1
00:00:04,939 --> 00:00:07,608
Good morning, everybody.
Hi, Jeff.

2
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,402
I brought bagels.
Oh, I'd love a bagel.

3
00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:12,654
The perfect beginning
for my first day

4
00:00:12,654 --> 00:00:14,656
of billiards class.
Oh.

5
00:00:14,656 --> 00:00:17,492
Did you pick an outfit
to look sexy shooting pool?

6
00:00:17,492 --> 00:00:20,537
Shirley, I have no idea
what you are talking about.

7
00:00:20,537 --> 00:00:22,497
Ooh.
Oh!

8
00:00:22,497 --> 00:00:26,085
Thirteen.
Oh, great, so much for baggles.

9
00:00:26,085 --> 00:00:28,462
So much for what?
The baggles.

10
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:29,880
You dropped them on the floor.

11
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,173
Uh, they're called "bagels."

12
00:00:32,173 --> 00:00:36,219
Uh, I lived in New York, Troy.
I know what a baggle is.

13
00:00:36,219 --> 00:00:37,721
What the hell is wrong
with you?

14
00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:40,140
What?
You say "bagel" wrong.

15
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,977
I say it the same as you.
Say it again.

16
00:00:44,895 --> 00:00:46,187
Baggle.

17
00:00:47,982 --> 00:00:49,566
Can we just keep studying?

18
00:00:49,566 --> 00:00:52,277
We're on page 258.

19
00:00:52,277 --> 00:00:55,614
What "padge" was that?
Two-five-tee-eight.

20
00:00:55,614 --> 00:00:59,743
Whoa. Check this out.
Uh-oh.

21
00:00:59,743 --> 00:01:03,705
Oh, it's a drawing of Abed
with hearts all around it.

22
00:01:03,705 --> 00:01:05,124
Strictly speaking, Troy,

23
00:01:05,124 --> 00:01:06,875
the Bible condemns
this level of friendship.

24
00:01:06,875 --> 00:01:09,419
I didn't draw that.
I bought that book used.

25
00:01:09,419 --> 00:01:11,922
It must have been
whoever had it last.

26
00:01:11,922 --> 00:01:14,174
Obviously, it's a girl
who has a crush on Abed.

27
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:16,343
This is so romantic.
It's like The Notebook,

28
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,095
except instead of Alzheimer's,
Abed has…

29
00:01:18,095 --> 00:01:21,098
- Ahem. Mm-hm.
- someone who likes him.

30
00:01:21,098 --> 00:01:22,891
Well, whoever she is,
she's fat.

31
00:01:22,891 --> 00:01:25,184
These thick lines
were drawn with a heavy hand.

32
00:01:25,184 --> 00:01:27,104
We gotta find this person
for Abed.

33
00:01:27,104 --> 00:01:29,272
Unless it's a boy,
then we find him for Jesus.

34
00:01:29,272 --> 00:01:31,399
But either way,
this is going to be fun.

35
00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:35,946
Cute little face.
Gotta find that girl.

36
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,081
Adios.
Adios.

37
00:01:48,083 --> 00:01:50,502
Adios.
Adios.

38
00:01:50,502 --> 00:01:52,880
Adios.
Adios.

39
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,256
Guys, class is over.

40
00:01:55,256 --> 00:01:56,884
I'm trying to
get you to leave.

41
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,011
Oh.

42
00:02:00,095 --> 00:02:03,015
Pick that up.
Señor Chang?

43
00:02:03,015 --> 00:02:04,516
We're trying to figure out

44
00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:07,519
whose Spanish book this was
before Troy's.

45
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,320
Jenny Adams.
Oh.

46
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:20,365
Oh, come on.
If all Chinese were psychic

47
00:02:20,365 --> 00:02:22,784
you would have started using
birth control centuries ago.

48
00:02:22,784 --> 00:02:25,204
Her name's in the front
of the book, morons.

49
00:02:25,204 --> 00:02:27,206
Yay.
He's right.

