1 00:00:04,523 --> 00:00:06,233 Why is everyone wearing those hats? 2 00:00:06,525 --> 00:00:07,859 Is the dean planning another event, 3 00:00:08,151 --> 00:00:11,071 or is the Greendale Hat Club struggling to be noteworthy? 4 00:00:11,363 --> 00:00:12,990 You're talking about it. I talk about stuff 5 00:00:13,282 --> 00:00:15,242 that annoys me. Speaking of the dean... 6 00:00:15,534 --> 00:00:17,160 Guten Tag, homies. 7 00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:20,080 I hope you'll all be attending Oktoberfest. 8 00:00:20,372 --> 00:00:22,332 Don't often get to celebrate German culture. 9 00:00:22,624 --> 00:00:25,043 It's not often we want to. Yeah. 10 00:00:25,335 --> 00:00:27,212 - A little goes a long way. - True. 11 00:00:27,504 --> 00:00:30,007 Greendale's Oktoberfest has never drawn huge crowds, 12 00:00:30,299 --> 00:00:31,925 probably due to our diversity, 13 00:00:32,217 --> 00:00:36,346 so this year, we are adding some color. Kick it. 14 00:00:36,638 --> 00:00:38,140 I'm gonna give this to you, Troy. 15 00:00:38,432 --> 00:00:40,267 "Pop and Locktoberfest." 16 00:00:40,559 --> 00:00:44,354 The central event will be a pop-and-lock-a-thon. 17 00:00:44,646 --> 00:00:47,190 Winner gets to annex Poland. Kidding. 18 00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,526 The winner gets an iTunes gift card. Okay. 19 00:00:49,818 --> 00:00:52,154 Oh, a break dance contest. What should we name our team? 20 00:00:52,446 --> 00:00:54,573 Gonna go hang myself in my closet. 21 00:00:54,865 --> 00:00:56,199 I'm coming with. 22 00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:57,826 Is it me, or is this campus getting 23 00:00:58,118 --> 00:00:59,369 more cartoonish every day? 24 00:00:59,661 --> 00:01:02,039 It's exciting. I painted a tunnel on the library. 25 00:01:02,331 --> 00:01:04,291 When it dries, I'm going for it. 26 00:01:07,544 --> 00:01:08,837 See that guy over there? 27 00:01:09,129 --> 00:01:10,088 The one wearing the Gucci suit 28 00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:12,382 in a lightweight woven wool-mohair? 29 00:01:12,674 --> 00:01:14,551 We used to work together. Cool. 30 00:01:14,843 --> 00:01:17,387 So he's from your origins? This is all I need. 31 00:01:17,679 --> 00:01:19,640 Excuse me, sir. You're all my friend needs. 32 00:01:21,808 --> 00:01:23,143 Your mouth isn't curved upwards. 33 00:01:23,435 --> 00:01:25,228 Did I misread something? 34 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,106 Aw, Tango? Sundance. 35 00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:29,650 We worked with different partners. 36 00:01:29,941 --> 00:01:30,984 Got it. 37 00:01:31,276 --> 00:01:33,779 Hey. What brings you to Greendale? 38 00:01:34,071 --> 00:01:37,157 I'm a teacher. Wait, that's worse than the truth. 39 00:01:37,449 --> 00:01:39,534 I'm a student. I'm in no position to judge. 40 00:01:39,826 --> 00:01:42,079 I'm here for an NA meeting. Narcotics Anonymous? 41 00:01:42,371 --> 00:01:43,705 Remember when you asked for my secret, 42 00:01:43,997 --> 00:01:45,624 I said yoga? I lied. 43 00:01:45,916 --> 00:01:48,335 I'm Abed. Abed, this is Alan Connor. 44 00:01:48,627 --> 00:01:50,671 This guy and I used to wipe the courtroom floor 45 00:01:50,962 --> 00:01:51,922 with prosecutors. 46 00:01:52,214 --> 00:01:53,298 DA called us The Litterbugs, 47 00:01:53,590 --> 00:01:55,133 we put so much trash back out on the street. 48 00:01:56,718 --> 00:01:58,512 Come here, come here. You still ticklish? 49 00:01:58,804 --> 00:02:00,889 Stop that. Hey, let's get a drink, huh? 50 00:02:01,181 --> 00:02:02,599 Are you allowed? Yeah, I quit doing blow, 51 00:02:02,891 --> 00:02:04,935 not being rad. All right, let's do it. 52 00:02:05,227 --> 00:02:06,561 Jeff can't go. He has class. 