1 00:00:02,093 --> 00:00:04,137 It's Valentine's week, 2 00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:07,975 when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, 3 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:10,936 delivering your gift to that special someone. 4 00:00:10,936 --> 00:00:14,648 But remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, 5 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,066 so love is not only blind 6 00:00:16,066 --> 00:00:19,444 but also dizzy and a little belligerent. 7 00:00:19,444 --> 00:00:22,113 I'm chaperoning tomorrow's dance. 8 00:00:22,113 --> 00:00:24,449 You should come. Maybe your study buds will go. 9 00:00:24,449 --> 00:00:27,327 What's the blonde's name? Bitter, Butter, Beetlejuice? 10 00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:30,288 Britta. She says Valentine's Day ritualizes a connection 11 00:00:30,288 --> 00:00:31,749 between affection and candy 12 00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:34,167 so girls can learn the ropes of prostitution. 13 00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:35,460 Translation, no date. 14 00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:37,212 I'm gonna join you at that dance. 15 00:00:37,212 --> 00:00:39,089 But as a novice boyfriend, 16 00:00:39,089 --> 00:00:41,174 could I get a map of the minefield known as 17 00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:43,260 women's Valentine expectations? 18 00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:44,511 Every day of the year, 19 00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:46,555 I want you to do what makes you happy. 20 00:00:46,555 --> 00:00:48,933 Tomorrow, I'm gonna be happy spending the night 21 00:00:48,933 --> 00:00:51,142 with an insatiable statistics professor. 22 00:00:56,314 --> 00:00:58,316 It's the Registrar's Office. 23 00:00:58,316 --> 00:01:00,110 Seems you're wrong paying tuition 24 00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:01,820 with airline miles. 25 00:01:01,820 --> 00:01:03,154 We're gonna need a check… 26 00:01:03,154 --> 00:01:04,782 Message deleted. 27 00:01:04,782 --> 00:01:08,285 Jeff Winger, I am calling you. 28 00:01:09,494 --> 00:01:10,871 Oh, yeah. 29 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,832 You're probably, whatever. 30 00:01:13,832 --> 00:01:17,168 So, what's up? Ha-ha! 31 00:01:17,168 --> 00:01:18,963 Oh, it's the Cupid Being. 32 00:01:18,963 --> 00:01:20,589 Ooh! 33 00:01:20,589 --> 00:01:22,173 Now it has arrows. That's safe. 34 00:01:22,173 --> 00:01:26,303 It's from that cook with beard in the cafeteria. 35 00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:28,973 I guess when he said, "I'm gonna get you," 36 00:01:28,973 --> 00:01:30,933 he meant chocolates. 37 00:01:30,933 --> 00:01:34,019 Aww. A flower from Vaughn. 38 00:01:34,019 --> 00:01:36,563 He's away on a vision quest. 39 00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:37,898 You got something, Abed? 40 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,400 Another muffin basket from another actress 41 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,694 who wants to be in my next film. Does that work? 42 00:01:42,694 --> 00:01:45,196 Meryl Streep has two Oscars because of her baking. 43 00:01:45,196 --> 00:01:46,907 That's sarcasm but I forgot to inflect. 44 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,118 This sounds way more like sarcasm. 45 00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:51,036 Inflection is so interesting. 46 00:01:51,036 --> 00:01:53,371 That big bag at the bottom. Is that for me? 47 00:01:54,665 --> 00:01:58,168 Anything in there for Troy? Troy Barnes. 48 00:01:58,168 --> 00:01:59,878 Barnes, comma, Troy? 49 00:02:01,212 --> 00:02:02,798 Who cares about getting things? 50 00:02:02,798 --> 00:02:05,300 It destroys the true meaning of Valentine's Day. 51 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,678 The birth of St. Valentine's. 52 00:02:07,678 --> 00:02:10,139 Oh, good. Now it has arrows. That's safe. 53 00:02:10,139 --> 00:02:12,557 Sorry I'm late. It's okay. 54 00:02:12,557 --> 00:02:13,767 You look very early. 55 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:14,977 Oh, God, I'm really late. 56 00:02:14,977 --> 00:02:16,728 Yes, you are. Yeah. See you later. 57 00:02:16,728 --> 00:02:18,313 That's all right. We'll see you. 58 00:02:19,982 --> 00:02:23,652 Can I get you something? Water? Smelling salts? 59 00:02:23,652 --> 00:02:25,779 An alibi for Cobain's suicide? 