749 --> 00:02:37,585 about that turtle in China? Did you guys hear 63 00:02:37,585 --> 00:02:39,504 Two packs a day. 64 00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:46,720 To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope 65 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,848 It can be here ♪ d Somebody said 66 00:02:49,848 --> 00:02:54,144 Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up 67 00:02:59,149 --> 00:03:03,237 They all just fade away d d One by one 68 00:03:10,744 --> 00:03:12,579 If you guys let me get to the can opener, 69 00:03:12,579 --> 00:03:13,872 I can feed you. 70 00:03:13,872 --> 00:03:15,290 We have to do something about Pierce. 71 00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:17,416 He thinks his mom isn't dead. 72 00:03:17,416 --> 00:03:20,003 "…er"? He's gone crazy. 73 00:03:20,003 --> 00:03:22,297 He won't even let us have a memorial service. 74 00:03:22,297 --> 00:03:24,091 I was halfway done with the collage. 75 00:03:24,091 --> 00:03:26,676 I'm told that's not normal. He hasn't cried yet. 76 00:03:26,676 --> 00:03:28,220 Who's normal, Abed? 77 00:03:28,220 --> 00:03:30,264 but that's beside the point. Baptists are, 78 00:03:30,264 --> 00:03:32,891 Everybody has some service for the departed. 79 00:03:32,891 --> 00:03:34,976 Eskimos, witch doctors, Jewish people. 80 00:03:34,976 --> 00:03:37,354 The point being, Cool, we made the list. 81 00:03:37,354 --> 00:03:39,981 death needs to be coped with, not ignored. 82 00:03:39,981 --> 00:03:42,817 concoct all these religions? Otherwise why did mankind 83 00:03:42,817 --> 00:03:46,029 You wanna rephrase that? Oh, I'm sorry, humankind. 84 00:03:46,029 --> 00:03:48,115 You think you're real smart. Guys, guys, guys. 85 00:03:48,115 --> 00:03:50,700 Did we learn nothing from last Christmas? 86 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,994 I don't see much difference between Pierce's religion 87 00:03:52,994 --> 00:03:54,413 and anybody else's. 88 00:03:54,413 --> 00:03:57,291 because his has lasers. You're not listening, 89 00:03:57,291 --> 00:03:59,667 for not caring about religion. You guys make fun of me 90 00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:01,336 I'm dedicated enough But at least 91 00:04:01,336 --> 00:04:05,173 to not caring to let you have your own beliefs. 92 00:04:05,173 --> 00:04:06,591 Can't Pierce have his? 93 00:04:07,759 --> 00:04:10,262 Can't you be cool like me? 94 00:04:10,262 --> 00:04:11,805 Hello? 95 00:04:11,805 --> 00:04:13,974 of his speeches that way. He ends so many 96 00:04:15,475 --> 00:04:19,146 Morning, Pierce. How's Mom? Morning, guys. 97 00:04:19,146 --> 00:04:22,232 Terrific. Her body is being vaporized as we speak. 98 00:04:22,232 --> 00:04:23,524 What does that feel like? 99 00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,319 It's the greatest feeling ever. 100 00:04:25,319 --> 00:04:28,363 Like the second when the fudge on your sundae is still hot, 101 00:04:28,363 --> 00:04:31,450 or when you're the first one to break in a new boob job. 102 00:04:31,450 --> 00:04:34,202 You're free from the burden of your earthly body. 103 00:04:34,202 --> 00:04:35,495 It is a burden. 104 00:04:35,495 --> 00:04:38,081 I am Dr. Ian Duncan. Greetings, class. 105 00:04:38,081 --> 00:04:41,168 Now, I don't normally teach Anthropology, 106 00:04:41,168 --> 00:04:44,629 but apparently, Professor Bauer tried to strangle Mr. Winger 107 00:04:44,629 --> 00:04:46,965 and has been put on leave with pay. 108 00:04:46,965 --> 00:04:52,095 So, what is anthropology? 