1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,047 Hey, Britta, what are you gonna knitta? 2 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,090 Good mood, bad rhyme, 3 00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:10,426 and is that a carb on your plate? 4 00:00:10,426 --> 00:00:12,136 I got a B on my nutrition final, 5 00:00:12,136 --> 00:00:15,515 and I am celebrating with pie and a dollop of whipped irony. 6 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:18,226 Nice. I'm knitting something for my new cat. 7 00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:20,311 It's been two weeks since I lost Suzie B, 8 00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:21,938 I figured it was time to move on. 9 00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:23,398 Not being an animal lover, 10 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:25,567 I assume it'll nice to start over with a kitten. 11 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,860 Fresh kitten? 12 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,320 I go to a shelter and rescue an animal 13 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,741 that genuinely needs my help, okay? 14 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,535 Why do you think I am knitting a tiny, little eye patch? 15 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,537 Excuse me. Hi. 16 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,331 We're in high school, but here for college credit. 17 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:42,834 Well, all right. Way to be go-getters. 18 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,168 Thanks. 19 00:00:44,168 --> 00:00:45,795 So we were just wondering. 20 00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,631 Can you tell us what you did in your lives to end up here 21 00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:51,760 so that we don't make the same mistakes? 22 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,971 Yeah, because if I end up 35 23 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:59,183 and celebrating a B in nutrition in community college, 24 00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:00,769 I'll kill myself. 25 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,896 Watch it. Yeah! 26 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,690 Watch it! Or what, schmitty? 27 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,984 Schmitty. 28 00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,819 You gonna knit me something sad 29 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,238 in your house full of cats with no furniture? 30 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:15,199 Listen, it's a studio apartment, and knitting is hip. 31 00:01:15,199 --> 00:01:17,660 Winona Ryder knits. 32 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,913 Who? 33 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,748 Schmitty. Schmitty. 34 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,583 Schmits! Schmitty. 35 00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:27,879 I've done things with my life, awesome things. 36 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,547 I've been to 14 countries. 37 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,925 I helped build a school in Kenya. 38 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,260 I once met Sting at a Cracker Barrel. 39 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,262 Why let a bunch of teenagers get to you? 40 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,514 I don't even remember what they said. 41 00:01:38,514 --> 00:01:39,682 It just rolled… 42 00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:42,060 Would you stop tuning that guitar! 43 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,979 You are 105 years old! 44 00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,773 Tell me what you did with your life to end up here, 45 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,984 so I don't make the same mistakes! 46 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:53,529 Excuse me! 47 00:01:53,529 --> 00:01:56,783 But it's springtime, I thought I might woo chicks. 48 00:02:13,215 --> 00:02:14,968 Hey, hey, hey! 49 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,637 What the hell! Hey, what? 50 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:24,268 What the hell! 51 00:02:24,268 --> 00:02:26,228 Sorry. 52 00:02:26,228 --> 00:02:27,814 Animal House. 53 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,191 A reference my ears applaud. I couldn't resist. 54 00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,819 Smashing the guitar of someone singing a love song 55 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,445 was on my college experience list. 56 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,364 Your what? It's a list of everything 57 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,950 that comprises a successful first year at college. 58 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,952 "Bond with a group of lovable misfits." 59 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,121 Check. "Take on the school bully. 60 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,414 Make out with the hottest girl on campus." 61 00:02:45,414 --> 00:02:48,376 Check-a-rooni. You? 62 00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,378 The school year is almost over, 63 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,212 and there's a stuff left on the list. 64 00:02:52,212 --> 00:02:55,008 I'll help you finish it. I'll be like your Morgan Freeman. 65 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,926 Like in The Bucket List. The what? 66 00:02:56,926 --> 00:03:00,055 Stand up for a second. 67 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,183 Uh, come over here. Stand there. 68 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:07,269 Okay, turn around. Okay. 69 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,692 What the hell? Pantsing someone was on my list. 70 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:15,195 It would've been better if it were giant hearts. 71 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,237 But I'll take it. Oh, yeah? 72 00:03:17,237 --> 00:03:20,282 Well, I hope getting pantsed is on your list. 73 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,953 It is. 74 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:29,751 What's so funny? 