53 00:02:06,853 --> 00:02:09,856 Well, those cargo pants would suggest otherwise. Heh, heh. 54 00:02:10,148 --> 00:02:11,358 What has this place done to you? 55 00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:15,529 You have no idea. Hat Club. 56 00:02:15,821 --> 00:02:17,155 Now you have some idea. 57 00:02:56,278 --> 00:02:57,821 So...? 58 00:02:58,113 --> 00:02:59,156 So? 59 00:03:00,866 --> 00:03:03,034 Anyone that's been in a team pop-and-lock-a-thon 60 00:03:03,326 --> 00:03:05,579 knows you need seven people to stand a chance. 61 00:03:05,871 --> 00:03:07,456 - We have seven. - Oh, do you? 62 00:03:07,748 --> 00:03:09,499 Word on campus is Winger's too busy 63 00:03:09,791 --> 00:03:11,585 hanging with his cool lawyer friend. 64 00:03:11,877 --> 00:03:14,838 Slow news day. 65 00:03:16,673 --> 00:03:18,967 That's your Carson? Jon Stewart. 66 00:03:19,259 --> 00:03:21,511 You depress me. Look, we'll get back to you. 67 00:03:21,803 --> 00:03:23,221 All right, well, don't take too long. 68 00:03:23,513 --> 00:03:25,140 And don't rip off this exit. 69 00:03:29,728 --> 00:03:32,522 Where is Jeff? Obviously hanging with Alan. 70 00:03:32,814 --> 00:03:34,065 Those two are like Siamese twins 71 00:03:34,357 --> 00:03:36,026 attached at the cell phone holster. 72 00:03:36,318 --> 00:03:37,611 I haven't met him yet. 73 00:03:37,903 --> 00:03:39,780 Shouldn't we be happy that Jeff found an old friend? 74 00:03:40,071 --> 00:03:42,282 Alan is to Jeff what Rob Lowe is to James Spader 75 00:03:42,574 --> 00:03:43,784 in 1990's Bad Influence. 76 00:03:44,075 --> 00:03:46,119 He's a bad influence. You saw it? 77 00:03:46,411 --> 00:03:49,206 Hey, guys, I'm gonna be a little bit late today. 78 00:03:49,498 --> 00:03:51,291 Alan and I are gonna take a quick sidebar. 79 00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:53,001 Or any bar. 80 00:03:54,753 --> 00:03:56,171 Oh, he's got Britta down. 81 00:03:57,547 --> 00:03:59,424 You look familiar. It's possible. 82 00:03:59,716 --> 00:04:02,761 Have you or someone you know been injured at work? Oh. 83 00:04:03,053 --> 00:04:05,514 Yes, a shrimp boat ran over my cousin. 84 00:04:05,806 --> 00:04:06,848 That's serious. Call me. 85 00:04:07,140 --> 00:04:09,142 Jeff, you need to be respectful of time. 86 00:04:09,434 --> 00:04:12,103 Shirley, if I killed a man, as a Christian, 87 00:04:12,395 --> 00:04:14,189 would you forgive me? I would. 88 00:04:14,481 --> 00:04:16,608 Then either that man's life is worth less than your time, 89 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:20,737 or it's okay for me to be late. Ha, ha. Oh, no. 90 00:04:21,029 --> 00:04:22,656 You've still got the moves, man. 91 00:04:22,948 --> 00:04:25,116 If they gave away awards for mind games, 92 00:04:25,408 --> 00:04:27,911 the statue would be Jeff Winger doing it to a brain. 93 00:04:28,203 --> 00:04:31,498 Come on, Jeff's bush-league. I gave seminars on manipulation. 94 00:04:31,790 --> 00:04:35,627 I can reach into a man's soul and unravel it with one tug. 95 00:04:35,919 --> 00:04:37,087 Cool. Hit me. 96 00:04:38,755 --> 00:04:40,549 You're bald. So are you. 97 00:04:40,841 --> 00:04:41,883 I'll kill you, you...! 98 00:04:42,175 --> 00:04:44,761 Come here. Mistrial. 99 00:04:46,805 --> 00:04:48,306 Ha, ha, ha. Come on, man. 100 00:04:49,599 --> 00:04:51,309 I have hair. 101 00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:56,648 Father, I have hair. 102 00:04:58,149 --> 00:04:59,526 On a tax evasion case? Yeah. 103 00:04:59,818 --> 00:05:01,695 God, I miss talking about this stuff. 104 00:05:01,987 --> 00:05:03,029 You should visit the office. 105 00:05:03,321 --> 00:05:05,282 Right. I can't show my face there 106 00:05:05,574 --> 00:05:06,658 after getting busted like that. 107 00:05:06,950 --> 00:05:08,869 You know what lawyers call someone 108 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,328 who defrauds the state bar, 109 00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:13,707 cheats on his LSATs and cons his way into a firm? 110 00:05:13,999 --> 00:05:18,128 Best lawyer ever. Seriously? 