1 00:00:01,375 --> 00:00:03,002 [§§§] 2 00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:05,110 Hey. Haven't seen you all day. 3 00:00:05,312 --> 00:00:06,506 Hah. I've been really busy. 4 00:00:06,714 --> 00:00:09,342 Plus I had to find 30 extra chairs for my classroom since it's Family Day. 5 00:00:09,550 --> 00:00:12,451 Oh. Speaking of, I was gonna invite my mom so you could meet her 6 00:00:12,653 --> 00:00:14,883 but, uh, she still thinks I'm a lawyer. 7 00:00:15,089 --> 00:00:16,784 Oh, look. A Human Being has a little Human with it. 8 00:00:16,991 --> 00:00:18,481 How bloodcurdlingly adorable. 9 00:00:18,692 --> 00:00:20,319 Jeff, we need to talk. 10 00:00:20,528 --> 00:00:21,995 What's wrong? Are you breaking up with me? 11 00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:25,563 Oh. Heh-heh. Maybe we don't need to talk. 12 00:00:26,867 --> 00:00:29,165 I'm so excited for everybody to meet my sons. 13 00:00:29,370 --> 00:00:31,497 Hope they're not twins. Twins freak me out. They always know what 14 00:00:31,705 --> 00:00:32,729 the other one is— Yeah. Thinking? 15 00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:34,635 And finishing each other's— Pie. 16 00:00:34,842 --> 00:00:37,436 Exactly. It's creepy. It's nice spending time with them. 17 00:00:37,645 --> 00:00:40,011 I don't get to see them that much since I started school. 18 00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:43,650 My sister likes to joke they don't recognize me anymore, and I like to joke she's just jealous 19 00:00:43,851 --> 00:00:45,716 because she's barren. Hmm. 20 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,979 My dad's bringing cousin Abra. She's visiting from Gaza. 21 00:00:48,189 --> 00:00:50,157 Does she look like you, but in a wig and lipstick? 22 00:00:50,357 --> 00:00:51,585 No, that's Halle Berry. 23 00:00:51,792 --> 00:00:55,228 Abra wears a full burka in public so she just looks like someone covered head to toe in black fabric. 24 00:00:55,429 --> 00:00:58,421 I can't believe my grandma's rolling her old bones down here. 25 00:00:58,632 --> 00:01:00,327 I gotta pick a cabinet to hide in. 26 00:01:00,534 --> 00:01:02,764 You hide from her? Yeah, she's crazy. 27 00:01:03,404 --> 00:01:07,534 Troy. Society programs us to dispose of the elderly because they don't work 28 00:01:07,741 --> 00:01:10,869 or buy things, but don't be blind to your grandmother's value. 29 00:01:11,078 --> 00:01:13,603 You need to cherish her. You cherish her. 30 00:01:13,814 --> 00:01:16,282 I'm sure I will. She's not gonna be around forever. 31 00:01:16,483 --> 00:01:19,748 I wanna believe you're right, Britta, but you never quite are, are you? 32 00:01:21,555 --> 00:01:23,318 Sorry, I'm late. Was somebody canoodling 33 00:01:23,524 --> 00:01:24,923 with a certain professor? 34 00:01:25,526 --> 00:01:27,892 Actually, no. She dumped me. 35 00:01:28,429 --> 00:01:32,365 Oh, no, that's so sad. I'll give Jeff a shoulder to cry on. 36 00:01:32,566 --> 00:01:34,557 You boys put a dead bird in that bitch's glove compartment. 37 00:01:34,768 --> 00:01:36,360 Got it. Guys, guys, sit. 38 00:01:37,471 --> 00:01:39,268 Shirley, I don't need to cry. I'm fine. 39 00:01:39,473 --> 00:01:42,203 Jeff, we're your friends. Let it all out. 40 00:01:42,409 --> 00:01:43,899 There's nothing to let out. 41 00:01:44,111 --> 00:01:46,170 I'm just glad I didn't have to do the dumping. 42 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:49,372 Then I'd have to lay low for three weeks to look sensitive. 43 00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:52,575 To avoid questions of overlap, but as the dumpee, heh, 44 00:01:52,786 --> 00:01:54,754 I can start making out with every girl 45 00:01:54,955 --> 00:01:57,822 on campus now and all anyone will feel for me is sorry. 46 00:01:58,158 --> 00:01:59,557 Ew. Not anymore. 47 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,159 Your heart's desensitized, Jeff. 48 00:02:01,362 --> 00:02:03,956 You're like a machine. It feels no love, just sex. 49 00:02:04,164 --> 00:02:06,064 You're like the Booty-nator. 