1 00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:02,667 [§§§] 2 00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:04,735 Good morning, Greendale. 3 00:00:04,939 --> 00:00:06,770 As you know, it is April Fools' Day. 4 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:09,534 Just kidding. It's the day before April Fools. See what I did there— 5 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:10,710 Baba booey, baba booey, baba booey 6 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,775 You know what, Leonard? Strike two. 7 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,710 [§§§] 8 00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:17,645 Anyway, just reminding you to keep 9 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,376 any April Fools pranks physically safe, 10 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:23,148 politically balanced and racially accessible. 11 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:26,656 When in doubt, check the guidelines in our college pranks literature. 12 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:30,227 Guidelines for school-sanctioned pranks. 13 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,921 Hmm. Reminds me of my favorite college comedy. 14 00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:33,224 Oh, uh, which one? 15 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,561 Exactly. See, the dean doesn't get it. 16 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,738 The point of a practical joke is to shake up the system. 17 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,373 For example, who wants some of these? 18 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,202 Cool, yeah. 19 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,477 Looking for something? Nice. 20 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:51,947 Oh. They allow volunteers for campus security during times 21 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:53,744 of heightened shenanigans. Oh. 22 00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,922 I wanna be security. Ooh. Let's do it together. 23 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,112 We can be partners. 24 00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,292 That's a buddy cop movie I would watch. But I wonder, 25 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,893 Which of you would be by the book? Which of you would be the badass? 26 00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,997 Oh, Abed, you're so silly. I would be the badass. 27 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,162 Greetings, mortals. 28 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,667 Morning. Snake in a can? 29 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,498 Uh— No, thanks. I'm fasting. 30 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,766 My Buddhist church is having its annual ascension ceremony, 31 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:21,471 and I will be becoming a level-six laser lotus. 32 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,149 I know. I was speechless too. 33 00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:27,616 Anyway, I have to detoxify for the ceremony. 34 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:31,348 I get all the nutrients I need with saltwater and honey. 35 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,696 It's better if it goes down the wrong pipe. 36 00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:40,224 So, what happens in level six? 37 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:43,130 Well, nobody in my hive has ever seen a six, 38 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,828 but, uh, from what I hear, I'll have immunity to germs, 39 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,702 a heightened psychic ability and improved night vision. 40 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,467 Any bonuses to your combat score? 41 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,613 I assume I'll fight better if I can see more, heh, dumb-ass. 42 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,178 Hey, Pierce, I just remembered. Right before you got here, 43 00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,945 some guy was delivering level-six ceremonial robes? 44 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:03,180 What? Why didn't you tell me? 45 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:07,554 Maybe if you run you can catch him. Way to use your brain, Winger. 46 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,992 Abed, how fast can you run to the Theater Department? 47 00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:12,756 Thirty-seven seconds. Don't come back 48 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,093 without something ridiculous. Go. 49 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:19,639 Guys, you realize you're exploiting the naiveté of a man 50 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,001 who is being brainwashed by a cult. 51 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,669 Well, it sounds a lot less fun when you say it. 52 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,573 Everything does. She's a buzz kill. 53 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,143 I'm not a buzz kill. SHlRLEY & ANNlE: Hmm. 54 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,079 Yeah, that doesn't really describe it. 55 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:32,946 You're more of a fun-vampire, 56 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,815 because you don't suck blood, you just suck. 57 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:37,917 He wasn't there. 58 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,820 Oh, I think Abed found him. 59 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,054 Hey, give me. 60 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:45,854 [§§§] 61 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,034 It's amazing. Wow. 62 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:53,468 It is absolutely gorgeous. How do I look? 63 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,073 May l? Yeah. 64 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,543 Magical. Great. Heh. 65 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,440 Of course, the only one who doesn't like this is Britta. 66 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,947 You ever get tired of being a buzz kill? 67 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,752 This is gonna be exciting, ladies. 68 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:20,392 I hereby deputize you as campus security for 48 hours. 69 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,590 Your windbreakers. 70 00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,439 Your whistles. 