111 00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:19,921 Hey, tomorrow night. 112 00:05:20,213 --> 00:05:21,882 Office party. You're my guest. 113 00:05:22,173 --> 00:05:23,383 Oh, no. 114 00:05:23,675 --> 00:05:25,135 Come on, you just said you missed it. 115 00:05:26,344 --> 00:05:29,723 I do. I really, really do. 116 00:05:33,143 --> 00:05:34,603 What does Alan have that we don't? 117 00:05:34,895 --> 00:05:37,522 A butt for Jeff's wiener. Heh. 118 00:05:37,814 --> 00:05:39,566 I mean, we all have butts too. 119 00:05:39,858 --> 00:05:41,985 We have butts, just not for the same thing. 120 00:05:42,277 --> 00:05:44,154 I'm trying to say they're gay. 121 00:05:44,446 --> 00:05:46,656 I don't like how much drinking and carousing they do. 122 00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:48,074 It's a gateway to narcotics. 123 00:05:48,366 --> 00:05:50,660 Narcotics! I know how I know Alan. 124 00:05:51,870 --> 00:05:53,997 But I'm not allowed to say. 125 00:05:54,289 --> 00:05:57,667 Which means that you met him in Narcotics Anonymous. 126 00:05:57,959 --> 00:05:59,252 Why bring it up if you're not allowed? 127 00:05:59,544 --> 00:06:00,879 Because... 128 00:06:01,171 --> 00:06:03,548 He said something at a meeting about something bad he did. 129 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,217 He might have done it to Jeff, but I can't say what it is. 130 00:06:06,509 --> 00:06:08,845 Okay, you've gone from precious to annoying. 131 00:06:09,137 --> 00:06:10,764 What if you don't say it, but we guess? 132 00:06:11,056 --> 00:06:13,808 Like charades? With this group, I'm watching. 133 00:06:21,691 --> 00:06:23,526 Four words. 134 00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,654 "Alan got Jeff disbarred." Uh... 135 00:06:25,946 --> 00:06:27,739 Those junkies weren't thinking about rules 136 00:06:28,031 --> 00:06:29,199 when they were shooting up scag. 137 00:06:29,491 --> 00:06:30,575 Jeff, Alan narced on you. 138 00:06:30,867 --> 00:06:32,202 "Narced"? Hm. 139 00:06:32,494 --> 00:06:36,039 But he's, like, way too primo for that, Frank Zappa. 140 00:06:36,331 --> 00:06:37,832 I think he turned you in to the state bar. 141 00:06:38,124 --> 00:06:40,210 I was in NA and he bragged about it. 142 00:06:40,502 --> 00:06:42,462 He doesn't recognize me because my hair's longer, 143 00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:44,589 my skin's clearer. 144 00:06:44,881 --> 00:06:46,508 - I've lost a lot of weight... - Annie. 145 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,302 He said he turned me in? 146 00:06:49,594 --> 00:06:53,014 He said he sent an e-mail that got a rival co-worker fired 147 00:06:53,306 --> 00:06:54,641 around the time you got caught. 148 00:06:54,933 --> 00:06:57,227 They never covered this on Yo Gabba Gabba, 149 00:06:57,519 --> 00:06:58,728 but that's circumstantial. 150 00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:00,605 Any other meaningless conspiracy theories? 151 00:07:00,897 --> 00:07:04,317 Yes. Did you know that Go-Gurt is just yogurt? 152 00:07:04,609 --> 00:07:07,487 Know what a therapist calls this kind of relationship? 153 00:07:07,779 --> 00:07:10,532 A gold mine. Codependent. 154 00:07:10,824 --> 00:07:12,117 You guys don't want me to be happy. 155 00:07:12,409 --> 00:07:16,079 You want me to need you. It's getting claustrophobic. 156 00:07:16,371 --> 00:07:19,624 I used to run full-speed through the boundless wilderness 157 00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:21,835 and now I'm in the zoo 158 00:07:22,127 --> 00:07:24,629 where the horizon is wallpaper and the air is stale 159 00:07:24,921 --> 00:07:26,881 and nothing is ever at stake. 