50
00:02:27,206 --> 00:02:28,790
Them I understand.

51
00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:30,792
But how did you not think
of that?

52
00:02:30,792 --> 00:02:32,293
I may have been thrown off

53
00:02:32,293 --> 00:02:34,171
by Britta's pronunciation
of "bagel."

54
00:02:34,171 --> 00:02:35,714
How do you pronounce bagel?
I don't.

55
00:02:35,714 --> 00:02:36,965
Come on
Baggle.

56
00:02:36,965 --> 00:02:39,093
Ugh, you're the worst.

57
00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:41,762
So we have a name.

58
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,139
Jenny Adams.
Cool.

59
00:02:44,139 --> 00:02:47,059
See, it's a fat girl's name.
Might as well be Gravy Jones.

60
00:02:47,059 --> 00:02:49,394
Pierce, it doesn't matter
what she looks like.

61
00:02:49,394 --> 00:02:52,522
This will be great for Abed.
It will?

62
00:02:52,522 --> 00:02:54,357
Aren't you excited
about talking to her?

63
00:02:54,357 --> 00:02:56,235
I wasn't planning on it.
What?

64
00:02:56,235 --> 00:02:59,278
Guys, come on, you heard Abed.
He's not interested. Drop it.

65
00:02:59,278 --> 00:03:00,948
You need to mind
your own business.

66
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,700
Abed, you need to get
with this girl, immediately.

67
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:06,285
Yeah?
Abed, for guys like you,

68
00:03:06,285 --> 00:03:09,998
this kind of opportunity
only comes around once in a…

69
00:03:09,998 --> 00:03:11,792
While.

70
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,794
It's important to date
in college, Abed.

71
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:16,337
It's a time of freedom
and exploration.

72
00:03:16,337 --> 00:03:18,090
A time
when a simple pillow fight

73
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:19,633
between two innocent girls

74
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,803
could turn to a steamy night
of unbridled lust.

75
00:03:24,387 --> 00:03:27,015
Britta knows all about it.
Okay. Cool.

76
00:03:27,015 --> 00:03:28,934
You guys are gonna
Can't Buy Me Love me?

77
00:03:28,934 --> 00:03:31,519
We're gonna what you?
Gonna Can't Buy Me Love me.

78
00:03:31,519 --> 00:03:33,354
Transform me
from zero to hero, geek to chic.

79
00:03:33,354 --> 00:03:35,690
Oh, he wants us
to Love Don't Cost a Thing him.

80
00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:37,442
Oh.

81
00:03:37,442 --> 00:03:39,486
Can't Buy Me Love was the
remake for white audiences.

82
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,238
That's so uncomfortable
when they do that.

83
00:03:41,238 --> 00:03:44,074
I can't believe
it doesn't insult them.

84
00:03:44,074 --> 00:03:47,244
All right, nobody here
is Can't Buy Me Love-ing

85
00:03:47,244 --> 00:03:49,204
or Love Don't Cost a Thing-ing
anyone.

86
00:03:49,204 --> 00:03:52,124
Because we've all seen enough
after-school specials

87
00:03:52,124 --> 00:03:54,293
and Fat Albert to know…
Oh.

88
00:03:54,293 --> 00:03:57,671
…that Abed only needs
to be himself.

89
00:03:59,173 --> 00:04:01,133
Sure glad
there are no old people here.

90
00:04:01,133 --> 00:04:04,803
This conversation would probably
be total gibberish to them.

91
00:04:04,803 --> 00:04:07,388
Jeff's unprecedentedly right
about this.

92
00:04:07,388 --> 00:04:10,058
Abed, when we find this girl,
you're gonna approach her

93
00:04:10,058 --> 00:04:12,019
just the way you are
because that's good enough.

94
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,229
Yeah, then you can
take her to a nice deli

95
00:04:14,229 --> 00:04:16,481
and treat her to a baggle.

96
00:04:26,992 --> 00:04:30,037
Oh, yeah.