50 00:02:07,134 --> 00:02:09,068 You know, Booty-nator? Like "I'll be back," but with booty. 51 00:02:09,270 --> 00:02:11,238 Why would Booty-nator be back with booty? 52 00:02:11,438 --> 00:02:12,598 Wouldn't he just try and kill it? 53 00:02:12,806 --> 00:02:14,671 Well, maybe he kills it, then brings it back as a trophy. 54 00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:17,309 Why would he want dead booty? I want Pirate's Booty. 55 00:02:17,511 --> 00:02:18,808 Because you're hungry? Guys. 56 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,280 I'll be back, but with booty. Yeah. 57 00:02:23,617 --> 00:02:24,845 That's beneath you. Gross. 58 00:02:25,052 --> 00:02:27,020 [§§§] 59 00:02:28,088 --> 00:02:29,715 Well, you're too gorgeous to be a teacher 60 00:02:29,923 --> 00:02:32,221 and you're too happy to be a student. 61 00:02:32,426 --> 00:02:34,257 Take me to where your car broke down. 62 00:02:34,461 --> 00:02:38,090 I'm here for Family Day. I'm looking for my family. 63 00:02:38,299 --> 00:02:41,166 Oh. Well, at the very least, I could fill in for a creepy uncle. 64 00:02:41,368 --> 00:02:42,699 Jeff. Amber. 65 00:02:42,903 --> 00:02:44,165 There she is. 66 00:02:44,371 --> 00:02:46,271 Look at you, all grown up. 67 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:49,538 Jeff, this is my stepdaughter, Amber. Small world. 68 00:02:49,743 --> 00:02:53,509 No, actually, it's a very big world with 5 billion other women in it. Heh-heh. 69 00:02:53,714 --> 00:02:55,113 Good luck. 70 00:02:55,316 --> 00:02:57,113 Come on, I'll show you around. 71 00:02:57,518 --> 00:02:59,486 [§§§] 72 00:03:04,391 --> 00:03:05,824 I'm back. Without booty. 73 00:03:06,026 --> 00:03:07,857 Now I feel sorry for you. 74 00:03:18,038 --> 00:03:20,006 [§§§] 75 00:03:21,308 --> 00:03:23,299 Hands in the air. Homeland Security. 76 00:03:23,911 --> 00:03:25,310 Boys, leave that man alone. 77 00:03:25,846 --> 00:03:26,835 Orange alert. Orange alert. 78 00:03:27,047 --> 00:03:28,309 Sorry. They're just excited. 79 00:03:28,515 --> 00:03:30,506 You're, uh, Abed's father? I'm Shirley. 80 00:03:30,718 --> 00:03:34,984 And that's Elijah like the prophet and Jordan like the 14-time NBA All-Star. 81 00:03:35,556 --> 00:03:37,421 Gubi Nadir. Is it how you say hello? 82 00:03:37,858 --> 00:03:39,325 That's my name. 83 00:03:39,526 --> 00:03:42,825 Oh! I'm sorry, you— You're like a black ghost. 84 00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:44,554 This is my cousin, Abra. 85 00:03:45,032 --> 00:03:47,159 Greetings. 86 00:03:47,501 --> 00:03:49,128 Over the course of seven marriages, 87 00:03:49,336 --> 00:03:53,204 I amassed some 32 stepchildren and obviously, Amber's my favorite. 88 00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:55,705 Yeah, there was something about his mass e-mails 89 00:03:55,909 --> 00:03:59,140 that made me certain this would be a family reunion. 90 00:03:59,513 --> 00:04:01,140 It sure is, sweetie. 91 00:04:01,348 --> 00:04:03,748 She's going to photography school. Oh, sounds interesting. 92 00:04:03,951 --> 00:04:04,940 Keep it in your pants. 93 00:04:05,152 --> 00:04:08,986 You're embarrassing yourself. She may be hot, but she's my princess. 94 00:04:09,189 --> 00:04:11,384 Step princess. 95 00:04:11,792 --> 00:04:13,589 Okay. Family Day. 96 00:04:14,094 --> 00:04:15,686 Let's see what we got here. 97 00:04:16,363 --> 00:04:19,764 Wow. I can't believe Star-Burns isn't a virgin. 98 00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:23,095 But judging from that Bluetooth headset, his son is. Ch-chang! 99 00:04:24,171 --> 00:04:25,468 Winger. 100 00:04:25,672 --> 00:04:26,900 Too cool for family? 101 00:04:27,107 --> 00:04:29,541 Everyone here is my family. Oh... 102 00:04:29,743 --> 00:04:31,608 Weak. Cute. 103 00:04:31,812 --> 00:04:33,507 Where's your family, El Tigre? Ugh. 104 00:04:33,714 --> 00:04:35,545 My older brother will be at the barbecue. 105 00:04:35,749 --> 00:04:39,549 And it's none of your business, but I ate my twin in utero. 106 00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:42,050 Oh. Hey, Phantom Menace. 