109 00:04:54,514 --> 00:04:56,683 Seriously, does anyone know? 110 00:04:56,683 --> 00:04:59,560 It's the study of humanity. You, in the boobs. 111 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,271 Wow. 112 00:05:01,271 --> 00:05:03,898 Wow, I thought psychology was a racket. 113 00:05:05,025 --> 00:05:06,860 Well, well. 114 00:05:06,860 --> 00:05:10,947 I heard there was a drunk limey teaching this class. 115 00:05:10,947 --> 00:05:13,116 and I can prove it. I'm not drunk 116 00:05:13,116 --> 00:05:14,493 I blew beneath the limit 117 00:05:14,493 --> 00:05:16,370 That's reassuring. this morning. 118 00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:18,579 everyone here to know Also I would like 119 00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:21,124 that this man assaulted me last year. 120 00:05:21,124 --> 00:05:23,293 a restraining order, And I have 121 00:05:23,293 --> 00:05:26,129 so I can have him expelled if he comes within… 122 00:05:26,129 --> 00:05:28,507 Twenty-five feet. 123 00:05:29,383 --> 00:05:31,176 Abed. Yep. 124 00:05:41,644 --> 00:05:43,562 Proceed, Dr. Teeth. 125 00:05:43,562 --> 00:05:47,025 It is the single largest disaster 126 00:05:47,025 --> 00:05:48,651 in recorded history. 127 00:05:48,651 --> 00:05:52,322 than 50 Exxon Valdez spills. It is worse 128 00:05:52,322 --> 00:05:54,032 You don't have to yell at us. 129 00:05:54,032 --> 00:05:56,659 Nobody is on the other side of this issue. 130 00:05:58,203 --> 00:06:00,288 are covered in oil. And the pelicans 131 00:06:00,288 --> 00:06:02,707 Everyone likes pelicans. They bring babies. 132 00:06:02,707 --> 00:06:05,168 That's storks. Oh, right. 133 00:06:05,168 --> 00:06:08,422 Well, we still like them. Heh, heh, heh. 134 00:06:08,422 --> 00:06:10,048 Yeah, we do. Um… 135 00:06:10,048 --> 00:06:12,926 I'm gonna give you another 20. 136 00:06:12,926 --> 00:06:15,762 Aw. Thank you so much. 137 00:06:19,057 --> 00:06:22,810 if you haven't framed them yet. I'm here for my test results, 138 00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:24,271 Hey, gorgeous. 139 00:06:24,271 --> 00:06:26,981 Jeff, you have something very infectious. 140 00:06:26,981 --> 00:06:28,858 What? Charm. 141 00:06:30,151 --> 00:06:31,319 You got me, Jackie. 142 00:06:31,319 --> 00:06:33,321 everything looks great. Seriously, 143 00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:34,864 You're an incredible specimen. 144 00:06:34,864 --> 00:06:37,284 Even your moles are shaped like little hearts. 145 00:06:37,284 --> 00:06:39,494 Only thing I suggest, see a doctor. 146 00:06:39,494 --> 00:06:42,038 for cholesterol medication. And get a prescription 147 00:06:42,038 --> 00:06:43,873 What? Why? 148 00:06:43,873 --> 00:06:45,500 Your cholesterol's a little high. 149 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,626 Eat some egg whites. No big deal. 150 00:06:47,626 --> 00:06:49,670 But I-I don't understand. 151 00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,507 Wait, did I accidentally tell you you have AIDS? 152 00:06:52,507 --> 00:06:54,675 I mean, it doesn't… I've done that before. 153 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:56,386 I treat my body like a temple. 154 00:06:56,386 --> 00:06:58,430 I can't be the first person to tell you 155 00:06:58,430 --> 00:07:00,474 doesn't last forever. that the temple 156 00:07:00,474 --> 00:07:04,311 I mean, it's made of hamburger. This is a Temple of Doom. 157 00:07:04,311 --> 00:07:06,521 And like the real Temple of Doom, 158 00:07:06,521 --> 00:07:08,565 the inconvenient fact it represents 159 00:07:08,565 --> 00:07:09,941 that all good things, 160 00:07:09,941 --> 00:07:12,360 or movie franchises, be they people 161 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,821 eventually collapse into sagging, 162 00:07:14,821 --> 00:07:18,283 of hard-to-follow nonsense. sloppy, rotten piles 163 00:07:18,283 --> 00:07:19,784 I need to be alone. 