71 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,134 Oh. Oh. Okay. Uh... 72 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:37,474 Okay. Now I only have the one pepper spray. 73 00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:41,211 It's mine. But I'll just get my groceries in a better neighborhood this week. 74 00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:42,850 I'll carry it. Oh. 75 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,547 Between the two of us, I'm sort of the badass. 76 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,420 You are? Uh— H-how do you figure? 77 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,323 I don't know, Shirley. How did you figure I wasn't? 78 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:52,795 I guess I didn't figure because I was too busy being the obvious badass. 79 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,064 Sounds like we're both pretty convinced. 80 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,260 I guess we'll find out once we're on the job. 81 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,665 Hmm. I guess we will. 82 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:00,801 I'm sorry, what is going on here? 83 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,100 A twist on a classic formula. 84 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,576 Normally, with buddy cops, one's a straight-laced stickler, the other's a renegade. 85 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,145 But these two have equal claim to both roles. 86 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:09,576 And why are you here? 87 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,375 Short answer? 88 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,075 My cable went out. 89 00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,413 [§§§] 90 00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,715 Hey, can I run something by you? 91 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,155 I was thinking of pulling a little prank tonight. 92 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,954 All right. April Fools prank. 93 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:26,155 So you know how they have live frogs in the anatomy lab? 94 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,527 Oh, yeah. So I was gonna sneak in there, 95 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:32,637 get a frog, and then tomorrow when Señor Chang's class is coming in, 96 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,968 there will be a frog on his desk wearing... 97 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,810 Tada. 98 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,212 Oh, you're done. 99 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,849 Did you read the hat? 100 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,384 "Señor Chang." Yeah. 101 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,456 Oh, you don't get it. I guess I don't. 102 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,147 The frog is Chang. 103 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,654 Okay, I did get it. It's funny. I know it's funny. 104 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,956 Oh, wait, I forgot. It's not your kind of joke. 105 00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,655 It's not at anyone's expense. 106 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,732 Britta, why waste your time envying my gift for levity? 107 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,904 When there's so much you could be doing with your natural talent for severity. 108 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:08,302 You know what? My prank is gonna cause a sea of laughter, 109 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,477 and I'm gonna watch you drown in it. 110 00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:11,871 Thattagirl. 111 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,408 Seven. That's right. 112 00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,881 Jeff, I can read minds. No way. 113 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:24,284 What color am I thinking of? 114 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,289 Pink. 115 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,188 What the hey? 116 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,522 Must be the robe. 117 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,494 Hey, Cookie Crisp. 118 00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:33,688 Cookie Crisp. No. 119 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,835 Is he talking to me? No, no. 120 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,732 Hey, Pierce, that guy came back that brought your robes 121 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,908 and said he forgot to deliver this. 122 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:45,401 What is it? He said it focuses your powers? 123 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,218 Is that a cookie? Oh! 124 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,191 Maybe it's a piece of meteor. 125 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,220 Buddha arrived on a meteor. 126 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,093 When's the last time he ate? 127 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:08,096 I am the coolest guy in the world. 128 00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:12,605 [§§§] 129 00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:28,084 Hello, Mr. Frog. Can I just borrow you for a second? 130 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,888 I'm Señor Chang. 131 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,429 Now tell me that's not funny. 132 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,325 Aah! Oh! Oh, no. Wait. 133 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,335 Here, froggy, froggy, froggy. 134 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:46,301 Here frog, frog, froggy. 135 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:47,564 Mr. Frog? 136 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,103 Real quiet. 137 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,349 Oh, no. Uhn! 138 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:02,844 Yaah! 139 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,814 Oh. 140 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:09,189 Oh, my God! Aah! 141 00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,159 Call the ambulance! 142 00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:13,697 It's so horrible. 143 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,396 It's a dead body. 144 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,769 And what makes it worse is this was a brand new sign, so... 145 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,535 I just don't want this to tarnish our school's reputation. 