160 00:07:27,173 --> 00:07:29,259 In other words, we're not cool. 161 00:07:29,551 --> 00:07:31,511 I never said that. You may have heard it. 162 00:07:31,803 --> 00:07:33,263 I may have thought it. It may be true. 163 00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:34,723 But I never said it. 164 00:07:35,015 --> 00:07:36,599 See you at the pop-and-lock-a-thon? 165 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,476 No, Abed, I'm going to a cool party 166 00:07:38,768 --> 00:07:42,355 at my cool former law firm from when my life was cool. 167 00:07:44,983 --> 00:07:47,068 Fine, you can be on the team. 168 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:51,990 New deal. If we win, I get to be in the study group. 169 00:07:53,950 --> 00:07:56,619 The stakes have never been higher. 170 00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:03,334 Just want to thank everybody for coming. 171 00:08:03,626 --> 00:08:07,130 You know, when I became a lawyer, I had a dream. 172 00:08:07,422 --> 00:08:09,632 I had a dream that one day I'd be head of a firm 173 00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:11,634 so nobody would be able to talk about the big, 174 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:13,303 weird hole in my hand. 175 00:08:14,846 --> 00:08:16,931 Everybody talks about it behind my back. That's okay. 176 00:08:17,223 --> 00:08:18,600 You know, I would. 177 00:08:18,892 --> 00:08:21,895 What's great, though, is that you don't stare 178 00:08:22,187 --> 00:08:23,396 or ask any questions. 179 00:08:23,688 --> 00:08:26,232 And as a reward for your restraint, 180 00:08:26,524 --> 00:08:29,319 I got a little something for you. 181 00:08:29,611 --> 00:08:32,030 There. That ought to keep you going till Christmas. 182 00:08:32,322 --> 00:08:34,074 Everybody have fun tonight. 183 00:08:36,159 --> 00:08:39,120 Anyone else with that hand would wear a glove. 184 00:08:39,412 --> 00:08:42,957 He controls a room with it. He's the master. 185 00:08:43,249 --> 00:08:45,335 Well, he sure is a fan of yours. 186 00:08:46,419 --> 00:08:49,089 Oh, um... Hey, when you talk to him, 187 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:50,381 will you mention me? 188 00:08:50,673 --> 00:08:52,258 He keeps passing me over for partner. 189 00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:55,345 Alan, did you invite me here with an ulterior motive? 190 00:08:57,013 --> 00:08:58,723 God, I miss this place. 191 00:09:02,477 --> 00:09:04,270 God, it's a sea of Wingers. 192 00:09:04,562 --> 00:09:07,023 This whole place reeks of moral ambiguity. 193 00:09:07,315 --> 00:09:09,901 Actually, that was me. I apologize. 194 00:09:10,193 --> 00:09:12,362 Now, you guys are new to high society, 195 00:09:12,654 --> 00:09:16,950 so just follow my lead and you'll be fine. 196 00:09:22,205 --> 00:09:25,291 First, why are you here? Second, I don't care. Leave. 197 00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:28,336 As a matter of fact, Jeff, we were invited. 198 00:09:28,628 --> 00:09:32,674 Why would anyone do that? Hey, you guys made it. 199 00:09:32,966 --> 00:09:34,509 Come on in. 200 00:09:35,635 --> 00:09:37,178 Before this gets more embarrassing, 201 00:09:37,470 --> 00:09:38,763 what is your misguided plan? 202 00:09:39,055 --> 00:09:43,518 To apologize to you for casting aspersions on your friend. 203 00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:47,063 - And to show you we can be cool. - Hey, is that Jeff Winger? 204 00:09:48,648 --> 00:09:49,732 Find Annie and leave. 205 00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:51,985 Ted. Hey, man. What's going on? 206 00:09:52,277 --> 00:09:53,486 Wow, hey. 207 00:09:53,778 --> 00:09:55,655 Once Annie gets Alan's office number, 208 00:09:55,947 --> 00:09:56,906 you break into his office. 209 00:09:57,198 --> 00:09:58,533 Hack into his e-mails and find proof 210 00:09:58,825 --> 00:10:00,910 that he screwed Jeff over. 211 00:10:02,996 --> 00:10:04,831 Fourth floor, 470. 