164 00:07:22,245 --> 00:07:24,664 you can do that by leaving. Uh, 165 00:07:29,461 --> 00:07:32,005 Okay. Let's get going. 166 00:07:32,005 --> 00:07:34,799 These Paps aren't gonna smear themselves. 167 00:07:34,799 --> 00:07:38,970 There is no God! 168 00:07:38,970 --> 00:07:42,223 Tell us how you really feel. Am I right? 169 00:07:49,147 --> 00:07:51,983 Morning, Jeff, did you get the results of your blood test? 170 00:07:51,983 --> 00:07:54,194 I figured. I'm fine. 171 00:07:54,194 --> 00:07:56,696 for wising us up yesterday. Uh, thank you 172 00:07:56,696 --> 00:07:59,032 We were being judgmental about Pierce's religion. 173 00:07:59,032 --> 00:08:00,283 is Jesus accepts… But the fact 174 00:08:00,283 --> 00:08:02,952 is everyone's dying. The fact 175 00:08:02,952 --> 00:08:05,664 And we all have these notions that we're the exception, 176 00:08:05,664 --> 00:08:08,458 but we're as wrong as we are dead. 177 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,087 That's nice. 178 00:08:16,216 --> 00:08:17,967 with the side project How's it going 179 00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:19,760 that the two of you are doing? 180 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:24,098 It's great. I made $236, plus Britta's makes… 181 00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:25,517 Well, all totaled, 182 00:08:25,517 --> 00:08:26,934 we're close to 250, right, Britta? 183 00:08:26,934 --> 00:08:28,186 Mm-hm. 184 00:08:28,186 --> 00:08:30,188 about this issue. Greendale cares 185 00:08:30,188 --> 00:08:31,856 I don't think that's it. Yeah, 186 00:08:31,856 --> 00:08:33,733 Come on, Annie. What do you mean? 187 00:08:33,733 --> 00:08:35,193 Guys are giving you money 188 00:08:35,193 --> 00:08:37,571 because of the sexy schoolgirl routine. 189 00:08:37,571 --> 00:08:39,989 Yeah. I have a routine? 190 00:08:39,989 --> 00:08:42,783 The one where you use posture as an excuse 191 00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:43,993 to stick out your chest 192 00:08:43,993 --> 00:08:46,204 and you laugh at guys' unfunny jokes, 193 00:08:46,204 --> 00:08:47,664 pretending not to know 194 00:08:47,664 --> 00:08:50,542 that they have a sock at home with your name on it. 195 00:08:50,542 --> 00:08:53,587 Um, that's me. 196 00:08:53,587 --> 00:08:55,714 to make a puppet of me, And if a guy wants 197 00:08:55,714 --> 00:08:57,090 that's hardly your concern. 198 00:08:57,090 --> 00:08:59,092 Well, I may just be an outsider here 199 00:08:59,092 --> 00:09:01,135 because I was never called to participate, 200 00:09:01,135 --> 00:09:03,096 that Britta's upset but it seems to me 201 00:09:03,096 --> 00:09:05,599 because she's raising less money than you. 202 00:09:05,599 --> 00:09:07,016 I'm raising less money Yeah, 203 00:09:07,016 --> 00:09:08,809 because I'm not jump-starting date rapists. 204 00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,853 Ooh-hoo. 205 00:09:10,853 --> 00:09:12,397 Bitter much? 206 00:09:12,397 --> 00:09:13,814 Say "bitter much" much? 207 00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:18,319 Say "say 'bitter much' much" much? 208 00:09:21,740 --> 00:09:24,284 I used to wear a back brace. It's not my fault. 