97
00:04:32,413 --> 00:04:34,499
Oh, yeah.

98
00:04:39,338 --> 00:04:41,923
Hey, nice shooting.
Good clean strokes.

99
00:04:41,923 --> 00:04:44,926
Thanks.
Form a line, please.

100
00:04:45,927 --> 00:04:49,723
My name is Coach Bogner.

101
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:53,977
Welcome to the Art of Pool,

102
00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:56,104
which is a Phys Ed class.

103
00:04:56,104 --> 00:04:58,106
Which means

104
00:04:58,106 --> 00:05:01,318
that you have to wear the
proper equipment at all times.

105
00:05:01,318 --> 00:05:04,487
So suit up. See you back
on the felt in five.

106
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,910
You're gonna look
like an ass in those.

107
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,119
Shut up, Leonard.

108
00:05:11,119 --> 00:05:12,829
I talked to your son
on Family Day.

109
00:05:12,829 --> 00:05:14,748
I know all
about your gambling.

110
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,710
Touché.

111
00:05:18,710 --> 00:05:22,089
All right, everybody
just hang out and be casual.

112
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:24,507
My sources tell me
that Jenny Adams is the blond

113
00:05:24,507 --> 00:05:27,135
who's reading right
over there.

114
00:05:27,135 --> 00:05:29,346
Whoa!
That's her?

115
00:05:29,346 --> 00:05:30,931
She's pretty.

116
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,350
Which is not a surprise at all,
Abed.

117
00:05:33,350 --> 00:05:36,353
Okay, Abed, we're gonna be here
for moral support.

118
00:05:36,353 --> 00:05:37,812
Go over there,
do your thing.

119
00:05:37,812 --> 00:05:39,522
Okay.
Remember, be yourself.

120
00:05:39,522 --> 00:05:41,816
Got it. Cool.
Great.

121
00:05:48,698 --> 00:05:50,158
Abed.
Yeah?

122
00:05:50,158 --> 00:05:51,826
What are you doing?
I'm being myself.

123
00:05:51,826 --> 00:05:53,745
Go be yourself
by Jenny.

124
00:05:56,164 --> 00:05:58,499
I wouldn't go over there.
How do you know that?

125
00:05:58,499 --> 00:05:59,918
A lifetime of observation.

126
00:05:59,918 --> 00:06:02,170
You think
there's a version of yourself

127
00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:04,589
that might go over there?
Absolutely.

128
00:06:04,589 --> 00:06:06,507
Could you be him?
Okay.

129
00:06:10,262 --> 00:06:11,805
Oh, oh!

130
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:18,270
What the hell was that?

131
00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:19,604
A different version of me.

132
00:06:19,604 --> 00:06:21,064
I think it was a vampire.

133
00:06:21,064 --> 00:06:23,566
If this is gonna turn ugly,
I can't be here.

134
00:06:23,566 --> 00:06:24,734
I'm a two-striker.

135
00:06:24,734 --> 00:06:26,778
No, Pierce, please,
hang on.

136
00:06:26,778 --> 00:06:28,905
Abed,
will you excuse us, please?

137
00:06:28,905 --> 00:06:31,450
Yeah.

138
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:33,618
Look, I know
that we're all good people.

139
00:06:33,618 --> 00:06:35,829
And we believe that people
should be themselves.

140
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,956
But if Abed is himself,
he's gonna die alone.

141
00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:39,707
And if we let him
be someone else…

142
00:06:39,707 --> 00:06:41,460
Be right back.

143
00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:46,256
I'm out of here.

144
00:06:50,885 --> 00:06:53,638
Mm-mm.
Not gonna happen, buddy.

145
00:06:56,308 --> 00:06:59,269
Oh, my God,
there's a midget on stilts.

146
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:25,379
You're not in uniform.
Yeah, about that.

147
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:28,089
We seriously have to wear shorts
to play pool?

148
00:07:28,089 --> 00:07:30,342
If you play in this class.
It's regulation.