212 00:10:05,123 --> 00:10:10,170 First he said it was 69. I wanna rub Purell on my brain. 213 00:10:11,462 --> 00:10:12,839 You are so missed here. 214 00:10:13,131 --> 00:10:14,632 If we had five guys with your balls, 215 00:10:14,924 --> 00:10:15,967 we wouldn't need 30 lawyers. 216 00:10:16,259 --> 00:10:17,927 True, but we'd need a good doctor. 217 00:10:19,762 --> 00:10:22,891 Ted, stop hitting on my date. Ha, ha, ha. 218 00:10:23,183 --> 00:10:25,310 I'm kidding. We can share. Ha, ha, ha. 219 00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:28,104 I get the head. I love the brain in there. 220 00:10:28,396 --> 00:10:30,231 Ow, ow, ow. I'll eat it. 221 00:10:31,566 --> 00:10:33,109 Hey, everybody, Jeff Winger's here. 222 00:10:33,401 --> 00:10:35,486 Hey. 223 00:10:35,778 --> 00:10:37,113 Should we notify someone 224 00:10:37,405 --> 00:10:40,742 that our team is not gonna make it to the pop-and-lock-a-thon? 225 00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:43,203 You actually think anybody cares? 226 00:10:43,494 --> 00:10:46,581 Checking in for the Heather Pop-and-Locklears? 227 00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:49,834 Okay. And where's the rest of your team? 228 00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:51,377 They'll be here. 229 00:10:51,669 --> 00:10:53,004 You're allowed to start by yourself. 230 00:10:53,296 --> 00:10:54,881 But you won't stand a chance without someone... 231 00:10:55,173 --> 00:10:57,175 They'll be here. 232 00:11:07,685 --> 00:11:10,188 I brought stuff people use for capers. 233 00:11:11,231 --> 00:11:14,901 Suction cup. Credit card. 234 00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,195 Chloroform. 235 00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:19,197 The credit card doesn't work, the chloroform does. 236 00:11:19,489 --> 00:11:21,991 Annie, go back and keep lookout. 237 00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:23,576 Why me, lookout? Why not you guys? 238 00:11:23,868 --> 00:11:26,537 If someone comes up, Kanye and Kumar get taken to jail. 239 00:11:26,829 --> 00:11:28,331 You get taken to dinner. 240 00:11:28,623 --> 00:11:31,042 You guys, I'm the smartest one in this whole group 241 00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:34,045 and all I've been used for is bait and distraction. 242 00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:38,883 Ugh! Go on your stupid mission. I hope it sucks. 243 00:11:39,175 --> 00:11:40,969 What did she say? I don't know. 244 00:11:41,261 --> 00:11:43,054 All I heard was "suck." 245 00:11:43,346 --> 00:11:44,973 I'm surprised Alan hasn't made partner. 246 00:11:45,265 --> 00:11:46,516 I'm surprised I haven't fired him. 247 00:11:46,808 --> 00:11:49,477 Why? He's got a better win record than I do. 248 00:11:49,769 --> 00:11:52,272 He's a spineless trust fund jag off. 249 00:11:52,563 --> 00:11:53,773 I'll tell you what, Jeff. 250 00:11:54,065 --> 00:11:55,733 You're the best liar I ever employed. 251 00:11:56,025 --> 00:11:57,819 If you can look me in the eye 252 00:11:58,111 --> 00:12:00,154 and tell me you actually like Alan, 253 00:12:00,446 --> 00:12:02,031 I'll make him a full partner. 254 00:12:03,658 --> 00:12:06,369 Well, I only ever really liked one person. 255 00:12:06,661 --> 00:12:09,706 My mom. And she liked my dad. 256 00:12:09,998 --> 00:12:13,126 And after all the dust and the custody was settled, 257 00:12:13,418 --> 00:12:16,212 the guy I really admired... Not liked, admired. 258 00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:17,714 Was the lawyer leaving the courthouse 259 00:12:18,006 --> 00:12:20,967 in the great-looking suit and a sky-blue Mercedes SLK. 260 00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:23,803 Sweet ride. Sweet job. Sweet life. 261 00:12:24,095 --> 00:12:25,596 He didn't care. He couldn't care. 262 00:12:25,888 --> 00:12:28,141 And the less he cared, the better he was. 263 00:12:28,433 --> 00:12:30,018 We are a special breed 264 00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:32,270 because we rise above the sloppy stuff 265 00:12:32,562 --> 00:12:34,689 and look at the bottom line. 266 00:12:34,981 --> 00:12:37,734 You wanna like your employees? Open a hair salon. 