209 00:09:24,284 --> 00:09:25,952 That's why. 210 00:09:26,953 --> 00:09:29,664 What's with the lava lamp? 211 00:09:29,664 --> 00:09:32,292 It's not a lava lamp. It's my mom. 212 00:09:32,292 --> 00:09:35,086 Oh, snap. Wait, what? 213 00:09:35,086 --> 00:09:37,964 finished vaporizing her. The temple 214 00:09:37,964 --> 00:09:40,675 This is Mom's energon pod. 215 00:09:40,675 --> 00:09:42,510 in those bubbles. That's her vapor 216 00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:44,137 I'm sure that thing was free, right? 217 00:09:44,137 --> 00:09:46,431 Energon doesn't grow on trees, Jeff. 218 00:09:46,431 --> 00:09:49,350 It's harvested by super bees in Buddha's meteor crater. 219 00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:50,977 Which is at the foot of Mount Sky Mall 220 00:09:50,977 --> 00:09:53,354 in The Sharper Image Valley? 221 00:09:53,354 --> 00:09:54,939 Sorry, I overslept. 222 00:09:54,939 --> 00:09:57,817 comfortable than it looks. The sidewalk is more 223 00:09:57,817 --> 00:09:59,860 Drunk. Glug-glug-glug. 224 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:02,280 did we get to yesterday? Shut up. So where 225 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,699 You are drunk and stupid. Actually, Ben, 226 00:10:04,699 --> 00:10:06,409 I do have a wee bit of a headache, 227 00:10:06,409 --> 00:10:07,910 Um… so if you could just… 228 00:10:12,624 --> 00:10:14,626 Isn't that interesting? 229 00:10:14,626 --> 00:10:16,252 I have a right to be here, sir. 230 00:10:16,252 --> 00:10:17,712 You do, you do. 231 00:10:17,712 --> 00:10:21,341 you have very good hearing. And I do hope 232 00:10:23,050 --> 00:10:24,385 Bastard. 233 00:10:26,220 --> 00:10:28,181 So where did we get to yesterday? 234 00:10:28,181 --> 00:10:30,350 We were talking about humanity, 235 00:10:30,350 --> 00:10:33,812 which starts with birth and ends with death. 236 00:10:33,812 --> 00:10:35,980 True, all life ends in death, 237 00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:38,899 are cursed with knowing, which we as a species 238 00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:44,698 resulting in something. 239 00:10:44,698 --> 00:10:47,701 Again, this is really not my field. 240 00:10:47,701 --> 00:10:50,870 Professor, what would you say might be the difference 241 00:10:50,870 --> 00:10:53,832 between a religion and a cult? 242 00:10:53,832 --> 00:10:56,083 Why don't we open that to the floor 243 00:10:56,083 --> 00:10:59,086 since I don't know and the book for this class is expensive? 244 00:10:59,086 --> 00:11:01,715 Well, I would say a cult might, for instance, 245 00:11:01,715 --> 00:11:05,218 sell you a tube of Jell-O and tell you 246 00:11:05,218 --> 00:11:07,970 your mother is in it. Jeffrey. 247 00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:10,306 Are we thinly veiling personal conflict 248 00:11:10,306 --> 00:11:11,599 and passing it off as a lesson? 249 00:11:11,599 --> 00:11:13,351 please continue. Because if so, 250 00:11:13,351 --> 00:11:16,270 Reformed Neo-Buddhism is not a cult. 251 00:11:16,270 --> 00:11:18,231 It is a new way of looking at the world, 252 00:11:18,231 --> 00:11:20,024 emphasizing empowerment. 253 00:11:20,024 --> 00:11:21,275 Like a video game? 254 00:11:21,275 --> 00:11:23,403 very much like a video game. Yes, Troy, 255 00:11:23,403 --> 00:11:25,864 and at a certain point, You gain levels 256 00:11:25,864 --> 00:11:28,408 you actually can eat a ghost. 257 00:11:28,408 --> 00:11:30,410 I wanna eat a ghost. What? 258 00:11:30,410 --> 00:11:31,745 No, no, do not let him 259 00:11:31,745 --> 00:11:33,621 with this crap, Troy. pollute your brain 260 00:11:33,621 --> 00:11:36,750 It's okay to ask questions. I have a question. 