107 00:04:42,256 --> 00:04:44,247 How's the trade embargo with the Naboo? 108 00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:47,825 Anyway, oh, looks like Pierce broke the piggy bank 109 00:04:48,028 --> 00:04:49,655 at the escort service this time. 110 00:04:49,863 --> 00:04:51,330 Hey, duck sauce. That was rude. 111 00:04:51,532 --> 00:04:56,162 The call girls I frequent are not nearly as attractive as my daughter. 112 00:04:56,370 --> 00:04:58,133 Stepdaughter. 113 00:04:58,338 --> 00:05:01,273 Technically, ex-stepdaughter. 114 00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:02,464 [§§§] 115 00:05:02,676 --> 00:05:05,270 You know, your mother April— Mm-hm. Wanda, her name's— 116 00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:07,310 Was it Wanda? Yes. Yes. 117 00:05:07,514 --> 00:05:09,709 I need one sec. Excuse me. 118 00:05:09,917 --> 00:05:11,748 Uh, Jeff, Jeff. Uh... 119 00:05:11,952 --> 00:05:13,419 Cards on the table, Jeff. 120 00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:16,282 Amber's the best shot I'll ever have 121 00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:19,859 at something like a real daughter and I'm striking out. 122 00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:22,153 Have you told her she's prettier than a hooker? 123 00:05:22,362 --> 00:05:23,920 If you come to the barbecue— 124 00:05:24,131 --> 00:05:25,962 I know you'd never think of touching her. 125 00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:29,602 Maybe you could say a couple cool things about me. 126 00:05:29,803 --> 00:05:33,261 You want me to wingman you with your ex-stepdaughter? 127 00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:35,840 I'm sorry. I got a thing. 128 00:05:37,277 --> 00:05:38,767 You have a thing? 129 00:05:38,979 --> 00:05:40,344 Yeah, and it's on the rebound. 130 00:05:40,547 --> 00:05:43,038 I'm not subjecting it to a night with a hot girl that I can't have. 131 00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:44,979 You can't holster it for a friend? 132 00:05:45,185 --> 00:05:46,812 Please, Pierce is barely a friend. 133 00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:48,851 He's no more related to Amber than you are, 134 00:05:49,056 --> 00:05:51,149 and was a total jag about shutting me down. 135 00:05:51,358 --> 00:05:53,451 How much effort do I rate? For you? 136 00:05:53,961 --> 00:05:56,623 Um, I'd break a light sweat. 137 00:05:56,830 --> 00:05:58,092 Good, I need a favor. 138 00:05:58,298 --> 00:05:59,993 Help Pierce with his stepdaughter? 139 00:06:00,434 --> 00:06:02,664 You're becoming dangerous, Annie. 140 00:06:02,870 --> 00:06:04,030 It's those doe eyes. 141 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:07,639 Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain. 142 00:06:07,841 --> 00:06:09,069 [§§§] 143 00:06:11,411 --> 00:06:13,709 Is this Nana Barnes? 144 00:06:13,914 --> 00:06:15,973 Troy didn't mention you were such a knockout. 145 00:06:16,183 --> 00:06:18,117 What's that supposed to mean? Oh. Come on. 146 00:06:18,318 --> 00:06:20,548 I'm sure you've broken a few hearts in your time. 147 00:06:20,754 --> 00:06:21,778 Oh. 148 00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:23,047 Tell me. 149 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,657 How many men do you think I've laid with? 150 00:06:27,761 --> 00:06:30,195 Who are you? I am Britta. 151 00:06:30,397 --> 00:06:32,957 And I have offended you and I am sorry. 152 00:06:33,166 --> 00:06:34,599 Is there anything I can get you? 153 00:06:35,235 --> 00:06:36,566 Yes. 154 00:06:36,770 --> 00:06:38,761 You can get me a switch. A what now? 155 00:06:39,673 --> 00:06:42,267 She's not family, Nana. You can't make her get a switch. 156 00:06:42,476 --> 00:06:45,172 She can make me get it. I just have to know what it is. 157 00:06:45,379 --> 00:06:48,109 A switch is a stick she can use to whoop you with. 158 00:06:51,451 --> 00:06:54,614 Cherish, Britta. Cherish. 159 00:06:54,821 --> 00:06:57,847 Heh. Well, it was wonderful meeting your brother. 