267 00:12:38,026 --> 00:12:40,903 You wanna win? Make Alan partner. 268 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:43,948 The student has become the master. 269 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,742 Thank you, Jeff. 270 00:12:46,034 --> 00:12:47,368 You make me wanna be a worse man. 271 00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,248 Just because you can't work cases 272 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:54,709 doesn't mean you can't work. Be a consultant. 273 00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:57,003 Ted, that would be amazing. 274 00:12:59,339 --> 00:13:00,548 I'll be right back. 275 00:13:03,051 --> 00:13:04,927 Hey, Jeff, I'm sure you know Philip. 276 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,472 Did you know that if I sleep with Philip 277 00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:08,723 once a month, 278 00:13:09,015 --> 00:13:11,601 I can use his beach house in Rio whenever I want? 279 00:13:11,893 --> 00:13:14,312 Wow, you guys are really onto something. 280 00:13:14,604 --> 00:13:16,481 I think you've found the world's newest profession. 281 00:13:16,773 --> 00:13:19,025 Guys, guys. I actually have a civil case 282 00:13:19,317 --> 00:13:21,110 against that bitch that stole my husband. 283 00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:23,404 Don't sue a stripper. Why not? 284 00:13:23,696 --> 00:13:26,115 She's a stripper. Life sued her and she lost. 285 00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:29,202 Where's Pierce? Jeez, why am I even worried about him? 286 00:13:29,494 --> 00:13:32,205 Hey. Did you know there's an island in Indonesia 287 00:13:32,497 --> 00:13:34,207 where you can hunt people? 288 00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:36,250 We need to talk. 289 00:13:36,542 --> 00:13:38,336 I think this is it. Print it. 290 00:13:41,422 --> 00:13:43,466 - Nice. - Excuse me. 291 00:13:43,758 --> 00:13:45,468 Who are you guys? This is not your office. 292 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,221 I can explain. 293 00:13:50,098 --> 00:13:53,142 Let me explain. 294 00:14:07,949 --> 00:14:10,034 Oh, my God. 295 00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:11,452 I didn't know what to do. 296 00:14:11,744 --> 00:14:13,204 Oh, my God. 297 00:14:13,496 --> 00:14:14,789 I usually have one foot out of reality. 298 00:14:15,081 --> 00:14:15,998 Even I'm freaking out right now. 299 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,625 You chloroformed the janitor? 300 00:14:17,917 --> 00:14:20,628 Stop yelling! You got caught! You're the one yelling. 301 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,672 We're in trouble. We have to do something. 302 00:14:22,964 --> 00:14:25,591 I don't know what to do. My whole brain is crying. 303 00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,679 Guys, guys, guys. Hey, hey. I have an idea. 304 00:14:29,971 --> 00:14:33,141 Okay, it may sound a little weird, but trust me. 305 00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:49,282 What's happening? Oh. We all got chloroformed. 306 00:14:49,574 --> 00:14:52,368 Somebody chloroformed all of us. 307 00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:55,246 And now we're regaining consciousness together. 308 00:14:55,538 --> 00:15:00,001 I don't understand. Who is she? 309 00:15:00,293 --> 00:15:02,628 Why is she holding a rag? 310 00:15:17,393 --> 00:15:19,812 That was the worst idea ever. Can we run away now? 311 00:15:20,104 --> 00:15:22,190 Yeah. 312 00:15:22,482 --> 00:15:23,191 Sorry. 