261 00:11:36,750 --> 00:11:38,793 Your mother went from solid to vapor. 262 00:11:38,793 --> 00:11:40,587 Do people ever take liquid form, 263 00:11:40,587 --> 00:11:43,172 like creatures in The Abyss or Children's Tylenol? 264 00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:44,758 It's a good question. 265 00:11:44,758 --> 00:11:48,428 Actually, when Buddha returns, we all take liquid form 266 00:11:48,428 --> 00:11:52,515 and merge into a shimmering ocean of knowledge, 267 00:11:52,515 --> 00:11:55,560 which, according to scripture, tastes like Hawaiian Punch. 268 00:11:56,853 --> 00:11:58,521 Hawaiian Punch. 269 00:11:58,521 --> 00:12:00,939 my church's Open Hive tomorrow. If you're curious, come to 270 00:12:00,939 --> 00:12:03,984 and free credit checks. You know, wine, beer 271 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,528 How much wine and beer per person? 272 00:12:05,528 --> 00:12:07,530 We're having a con… What? Oh, come on. 273 00:12:07,530 --> 00:12:10,867 is this Anesthesiology? Excuse me, 274 00:12:10,867 --> 00:12:13,952 Just go with this. Yes. Yes, it is. 275 00:12:13,952 --> 00:12:15,455 It's really sad. I've seen it. 276 00:12:15,455 --> 00:12:16,955 Anything helps. 277 00:12:16,955 --> 00:12:18,708 Just anything you can give would be really… 278 00:12:18,708 --> 00:12:20,084 I don't have… 279 00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:28,259 Hey. I, like, need you to save the pelicans. 280 00:12:28,259 --> 00:12:30,762 They're all feathery and pelican-y. 281 00:12:30,762 --> 00:12:32,263 I "wuv" them. 282 00:12:34,181 --> 00:12:37,560 Thank you. 283 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,480 Wow, it really is easy to raise money 284 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,023 when you sell out your gender. 285 00:12:43,023 --> 00:12:44,442 I'm sure it's even easier 286 00:12:44,442 --> 00:12:46,026 when you're not standing next to this: 287 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,446 You're stupid. Hey, jerk. 288 00:12:48,446 --> 00:12:49,948 I know more than you. Give me money. 289 00:12:49,948 --> 00:12:54,034 I don't know anything. I need boys. 290 00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:56,370 makes my back hurt. Saving the planet 291 00:12:56,370 --> 00:12:58,623 I obviously don't need guys for anything. 292 00:12:58,623 --> 00:13:01,083 I wear stripper boots That's why 293 00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:03,043 and mustard for lunch. and eat only celery 294 00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:06,088 I never start. Oh, I never stop smiling. 295 00:13:06,088 --> 00:13:08,508 My sweaters keep shrinking. 296 00:13:08,508 --> 00:13:09,801 I get up an hour early 297 00:13:09,801 --> 00:13:11,845 to ever-so-slightly curl my hair. 298 00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:19,477 you're both so different. Yeah, 299 00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:21,312 Skinny bitches. 300 00:13:21,312 --> 00:13:23,564 Hello, Billionaire Boys Club. 301 00:13:23,564 --> 00:13:25,316 in class today? What happened 302 00:13:25,316 --> 00:13:26,651 You pulled 40 minutes 303 00:13:26,651 --> 00:13:28,402 of anesthesiology out of your ass. 304 00:13:28,402 --> 00:13:29,696 Yeah, I did. 305 00:13:29,696 --> 00:13:31,906 your elderly friend. But I meant 306 00:13:31,906 --> 00:13:34,200 Are you okay? Are you okay? 307 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,703 I haven't eaten a doughnut? Do you know how many times 308 00:13:36,703 --> 00:13:39,246 How I got teased in grade school I do not. 309 00:13:39,246 --> 00:13:41,666 for dabbing my pizza with napkins? 