160 00:06:58,058 --> 00:07:00,925 Adios, Señor Chang, shalom, Rabbi Chang, 161 00:07:01,128 --> 00:07:02,857 and to both of you, sayonara. 162 00:07:04,798 --> 00:07:06,493 Don't go. 163 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:08,224 Señor Chang? 164 00:07:09,636 --> 00:07:11,797 Ben, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? 165 00:07:12,005 --> 00:07:14,303 Okay, that is who I am. So drop it. 166 00:07:14,508 --> 00:07:16,305 Dropping. I'm dropping. 167 00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:20,446 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Amber alert. You are allergic to peanuts. 168 00:07:20,647 --> 00:07:23,081 That might be a different step kid. 169 00:07:23,283 --> 00:07:24,375 My flight actually leaves so— 170 00:07:24,585 --> 00:07:29,318 Your flight actually leaves after I tell you a story called: 171 00:07:29,523 --> 00:07:31,252 Pierce Takes On The School Bully. 172 00:07:31,458 --> 00:07:32,618 [§§§] 173 00:07:32,826 --> 00:07:35,386 Heh. Are you a ninja 174 00:07:35,596 --> 00:07:37,723 Oh, baby. Don't be rude. 175 00:07:37,931 --> 00:07:38,920 Uh, she's wearing a burka. 176 00:07:39,132 --> 00:07:40,861 It's a way women to express their modesty. 177 00:07:41,068 --> 00:07:44,629 They're like lslamic turtlenecks. Ask her if she wants to play with us. 178 00:07:52,245 --> 00:07:54,076 Bouncy house. 179 00:07:58,685 --> 00:08:01,518 Sounds heated. Did she call him a pig's anus or something? 180 00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,825 She's saying she's old enough to jump in a giant balloon. 181 00:08:07,861 --> 00:08:09,419 She's saying he's overprotective. 182 00:08:12,466 --> 00:08:13,899 Now she says he's a pig anus. 183 00:08:14,101 --> 00:08:15,432 That fight made me crave a hot dog. 184 00:08:15,636 --> 00:08:17,763 Stay put, boys. I'll be right back. 185 00:08:21,241 --> 00:08:24,039 Look at them. You are a bad mother. 186 00:08:24,244 --> 00:08:25,268 Control your children. 187 00:08:25,712 --> 00:08:29,045 I have to go back to my car and get my emergency shirt. 188 00:08:29,516 --> 00:08:31,279 And I don't even like that shirt. 189 00:08:32,753 --> 00:08:35,779 Not only did he join a band, they got jealous and booted him. 190 00:08:35,989 --> 00:08:37,013 Get out. 191 00:08:37,224 --> 00:08:39,317 Heh-heh. That's exactly what they said. 192 00:08:39,526 --> 00:08:42,393 Off to the bathroom, Stepdad. 193 00:08:43,997 --> 00:08:46,659 I've never been called Stepdad. I don't think anyone has. 194 00:08:46,867 --> 00:08:50,530 Listen, when she gets back, come up with some reason why you have to leave, okay? 195 00:08:50,737 --> 00:08:52,364 I'll beg you to stay, but you don't. 196 00:08:52,572 --> 00:08:54,904 In fact, why don't you just leave now. Cut our work in half. 197 00:08:55,108 --> 00:08:56,336 Good luck, buddy. 198 00:08:56,543 --> 00:08:58,511 [§§§] 199 00:09:04,651 --> 00:09:09,145 You're leaving? My girlfriend is pregnant. 200 00:09:09,356 --> 00:09:11,688 Pierce said you were gay. He— 201 00:09:11,892 --> 00:09:13,985 Yup. As the sunrise. 202 00:09:14,194 --> 00:09:15,354 And I'm deeply ashamed. 203 00:09:15,562 --> 00:09:18,463 I'm just glad I have friends like Pierce to keep me— 204 00:09:21,401 --> 00:09:22,959 Honest. 205 00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,107 This is slightly wrong. 206 00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:32,005 Too much tongue? Just enough. 207 00:09:32,212 --> 00:09:33,543 But it— It's Pierce. 208 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,681 You mean the guy who decided he doesn't want men 209 00:09:35,882 --> 00:09:39,215 touching his ex-stepdaughter, but divorced Mom for our housekeeper? 210 00:09:39,419 --> 00:09:40,784 Could be the same guy, yeah. 211 00:09:40,987 --> 00:09:42,545 Amber? 212 00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:45,485 Amber, there you are. 213 00:09:46,059 --> 00:09:49,324 Why are you here, Jeff? I go to school here, remember? 214 00:09:49,563 --> 00:09:52,430 Ahem. There's a Pictionary tournament in the student lounge. 