60 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,740 No, but you could help yourself to a shorter forehead, 61 00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:31,242 a non-Keebler nose, and shutting up. 62 00:02:31,242 --> 00:02:32,577 Hmm. That stings. 63 00:02:32,577 --> 00:02:33,912 I mean, not the words. 64 00:02:33,912 --> 00:02:36,748 The clouds of bourbon vapor forming them. 65 00:02:36,748 --> 00:02:40,169 A girlfriend from my anarchist days was in town 66 00:02:40,169 --> 00:02:42,796 and we drank. Everything. 67 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:46,424 Yeah. And then you said, "I should call Jeff." 68 00:02:46,424 --> 00:02:49,553 Yeah, because the first thing I do when I'm having fun 69 00:02:49,553 --> 00:02:51,138 is think about… 70 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:55,308 Jeff Winger, I am calling you. 71 00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:58,436 You're probably…whatever. 72 00:02:58,436 --> 00:02:59,730 So, what's up? 73 00:02:59,730 --> 00:03:01,690 The drunk dial. 74 00:03:01,690 --> 00:03:04,568 So much subtext. So much intrigue. 75 00:03:04,568 --> 00:03:08,530 So much of what the kids are calling BCI. 76 00:03:08,530 --> 00:03:11,867 That's, uh, Booty Call Implication. 77 00:03:17,081 --> 00:03:19,708 Oh. 78 00:03:19,708 --> 00:03:22,127 What happened to Britta? Justice. 79 00:03:22,127 --> 00:03:24,880 Having spent the year denying her attraction to me 80 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,716 just to be alternative, Britta called me 81 00:03:27,716 --> 00:03:32,179 at 3 a.m. just to ask, "What's up?" 82 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,263 A drunk dial? Was it BCI? 83 00:03:34,263 --> 00:03:36,016 Booty call with a capital B. Mm. 84 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:37,851 This can't be good. It's no biggie. 85 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,728 We give each other crap all the time. 86 00:03:39,728 --> 00:03:41,188 Well, that's the point. 87 00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:43,148 What crap can she give now that you hold the cards? 88 00:03:43,148 --> 00:03:44,733 You shifted balance like in sitcom 89 00:03:44,733 --> 00:03:46,235 when one sees another naked. 90 00:03:46,235 --> 00:03:48,403 Is that really a sitcom staple? 91 00:03:48,403 --> 00:03:52,199 No, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I never watch TV. 92 00:03:59,623 --> 00:04:02,333 Now, we all know that in English, 93 00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:05,879 the rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo." 94 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:09,507 In Espanol, the gallo says: 95 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:17,057 What? I'm teaching. 96 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,731 Ah-ha! I knew you were holding back. 97 00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:28,359 Oh! It's from the girl I'm dating. 98 00:04:28,359 --> 00:04:29,861 Yeah, I met her in biology. 99 00:04:29,861 --> 00:04:32,281 She was looking for geology and misread the sign. 100 00:04:32,281 --> 00:04:35,742 I said, "We do not study countries in here." 101 00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:39,370 Yeah, she's… She's dumb, but… But sweet. 102 00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:42,666 Yeah, mine's from Danielle. She's, uh… Uh… 103 00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:45,252 A lovely lady in my marketing class. 104 00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:47,004 We're sleeping together. 105 00:04:47,004 --> 00:04:49,589 They sound like very lucky ladies. 106 00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,133 Yeah, they're not made up. 107 00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:54,052 Beep-beep! Oh, my God, what's going on? Beep! 108 00:04:54,052 --> 00:04:56,263 My bull crap meter's going crazy. 109 00:05:01,018 --> 00:05:03,312 It's these presents you've sent yourselves 110 00:05:03,312 --> 00:05:05,272 to make it look like you have girlfriends. 111 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,773 That's ridiculous. 112 00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:10,652 This is obviously your handwriting, Mr. Tremor. 113 00:05:10,652 --> 00:05:13,071 And yours is signed, "Love, Troy"? 114 00:05:13,071 --> 00:05:15,365 I tell you, this is the most pathetic thing 115 00:05:15,365 --> 00:05:16,574 I've ever seen here. 116 00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:20,620 Oh, my God! 117 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,331 Look at him over there, 118 00:05:22,331 --> 00:05:24,041 cutting the gristle off his steak 119 00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:27,085 as ruthlessly as he cut off Troy and Pierce's dignity. 