310 00:13:41,666 --> 00:13:43,001 I've suffered. 311 00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:44,711 I've denied myself. Mm-hm. 312 00:13:44,711 --> 00:13:47,005 Because the rules said, if I did that, 313 00:13:47,005 --> 00:13:48,506 I would live longer. 314 00:13:48,506 --> 00:13:50,299 halfway through the game, But then, 315 00:13:50,299 --> 00:13:52,426 I get this little update. 316 00:13:52,426 --> 00:13:54,136 That it doesn't matter what I do. 317 00:13:54,136 --> 00:13:56,096 I could eat powdered bran every day 318 00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:59,350 while you suck down pudding and I still might die first. 319 00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:02,854 I want my doughnuts back. It's unfair. 320 00:14:02,854 --> 00:14:06,607 Well, I think you're being a little childish and… 321 00:14:07,859 --> 00:14:09,318 I need to use my force field Hold on. 322 00:14:09,318 --> 00:14:10,695 from getting food. to prevent Chang 323 00:14:40,683 --> 00:14:42,643 Now, where were we? 324 00:14:42,643 --> 00:14:44,437 Look, the way I see it, 325 00:14:44,437 --> 00:14:46,230 to have no religion, while claiming 326 00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:48,816 you were actually devoutly worshipping yourself. 327 00:14:48,816 --> 00:14:51,652 And now that your god has high cholesterol, 328 00:14:51,652 --> 00:14:54,072 kick Pierce's in the balls. you're trying to 329 00:14:56,741 --> 00:14:58,284 You're right. 330 00:14:58,284 --> 00:15:01,412 All I've been trying to do is crush Pierce's faith 331 00:15:01,412 --> 00:15:03,915 to feel better about dying. And? 332 00:15:03,915 --> 00:15:07,209 Now that I realize that that was my goal, Mm-hm. 333 00:15:07,209 --> 00:15:10,463 I can really roll up my sleeves and get it done. 334 00:15:10,463 --> 00:15:11,798 Thank you. There it is. 335 00:15:11,798 --> 00:15:14,842 No, that wasn't what I was… Welcome. 336 00:15:14,842 --> 00:15:17,595 Actually, I don't care. 337 00:15:19,346 --> 00:15:21,181 guess who found Buddha. Hey, girls, 338 00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:22,892 Hey. Hey. 339 00:15:22,892 --> 00:15:25,352 We're on our way to Pierce's Buddhist Open Hive. 340 00:15:25,352 --> 00:15:27,438 First I'm taking these fellas for ice cream 341 00:15:27,438 --> 00:15:30,066 as an apology for questioning Pierce's faith. 342 00:15:30,066 --> 00:15:32,192 there's this 69th flavor Pierce says 343 00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,112 I need to try. I am excited. 344 00:15:34,112 --> 00:15:35,989 my car's over there. Hey guys, 345 00:15:35,989 --> 00:15:37,740 Cool. 346 00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:39,075 Guess what. 347 00:15:39,075 --> 00:15:40,952 I'm not actually taking them for ice cream. 348 00:15:40,952 --> 00:15:43,037 to the county morgue I am taking them 349 00:15:43,037 --> 00:15:45,331 where I have confirmed that Pierce's mother's 350 00:15:45,331 --> 00:15:47,959 very un-vaporized corpse will be lying 351 00:15:47,959 --> 00:15:50,003 on a stainless-steel slab for all to see. 352 00:15:50,003 --> 00:15:51,295 Surprise. 353 00:15:51,295 --> 00:15:54,256 Welcome to reality. Welcome to death. 