215 00:09:52,632 --> 00:09:54,190 Sounds fun. Is Jeff joining us? 216 00:09:54,401 --> 00:09:56,961 I don't know if he can, can you? I can't. 217 00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:58,432 Oh. Come on, stay. Stay. 218 00:09:58,638 --> 00:10:00,799 I can't. Maybe I shouldn't, either. 219 00:10:03,176 --> 00:10:04,700 Stay, Jeff. You think I should? 220 00:10:04,911 --> 00:10:05,900 I think you have to. 221 00:10:06,113 --> 00:10:07,546 I'll stay. Me too. 222 00:10:07,748 --> 00:10:09,613 Ha-ha. Good Family Day. 223 00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:11,784 [§§§] 224 00:10:16,723 --> 00:10:17,917 What are you doing? 225 00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:20,423 Getting Nana a switch. 226 00:10:20,627 --> 00:10:23,357 Britta, stop pretending that my mean old nana is awesome. 227 00:10:23,563 --> 00:10:24,825 I'm not pretending. 228 00:10:25,031 --> 00:10:27,795 I think it's cool that she's got her own style of discipline. 229 00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:29,434 Nana's old school. 230 00:10:29,636 --> 00:10:32,298 Yeah, my mom told me there'd be white people that did this. 231 00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:34,565 With the pocket watches and coffee grinders, 232 00:10:34,775 --> 00:10:36,572 and pretending to be into steamboats. 233 00:10:36,777 --> 00:10:38,802 But let's get this straight. 234 00:10:39,012 --> 00:10:40,479 This is real life. 235 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,511 My Nana is gonna whoop you. 236 00:10:42,716 --> 00:10:45,412 Not unless I find her a switch. 237 00:10:48,855 --> 00:10:50,447 How about this? 238 00:10:50,657 --> 00:10:52,454 Yeah, that's a great switch, Britta. 239 00:10:52,659 --> 00:10:54,684 Very hip. Should hurt a lot. 240 00:10:54,895 --> 00:10:56,590 Uh, where's Elijah and Jordan? Uh, Abed? 241 00:10:57,230 --> 00:10:58,993 Oh, what a surprise that you lost them. 242 00:10:59,199 --> 00:11:00,461 They're playing hide and seek. 243 00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:02,134 Uh, where? I don't think that's how it works. 244 00:11:02,335 --> 00:11:03,529 Stop screwing around, Abed. 245 00:11:03,737 --> 00:11:06,934 Hey, you want to yell at someone? Go find your crazy kids. 246 00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:09,301 My boy is disciplined. It's not his job— 247 00:11:09,509 --> 00:11:12,603 All right, you got me, Gubi. I'm a bad mother. 248 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,210 I let my kids be kids instead of acting like a jail warden. 249 00:11:16,416 --> 00:11:19,146 Ah. You don't like her burka? I'm not talking about the burka. 250 00:11:19,352 --> 00:11:21,445 I'm talking about her never having any fun. 251 00:11:21,655 --> 00:11:24,385 Now Abra, you look me in the eyes and you tell me— 252 00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:26,848 Um... 253 00:11:28,228 --> 00:11:30,856 I'm sorry. I seemed to have forgotten the napkins. 254 00:11:31,064 --> 00:11:33,658 Do— Do you mind? Fine. 255 00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,027 Now I'm the napkin man. 256 00:11:37,971 --> 00:11:39,939 [§§§] 257 00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:51,078 Oh. Uh-huh. 258 00:11:51,284 --> 00:11:52,808 Circle. 259 00:11:54,521 --> 00:11:55,988 Circle with a squiggly line. 260 00:11:56,189 --> 00:11:57,247 Uh— Squiggly line circle. 261 00:11:57,457 --> 00:11:58,719 You— You did hear me say circle. 262 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,661 Smiling sideways vagina. No. 263 00:12:03,864 --> 00:12:06,355 Happy sideways vagina. No. 264 00:12:07,634 --> 00:12:09,192 Happy face. 265 00:12:09,402 --> 00:12:10,494 And that's a clam? 266 00:12:10,704 --> 00:12:12,763 As happy as a clam. Yes. 267 00:12:12,973 --> 00:12:15,771 As happy as a clam? What a gay guess. 268 00:12:15,976 --> 00:12:17,944 Idiot. Pierce, you're up. 269 00:12:19,145 --> 00:12:20,737 Eat my dust, Winger. 