1 00:00:03,077 --> 00:00:04,578 Before we start, 2 00:00:04,578 --> 00:00:06,955 I'd like to have a preliminary powwow, 3 00:00:06,955 --> 00:00:08,665 or prelimi-wow, 4 00:00:08,665 --> 00:00:09,875 about what I'm calling 5 00:00:09,875 --> 00:00:11,710 our library's back door conundrum. 6 00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:13,461 Sounds like a porno with Kate Winslet. 7 00:00:13,461 --> 00:00:15,630 Abed, ew. 8 00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:17,674 The door on that side is locked after 5, 9 00:00:17,674 --> 00:00:20,301 which means that most of us have to walk all the way around. 10 00:00:20,301 --> 00:00:21,970 If we were to move our meetings to 4:30… 11 00:00:21,970 --> 00:00:23,805 No. No. 12 00:00:25,224 --> 00:00:27,809 I have a regular class at that time. 13 00:00:27,809 --> 00:00:30,229 It's like math or other regular classes. 14 00:00:30,229 --> 00:00:32,814 I have something unimportant that can't ever move. 15 00:00:32,814 --> 00:00:35,442 Well, maybe one of us could stand by the back door 16 00:00:35,442 --> 00:00:37,652 and let the rest in? Mm. I nominate Pierce. 17 00:00:37,652 --> 00:00:40,197 Where is he? I have not seen him around all day. 18 00:00:40,197 --> 00:00:42,950 I haven't either. 19 00:00:42,950 --> 00:00:44,325 Anyone called him? I did. 20 00:00:44,325 --> 00:00:46,369 Several times. He never returned my calls. 21 00:00:46,369 --> 00:00:48,622 Oh, no. 22 00:00:48,622 --> 00:00:51,083 Oh, the last thing I said to him was, "Suck it." 23 00:00:51,083 --> 00:00:52,793 Me too. Good morning. 24 00:00:52,793 --> 00:00:54,586 Yes. 25 00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:56,421 Oh, thank God. Whew. 26 00:00:56,421 --> 00:00:57,756 You thought I was dead, didn't you? 27 00:00:57,756 --> 00:00:59,883 No. I did. 28 00:00:59,883 --> 00:01:02,302 Do you people have any idea how emasculating that is? 29 00:01:02,302 --> 00:01:03,678 I'm not Mickey Rooney. 30 00:01:03,678 --> 00:01:05,222 You don't have to cross your fingers 31 00:01:05,222 --> 00:01:07,224 to see if I'll show up. You know, when I was 30, 32 00:01:07,224 --> 00:01:10,144 people used to wish that I was dead to my face. 33 00:01:10,144 --> 00:01:11,770 That's called respect. 34 00:01:11,770 --> 00:01:15,023 Mmm. Who is the lucky brunette? 35 00:01:15,023 --> 00:01:17,358 Last name Beeswax, first name Nunnuyuh. 36 00:01:17,358 --> 00:01:19,111 Oh, my third wife was biracial. 37 00:01:19,111 --> 00:01:21,113 Oh! Stop it. 38 00:01:21,113 --> 00:01:23,406 I am trying to keep you out of trouble. 39 00:01:23,406 --> 00:01:24,825 What if the next girl saw these? 40 00:01:24,825 --> 00:01:26,618 Well, then she would know it was hers. 41 00:01:26,618 --> 00:01:28,870 Jeff, 42 00:01:28,870 --> 00:01:31,206 you're sleeping with a woman you already slept with? 43 00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:32,707 Can't I be the friend in the group 44 00:01:32,707 --> 00:01:34,835 whose trademark is his well-defined boundaries? 45 00:01:34,835 --> 00:01:36,670 Like Privacy Smurf, Discreet Bear 46 00:01:36,670 --> 00:01:38,713 or Confidentiality Spice? 47 00:01:38,713 --> 00:01:40,632 Why would you keep her a secret? 48 00:01:40,632 --> 00:01:41,967 Don't you want us to meet her? 49 00:01:41,967 --> 00:01:44,761 We have an agreement to keep it low-key. 50 00:01:44,761 --> 00:01:46,554 That's ridiculous. Obviously, it's a guy. 51 00:01:46,554 --> 00:01:48,932 You're wrong, Pierce. It's two guys. 52 00:01:48,932 --> 00:01:51,185 Sometimes, I do wish you were dead. 53 00:01:51,185 --> 00:01:53,145 Thank you. 54 00:02:01,278 --> 00:02:04,531 Hey, what's up, man? Boo! 55 00:02:04,531 --> 00:02:06,574 Hey, what's up, J-Dog? 56 00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:09,577 Yeah! 57 00:02:09,577 --> 00:02:11,205 Hey, what's up, man? What's up? 58 00:02:21,548 --> 00:02:23,258 Sorry I'm late. 59 00:02:25,886 --> 00:02:27,721 Uh, and step into place. 