354 00:15:54,256 --> 00:15:55,883 Good luck. Have fun. 355 00:15:55,883 --> 00:15:58,928 you guys are real downers. Wow, 356 00:15:58,928 --> 00:16:01,180 I can't believe I made out with both of you. 357 00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:03,141 Ugh. 358 00:16:03,141 --> 00:16:05,392 I'll check the basket. 359 00:16:05,392 --> 00:16:08,187 Sorry, I almost arched my back a little. 360 00:16:08,187 --> 00:16:09,689 I know you hate that. 361 00:16:09,689 --> 00:16:12,150 since I'm a calculating bitch. I should count it, 362 00:16:12,150 --> 00:16:13,860 since I'm the one No, I should, 363 00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:15,528 who's whoring out our gender. 364 00:16:15,528 --> 00:16:17,446 I'm gonna count it! Give that back. 365 00:16:17,446 --> 00:16:18,990 Give me that! Let go! 366 00:16:23,077 --> 00:16:25,997 Oh! Ugh. 367 00:16:25,997 --> 00:16:28,248 You think this is funny? Oh, yeah? 368 00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,709 You think it's funny? 369 00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:31,377 Come here, you little brat. Get off of me. 370 00:16:31,377 --> 00:16:33,629 I'm a brat? 371 00:16:33,629 --> 00:16:35,048 What the…? 372 00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:36,674 I hate you! 373 00:16:36,674 --> 00:16:39,468 this is why I came to America. Now, 374 00:16:39,468 --> 00:16:42,847 Maybe we should listen to some music. 375 00:16:42,847 --> 00:16:44,182 No problem. 376 00:16:44,182 --> 00:16:46,100 I brought the jam book from the Pierce-mobile. 377 00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:47,685 I could play some of the old stuff, 378 00:16:47,685 --> 00:16:49,896 but you guys would make fun of me. Heh, heh, heh. 379 00:16:49,896 --> 00:16:54,483 So I'll throw you a bone and put in some Loggins. 380 00:16:54,483 --> 00:16:56,152 This ice cream place is far. 381 00:16:56,152 --> 00:16:59,113 it's worth it. Trust me, 382 00:16:59,113 --> 00:17:02,075 This is Mom's handwriting. What's this? 383 00:17:02,075 --> 00:17:05,369 in the garage, you silly goose? Is that what you were doing 384 00:17:05,369 --> 00:17:07,914 her last moments alive She spent 385 00:17:07,914 --> 00:17:10,124 making a CD? 386 00:17:10,124 --> 00:17:12,376 That is gangster. 387 00:17:12,376 --> 00:17:17,339 Pierce, you've found the CD, which means I'm dead. 388 00:17:17,339 --> 00:17:18,632 Vaporized. 389 00:17:18,632 --> 00:17:22,386 I'm not vaporized. I'm gone, Pierce. 390 00:17:22,386 --> 00:17:27,349 and that's how I like it. Gone forever 391 00:17:27,349 --> 00:17:32,605 Life is only worth a damn because it's short. 392 00:17:32,605 --> 00:17:39,319 It's designed to be consumed, used, spent, lived, felt. 393 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,863 We're supposed to fill it 394 00:17:40,863 --> 00:17:44,491 with every mistake and miracle we can manage. 395 00:17:44,491 --> 00:17:47,912 And then we're supposed to let go. 396 00:17:47,912 --> 00:17:52,125 I can't force you to do that for yourself, Pierce. 397 00:17:52,125 --> 00:17:55,711 But you can't force me to stay. 398 00:17:55,711 --> 00:17:59,257 And if you unscrew the top of that stupid thing, 399 00:17:59,257 --> 00:18:02,301 you'll see it was made in China. 400 00:18:02,301 --> 00:18:04,470 I love you, son. 401 00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:08,224 I'll play myself out. Goodbye. 402 00:18:18,525 --> 00:18:20,569 Well, that proves one thing. 403 00:18:20,569 --> 00:18:25,283 That woman was really losing her marbles toward the end. 404 00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:32,873 You seriously still think she's in there? 