120 00:05:27,085 --> 00:05:29,921 Ew! Now he's eating the gristle. 121 00:05:29,921 --> 00:05:32,007 I'm so sick of Chang. 122 00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:34,718 Always tearing people down, making them feel horrible. 123 00:05:34,718 --> 00:05:37,971 Somebody needs to humiliate him the way he humiliated our boys. 124 00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,765 Mustache, get me a juice box. 125 00:05:40,765 --> 00:05:41,975 Now! 126 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,768 And that somebody is us. 127 00:05:45,603 --> 00:05:47,856 You can vomit onto this food 128 00:05:47,856 --> 00:05:49,566 because it already smells like it. 129 00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:53,070 Ha! Yeah, totally. 130 00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:57,741 My law firm went on a retreat to Disney World once, 131 00:05:57,741 --> 00:06:00,160 and I got so drunk that I got into a fight 132 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,954 with animatronic Ben Franklin. 133 00:06:02,954 --> 00:06:04,413 Why are you telling me this? 134 00:06:04,413 --> 00:06:06,750 Well, the point is that when I'm sober, 135 00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,459 I don't secretly hate Ben Franklin 136 00:06:08,459 --> 00:06:09,753 or even think about him, 137 00:06:09,753 --> 00:06:11,671 so you drunk dialing me? 138 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:15,092 It's not like a big deal. My God. You're pitying me now. 139 00:06:15,092 --> 00:06:16,260 You're acting weird. 140 00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:17,844 I'll talk to you in class, okay? 141 00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:20,638 Just leave me alone till then. 142 00:06:25,977 --> 00:06:27,938 What is going on here? 143 00:06:30,899 --> 00:06:32,692 My doody meter's going crazy. 144 00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:35,820 Okay, cut, cut, cut. Leo, I'm not feeling it. 145 00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:38,323 I need to believe you're holding an imaginary doody meter. 146 00:06:38,323 --> 00:06:41,410 The problem is not me. It's you and your stupid script. 147 00:06:41,410 --> 00:06:42,953 Idiot. 148 00:06:42,953 --> 00:06:44,579 That's the anger. Use it. 149 00:06:46,081 --> 00:06:47,624 Wow. One Papa John's commercial 150 00:06:47,624 --> 00:06:49,251 he thinks he's Christian Bale. 151 00:06:49,251 --> 00:06:50,459 Look, uh, you were right. 152 00:06:50,459 --> 00:06:52,045 Britta is totally weird around me. 153 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,546 It does feel I saw her naked. 154 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,090 It's a resonant premise. 155 00:06:55,090 --> 00:06:56,674 Tony saw Angela naked on Who's the Boss? 156 00:06:56,674 --> 00:06:59,052 And did Tony do something to fix that? 157 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,346 I don't know. I could never get past the opening credits. 158 00:07:01,346 --> 00:07:03,556 But when Chandler saw Rachel naked on Friends, 159 00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:06,226 to even the score Rachel needed to see Chandler's penis. 160 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:08,437 All right. I'll show Britta my penis. 161 00:07:08,437 --> 00:07:09,813 Don't waste my time. 162 00:07:09,813 --> 00:07:11,648 I lose my Chang to Cub Scouts in 20 minutes. 163 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:14,943 So what? To even the score, I have to drunk dial her? 164 00:07:14,943 --> 00:07:17,904 Isn't that absurdly simplistic? Would it even work? 165 00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:19,364 Maybe. Oh. 166 00:07:19,364 --> 00:07:20,865 No room for error. 167 00:07:20,865 --> 00:07:23,076 She'd have to believe it was real. 168 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,244 Have you ever acted drunk? 169 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,954 I can totally do it. 170 00:07:25,954 --> 00:07:30,250 I'm fine. I can drive. I can totally drive right now. 171 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,918 Give me my keys. That's enough. 172 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,462 No, hold on a second. All right. 173 00:07:33,462 --> 00:07:35,839 I don't care. 174 00:07:35,839 --> 00:07:37,674 No, seriously, give me my keys. 175 00:07:38,883 --> 00:07:41,261 Okay, that's a wrap, people. 