75 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,211 This! 76 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,841 Oh! Oh! 77 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,055 Get it? 78 00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:59,030 Finally. No, Pierce, 79 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,657 Shirley is way too angry to talk to you right now. 80 00:04:01,657 --> 00:04:03,659 Yeah, apologize later. 81 00:04:03,659 --> 00:04:05,203 Apologize for what? 82 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:08,456 She should apologize to me. She ruined my joke. 83 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:15,255 Oh, my God. 84 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,215 There's a grandpa schlip-schlap. 85 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,218 Have you seen my schmitty? 86 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:23,387 Help, I'm gonna crap my pants. 87 00:04:23,387 --> 00:04:26,599 Oh, seriously, nutrition, this is your life? 88 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,559 Actually, I was a lawyer. 89 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:31,020 Looks like that went well. 90 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,481 And hangs with schlip-schlap and schlap-skank. 91 00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,024 Oh, my God! 92 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,901 Is she wearing a Discman? 93 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,863 How could you do this to me? 94 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:43,658 What? Discmans are retro. 95 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,576 Oh, is retro when you're 30 and broke 96 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:49,747 and can't afford an iPod, schmitty? 97 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,170 I think "schmitty" means loser. 98 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:57,088 We know! We know! 99 00:04:57,088 --> 00:05:00,091 You may come back in now. I have something to say. 100 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,677 This better be a good apology. 101 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:05,554 It's been a long time coming. We have all joked around, 102 00:05:05,554 --> 00:05:06,806 rolled our eyes at him. 103 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,724 There's been a transgression today. 104 00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:12,270 And I will no longer continue with this group with this man. 105 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,980 Just skip to the "I'm sorry." 106 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,649 You are pathological, and you will never change. 107 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,652 That is the pot calling the kettle… 108 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,445 A kettle, okay? 109 00:05:21,445 --> 00:05:24,199 Oh, you can say black, Pierce. I'm a black woman. 110 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,741 The cat is out the bag. 111 00:05:25,741 --> 00:05:29,162 You have literally identified me as "the black woman." 112 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,080 Out of context. 113 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,414 Context is everything. 114 00:05:32,414 --> 00:05:34,209 I call the other women "flat-butt" 115 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,044 and "the one Abed wants to nail." 116 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,838 Is that you? Not me. 117 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,340 So, what's the context 118 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,967 for constantly referring to me as a lesbian? 119 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:44,927 If the wallet chain fits. 120 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,679 Just trying to help you find yourself. 121 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:49,431 At least he doesn't think Shirley's my mom anymore. 122 00:05:49,431 --> 00:05:51,934 He thinks we're cousins. You're not? 123 00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:54,729 Still assumes I'm a terrorist. If you're not, I'm sorry. 124 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:58,107 And if you are, I'm a hero. I'm willing to take that chance. 125 00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:00,068 You said I have a crafty Jew brain. 126 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,153 Nobody knows how to take a compliment anymore. 127 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,405 Look, either he leaves the group or I do. 128 00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:11,162 You just dug your own grave. 129 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,885 Hey, what's up? 130 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,428 They kicked me out of the group! 131 00:06:28,428 --> 00:06:31,724 Wanna buy some cookies? Ten bucks a box. 132 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,601 Crap, damn it! 133 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,729 Have you seen a Chinese kid? 134 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,694 Twerps. 135 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,285 Oh, hey, Pierce. How is it going? 136 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,122 Unrepentant child. Such a child. 137 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,249 Oh, here comes stinky turd face. 138 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,458 Remember, we don't stop till he's crying. 139 00:06:58,458 --> 00:07:00,502 Oh, check out Franken-mom. 140 00:07:00,502 --> 00:07:01,879 Oh, we can use that. 141 00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:04,048 No wedding ring. He's a child of divorce. 142 00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:07,509 We can make fun of him for coming from a broken home. 143 00:07:07,509 --> 00:07:10,012 I don't care if this gets dirty. He asked for it. 144 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:11,806 You're right. 145 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,350 Get ready to meet Jeff Winger, esquire. 