149
00:07:30,342 --> 00:07:32,344
Regulation pool
or regulation you?

150
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:35,222
Do you have something
against playing pool

151
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,807
with a full range of motion
and optimal comfort?

152
00:07:37,807 --> 00:07:40,435
I'm comfortable in my clothes.
I bet you are.

153
00:07:40,435 --> 00:07:43,104
I'm sorry?
I said

154
00:07:43,104 --> 00:07:44,981
I bet you're
comfortable dressed

155
00:07:44,981 --> 00:07:46,941
like a model instead
of an athlete,

156
00:07:46,941 --> 00:07:48,943
sipping martinis,
smoking,

157
00:07:48,943 --> 00:07:50,695
instead of keeping your game
on the table.

158
00:07:50,695 --> 00:07:53,781
Hey, man, you're implying
I'm some sort of pool poser

159
00:07:53,781 --> 00:07:56,243
because I don't wanna wear
a bathing suit.

160
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,245
You're the weird one.

161
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,663
That's weird, not me.

162
00:08:00,663 --> 00:08:02,165
Nobody plays pool like that.

163
00:08:02,165 --> 00:08:04,376
Yeah, what do you call this?

164
00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:06,586
I call that
your personal business, okay?

165
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:08,046
And I call this class

166
00:08:08,046 --> 00:08:10,298
the desecration
of America's coolest sport.

167
00:08:10,298 --> 00:08:13,176
Yeah. I… See, right there.
"Coolest sport."

168
00:08:13,176 --> 00:08:16,721
Okay, I want everybody to know
what's going on here.

169
00:08:16,721 --> 00:08:20,517
This hipster
is dropping this class

170
00:08:20,517 --> 00:08:23,103
because he cares more
about what he looks like

171
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,396
than how he's playing.

172
00:08:24,396 --> 00:08:26,147
Oh, please.

173
00:08:26,147 --> 00:08:28,442
You're the one
with the rules about clothes.

174
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,692
And, by the way,

175
00:08:29,692 --> 00:08:31,945
I could kick your ass
all over that table.

176
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,696
Oh, is that a challenge?

177
00:08:33,696 --> 00:08:36,533
Huh? Because if you
play me in pool,

178
00:08:36,533 --> 00:08:38,285
you play me in shorts.

179
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:43,248
And if you can't do that,
my point's already made.

180
00:08:43,248 --> 00:08:47,877
I don't have anything
to prove to you or…

181
00:08:47,877 --> 00:08:51,339
Look, you're stupid.
This is stupid.

182
00:08:51,339 --> 00:08:54,968
Pool in shorts is stupid.

183
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:58,597
Vanity,
thy name is…his name.

184
00:08:58,597 --> 00:08:59,973
Bye.

185
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,724
It's first day,
I didn't catch it.

186
00:09:01,724 --> 00:09:04,603
Okay, Abed, we know that
you wouldn't approach a girl.

187
00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:06,980
But if you don't learn how,
you won't get Jenny.

188
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,232
And you got two days.
Then I'm going after her.

189
00:09:09,232 --> 00:09:11,901
Pierce.
What, I'm incentivizing him.

190
00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:13,736
Also, if she's into Abed,
let's face it,

191
00:09:13,736 --> 00:09:15,322
anybody could hit that.

192
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:18,032
I need to change who I am
to someone more likeable.

193
00:09:18,032 --> 00:09:19,993
No, sweetie,
it's not about changing.

194
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,328
It's about learning.

195
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,413
Learning to change?
No, it's…

196
00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:25,873
Good grief, clear
the chickens off the runway.

197
00:09:25,873 --> 00:09:27,208
I'll be the bad guy.

198
00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,628
Yes, Abed,
you need to be someone else.

199
00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:31,588
Someone who eventually
gets a girlfriend.

200
00:09:31,588 --> 00:09:34,257
Because I can't think
of anything more frightening

201
00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:38,553
than a half-Polish,
half-Arab virgin in his 30s.