270 00:12:20,947 --> 00:12:23,347 You do know we're on the same team? 271 00:12:23,750 --> 00:12:24,774 Go. 272 00:12:26,052 --> 00:12:27,383 Uh... 273 00:12:28,321 --> 00:12:29,583 All right, here we go. Uh... 274 00:12:29,789 --> 00:12:31,120 Let's see. 275 00:12:35,161 --> 00:12:36,788 Look, I don't, uh... 276 00:12:37,197 --> 00:12:39,358 Pierce you have to add more. Draw more. 277 00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:46,606 Stop. Stop circling the same thing. 278 00:12:46,806 --> 00:12:49,639 Well, guess something, you girlfriendless geek. 279 00:12:49,843 --> 00:12:53,074 What are you drawing? You're supposed to know, stupid. 280 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,872 Relax. 281 00:12:55,448 --> 00:12:56,710 I'll get this. 282 00:12:56,917 --> 00:12:58,407 [§§§] 283 00:13:00,186 --> 00:13:02,848 I think they'll both drop charges, but we gotta take statements. 284 00:13:03,056 --> 00:13:04,148 It's gonna be a while. 285 00:13:04,357 --> 00:13:07,292 And I may just be a simple cop, but people need to know. 286 00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:10,986 This isn't gonna stop until Pictionary bans the word windmill. 287 00:13:11,398 --> 00:13:14,561 Pierce, we'll meet you at the gala. We're gonna go get you some coffee. 288 00:13:14,768 --> 00:13:16,292 Is coffee code for sex? 289 00:13:18,438 --> 00:13:19,427 Is it? 290 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,064 No. 291 00:13:22,242 --> 00:13:25,609 Nana, here's your switch. Bring it here. 292 00:13:29,316 --> 00:13:30,408 I'll make do. 293 00:13:30,617 --> 00:13:32,517 Okay. Let me have it. 294 00:13:32,719 --> 00:13:34,619 I ain't no nun. Bend over. 295 00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:40,518 Drop your pants and get over my lap. 296 00:13:41,227 --> 00:13:43,127 All you have to do is walk away. 297 00:13:45,865 --> 00:13:47,833 [§§§] 298 00:13:58,144 --> 00:14:01,113 What are you doing? She's respecting her elders. 299 00:14:01,314 --> 00:14:03,179 See Troy? Did you think I was a hypocrite? 300 00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:05,681 That I wouldn't really— Okay, that really— 301 00:14:05,885 --> 00:14:07,443 Oh! Okay, that really— 302 00:14:10,690 --> 00:14:12,715 I don't understand you, Britta. 303 00:14:12,926 --> 00:14:16,760 I don't understand you at all. 304 00:14:19,566 --> 00:14:20,555 You know what? 305 00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:22,632 Totally wrong room. Will you get the door? 306 00:14:24,304 --> 00:14:26,295 Uh— She's had enough. 307 00:14:26,506 --> 00:14:28,201 Oh— She's had enough. 308 00:14:34,414 --> 00:14:36,814 Let's focus on you, the forbidden fruit 309 00:14:37,017 --> 00:14:39,349 that is the ex-stepdaughter of a casual acquaintance. 310 00:14:39,552 --> 00:14:42,612 Oh, oops. Don't wanna lose that. 311 00:14:43,656 --> 00:14:46,147 Why do you have a $25,000 check from Pierce? 312 00:14:46,693 --> 00:14:48,854 Tuition for fashion school. 313 00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:50,154 Not photography school? 314 00:14:52,332 --> 00:14:54,232 You caught me. 315 00:14:54,434 --> 00:14:56,197 Uh— Maybe I'll just buy a car. 316 00:14:56,603 --> 00:14:58,002 And you can just do that, huh? 317 00:14:58,204 --> 00:15:00,968 Well, it helps that he's kind of desperate and stupid. 318 00:15:01,174 --> 00:15:04,610 Did you wanna be a good person right now or did you wanna be with me? 319 00:15:09,716 --> 00:15:11,047 [§§§] 320 00:15:11,251 --> 00:15:12,240 Oh, there you are. 321 00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:13,646 Thanks a lot, Pollyanna. 322 00:15:13,853 --> 00:15:16,083 You made me hang out with Pierce and his stepdaughter. 323 00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,314 She's grifting him. She's what? 324 00:15:18,525 --> 00:15:20,015 She's taking a bunch of money from him. 325 00:15:20,226 --> 00:15:23,320 He thinks it's for school, but it's for grifting. 326 00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,521 Did you tell him? 327 00:15:25,865 --> 00:15:28,095 It's not that simple. It's not? 328 00:15:29,502 --> 00:15:31,527 Oh, my— Jeff. 329 00:15:31,738 --> 00:15:34,229 Gross. You're gross. 