146 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,561 Attorney at "Ah, snap!" 147 00:07:17,561 --> 00:07:19,230 It will be better than that. 148 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,857 Hey, Clearasil! 149 00:07:21,857 --> 00:07:23,651 What time is your mommy picking you up? 150 00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,069 After she's done shooting 151 00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,613 The Real Housewives of Greendale County? 152 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,531 "After she's done shooting 153 00:07:29,531 --> 00:07:32,410 The Real Housewives of Greendale County?" Duh! 154 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,036 That's a clever retort. 155 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,830 "That's a clever retort." Duh! 156 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,291 Brilliant. "Brilliant." Duh! 157 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,583 Your parents are divorced. 158 00:07:39,583 --> 00:07:41,919 "Your parents are divorced." 159 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,254 Duh! 160 00:07:44,546 --> 00:07:47,216 Duh! Schmitty. 161 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,219 Forget it, come on. "Come on, forget this." 162 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,554 Duh! Duh! Where you going, schmitty? 163 00:07:52,554 --> 00:07:54,598 I'm sorry, little schmitty. 164 00:07:54,598 --> 00:07:57,018 Mimicry is the lowest form… Stop talking. 165 00:07:57,018 --> 00:08:00,021 "Mimicry is the lowest form…" "Stop talking." 166 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,485 Hi. Hey, you two. 167 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,944 What is that? 168 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,696 Billy, City College's mascot. 169 00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,157 Stealing a mascot was part of Abed's list. 170 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,700 Check. Bringing a goat 171 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,661 to our study group? That's a great idea, Troy. 172 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,413 Thanks. Must've been hard to say that. 173 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,040 It's called sarcasm, Troy. 174 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,334 Ask the goat to explain it to you. 175 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,712 Why do I feel like I'm being dissed? 176 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:27,756 Because you are being dissed. Why are you two dissing Troy? 177 00:08:27,756 --> 00:08:29,675 They no longer have Pierce. 178 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,511 What? 179 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,346 His social flaws made him the scapegoat, 180 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,930 a lightning rod. 181 00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:37,558 So there's lightning everywhere. That sounds dangerous. 182 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,018 My uncle was struck by lightning. 183 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,478 Think it'd give superpowers, 184 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,313 now he just masturbates in theaters. 185 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,856 It's very dangerous. 186 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,983 We've lost Cliff Clavin, our George Costanza. 187 00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:49,570 Our Turtle, or Johnny Drama, or Eve. 188 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,863 Man, that show is sloppy. 189 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,073 So, what's gonna happen? 190 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,408 It's only a matter of time 191 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,117 before one of us becomes the new Pierce. 192 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:58,704 Well, I sure as hell am not gonna be the new Pierce. 193 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:03,584 And if all we need is an escape-goat, 194 00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:05,878 I think we should just let this one go. 195 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,963 Sometimes, you're pretending, Troy. 196 00:09:07,963 --> 00:09:10,258 Maybe the new Pierce is Britta. Yeah, right. 197 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,760 How do you pronounce bagel? Bagel. 198 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,221 She calls bagels, "bagels." 199 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,557 We do make fun of a lot of what you do and say. 200 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,351 Yeah, right to my face, because I can take it. 201 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,228 Unlike a certain someone else. 202 00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,942 Let's not make fun of Annie. 203 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,152 No, no. I don't want pity. 204 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,404 Come to think of it, after him, 205 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,155 you're the most bigoted. What? 206 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,991 You found out I was Jewish, you called me to a "pool" party 207 00:09:35,991 --> 00:09:37,535 that turned out to be a baptism. 208 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,828 Excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven. 209 00:09:39,828 --> 00:09:42,123 What about Abed? Abed's weird. 210 00:09:43,999 --> 00:09:47,002 No, that's not it. He's all right, we like Abed. 211 00:09:47,002 --> 00:09:48,463 Guys, have you considered 212 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,257 the new Pierce concept is stupid? 213 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,801 Spoken like the new Pierce. 214 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,345 You're right. I am not the new Pierce. 215 00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:00,849 Damn the old Pierce. He makes me mad. 216 00:10:00,849 --> 00:10:03,685 Don't double Pierce me. You're the triple Pierce. 