202
00:09:38,553 --> 00:09:41,348
One way or the other,
that story ends with explosion.

203
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,475
Let's try a practice run.

204
00:09:43,475 --> 00:09:47,270
Annie, you sit here,
and be a girl.

205
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,606
Abed, you take a run at her.
Let's see what you got.

206
00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:51,983
Okay.

207
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:00,158
What are you reading?

208
00:10:00,158 --> 00:10:01,576
Pride and Prejudice.

209
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,874
So you're familiar
with two sins.

210
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,250
How about a third?

211
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:10,877
Oh.

212
00:10:15,674 --> 00:10:19,302
I don't think
we're allowed to smoke in here.

213
00:10:19,302 --> 00:10:21,304
Then you picked
the wrong outfit,

214
00:10:22,681 --> 00:10:24,724
didn't you?

215
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,562
Abed, what are you doing?

216
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:30,480
Don Draper from Mad Men.
What'd you think?

217
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,856
Weird.
Awesome.

218
00:10:31,856 --> 00:10:33,483
Put your tongue in her ear.
I liked it.

219
00:10:33,483 --> 00:10:36,110
Don't be him.
He cheats on his wife.

220
00:10:36,110 --> 00:10:37,696
Be somebody nice
like Mike Brady.

221
00:10:37,696 --> 00:10:39,989
He always had that housekeeper
throwing herself at him.

222
00:10:39,989 --> 00:10:41,491
He never made a move on her.

223
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,577
Don't be Mike Brady.
He's not sexy.

224
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:45,786
You should be like Jo
from Facts of Life.

225
00:10:47,455 --> 00:10:50,166
But you know, the dude version.
I knew it.

226
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,834
You should be like Calvin.

227
00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:54,421
His best friend was a tiger,
he went on dope adventures.

228
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,256
Anything stood in his way,
he just peed on it.

229
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,632
Calvin Coolidge?

230
00:10:57,632 --> 00:11:00,260
Don Draper
was clearly the sexiest…

231
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:03,930
And the worst thing about it,
is like that Calvin…

232
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,724
What are you guys doing?

233
00:11:05,724 --> 00:11:07,684
They're teaching me
how to be someone else.

234
00:11:07,684 --> 00:11:10,478
Oh, for God's sake.
What did I tell you guys?

235
00:11:10,478 --> 00:11:14,190
Oh, for God's sakes,
do whatever you want.

236
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,734
Leave each other alone.

237
00:11:15,734 --> 00:11:17,944
Whoa, that's a good Jeff.
How'd you do that?

238
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:20,697
Ten percent Dick Van Dyke,
20 percent Sam Malone,

239
00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:22,282
40 percent Zach Braff in Scrubs,

240
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,075
and 30 percent Hilary Swank
in Boys Don't Cry.

241
00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:26,077
Zach Braff?
Sorry.

242
00:11:26,077 --> 00:11:28,037
Abed, what if you just
did Jeff for Jenny?

243
00:11:28,037 --> 00:11:30,957
Uh… And your point is?

244
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:32,917
Look, I don't want
any part of this.

245
00:11:32,917 --> 00:11:35,670
And I can't believe
that you're still doing it

246
00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:38,047
after I already explained
the obvious lesson

247
00:11:38,047 --> 00:11:39,966
smacking you in the face.

248
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,468
Why aren't you
in billiards class?

249
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,428
Because I don't look cool
in shorts!

250
00:11:43,428 --> 00:11:46,805
Oh! Whoa!
Okay.

251
00:11:46,805 --> 00:11:49,309
Because I'm not cool in shorts!

252
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,978
Now, that's good.
That was really good.

253
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,484
I don't wanna spoil the ending
but, uh,

254
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,653
pride ends up with prejudice.

255
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:02,071
That's funny.
I know.

256
00:12:02,071 --> 00:12:05,866
Stick with me, you get a laugh.
That's the Abed guarantee.