60 00:02:27,721 --> 00:02:32,059 Six, seven, eight, and reach. Two, three, four, pose. 61 00:02:32,059 --> 00:02:34,895 Reach back and arm. 62 00:02:34,895 --> 00:02:36,563 Professor Slater, quick question. 63 00:02:36,563 --> 00:02:38,606 You know the answer. I don't date students. 64 00:02:38,606 --> 00:02:40,901 Even if you are no longer in my statistics class. 65 00:02:40,901 --> 00:02:43,028 I'm kind of seeing someone right now. 66 00:02:43,028 --> 00:02:44,863 Thank you very much. Really? How's that going? 67 00:02:44,863 --> 00:02:46,573 Fine for now. She's smart, pretty. 68 00:02:46,573 --> 00:02:48,533 But sometimes, I feel like she's just waiting for me 69 00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:50,409 to stop talking and take off my pants. 70 00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:52,787 She is. 71 00:02:56,457 --> 00:02:58,377 I've never been someone's dirty little secret. 72 00:02:58,377 --> 00:03:00,254 I've never had a dirty secret. 73 00:03:00,254 --> 00:03:01,838 It's so unprofessional. 74 00:03:01,838 --> 00:03:03,965 But the sneaking does make the sex 38 percent hotter. 75 00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:07,094 Wow, you do like statistics, don't you? 76 00:03:09,428 --> 00:03:12,224 Hey, midterms and whatever. Chalk. 77 00:03:12,224 --> 00:03:14,142 There's that transcript you wanted. 78 00:03:14,142 --> 00:03:15,894 Jeff, I didn't expect to see you here. 79 00:03:15,894 --> 00:03:18,355 Hopefully, I'm not interrupting. 80 00:03:20,357 --> 00:03:22,567 You know, we laugh, 81 00:03:22,567 --> 00:03:25,404 but the fact is, student-teacher relationships do happen. 82 00:03:25,404 --> 00:03:26,905 And they are a magnet for lawsuits, 83 00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:28,407 so we do stay vigilant. 84 00:03:28,407 --> 00:03:31,368 In fact, physically attractive students and faculty 85 00:03:31,368 --> 00:03:33,452 are actually placed on a watch list. 86 00:03:33,452 --> 00:03:35,080 And are ranked by their potential 87 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,290 to incite fraternization. 88 00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:38,041 You rank people by how hot they are? 89 00:03:38,041 --> 00:03:40,210 You got it, number two. 90 00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,003 Dean Pelton. Yes, Professor Seven… 91 00:03:42,003 --> 00:03:43,922 Uh, Slater? I'll return this tomorrow. 92 00:03:43,922 --> 00:03:45,757 Okay, then. 93 00:03:45,757 --> 00:03:47,550 You guys be extra careful now. 94 00:03:47,550 --> 00:03:50,637 Two people of your rankings in this small a room, 95 00:03:50,637 --> 00:03:53,514 with this type of lighting, and his upper body 96 00:03:53,514 --> 00:03:56,310 and what her heels and hemline are doing to enhance 97 00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:59,104 what were already quite a few favors from God, 98 00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:02,232 it's all the more important to keep it tasteful. 99 00:04:11,408 --> 00:04:13,493 I think he might have ruined… It's dead. 100 00:04:13,493 --> 00:04:17,331 Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 101 00:04:17,331 --> 00:04:19,833 Arm, head, and pose. 102 00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:21,835 I can't wait for the recital. 103 00:04:21,835 --> 00:04:23,586 You were all wonderful. 104 00:04:23,586 --> 00:04:25,046 Especially you, Troy. 105 00:04:25,046 --> 00:04:27,674 Thank you, Madame LeClair. 