313 00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:25,318 It is the fourth straight hour 314 00:15:25,610 --> 00:15:28,279 and Ben Chang is still on his own. 315 00:15:28,571 --> 00:15:31,782 One can only imagine what is driving him 316 00:15:32,074 --> 00:15:34,952 to push himself to such limits. 317 00:15:48,549 --> 00:15:52,345 My body hurts. My body hurts. 318 00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:54,555 Are you jealous because we were fitting in 319 00:15:54,847 --> 00:15:56,098 with your cool friends? No. 320 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,226 I'm distracted watching you mutate. 321 00:15:58,518 --> 00:15:59,602 Britta, you're not a whore. 322 00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:01,646 Shirley, Jesus turned the other cheek. 323 00:16:01,938 --> 00:16:03,814 He didn't garnish wages. 324 00:16:04,106 --> 00:16:05,066 Pierce, do I even need to say this? 325 00:16:05,358 --> 00:16:06,859 It is bad to hunt man for sport. 326 00:16:07,151 --> 00:16:09,362 Badass. 327 00:16:09,654 --> 00:16:12,031 This is the e-mail that Alan sent the bar association. 328 00:16:14,617 --> 00:16:18,246 He stabbed you in the back, Jeff. He's a bad friend. 329 00:16:20,915 --> 00:16:24,502 You're right. He's a bad friend. 330 00:16:27,797 --> 00:16:29,298 But he's a good lawyer. 331 00:16:30,883 --> 00:16:32,593 I appreciate you guys caring, 332 00:16:32,885 --> 00:16:35,179 but you have to understand that I don't. 333 00:16:35,471 --> 00:16:38,933 Caring is lethal around here. It's a disease. 334 00:16:39,225 --> 00:16:41,686 You guys have it. I don't. 335 00:16:41,978 --> 00:16:45,022 So if you do care about me, don't infect me. 336 00:16:45,314 --> 00:16:49,068 Now go win that pop-and-lock-a-thon. 337 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,528 I'll see you Monday. 338 00:16:52,738 --> 00:16:55,116 It's like watching a soul slip through our fingers. 339 00:16:55,408 --> 00:16:56,909 But what more can we do? 340 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,330 Would you stop? 341 00:17:03,332 --> 00:17:05,459 Tango. 342 00:17:05,751 --> 00:17:07,503 I don't know how you did it, man, 343 00:17:07,795 --> 00:17:09,547 but you're looking at the firm's next partner. 344 00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:12,258 If I wasn't actively repressing my bi-curiosity, 345 00:17:12,550 --> 00:17:13,968 I'd kiss you on your beautiful mouth. 346 00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:16,512 Well, maybe you can return the favor one day. 347 00:17:16,804 --> 00:17:19,015 Oh, maybe I can return it right now. 348 00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:21,726 You probably know it was someone here 349 00:17:22,018 --> 00:17:23,811 at the firm who turned you in. 350 00:17:25,563 --> 00:17:28,357 God, this is really hard. 351 00:17:28,649 --> 00:17:32,320 Alan, it's okay. You can tell me. 352 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,660 It was Thompson. 353 00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:43,080 Thompson. Yeah. 354 00:17:43,372 --> 00:17:45,791 Thompson, that adopted three at-risk teens 355 00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:49,086 and donated his kidney to a temp. 356 00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:51,464 All an act. Yeah. 357 00:17:51,756 --> 00:17:53,883 Why do you think he quit right after you left? 358 00:17:54,175 --> 00:17:55,635 Well, his wife died. 359 00:17:55,926 --> 00:18:00,848 Did she, Jeff? Did she? 360 00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:03,392 Anyway, congrats. 361 00:18:03,684 --> 00:18:06,312 Hey, let's go do some shots with Phil, huh? 362 00:18:06,604 --> 00:18:07,980 No, you go ahead. I, uh... 363 00:18:08,272 --> 00:18:11,776 I think I caught something at Greendale. 