217 00:10:03,685 --> 00:10:05,313 Hey, guys, guys. 218 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,523 I can't believe I'm gonna utter these words, 219 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:10,610 but we need Pierce in this group. 220 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,736 But we can't ask Shirley to let him back in. 221 00:10:12,736 --> 00:10:14,780 That would be so insensitive. 222 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,740 Well, maybe he'll admit he's wrong. 223 00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:18,326 Two, three, four. 224 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,953 Uh, not! 225 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,208 We need Pierce. 226 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:28,919 Just stick to the script and make it sincere. 227 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:31,422 It's not gonna be sincere, because I'm pretending. 228 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:34,258 You're not going back unless she feels you're sincere. 229 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:37,428 Stubborn fool. Can we, um, hurry this up? 230 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,096 Troy and I are pledging the fraternity. 231 00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:41,223 Unbeknownst to us, we're the target of ridicule, 232 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,517 we won't get in. 233 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,185 Yeah, they're making us walk around 234 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,603 with pretzels in our butts. 235 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,647 I put mustard on mine like an idiot. 236 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:51,692 Okay, Pierce, you can do this. 237 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,329 What's he…? 238 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,418 Yup. 239 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:13,839 I know you don't wanna hear what I have to say, but… 240 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,049 I owe you this. 241 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:16,551 From the moment we first met, 242 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,760 I knew you were gonna… Seriously! 243 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:22,848 Oh, oh, Shirley. 244 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,644 You are unbelievable! 245 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:29,313 I'm not wearing contacts. These are mine, give them. 246 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:30,814 But I'm a bag guy. 247 00:11:30,814 --> 00:11:32,358 You have the same bag, so I thought… 248 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,151 That's right, nothing is ever your fault. 249 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,986 Screw you. I don't owe you an apology. 250 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,905 They wrote this. 251 00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:43,411 Pretend like you asleep, pretend like you asleep. 252 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,037 Thank you! 253 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:47,998 Now I fully understand where I have always stood. 254 00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:51,377 I'm entitled to my pride until it gets in the way. 255 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,797 Got nothing to say? Well, I do. 256 00:11:55,797 --> 00:11:57,799 I'm out of the group. 257 00:11:57,799 --> 00:12:01,178 Shirley. Oh, Shirley don't go, please. 258 00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:03,389 Sassy black schmitty's out of the group. 259 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:07,435 Oh, no, not the group! Poor, sad, little schmitties. 260 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:10,229 Can't all of us little schmitties get along? 261 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,897 Would you please hurry up? 262 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,400 I am late for my bikini wax. 263 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,693 Who was that? 264 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,819 A punk-ass who needs to be destroyed. 265 00:12:17,819 --> 00:12:19,405 And I just figured out how. 266 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,741 Um, can we focus on what's important here? 267 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,367 Shirley thinks we don't care. 268 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,244 No, no, you're right. You're right. 269 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,037 That's totally more important. 270 00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:30,332 I just thought of one thing. You need to bang that kid's mom. 271 00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:32,668 Um, after we fix everything with Shirley. 272 00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:34,044 Whoa! 273 00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,879 Yes, yes, yes, we'll deal with Shirley. 274 00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:37,256 But that's brilliant! 275 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,007 Because then anything he says about you… 276 00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:41,176 He'll be saying to a dude that banged his mom. 277 00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:42,595 Oh, my God, you guys. 278 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,722 Sorry. Shirley. Shirley. 279 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:07,995 All right, bye, everybody. Have a great day. 280 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:10,331 Be right here at 3, please. I'll be in a hurry. 281 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:17,129 Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. 282 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:20,007 You don't happen to have an extra bottle of sports drink? 283 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,425 Actually, I do. 284 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,010 Here you go. Oh, thanks. 285 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,762 Got to hydrate, right? 