106 00:04:27,674 --> 00:04:31,594 And if any of you mention my dancing outside of class, 107 00:04:31,594 --> 00:04:33,180 I will break off your legs 108 00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:36,057 and use them to smash in your friends' cars. 109 00:04:38,435 --> 00:04:40,103 Oh! Huh! 110 00:04:43,231 --> 00:04:46,067 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 111 00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:50,364 Troy, since when have you taken modern dance? 112 00:04:50,364 --> 00:04:51,823 Since last semester. 113 00:04:51,823 --> 00:04:53,700 Coach told me it would help with my coordination. 114 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,619 And I fell in love with it, in a very straight way. 115 00:04:56,619 --> 00:04:58,455 I know it's tempting to sneak a peek, 116 00:04:58,455 --> 00:05:01,166 but I'm gonna need for you to keep your eyes up here. 117 00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:03,584 I should have never dismissed you as a shallow jock. 118 00:05:03,584 --> 00:05:05,879 We haven't really spent much time together. 119 00:05:05,879 --> 00:05:07,588 That's because you don't play football 120 00:05:07,588 --> 00:05:10,175 or have fun. I have fun tap dancing. 121 00:05:10,175 --> 00:05:11,718 I started last semester too. 122 00:05:11,718 --> 00:05:13,845 It was always something that I wanted to do, 123 00:05:13,845 --> 00:05:16,723 but it was too embarrassing, so I never told anyone. 124 00:05:16,723 --> 00:05:18,392 Same here. 125 00:05:18,392 --> 00:05:20,768 Britta, nobody can know about this. 126 00:05:20,768 --> 00:05:22,437 Troy, who are we kidding? 127 00:05:22,437 --> 00:05:23,813 Look at how much time and energy 128 00:05:23,813 --> 00:05:25,357 we're putting into hiding something 129 00:05:25,357 --> 00:05:26,649 that we're passionate about. 130 00:05:26,649 --> 00:05:28,151 We are leading a double life. 131 00:05:28,151 --> 00:05:30,487 I am spending a lot of money on breakaway clothing. 132 00:05:30,487 --> 00:05:33,781 We should look at this as an opportunity to come clean. 133 00:05:33,781 --> 00:05:36,410 Are you saying we tell the group? Together? 134 00:05:36,410 --> 00:05:39,538 We could invite them to the dance recital on Friday. 135 00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:44,751 I don't know. Let me think about it. 136 00:05:49,423 --> 00:05:51,174 Okay, let's do this. 137 00:05:51,174 --> 00:05:53,009 Ahem! Sorry. 138 00:05:54,511 --> 00:05:55,887 Mr. Winger. 139 00:05:55,887 --> 00:05:57,013 Would you come to my office? 140 00:05:57,013 --> 00:05:59,015 We never finished our intercourse. 141 00:06:00,267 --> 00:06:01,642 I have study group right now. 142 00:06:01,642 --> 00:06:03,353 And nobody uses "intercourse" 143 00:06:03,353 --> 00:06:05,439 to mean anything other than sex. Hmm. 144 00:06:05,439 --> 00:06:07,315 Look, this is a wall of windows. 145 00:06:07,315 --> 00:06:09,526 My study group's behind it. I know. 146 00:06:09,526 --> 00:06:12,237 Look, as soon as we touch, the blinds will open, 147 00:06:12,237 --> 00:06:14,322 and six annoying but lovable misfits 148 00:06:14,322 --> 00:06:16,657 will be staring at us. Come on, what are the odds? 149 00:06:18,617 --> 00:06:20,078 Fine. 150 00:06:27,127 --> 00:06:29,212 Now, was that so bad? 151 00:06:29,212 --> 00:06:30,505 Hey! 152 00:06:30,505 --> 00:06:33,091 Could you open the back door? 153 00:06:40,848 --> 00:06:43,059 You all remember Michelle Slater, 154 00:06:43,059 --> 00:06:44,478 my professor from last semester. 155 00:06:44,478 --> 00:06:47,564 As most of you may have realized by now, 156 00:06:47,564 --> 00:06:49,232 she's the woman I've been seeing lately. 