364 00:18:12,068 --> 00:18:16,113 College chicks. I get you. Ha, ha, ha. 365 00:18:16,405 --> 00:18:18,866 You're bad. 366 00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,668 Come on, it hurts. 367 00:18:28,959 --> 00:18:32,546 Come on, it hurts. Come on, it hurts. 368 00:18:32,838 --> 00:18:34,590 Ben, you need to switch up your moves. 369 00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,469 Whoa, do my eyes deceive me? 370 00:18:38,761 --> 00:18:40,971 Troy Barnes tagging in for the save. 371 00:18:42,473 --> 00:18:43,933 Only two teams left. 372 00:18:44,225 --> 00:18:47,895 The Poppy Lockstockings and the Heather Pop-and-Locklears. 373 00:18:50,398 --> 00:18:51,607 Troy, what's wrong? 374 00:18:51,899 --> 00:18:53,401 I don't know. My heart's just not in it. 375 00:18:53,693 --> 00:18:54,652 Maybe we should quit. 376 00:18:54,944 --> 00:18:56,696 I mean, who even cares about this anyway? 377 00:18:56,987 --> 00:18:59,281 Next up, looks like Jeffrey Winger. 378 00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,367 Oh, Jeffrey, you're back. 379 00:19:01,659 --> 00:19:05,329 Did you miss me? Took you long enough. 380 00:19:05,621 --> 00:19:08,416 Oh! Now we got it. 381 00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:10,167 - Hey, hey! - Yes. 382 00:19:10,459 --> 00:19:13,087 Moves McGee. Whoo! 383 00:19:13,379 --> 00:19:16,090 Did you punch Alan in his rotten face and storm out? 384 00:19:16,382 --> 00:19:18,551 Hell, no. That guy is useful to me. 385 00:19:18,843 --> 00:19:20,302 Thanks to you, I've got leverage over 386 00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:23,139 a spineless jag that just made partner. 387 00:19:23,431 --> 00:19:24,890 That is the place I want to work. 388 00:19:25,182 --> 00:19:26,976 But I prefer to hang out with cool people. 389 00:19:27,268 --> 00:19:29,603 People so cool, they care. 390 00:19:29,895 --> 00:19:33,566 Aw. And now, the puppet. 391 00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:44,493 Jeffrey. 392 00:19:44,785 --> 00:19:46,912 Ah, no parking on the dance floor, Winger. 393 00:19:47,204 --> 00:19:49,290 Heh, heh, heh. No, I'm serious. You're disqualified. 394 00:19:49,582 --> 00:19:52,251 The winners are Poppy Lockstockings. 395 00:19:54,962 --> 00:19:56,756 No! 396 00:19:57,047 --> 00:20:00,551 I've been popping and locking for five hours 397 00:20:00,843 --> 00:20:02,720 and you threw it all away. 398 00:20:03,012 --> 00:20:04,889 The contest doesn't matter. 399 00:20:05,181 --> 00:20:07,475 What's important is we have each other. 400 00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,894 Then can I be in your study group? 401 00:20:10,186 --> 00:20:14,690 Well, that wasn't the deal. We lost, so... 402 00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:16,817 That was dope what we did. 403 00:20:17,109 --> 00:20:20,029 That was so good. The puppet too. 404 00:20:20,321 --> 00:20:21,739 The puppet was surprising. 405 00:20:22,031 --> 00:20:23,949 I rolled my ankle during that, you know that? 406 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:33,959 You know what? He's bringing us down. 407 00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:36,003 Let's move him. Can we move him? 408 00:20:38,714 --> 00:20:42,134 Psst! Troy, it's me. 409 00:20:42,426 --> 00:20:43,385 Abed? 410 00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:46,013 I made through. I'm a cartoon now. 411 00:20:46,305 --> 00:20:48,933 That's impossible. Nothing's impossible in here. 412 00:20:49,225 --> 00:20:51,685 Animals talk, your heart is shaped like a heart 413 00:20:51,977 --> 00:20:53,938 and the smell of pie can make you float. 414 00:20:54,230 --> 00:20:56,690 You have to believe, Troy. 415 00:20:58,150 --> 00:21:00,945 Wait, you don't have to believe. I didn't. 416 00:21:02,613 --> 00:21:04,114 I didn't. 417 00:21:06,784 --> 00:21:08,744 I may have done some damage there.