176 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,680 I want you to be at my place at 4 so we can work on this. 177 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,766 Well, no, I can't do that. Here's why. 178 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,810 Dumbest idea ever. 179 00:07:48,810 --> 00:07:51,271 You know Britta's weakness. She cuts and runs. 180 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,982 You do this half-assed and fail, she may leave and we lose her. 181 00:07:53,982 --> 00:07:55,900 That's not gonna happen. Not on my watch. 182 00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:57,568 That's a deal breaker. Saddle up. 183 00:07:57,568 --> 00:08:00,364 Sorry I lost my cool. Just quit smoking. 184 00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:01,739 Kid's gonna be a star. 185 00:08:01,739 --> 00:08:04,368 He's a young "the Asian guy from Lost." 186 00:08:05,827 --> 00:08:07,496 Try it again. 187 00:08:07,496 --> 00:08:10,499 Come on. You're a big guy. 188 00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:14,294 Action. 189 00:08:17,755 --> 00:08:20,509 Hey, Britta. Your call got me thinking, 190 00:08:20,509 --> 00:08:22,260 and thinking got me drinking. 191 00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:23,636 Stop. That was terrible. 192 00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,430 What? Mm-mm. 193 00:08:25,430 --> 00:08:28,641 I can get drunk alone if that's what helps people act. 194 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:31,395 Well, that's your problem. You've been acting whole life. 195 00:08:31,395 --> 00:08:34,231 It's time to pass that act up and find the actor playing you. 196 00:08:34,231 --> 00:08:36,900 Oh, they are gonna love you in California. 197 00:08:39,528 --> 00:08:40,820 Do you like Britta? 198 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,364 Sure, who doesn't? 199 00:08:42,364 --> 00:08:44,824 Over half the people that meet her. 200 00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:47,327 They can be put off by her vacuous mannequin face, 201 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,454 and her Jodie Foster severity. 202 00:08:49,454 --> 00:08:50,914 But you're different. 203 00:08:50,914 --> 00:08:53,542 Uh, you know. She's no barrel of monkeys. 204 00:08:53,542 --> 00:08:56,586 She… She wants everyone to be honest but she lies to herself. 205 00:08:56,586 --> 00:08:58,547 She's seen the world but doesn't get it. 206 00:08:58,547 --> 00:09:00,882 She has more fights about stuff that doesn't matter 207 00:09:00,882 --> 00:09:02,551 than a YouTube comment section. 208 00:09:02,551 --> 00:09:07,638 She's passionate, which I find stupid but entertaining. 209 00:09:07,638 --> 00:09:10,475 Attractive? It was only attraction at first 210 00:09:10,475 --> 00:09:12,727 because she bothered to play hard to get. 211 00:09:12,727 --> 00:09:14,312 I'm happy with Michelle. 212 00:09:14,312 --> 00:09:16,647 Slater is low maintenance. Mm. The lowest. 213 00:09:16,647 --> 00:09:19,359 Britta, irritating, impossible, unpredictable. 214 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,611 She didn't like you. It felt useless to like her. 215 00:09:21,611 --> 00:09:23,947 Slater likes you how you are, expects nothing. 216 00:09:23,947 --> 00:09:26,283 You're safe from change. And passion. 217 00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:28,910 Watch it. Watch what? 218 00:09:28,910 --> 00:09:30,495 A phony drunk-dial soaked in phony pity 219 00:09:30,495 --> 00:09:32,080 that insults Britta even more? 220 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,917 Or a believable performance informed by feeling? 221 00:09:37,961 --> 00:09:41,506 You know, I am sure you're a good director, 222 00:09:41,506 --> 00:09:43,467 but you are a horrible drinking buddy. 223 00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:46,303 I mean, I can't feel things with you studying me 224 00:09:46,303 --> 00:09:48,263 like a beige praying mantis. 225 00:09:48,263 --> 00:09:50,474 You're right. 226 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,606 I thought you never drank. 227 00:09:57,606 --> 00:09:59,649 Scorsese drank with De Niro. 228 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,448 It's not for me. It's for the audience. 229 00:10:57,081 --> 00:10:59,501 All right, class, turn to page… Whoa. 230 00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:02,212 Looks like the law firm of Seacrest and Slumdog 231 00:11:02,212 --> 00:11:03,838 is taking the day off. 232 00:11:06,841 --> 00:11:09,260 Ooh. Another special delivery 233 00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:12,472 from Troy and Pierce's imaginary lovers? 234 00:11:14,558 --> 00:11:17,477 Wait a minute. 