257
00:12:09,454 --> 00:12:11,790
I feel like
I've seen you before.

258
00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:13,583
It's working.
I know.

259
00:12:13,583 --> 00:12:15,752
I get that a lot
from art students.

260
00:12:15,752 --> 00:12:18,087
I'm told I have a face
made for sketching.

261
00:12:18,087 --> 00:12:21,341
I'd rather think
it was made for kissing.

262
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,093
How about for punching?
Huh?

263
00:12:26,387 --> 00:12:29,557
What are you doing
hitting on my girlfriend, ugly?

264
00:12:30,725 --> 00:12:33,269
This is awkward.
Oh, my God.

265
00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:35,104
It's a white Abed.

266
00:12:35,104 --> 00:12:37,565
I know. It… It's like Abed
but employable.

267
00:12:37,565 --> 00:12:41,110
Huh, boss? Let's go, Slumdog.
Oh.

268
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,990
One last Lost and Found
announcement.

269
00:12:45,990 --> 00:12:48,242
Jeff Winger, I've been informed
by Coach Bogner

270
00:12:48,242 --> 00:12:50,745
that you left your panties
in his pool class

271
00:12:50,745 --> 00:12:53,206
so better pick those up.

272
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,916
When is he gonna stop
doing that?

273
00:12:55,916 --> 00:12:57,918
Do you know
that he called me a hipster?

274
00:12:57,918 --> 00:13:00,797
Hipster.
Do hipsters walk around

275
00:13:00,797 --> 00:13:03,132
wearing $300 jeans from Italy?

276
00:13:03,132 --> 00:13:04,759
Can we please talk about Abed?

277
00:13:04,759 --> 00:13:06,511
Thanks to us,
he's heart's been broken.

278
00:13:06,511 --> 00:13:09,096
Well, I hate to say
that I told you so,

279
00:13:09,096 --> 00:13:11,391
so I'll shout it
through cupped hands.

280
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,976
I told you so!
We were only trying to help.

281
00:13:13,976 --> 00:13:16,646
Oh, come on, who are
we kidding? Jeff's right.

282
00:13:16,646 --> 00:13:19,357
Abed was happy being Abed
till we had to sully his mind

283
00:13:19,357 --> 00:13:22,943
with thoughts of love
and romance and vaginas.

284
00:13:22,943 --> 00:13:25,572
Those are the big three.
That's what they call them.

285
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,825
Poor Abed. He was probably
too sad to get out of bed.

286
00:13:28,825 --> 00:13:30,493
Hi.
Abed.

287
00:13:30,493 --> 00:13:32,995
About yesterday…
Oh, yeah.

288
00:13:32,995 --> 00:13:35,832
You guys must be pretty upset.
Why would we be upset?

289
00:13:35,832 --> 00:13:38,334
I know how important it was
for you that I get a girlfriend.

290
00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:40,211
So when Jenny went off
with white Abed,

291
00:13:40,211 --> 00:13:43,297
it must have really hurt.
Ah. It did.

292
00:13:43,297 --> 00:13:45,425
White Abed?
Jenny's boyfriend is a white guy

293
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,427
that's almost
identical to Abed.

294
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,429
It's Joey, that's why
the sketch was in Troy's book.

295
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,806
So does that make Abed
brown Joey?

296
00:13:51,806 --> 00:13:53,892
If you wanna get racist
about it.

297
00:13:53,892 --> 00:13:56,310
You know we just want you
to be happy, right?

298
00:13:56,310 --> 00:13:58,062
Everybody wants me
to be happy.

299
00:13:58,062 --> 00:13:59,480
Everybody wants to help me.

300
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,482
But when they can't,
they get frustrated

301
00:14:01,482 --> 00:14:02,734
and stop talking to me.

302
00:14:02,734 --> 00:14:04,151
Or trick me
into buying them ice cream

303
00:14:04,151 --> 00:14:05,695
then, shove me
into a clothes dryer.