405 00:18:32,873 --> 00:18:34,292 Why wouldn't I? 406 00:18:37,461 --> 00:18:38,838 No reason. 407 00:18:43,009 --> 00:18:45,052 So where's this ice cream place? 408 00:18:45,052 --> 00:18:47,305 Yeah. Oh. Um… 409 00:18:47,305 --> 00:18:49,098 You know, I think 410 00:18:49,098 --> 00:18:51,350 I actually saw a better one back there. 411 00:18:51,350 --> 00:18:54,603 The place I was gonna take you is kind of depressing. 412 00:18:56,939 --> 00:18:59,066 a little more sawdust Oh, can we get 413 00:18:59,066 --> 00:19:01,152 on that storm gutter? Thank you. 414 00:19:03,279 --> 00:19:05,781 I'm sorry too. I'm sorry. 415 00:19:05,781 --> 00:19:07,533 I just got jealous of you. 416 00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:08,993 but you totally called me on No, 417 00:19:08,993 --> 00:19:10,828 what I was doing and… 418 00:19:10,828 --> 00:19:12,955 to see if I could do it. I only kissed Jeff 419 00:19:12,955 --> 00:19:15,249 and sexy like you. I wanna be cool 420 00:19:15,249 --> 00:19:16,750 I can't believe how gross I am. 421 00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:19,461 I only slept with Jeff because I hate myself. 422 00:19:19,461 --> 00:19:21,421 That's why I got after you for raising money. 423 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,674 No. I'm twice as gross. 424 00:19:23,674 --> 00:19:26,302 that we raised more money And you know the reason 425 00:19:26,302 --> 00:19:27,970 in five minutes of oil wrestling 426 00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:29,889 than in two days of fundraising? 427 00:19:29,889 --> 00:19:31,932 are even grosser? Because men 428 00:19:31,932 --> 00:19:34,727 And when we forget that, they win. 429 00:19:36,145 --> 00:19:38,856 Aw. 430 00:19:38,856 --> 00:19:41,734 all right, all right. Yeah, all right, 431 00:19:41,734 --> 00:19:43,027 Yeah, do it. 432 00:19:43,027 --> 00:19:45,238 Oh, so you got actual ice cream? 433 00:19:45,238 --> 00:19:47,656 Yeah, with peanut butter and hot fudge. 434 00:19:47,656 --> 00:19:50,993 What the hell, right? Nobody lives forever. 435 00:19:50,993 --> 00:19:52,661 No offense. 436 00:19:52,661 --> 00:19:54,747 Think what you want, it's a free country. 437 00:19:54,747 --> 00:19:56,623 I barely saw you this week, Abed. 438 00:19:56,623 --> 00:19:57,750 What have you been up to? 439 00:19:57,750 --> 00:20:00,753 Not much. Hm. 440 00:20:00,753 --> 00:20:04,090 Whoa, busted, 25 feet. What? 441 00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:08,468 Which puts you in violation of this restraining order 442 00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:10,346 I filed against you for abusing me 443 00:20:10,346 --> 00:20:12,598 restraining order. with your 444 00:20:14,558 --> 00:20:17,061 Mutually assured destruction. 445 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,899 Well played, Chang. Thank you. 446 00:20:21,899 --> 00:20:25,319 That… That means a lot. 447 00:20:25,319 --> 00:20:27,280 getting a quick photo of me Do you mind 448 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,781 with the oily co-eds? 449 00:20:28,781 --> 00:20:31,367 Center button. You're the man. Okay. No problem. 450 00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:33,286 What, what? 451 00:20:42,669 --> 00:20:44,797 He's not a projection. 452 00:20:44,797 --> 00:20:48,092 pretending to be Tom Berenger. He's the British guy 453 00:20:52,805 --> 00:20:54,181 It was a mislead. 454 00:20:54,181 --> 00:20:56,142 That's the whole point of Inception, 455 00:20:56,142 --> 00:20:58,144 subversion of reality. 456 00:21:03,983 --> 00:21:06,152 He hasn't seen it yet.