286 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,014 But obviously you know. You work out. 287 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,558 Well, I try to keep things where they should be. 288 00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,977 I think I might be where should I be. 289 00:13:35,897 --> 00:13:38,317 I don't know about your robot, Abed. 290 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,027 Boobatron's great. 291 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,697 Once someone spills bong water on his circuit, he comes alive, 292 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,906 gonna make us the coolest guys, help us get babes. 293 00:13:44,906 --> 00:13:48,494 Those are real babes who will really laugh at us. 294 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,413 Hey, you're my friend, right? 295 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,208 Friends are supposed to help each other no matter what. 296 00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:58,128 Okay, ridiculous situation 297 00:13:58,128 --> 00:13:59,963 descending into heavy-handed drama 298 00:13:59,963 --> 00:14:02,882 for the illusion of story, check. 299 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,846 What? That was awesome! 300 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,305 All right, I am back in. 301 00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:10,725 Cool. All right. 302 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,690 Just so you know, I'm Shirley. 303 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,358 Wouldn't want you reaching for me 304 00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,652 should you get a hankering for pancakes. 305 00:14:23,111 --> 00:14:25,656 I'm old and I do not see well. 306 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,074 You already won, so shut it. 307 00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:28,992 I won? Oh, no. They want you in the group. 308 00:14:28,992 --> 00:14:30,911 I quit, so you go ahead, hang with them. 309 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:32,371 No, thanks. 310 00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,582 I'm sick of the way that group treats me. 311 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,916 Preaching to the choir. 312 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:37,710 Tell you what I'm not gonna miss. 313 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,545 Abed and Troy's silly games. 314 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,213 Grow up already. 315 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,131 By the way, thanks for including me. 316 00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:44,966 Please, you think Annie and Britta invite me 317 00:14:44,966 --> 00:14:47,261 when they take those weekend trips to the mall? 318 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,513 They just think of me as some sort of mom. 319 00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:50,723 They need to learn manners. 320 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,683 Annie needs to stop dating Vaughn. 321 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,436 He's cute, but he's not the boy I envisioned her ending up with. 322 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:56,854 No matter how hard you try, 323 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,022 you can never be as cool or funny as they are. 324 00:14:59,022 --> 00:15:02,693 It's called respect, and no one ever gave me diddly. 325 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,153 Except me. 326 00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:07,322 I respect you more than anyone else in the group. 327 00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:09,241 Which is why you pantsed me? 328 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:12,994 Well, but you see, that wasn't wrong. 329 00:15:12,994 --> 00:15:14,538 Oh, for heaven's sake, 330 00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:17,165 you are such an arrogant, self-righteous ass. 331 00:15:17,165 --> 00:15:18,959 You're a strong, dignified woman 332 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,878 who's raising a family. 333 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:23,213 A bigger accomplishment than anybody else in that room. 334 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:25,758 Nobody can strip you of that, not even me. 335 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,260 You really believe that? Yes. 336 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,930 And that's why you think pantsing me wasn't wrong? 337 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,431 It wasn't. 338 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:43,859 What are you doing? 339 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,360 Did I misread that? 340 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,908 Oh, here, let me just do that. 341 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,660 You sure you don't want some vodka? 342 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,328 Oh, I'm good, I'm good. 343 00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,997 I'm at school at 2 p.m. 344 00:15:56,997 --> 00:16:00,083 Did someone just take a schmitty? 345 00:16:00,083 --> 00:16:03,712 Hey. Looks like you'll be calling somebody daddy soon. 346 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:06,298 Or at least your mom will be. 347 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,008 Tonight. 348 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,436 Dude, you are so pathetic. Mark! 349 00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:21,605 Mom, I've been pwning this loser all week. 350 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,607 He thinks he can get back at me through you. 351 00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,317 What? "Powning"? 352 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,861 Pwning! 353 00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,821 He doesn't even know what that means? 354 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,656 I see what's going on here. 355 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,158 Look, I don't want to come between a son 356 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,870 and his beautiful, vivacious mom. 357 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:39,498 Oh, my God! You are pathetic. 