146 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,111 Don't worry. Your school's reputation is way worse than this. 147 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:29,877 Oh, here's our campus security. 148 00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,813 Just stop right there. Oh, ladies, don't pull up on the— 149 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,620 Okay. 150 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,782 Oh, Annie. Morning, boys. 151 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,386 I'm Annie Edison. 152 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,324 But people call me Psycho because I had a nervous breakdown in high school. 153 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,828 My partner is a Christian housewife. 154 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:49,298 Can we help you? Actually, can we not help you? 155 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,027 I tend to play by my own rules. 156 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,229 She loves rules. I only have one. 157 00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:56,399 Stay out of my way. 158 00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,702 Stay out of mine more. 159 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,041 You know what? This is misdemeanor vandalism. 160 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,218 You ladies can take care of it yourselves. 161 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:08,910 Wait. 162 00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,352 Wait, wait. What? Call us when you find a perp. 163 00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:14,049 Yeah, heh, we'll be waiting. Oh... 164 00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,250 You go. Uh, I'm about to. 165 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,724 Now look what you have done. 166 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,488 Tell them they got 24 hours to solve the case. 167 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,224 They do. You have 24 hours to solve it or else. 168 00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:22,993 Figure it out. 169 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,000 [§§§] 170 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,536 That's the poster. 171 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:30,403 So this is the part of my job that I enjoy the least. 172 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,805 The part where I inform you that last night, 173 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,744 someone murdered a partially clothed animal 174 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,215 and threw a human corpse out a window. 175 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,251 And you can thank the person that did it, 176 00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:46,187 a person that may be in this room, for the fact that from now on, 177 00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:49,055 April Fools' Day is banished, okay? 178 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:54,700 At Greendale, April 1 st is officially March 32nd forever. 179 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,558 How do you know it was one of us? 180 00:08:56,770 --> 00:09:00,206 Well, if I may answer a question with a question, 181 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,773 why are you dressed like a wizard? 182 00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:08,913 Okay, is he having a stroke? 183 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,045 I'll tell you how I know. 184 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:17,212 Security Officers Bennett and Edison found this at the scene. Hmm? 185 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,085 The little hat says "Chang" on it. 186 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:23,059 And we ruled out your teacher because he has a crippling fear of frogs. 187 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,829 I told you that in confidence. 188 00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:29,297 How about whoever did this just fesses up? 189 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:38,105 All right, that wasn't just a cadaver that was thrown out that window. 190 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,803 It was a person with family and friends. 191 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:45,212 And for every day that nobody confesses, 192 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,182 this class will be meeting one of them. Hmm? 193 00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,377 Glenda? 194 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,647 Oh, I apologize. 195 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,324 Can you come on in here. Hmm? Yes. 196 00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:54,426 And tell us about your son. 197 00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:56,123 Oh, yeah. 198 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,821 Hello, everyone. Hello. 199 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,368 There. 200 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,371 Harry was a wonderful man. 201 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,669 He kept a dream journal. 202 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:09,875 Page one. 203 00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:14,274 "l had that dream again where I'm in a forest 204 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,712 but the trees are pencils." 205 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,620 Hey. 206 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:24,552 Impressive. And hilarious. Hmm. 207 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,318 You gonna fess up, weirdo? Look, it wasn't me. 208 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:32,832 Even if it was, this was an accident. 209 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,125 I knew it. Nicely done. 210 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:38,703 If I come forward, it's gonna play into the "Britta's a buzz kill" mythology. 211 00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,372 Well, the toe tag fits, Britta. 212 00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:44,305 I mean, you single-handedly killed an entire school's buzz, 213 00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,672 not to mention a frog. According to Glenda, 214 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,905 cadaver Harry had 13 nieces and nephews 215 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:50,605 that I'm not interested in meeting. 