330 00:15:34,441 --> 00:15:36,602 You did it with her? Yeah, but not twice. 331 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,038 I wanted to do it twice. 332 00:15:38,244 --> 00:15:39,336 That's gross. 333 00:15:39,546 --> 00:15:44,074 You met her this morning. You're faster than some bacteria. 334 00:15:44,284 --> 00:15:46,081 Are you just doing this because Slater hurt you? 335 00:15:46,286 --> 00:15:48,049 What? No, I'm not hurt. 336 00:15:48,254 --> 00:15:49,414 And Amber threw herself at me. 337 00:15:49,622 --> 00:15:52,921 Well, you still have to tell Pierce that she's taking advantage of him, don't you? 338 00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:56,994 Well, when you think about it, nobody's getting hurt. 339 00:15:57,197 --> 00:16:00,189 Pierce is getting a daughter, Amber's getting an allowance, I'm getting— 340 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,130 We already talked about it. But don't forget this is Pierce. 341 00:16:03,336 --> 00:16:05,270 He's a racist, homophobic old goof. 342 00:16:05,472 --> 00:16:06,905 He does bad stuff all the time. 343 00:16:07,107 --> 00:16:09,507 Well, it sounds like you've got it all figured out, 344 00:16:09,709 --> 00:16:11,677 so why are you talking to me about it? 345 00:16:13,179 --> 00:16:15,238 Because you're... 346 00:16:15,949 --> 00:16:17,007 You know. 347 00:16:17,217 --> 00:16:18,912 A decent person? Maybe. 348 00:16:19,119 --> 00:16:21,883 And you knew talking to me about it would make you feel like a bad friend. 349 00:16:22,088 --> 00:16:25,854 You wanted to feel like a bad friend because you wanna be a good friend? 350 00:16:26,059 --> 00:16:27,959 You really suck, you know that? 351 00:16:28,228 --> 00:16:30,196 [§§§] 352 00:16:32,398 --> 00:16:35,128 Mm, mm, mm! Go get you and your brother some Ding Dongs and calm down. 353 00:16:35,335 --> 00:16:36,529 Okay. 354 00:16:36,736 --> 00:16:39,034 What's up? Oh. Abed, did your family take off? 355 00:16:39,239 --> 00:16:42,470 Yeah. Thanks for distracting my dad while we helped Abra get back in her burka. 356 00:16:42,675 --> 00:16:45,439 Well, if a young lady wants to go in a bouncy house, she should go. 357 00:16:45,645 --> 00:16:48,045 It was a noble thing you did. Oh, I didn't do it. 358 00:16:48,248 --> 00:16:51,012 No, it was Jordan and Elijah's idea. They're good kids. 359 00:16:51,217 --> 00:16:52,980 If they weren't, they wouldn't help Abra. 360 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:55,484 I see why you were so excited for me to meet them. 361 00:16:55,688 --> 00:16:56,950 You should be proud of them. 362 00:16:57,157 --> 00:16:59,216 You're a good mom. Oh. Come on. 363 00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:02,623 Hey, Mom. Look what I got. 364 00:17:05,532 --> 00:17:06,692 Ding Dongs, my favorite. 365 00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,369 Mm. Ha-ha. 366 00:17:10,570 --> 00:17:11,628 Pretty rough, huh? Mm. 367 00:17:11,838 --> 00:17:12,827 You were right. 368 00:17:13,039 --> 00:17:15,507 Nana is a monster. What did you say? 369 00:17:15,708 --> 00:17:17,733 I said you were a monster, ma'am. 370 00:17:17,944 --> 00:17:21,072 And you said Troy was right. 371 00:17:21,948 --> 00:17:23,074 Get me a switch. 372 00:17:23,716 --> 00:17:25,206 Okay. 373 00:17:29,455 --> 00:17:31,184 Hey, stranger. 374 00:17:31,391 --> 00:17:32,949 Wanna pick up where we left off 375 00:17:33,159 --> 00:17:35,252 after I log some time with Daddy Warbucks? 376 00:17:35,461 --> 00:17:37,588 No, Amber. Uh... 377 00:17:37,864 --> 00:17:41,061 I thought about it and what I want is for you to tear up that check 378 00:17:41,267 --> 00:17:43,167 and go dance with your stepdad. 379 00:17:43,369 --> 00:17:45,394 Are you trying to get me to cut you in? 380 00:17:45,605 --> 00:17:46,697 You don't have leverage. 381 00:17:47,106 --> 00:17:49,301 If I walk over there and tell him everything, 382 00:17:49,509 --> 00:17:51,101 guess who he'll forgive. 