235 00:11:18,727 --> 00:11:20,021 That one's for me. 236 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,193 All right. Oh, yeah. 237 00:11:27,237 --> 00:11:29,614 Wow. It's from Princeton. 238 00:11:29,614 --> 00:11:32,409 They want to make me associate professor 239 00:11:32,409 --> 00:11:34,952 of the Spanish Department? 240 00:11:34,952 --> 00:11:37,997 They're telling me I can name my price? Oh, my God. 241 00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:40,500 At Princeton? Come on. 242 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,918 You two idiots 243 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,254 really thought I'd fall for this, huh? 244 00:11:44,254 --> 00:11:46,673 This is your pathetic attempt 245 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:49,384 to punish me for humiliating you. 246 00:11:49,384 --> 00:11:52,303 But we didn't do it. Save it. 247 00:11:54,598 --> 00:11:56,391 As punishment, 248 00:11:56,391 --> 00:11:59,269 because you two obviously don't have any girlfriends, 249 00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:01,145 escort me to the Valentine's Dance 250 00:12:01,145 --> 00:12:03,772 wearing elegant ladies' pantsuits. 251 00:12:03,772 --> 00:12:05,816 Yeah, right. 252 00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,486 You'll do it or you fail. 253 00:12:08,486 --> 00:12:11,239 You can't do that. Have you met me? 254 00:12:11,239 --> 00:12:14,659 I mean it. Tonight you are my bitches. 255 00:12:20,498 --> 00:12:23,293 Holy crap. 256 00:12:23,293 --> 00:12:24,877 Abed. 257 00:12:26,463 --> 00:12:28,005 Abed? 258 00:12:39,643 --> 00:12:41,185 It's 3:00. 259 00:12:41,185 --> 00:12:43,020 What happened? 260 00:12:43,020 --> 00:12:44,606 The last thing I remember 261 00:12:44,606 --> 00:12:49,319 is you were dancing like that girl in the movie 262 00:12:50,819 --> 00:12:52,947 Kids In Detention? Breakfast Club? 263 00:12:52,947 --> 00:12:56,867 Dear God. What have you done to me? 264 00:12:56,867 --> 00:12:58,827 Wait, did I call Britta? 265 00:13:00,121 --> 00:13:02,666 Where's my phone? Got it. 266 00:13:03,832 --> 00:13:05,627 You made two outgoing calls. 267 00:13:05,627 --> 00:13:06,919 One to Britta, 268 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,296 one to your girlfriend. 269 00:13:08,296 --> 00:13:10,089 I don't remember either of them. 270 00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,215 Neither do I. 271 00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,678 I don't remember the name of the girl 272 00:13:14,678 --> 00:13:16,346 in The Breakfast Club. 273 00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:18,097 Mary. 274 00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,308 Margaret. 275 00:13:20,308 --> 00:13:22,101 Molly Ringworm? 276 00:13:23,394 --> 00:13:24,729 You broke me. 277 00:13:29,651 --> 00:13:32,654 I still can't believe I'm a size 14. 278 00:13:32,654 --> 00:13:36,449 I know the 12 was a little tight but I could have pulled it off. 279 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,867 You guys really going through with this? 280 00:13:38,867 --> 00:13:41,245 We have to. He'll fail us. 281 00:13:41,245 --> 00:13:43,665 We're gonna find out who wrote that. We have leads. 282 00:13:43,665 --> 00:13:46,125 It was written on fake Princeton letterhead. 283 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,960 So whoever wrote it, worked at Princeton, 284 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,337 ran out of stationary, 285 00:13:49,337 --> 00:13:51,088 and didn't have time to go to store. 286 00:13:51,088 --> 00:13:54,008 Um, you guys? Uh-uh! Uh. 287 00:13:54,008 --> 00:13:55,343 What? 288 00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,763 Women's sizes run slimmer. 289 00:13:58,763 --> 00:14:01,224 I'm sure you're a 12 everywhere that it counts. 290 00:14:01,224 --> 00:14:03,810 I'll take every little victory I can get right now. 291 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,020 Thanks. 292 00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:08,897 Hmm. You look about ready to marry Courtney Love. 293 00:14:10,899 --> 00:14:13,027 That's the reverse of my zinger from before. 294 00:14:13,027 --> 00:14:14,696 Please stop shouting, all right? 295 00:14:14,696 --> 00:14:17,490 I feel like that person in the TV show. 296 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:20,660 Do you remember calling me last night? 297 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,286 Yeah. Why? 298 00:14:22,286 --> 00:14:24,789 Are we cool? Oh, yeah. 299 00:14:24,789 --> 00:14:26,583 Have a seat, Drunky Brewster. 