216 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,751 So you better think about coming clean, 217 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,944 or I'm just gonna tell everybody you did it. 218 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,123 [§§§] 219 00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,460 Star-Burns doesn't do very much. 220 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,495 I guess fascinating people don't resort to growing shapes on their faces. 221 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,690 He makes one false move, and I'm gonna go Shirley on him. 222 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,369 That's what my high school friends called crazy. 223 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:13,562 Yeah? You gonna go Shirlier than I did when I got addicted to pills? 224 00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,741 Why are you so concerned with being badass? 225 00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,308 Maybe I'm tired of everyone thinking of me as a little girl. 226 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,103 Maybe I wanna be in charge of how I'm defined. 227 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,712 Well, how do you think I feel? 228 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,780 You have two kids, and they stick you in the margins. 229 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,679 I'm not done yet. I still got moves. 230 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,114 I haven't even started yet. 231 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,447 I've got moves I haven't even seen before. 232 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,591 Blocked call. Mm. 233 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,251 Edison. 234 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:37,725 The man you're looking for 235 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,694 is Jeff Winger. 236 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,697 Jeff Winger. Who is this? 237 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,704 I didn't recognize the voice. They say Jeff Winger's our man. 238 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,774 Oh. Drop them if you smoke them. 239 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,375 Cut to action sequence. Let's roll. 240 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:54,302 Security's coming through. 241 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,412 Mr. Winger. 242 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,745 Cagney, Lacey. What can I do you for? 243 00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,882 Just doing a routine search. 244 00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,317 What is this? What do you have here? 245 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,253 That's my chest. Why don't you spread them? Huh? 246 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:07,448 What are you packing here? 247 00:12:07,661 --> 00:12:08,923 Guys. I can pat. 248 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,427 I can do it too. So, uh, what have you got in the bag? 249 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,092 Yeah. What the—? 250 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,892 Hey. 251 00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:16,693 Let's see what we have here. 252 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,701 Holy Mary, mother of pearl. 253 00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,066 What do we have here, huh? 254 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,300 Looks like enough tiny items to equip an amphibious mariachi band. 255 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:27,275 Of frogs. That is not my stuff. 256 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,005 Britta. Britta planted that. Sure she did. 257 00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:32,582 Tell that to what our equivalent of a judge is. 258 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,117 [§§§] 259 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,045 Wait. What is—? 260 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,518 He's getting away. 261 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,186 Go, go. Drive. 262 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,497 When you turn to yell at me— 263 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:47,667 He's right there. Okay, hold it— 264 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,960 What are these doing here? He's getting away. 265 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,695 Go after him on foot. I'm going after him on foot. 266 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,704 Cut him off on the other side. I'm cutting him off on the other side. 267 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,369 Stop or I'll shoot. 268 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,644 I said, stop. 269 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:10,288 Oh, God, no. Aah! 270 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:14,057 Aah! It burns. 271 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:25,699 Uh-huh. Oh, great, he got away. Good job. 272 00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,271 He got away because of your driving, Grandma. 273 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,636 Oh, I beg your pardon, Hannah Montana. 274 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,709 Oh, I'm sorry. Are you hard of hearing? 275 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,641 You know what? This is why you have hardly any friends. 276 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,749 Looks like I have one less now. Do I look like I'm crying? 277 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,350 These are not tears. 278 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,077 This is self-inflicted friendly fire, okay? 279 00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:43,846 That's what happens to children. 280 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,922 You have no idea what I've been through! 281 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,718 You don't think I've got the strength for this! 282 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,918 Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom. 283 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,530 I'll give you the rest of these chocolate-covered raisins if you save my seat. 284 00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:56,632 —to be alone out there. 285 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,825 You are assuming— 286 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,337 I don't want you to feel judged by this, 287 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,374 but your handling of this job has disappointed me. 288 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:08,638 I mean, your high-speed pursuit caused $78 worth of damages. 