358 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,584 Yeah, so is the whore in on it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 359 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:43,794 I gotta tell you, Chantel. 360 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:47,965 You have raised a terrible human being. 361 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,342 We're better than this. No, you're not! 362 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,969 I raised a winner 363 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:56,223 who will continue to crush junior college losers like you. 364 00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:59,184 Oh, man! Schmitty! 365 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,563 I'm sorry, it's a matter of pride. 366 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:08,276 What are you looking at? "What are you looking at?" 367 00:17:08,276 --> 00:17:09,778 Duh! 368 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,367 What are you looking at? 369 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:18,245 Duh. Duh! 370 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,830 School his ass, Mark. 371 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:23,417 "School his ass, Mark." Duh. 372 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:25,794 "Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!" 373 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:26,962 "Duh, duh, duh!" 374 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,172 "Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!" 375 00:17:29,172 --> 00:17:31,091 Duh. Duh, duh! 376 00:17:43,478 --> 00:17:46,106 Why are they making fun of those handicapped kids? 377 00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:48,692 They don't even realize how much they need us. 378 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,569 "Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!" 379 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,876 "Duh, duh, duh, duh!" 380 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,508 Why are they doing this? I don't know if you've noticed, 381 00:18:13,508 --> 00:18:16,095 but Jeff and Britta have the two most fragile egos of the group. 382 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,514 Losing to these kids will pretty much destroy them. 383 00:18:26,229 --> 00:18:29,733 Hey! Whoa! What are you, a priest? 384 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:31,318 What are you doing? What the hell? 385 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:33,570 Hey, you didn't say, "Duh." 386 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,280 We win. No. 387 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,740 You're the schmitties! 388 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,659 No, no, we're minors. 389 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,285 I'm calling the cops. 390 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:41,954 No, you're not. 391 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,915 You have already embarrassed me by getting pwned. 392 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,417 Don't be such a girl, now go. 393 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,920 Yeah, see that. Yes, suck it! 394 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,254 Schmitty face! 395 00:18:51,254 --> 00:18:53,799 We showed you, high schoolers! Suck it! 396 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:57,011 Congratulations on your victory. 397 00:18:57,011 --> 00:19:00,055 Thank you, Annie. Yeah, thank you. 398 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,223 And thanks, you guys. Any time. 399 00:19:02,223 --> 00:19:04,977 Look, we are considering rejoining the group. 400 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,147 And maybe we can all be a little more mature. 401 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,564 I hear that. 402 00:19:09,564 --> 00:19:11,441 Abed, I've had enough of this list. 403 00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,694 Doing this stuff isn't fun. It feels forced. 404 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,363 Fine, I'll deactivate Boobatron. 405 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,115 Trust me, classic college experiences 406 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,617 never happen organically. 407 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:28,667 Food fight! Food fight! 408 00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:29,751 Oh, no. 409 00:20:26,349 --> 00:20:28,936 Are you sure it's the name of my grade school 410 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,230 and my favorite soft drink? Yup, pretty sure. 411 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,066 George Washington Lemon Fresco. 412 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,735 That's a horrible porn name. I don't make the rules. 413 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,779 What's yours? Henry David Thoreau Diet Squirt. 414 00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:42,282 Oh, that's good. Hello, Henry David Thoreau Diet Squirt. 415 00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,034 How many pornos have you been in? 416 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,285 Six thousand and twelve. 417 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,537 How many pornos have you been in? 418 00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:49,706 Two thousand and nineteen. That's my first week. 419 00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,332 Impressive. Thank you. 420 00:20:51,332 --> 00:20:53,376 You're welcome. 421 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:58,048 Someone here order a pizza? 422 00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:00,968 Is it you guys? It has extra sausage. 423 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:04,179 No. It's big and hot. 424 00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:05,764 That's my pizza. 425 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,474 But you took longer than 30 minutes 426 00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:09,059 so I'm not paying.