304
00:14:05,695 --> 00:14:07,405
Which I didn't wanna happen
with you guys,

305
00:14:07,405 --> 00:14:09,407
so I wanted to make sure
you felt like you could help me.

306
00:14:09,407 --> 00:14:11,910
The truth is,
lots of girls like me

307
00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:14,328
because I'm pretty adorable.
Mm-hm.

308
00:14:14,328 --> 00:14:17,749
And my aloofness unconsciously
reminds them of their fathers.

309
00:14:17,749 --> 00:14:20,460
I'm more used to them
approaching me.

310
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,879
So we didn't damage
your self-esteem?

311
00:14:22,879 --> 00:14:25,965
Britta, I got self-esteem
falling out of my butt.

312
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,842
That's why I was willing
to change for you,

313
00:14:27,842 --> 00:14:29,302
because when you really
know who you are

314
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,970
and what you like
about yourself

315
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:33,013
changing for other people
isn't such a big deal.

316
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,853
Abed, you're a god.

317
00:14:42,022 --> 00:14:43,858
If you'll all excuse me,

318
00:14:43,858 --> 00:14:47,111
I have a man to beat in pool
while wearing shorts.

319
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,989
Nice.
Is that code

320
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:52,199
for going number one
or number two?

321
00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:55,161
Abed, you've inspired me too.

322
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,830
People can mock me
all they want.

323
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:58,873
I don't care
how I say the word "baggle."

324
00:15:00,124 --> 00:15:03,336
"Baggle."
She said the word "baggle."

325
00:15:08,215 --> 00:15:10,885
Hey, nice cross corner, Leonard.
Totally.

326
00:15:10,885 --> 00:15:13,179
I'd like to see Jeff Winger
try that shot

327
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,473
without the benefit
of his stylish clothing.

328
00:15:15,473 --> 00:15:17,266
Oh, would you?

329
00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:20,311
Jeff Winger.

330
00:15:20,311 --> 00:15:22,897
Shouldn't you be
at an Urban Outfitters?

331
00:15:22,897 --> 00:15:24,941
I'll go there later
if I feel like it.

332
00:15:24,941 --> 00:15:26,651
But first,
I have to hand someone

333
00:15:26,651 --> 00:15:29,529
their tightly polyester-swaddled
ass in a game of pool.

334
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,864
Ooh.

335
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:32,156
Oh, burn.

336
00:15:32,156 --> 00:15:34,659
You wanna talk
about clothes like a girl?

337
00:15:34,659 --> 00:15:36,369
Or use tapered sticks
to hit balls

338
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,412
around a cushioned table
like a man?

339
00:15:38,412 --> 00:15:40,748
Balls, like a man.
Oh!

340
00:15:40,748 --> 00:15:42,375
Rack them.

341
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,460
I'll break.

342
00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,212
Why? Because it looks cool?

343
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:48,631
I don't know.

344
00:15:48,631 --> 00:15:50,675
You tell me.

345
00:15:52,510 --> 00:15:54,136
Yeah.

346
00:16:12,363 --> 00:16:14,490
Get out of the way.

347
00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:26,210
Shh-shh, boom.

348
00:16:26,210 --> 00:16:29,589
Let me just clean this side
of the table off here.

349
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:32,800
Oh, okay. There you go.
See that? There you go, yeah.

350
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,803
Yeah. What do you think of that?
You haven't learned anything.

351
00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:38,514
Except how to look cool
playing pool in shorts.

352
00:16:38,514 --> 00:16:40,266
You're wrong, man.

353
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,936
I'm just having a good time
because I love playing pool.

354
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,687
Liar.

355
00:16:44,687 --> 00:16:46,940
You think you look cool.

356
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:48,357
Yeah?

357
00:16:48,357 --> 00:16:51,402
Well, how cool is this?

358
00:16:54,906 --> 00:16:57,867
Stop projecting your obsession
with clothes onto me

359
00:16:57,867 --> 00:17:02,496
as an excuse for when I beat you
in a game of real pool.