289 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,544 And you didn't even get a statement out of Mr. Winger? 290 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,878 He got away. He ran between two poles. 291 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,419 Well, I see how that would be frustrating but the fact is, 292 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,091 Your ass is on the line. my ass is on the line. 293 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,554 You just got off the phone 294 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,250 with the mayor. I just got off the phone— 295 00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,396 What? The mayor? Stop doing that. I'm trying to help. 296 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,531 You're not doing this right. Well, maybe you should do it. 297 00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:32,600 I am sick and tired of making excuses for you two. 298 00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:34,398 You're an embarrassment to the department. 299 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,872 You're off the case and off the force. Your badges, your windbreakers now. 300 00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:40,712 Now. I ain't got all day. 301 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,041 Agitating my sciatica. 302 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,308 I'm too old for this. Now get out of my sight. 303 00:14:45,819 --> 00:14:47,446 Thought you were badasses, huh? 304 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,417 Real badasses work together. 305 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,114 Hmm. 306 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,087 All I see is a housewife and girl scout. 307 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,726 Hey. Abed. 308 00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:55,986 I said, get out. 309 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,794 And don't even think about getting near this case. Uh-uh. 310 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,096 Pretty harsh. 311 00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:04,827 Don't worry, that's what they needed. 312 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,972 [§§§] 313 00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,901 Well, that was embarrassing. I know. 314 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:13,443 That African-American police chief character Abed was playing was right. 315 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,307 We should have worked as a team. 316 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,245 I don't know about you, I don't need a badge to finish this. 317 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,316 I say we nail Winger to the wall. 318 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,852 Together? Together. 319 00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,816 How do you spell "testicles"? 320 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,453 Nice frame job, Britta-dict Arnold. 321 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:29,889 Oh, colonial burn. 322 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,929 Come on, Jeff, where's that trademark gift for levity? 323 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,631 Well, well, well, look who we found. 324 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:40,272 Yes, how foolish of me to hide in my regularly scheduled study group. 325 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:43,840 Jeff, ahem, let's just do this the easy way. Confess. 326 00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:45,670 Britta's the one who threw that body out the window. 327 00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:47,278 And I can prove it. How? 328 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,916 Britta was going to put a frog wearing a sombrero on Chang's desk 329 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,779 because that's the kind of thing she thinks is funny. 330 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:55,284 Don't you, Britta? No. 331 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,048 Then why is there a photo on your Facebook page 332 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:01,022 of a cat wearing a necktie? 333 00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,218 Pfft. This is my cat. 334 00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:05,624 And the tie makes him...? 335 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,164 Formal. 336 00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:11,929 This investigation is going nowhere. 337 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:13,839 You need a psychic. 338 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,405 Perfect. 339 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,175 This process may alarm you. 340 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:24,874 Oh! Gay, gay, gay. So gay. 341 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:29,654 Oh-oh. Dark nightclub. Aah, aah. 342 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,687 Throbbing music. 343 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,823 Men's room— Men's room stall. 344 00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:39,258 Penis. Two penises. 345 00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,933 Oh. So gay. He's so gay. 346 00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:44,666 Pierce. What? 347 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,431 Sit down. We'll take it from here. Uhn. 348 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:51,410 Jeff, where were you last night? At a bar. 349 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,340 Called it. Who can confirm that? 350 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:54,877 Your mama? What? 351 00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:56,412 While I'm— Oh! 352 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,283 Oh! 353 00:16:58,484 --> 00:16:59,610 What the hell, Annie? 