300 00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:28,000 Let's study. 301 00:14:29,252 --> 00:14:31,379 Balance restored, I guess. 302 00:14:31,379 --> 00:14:33,339 Movie reference. 303 00:14:49,939 --> 00:14:51,900 Hey there. 304 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,235 Happy Valentine's Day. 305 00:14:54,235 --> 00:14:55,528 I've been calling you. 306 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,863 Yeah, I know. 307 00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,448 I figured I'd let it go to voicemail 308 00:14:58,448 --> 00:15:00,658 in case you had the wrong number again. 309 00:15:00,658 --> 00:15:02,159 Elaborate? 310 00:15:02,159 --> 00:15:04,454 You don't remember calling me 4 in the morning 311 00:15:04,454 --> 00:15:06,997 and hanging up when you realized I wasn't Britta? 312 00:15:06,997 --> 00:15:08,332 I guess not. 313 00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:12,086 Michelle. 314 00:15:12,086 --> 00:15:14,422 Michelle, um, 315 00:15:14,422 --> 00:15:18,384 I was trying to call Britain to order you toffees. 316 00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,010 Now that might sound dumb, 317 00:15:20,010 --> 00:15:23,973 but I needed to open with it to make truth less ridiculous. 318 00:15:27,769 --> 00:15:30,730 Two nights ago, Britta drunk-dialed me, 319 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,149 and it embarrassed her and made her sad, 320 00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,485 and the only way for her to get her power back 321 00:15:35,485 --> 00:15:37,862 was for me to get believably drunk 322 00:15:37,862 --> 00:15:40,030 and leave her an equally embarrassing message. 323 00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:42,784 It sure seems like you and Britta are friends 324 00:15:42,784 --> 00:15:45,662 the way my mom's pool cleaner was my uncle. 325 00:15:45,662 --> 00:15:47,789 Have you had sex with her? Not even a little. 326 00:15:47,789 --> 00:15:50,416 What doesn't make sense is that you did all this work 327 00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:53,002 to put a smile on her face but can't pick up ice cream 328 00:15:53,002 --> 00:15:55,922 for Law and Order night because it feels too marriage-y. 329 00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,340 First of all, Chubby Hubby? 330 00:15:57,340 --> 00:15:59,926 I mean, could you pick a scarier flavor? 331 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:05,306 Let's talk about this later. I need to chaperone something. 332 00:16:26,494 --> 00:16:29,622 There he is. Oh. 333 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,541 You know, I thought I'd be embarrassed. 334 00:16:31,541 --> 00:16:33,167 Now I'm just scared. 335 00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:36,462 I am seriously reconsidering how much I want this credit. 336 00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:37,881 Remember what we said? 337 00:16:37,881 --> 00:16:40,383 Never let him see us cry. 338 00:16:40,383 --> 00:16:42,719 Right. 339 00:16:42,719 --> 00:16:45,680 Okay, one, two… 340 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,557 Wait. Keep your coats on. 341 00:16:47,557 --> 00:16:49,600 We're the ones that sent the letter. 342 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,060 What? 343 00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:53,145 You work… You work at Princeton? 344 00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:54,981 We were mad at him for humiliating you. 345 00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:59,027 Well, nice fix, Tweedledum and even Tweedlerdum. 346 00:16:59,027 --> 00:17:02,906 Look, we're gonna tell Chang the truth, 347 00:17:02,906 --> 00:17:04,532 and we'll pay the price. 348 00:17:04,532 --> 00:17:06,116 Wait. 349 00:17:06,116 --> 00:17:09,328 We can't make you do that. No, he's right. 350 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,163 We gotta get out of these pantsuits 351 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,456 then you can put them on. 352 00:17:12,456 --> 00:17:14,375 Look, Pierce, this whole thing 353 00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:16,293 started because you and I were ashamed 354 00:17:16,293 --> 00:17:18,337 that we didn't have ladies that cared about us. 355 00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:21,173 And the good news is we obviously do. 356 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,009 The bad news is 357 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:26,429 that it makes it our manly duty to protect them tonight. 