360
00:17:02,496 --> 00:17:04,164
Oh, you wanna play real pool,
huh?

361
00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:07,710
I'll play real pool.

362
00:17:07,710 --> 00:17:10,379
Now who doesn't care
how they look?

363
00:17:10,379 --> 00:17:12,548
Me.

364
00:17:12,548 --> 00:17:14,926
Shouldn't you be stopping this?
Soon. Soon.

365
00:17:14,926 --> 00:17:16,928
Just gathering evidence.

366
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:26,562
Three-to-one against Winger.
Who's on?

367
00:17:34,946 --> 00:17:36,363
Oh!
Oh!

368
00:17:41,035 --> 00:17:42,745
Yeah!

369
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,004
Oh.

370
00:17:52,254 --> 00:17:54,882
You know what, Jeff?

371
00:17:54,882 --> 00:17:58,385
One of us
is about to win this game.

372
00:17:58,385 --> 00:18:01,764
But years from now,
when the story is retold,

373
00:18:01,764 --> 00:18:03,933
all they're gonna remember

374
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,394
is one of us loved clothes

375
00:18:07,394 --> 00:18:11,315
and the other loved
the game.

376
00:18:11,315 --> 00:18:12,817
Ooh.

377
00:18:50,646 --> 00:18:52,815
Oh.
Ooh.

378
00:19:06,871 --> 00:19:09,456
Yeah!

379
00:19:09,456 --> 00:19:12,126
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

380
00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:16,463
Yeah! Yeah!

381
00:19:16,463 --> 00:19:19,050
Yeah! Yeah.

382
00:19:19,050 --> 00:19:21,094
You look at me. Look at me.

383
00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,636
You beat me.

384
00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:26,182
From now on, you play pool
dressed however you choose.

385
00:19:26,182 --> 00:19:27,892
I choose shorts.

386
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,853
I choose shorts.

387
00:19:30,853 --> 00:19:32,855
Shorts.

388
00:19:32,855 --> 00:19:35,649
You son of a bitch.

389
00:19:35,649 --> 00:19:37,944
You magnificent son of a bitch.

390
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,617
Jeff.

391
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:47,369
That was awesome.
Let me get in here. Oh!

392
00:19:47,369 --> 00:19:50,539
Okay, you're sweaty.
All right, all right.

393
00:19:54,252 --> 00:19:56,963
Nice game.
Thanks.

394
00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,007
Look, I… I hope
this doesn't sound too forward.

395
00:20:00,007 --> 00:20:04,137
But, um, could you introduce me
to your friend?

396
00:20:10,268 --> 00:20:13,395
You know what? I…
I know that guy's M.O.,

397
00:20:13,395 --> 00:20:16,190
and I think it's better
if you introduce yourself.

398
00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:18,484
Okay.

399
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,862
Hi.
Hi.

400
00:20:21,862 --> 00:20:23,447
Courtney.
Abed.

401
00:20:26,742 --> 00:20:30,246
Man,
why couldn't I be brown Joey?

402
00:20:32,873 --> 00:20:34,333
Tsk.

403
00:20:38,129 --> 00:20:39,630
Hey, Abed.
Hey Troy.

404
00:20:39,630 --> 00:20:41,465
Here's the book I borrowed.
Thank you.

405
00:20:41,465 --> 00:20:42,842
Did you finally
get your own book?

406
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,635
Something like that.

407
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:49,265
Wait a second.

408
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,769
It's okay.
Let's have cookies.

409
00:20:53,769 --> 00:20:55,395
Okay.

410
00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:01,819
Mm. Mm.
Mm. Mm.

411
00:21:03,445 --> 00:21:05,781
My cousin's funeral was today.
Oh, was that was today?

412
00:21:05,781 --> 00:21:08,450
I knew there was some reason
I couldn't do this today.

413
00:21:08,450 --> 00:21:10,119
Poor Demitri.