354 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,879 Her name's not Annie, it's Psycho. If I were you, I'd tell her what she wants to hear. 355 00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,523 That's right, because if I have to hand you off to Shirley, 356 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,920 you're gonna enter a kitchen of pain. 357 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,357 Uhn! Guys, stop it. 358 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,087 Stop it. I did it. 359 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,326 I framed Jeff. 360 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,126 I'm sorry, Jeff. 361 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:20,773 But why? Because I'm a buzz kill, that's why. 362 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,871 Because that's who I am. That's my role. 363 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:26,239 You guys, you create fun, and I destroy it. 364 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,938 Of course a silly little joke ends with a dead body on the lawn. 365 00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,379 I should have known that but I wanted to do it anyway. 366 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,053 I wanted to be like you. I wanted to be funny. 367 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:38,782 Knock, knock. Who's there? Cancer. 368 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:42,655 Oh, good, come on in. I thought it was Britta. 369 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,227 Well... 370 00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:49,163 Britta, I actually wanna be taken more seriously. 371 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:52,297 And the only reason I slammed Jeff's head against the table 372 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,939 was because I wanted to feel like an adult. 373 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:57,804 Like Shirley. 374 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:01,580 And I wanted to feel younger like Annie. 375 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,409 It's not that I'm really old because people don't know how young I really am. See? 376 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,177 I'm doing it again. I hate that I obsess about my age. 377 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:08,752 Oh, I know. 378 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,949 I wish I was really magic. Heh. 379 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,386 You know you're not? Yeah. 380 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,154 Hah. Somebody must have sent these robes by accident. 381 00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:20,332 I only pretended I was level six to impress you guys. 382 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,094 I got held back. 383 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,962 I don't even deserve this Buddhist meteor wand. 384 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,433 Oh. 385 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,902 It's not a meteor. It's a cookie wand. 386 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,170 Me and Jeff made it 387 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,975 because it made you look like the Cookie Crisp wizard. 388 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:41,813 Which is not even a reference I get because the Cookie Crisp mascot 389 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,751 wasn't a wizard when I was a kid, it was a burglar. 390 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:51,129 I just pretended like I knew because I wanted Jeff to think I was smart. 391 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,734 Great. I did it again. 392 00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,300 I killed the buzz. 393 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,141 Look, um... 394 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,335 Maybe... 395 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,945 Maybe "buzz kill" is a bad choice of words. 396 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,513 What's a good choice of words? 397 00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:13,914 I don't know. I— l, um... I... 398 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:17,419 You're— You're like the dark cloud that unites us. 399 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,826 Or the— The anti-Winger. 400 00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:24,826 You're like— You're— You're the heart of this group. 401 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:29,427 Uh— Look, um, I don't have a real handle on all this mushy stuff. 402 00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:34,334 If— If I did, then we wouldn't need you. 403 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,342 Britta, get over here. 404 00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,235 Really? Yeah. 405 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:47,075 Let's never let Jeff divide us again. 406 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,245 Hey, Abed. 407 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,780 Why are you and I the only sane—? Shh. 408 00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,619 Just watch. It's beautiful. 409 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,024 Troy, do you want a bite of my wand? I do. 410 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,097 We really appreciate you doing this. 411 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,427 Sure. And three, two, one. 412 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,501 § Troy and Abed in the morning §§ 413 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:08,003 And we're back. Look who's here, Jeff Winger. 414 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,868 Jeff, how do you stay so fit? 415 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,402 Uh— Diet, exercise, genetics. 416 00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:16,047 Sure, sure. Okay. So it seems we have a clip. 417 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:17,739 You wanna set up for us? 418 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:20,214 Uh, I'd like to but I don't know what you're talking about. 419 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,183 Okay, we'll just roll it. 420 00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:24,485 Ooh. My name's Jeff Winger. 421 00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,248 Hey. I'm Jeff Winger. I'm so tall. 422 00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,324 This watch is expensive. Muscles are everywhere. 423 00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,756 That was funny. 424 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,520 What's going on? Where are the cameras? 425 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,722 We're not filming this. No. Who'd wanna watch this? 426 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,731 Guys, it's 6 a.m. Jeez. 427 00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:40,695 We're not gonna have him back. 428 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,539 § Troy and Abed in the morn— §§ 429 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,731 No!