358 00:17:26,429 --> 00:17:28,014 Oh! That's nice, 359 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:30,266 but we really can't let you do that. It's… 360 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,894 No, he's right. He's right. 361 00:17:32,894 --> 00:17:34,478 Step aside. Oh. 362 00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:39,233 Let's handle this like men. Yeah. 363 00:17:43,404 --> 00:17:45,990 Whoo. Ladies. 364 00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:47,157 They're gonna be okay? 365 00:17:47,157 --> 00:17:49,535 Get in my Mercedes. 366 00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,788 Just look away, baby. 367 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:55,833 Just look away. 368 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,438 Whoa. Looking for someone? 369 00:18:18,689 --> 00:18:20,232 Uh, yeah. 370 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,276 Slater. Heh. 371 00:18:22,276 --> 00:18:23,903 Very funny. 372 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:27,657 When you called me last night and invited me to the dance, 373 00:18:27,657 --> 00:18:29,659 I was shocked. 374 00:18:29,659 --> 00:18:31,744 And thrilled. 375 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,372 Are you okay? 376 00:18:36,499 --> 00:18:38,084 Yeah. 377 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,543 No. No. 378 00:18:39,543 --> 00:18:41,796 Look, I'm sorry. 379 00:18:41,796 --> 00:18:45,716 Uh, I don't… I don't remember asking you to the dance. 380 00:18:45,716 --> 00:18:47,093 I don't remember anything. 381 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,345 Now Slater knows all the drunk-dialing stuff, 382 00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:50,680 and I'm in the doghouse. 383 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,182 If she finds out about this, it's over. 384 00:18:53,182 --> 00:18:56,144 So, again, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. 385 00:18:56,144 --> 00:18:58,646 And you are messing with me right now, aren't you? 386 00:18:58,646 --> 00:19:00,564 I knew you didn't remember anything 387 00:19:00,564 --> 00:19:02,066 from that phone call last night. 388 00:19:02,066 --> 00:19:06,154 You got dressed up just to see me sweat? 389 00:19:06,154 --> 00:19:08,739 Oh, believe me. You're worth it. 390 00:19:08,739 --> 00:19:10,407 Sorry. Just chaperoning. Enjoy the dance. 391 00:19:10,407 --> 00:19:12,409 Wait, Michelle. 392 00:19:12,409 --> 00:19:14,871 Jeff, what's left to say? 393 00:19:14,871 --> 00:19:18,124 Uh… I… I don't know. 394 00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,459 I… I do. 395 00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:24,547 He said it last night. 396 00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:31,637 So look, I am really into Michelle. 397 00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:35,933 And I don't wanna screw it up. She's a perfect girlfriend. 398 00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:37,852 And I want you to be as happy as me 399 00:19:37,852 --> 00:19:40,146 because you're, like, my favorite friend, so… 400 00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:45,651 I'm sorry. Abed just made a turtle face. 401 00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:49,488 In his defense, Abed's turtle face is funny. 402 00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:50,781 Thanks, Britta. 403 00:19:50,781 --> 00:19:52,575 Yeah, thanks. 404 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,204 Yeah. 405 00:19:56,204 --> 00:19:59,207 That was the first 20 seconds of a 40-minute message. 406 00:19:59,207 --> 00:20:01,918 Very informative. 407 00:20:04,712 --> 00:20:08,507 Happy Valentine's Day, perfect boyfriend. 408 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:11,969 Yeah, that's me. 409 00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:31,072 Man, I can't wait to get out of these outfits. 410 00:20:31,072 --> 00:20:32,823 Oof! I know, yeah. 411 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,244 What are you doing? I'm parked over here. 412 00:20:36,244 --> 00:20:37,954 Oh, uh, well… Uh… 413 00:20:37,954 --> 00:20:41,665 Come on. 414 00:20:41,665 --> 00:20:43,584 Um, what the hell is this? 415 00:20:43,584 --> 00:20:45,544 We're going to get frozen yogurt. 416 00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,713 I'm not gay. They close in seven minutes. 417 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,006 I could have driven you. 418 00:20:49,006 --> 00:20:51,508 You said he hated fro-yo. 419 00:20:51,508 --> 00:20:53,177 Just drive. 420 00:20:55,972 --> 00:20:57,306 Slut!