383 00:17:51,311 --> 00:17:54,576 You, but I'd rather be the bad guy than watch you siphon him. 384 00:17:54,781 --> 00:17:55,770 How about this? 385 00:17:55,982 --> 00:18:00,214 I walk away and if the check clears, I won't make problems for you. 386 00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:01,580 I'll stay gone. 387 00:18:01,788 --> 00:18:03,255 Come back whenever you want, 388 00:18:03,456 --> 00:18:06,118 but be good to him when you do because I'll be around. 389 00:18:06,326 --> 00:18:07,918 I'm his friend. 390 00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:10,888 And you can be his stepdaughter, or not. 391 00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:15,122 Yeah. 392 00:18:15,335 --> 00:18:16,859 I'll take the 25 grand. 393 00:18:17,070 --> 00:18:20,699 Over him, I'd take 25 cents. 394 00:18:20,907 --> 00:18:22,272 Bye. 395 00:18:25,445 --> 00:18:27,208 Oh, Jeff. Heh. 396 00:18:28,414 --> 00:18:30,678 Have you seen Amber? Yeah. 397 00:18:30,883 --> 00:18:33,408 Listen, Pierce. Uh... I gotta tell you something. 398 00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:34,985 She's not coming, is she? 399 00:18:35,188 --> 00:18:37,247 I wrote her a pretty big check this afternoon. 400 00:18:37,457 --> 00:18:39,948 I had a feeling she might take it and run. 401 00:18:40,159 --> 00:18:43,322 You want me to help you cancel it? Oh, hell, she earned it. 402 00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:46,591 You're lucky, Jeff. It's not too late for you. 403 00:18:46,799 --> 00:18:49,927 Have a family. Share your life. 404 00:18:50,136 --> 00:18:52,366 That and understanding computers are two things 405 00:18:52,572 --> 00:18:55,302 you just can't knock out at the end. 406 00:18:56,142 --> 00:18:59,908 Pierce, who did you call last week after you farted on Vaughn? 407 00:19:00,179 --> 00:19:01,840 Ha-ha. You. And who did Abed call 408 00:19:02,048 --> 00:19:04,107 after that squirrel stole his hotdog? 409 00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:06,376 Me. That's sharing your life. 410 00:19:06,586 --> 00:19:08,747 If you have friends, you have family. 411 00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:14,187 Jeffrey. 412 00:19:16,162 --> 00:19:17,891 Come here, son. 413 00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,101 Are we hugging or dancing? 414 00:19:27,507 --> 00:19:28,940 You know, if the roles were reversed, 415 00:19:29,142 --> 00:19:32,077 I would have had sex with your ex-stepdaughter. 416 00:19:32,278 --> 00:19:33,506 I did. 417 00:19:35,515 --> 00:19:37,574 Chip off the old block. 418 00:19:37,784 --> 00:19:40,150 It was either that or deal with your actual pain. 419 00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:42,150 What pain? 420 00:19:42,422 --> 00:19:44,083 Twelve o'clock. 421 00:19:44,490 --> 00:19:45,855 Oh, are you kidding me? I— 422 00:19:52,665 --> 00:19:54,997 It's okay, it's okay. 423 00:19:56,235 --> 00:19:57,395 Let it out. 424 00:19:57,603 --> 00:20:01,835 We always used to watch the shows she wanted to watch. 425 00:20:02,141 --> 00:20:05,372 I hate Glee. I'm not crazy about Glee, either. 426 00:20:05,578 --> 00:20:07,478 I hate it. 427 00:20:07,914 --> 00:20:09,848 I don't understand the appeal at all. 428 00:20:15,755 --> 00:20:16,949 Why did we do this again? 429 00:20:17,156 --> 00:20:19,818 We thought it looked fun. Is your cell phone in your pocket? 430 00:20:20,026 --> 00:20:22,859 Yeah, but I can't reach it. I can only move my right arm. 431 00:20:23,062 --> 00:20:24,324 Okay. There's money already in there. 432 00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:27,090 Slide your arm through that bottom slot and press the button G-14. 433 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,996 When a snack is selected, the mechanical lever that's holding it will be thrust forward, 434 00:20:30,203 --> 00:20:32,763 thereby knocking your cell phone out of your pocket and into the receptacle below. 435 00:20:32,972 --> 00:20:34,701 We could pick it up and call for help. 436 00:20:34,907 --> 00:20:35,965 Here we go. 437 00:20:43,616 --> 00:20:44,810 Troy? 438 00:20:45,017 --> 00:20:47,417 I think I hit G-13.