157 00:06:51,192 --> 00:06:53,445 Why are they looking at me like I'm a zoo animal? 158 00:06:53,445 --> 00:06:54,988 Jeff acts as sort of the dad of the group. 159 00:06:54,988 --> 00:06:56,448 Emotionally, this is like being told 160 00:06:56,448 --> 00:06:58,657 that you're our new mom. But, you know, 161 00:06:58,657 --> 00:07:00,452 it's nothing like that, right? 162 00:07:00,452 --> 00:07:02,120 Absolutely. Do you cook macaroni? 163 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,580 I have. Macaroni's my favorite. 164 00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,332 The important thing is 165 00:07:05,332 --> 00:07:08,460 we all understand Professor Slater and I 166 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:10,545 need this to be our little secret. 167 00:07:10,545 --> 00:07:12,130 Everyone understand that? 168 00:07:15,216 --> 00:07:16,635 Sure, sure. 169 00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:18,011 So good, the pepper jack. 170 00:07:18,011 --> 00:07:19,304 See? All good. 171 00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:22,056 Thank you, everyone. I appreciate it. 172 00:07:22,056 --> 00:07:23,766 I should get going. Yeah. 173 00:07:23,766 --> 00:07:25,143 Mmm. Ooh. 174 00:07:29,772 --> 00:07:32,192 Bye. Bye. 175 00:07:32,192 --> 00:07:34,277 Well, Jeff, 176 00:07:34,277 --> 00:07:37,113 you've taken a big step in knocking down the barriers 177 00:07:37,113 --> 00:07:39,157 between students and teachers. 178 00:07:39,157 --> 00:07:40,450 It's like Rosa Parks. 179 00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:42,160 I don't think it's like that. 180 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,412 No, it's just like that. I feel if you need to explain 181 00:07:44,412 --> 00:07:45,997 it's not just like that. 182 00:07:47,165 --> 00:07:49,501 Is your heart gonna be okay with this? 183 00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:52,045 I will try to find the tools to survive. 184 00:07:52,045 --> 00:07:54,088 Okay. 185 00:07:54,088 --> 00:07:55,965 Hey, everybody, speaking of secrets, 186 00:07:55,965 --> 00:07:58,426 Troy and I have something that we would like to announce. 187 00:07:58,426 --> 00:08:00,428 No, no. 188 00:08:00,428 --> 00:08:02,180 There is a dance recital on Friday, 189 00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:04,015 and I would be honored if you guys would attend. 190 00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:05,559 Because since last semester, 191 00:08:05,559 --> 00:08:09,854 I have been taking a tap class. 192 00:08:12,148 --> 00:08:14,025 That's funny. 193 00:08:14,025 --> 00:08:16,403 Well, I don't know how funny it is. 194 00:08:16,403 --> 00:08:19,072 Come on, we're not making fun of you, 195 00:08:19,072 --> 00:08:20,907 but, obviously, you kept it a secret 196 00:08:20,907 --> 00:08:22,825 because you saw the irony too. Irony? 197 00:08:22,825 --> 00:08:25,286 Well, you're not a typically vulnerable or feminine person. 198 00:08:25,286 --> 00:08:26,746 And the act of dancing is considered 199 00:08:26,746 --> 00:08:28,206 both vulnerable and feminine. 200 00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:30,124 I disagree. 201 00:08:30,124 --> 00:08:31,918 What about Fred Astaire? Baryshnikov? 202 00:08:31,918 --> 00:08:33,628 Yeah, I guess. 203 00:08:33,628 --> 00:08:35,338 There are exceptions to the rule. 204 00:08:35,338 --> 00:08:37,507 Even when Jerry Rice went on Dancing With the Stars… 205 00:08:37,507 --> 00:08:39,050 Jerry Rice? 206 00:08:40,468 --> 00:08:41,886 Oh, I liked him. 207 00:08:43,221 --> 00:08:46,099 Troy, what's your secret? 208 00:08:47,183 --> 00:08:48,518 Um… 209 00:08:50,061 --> 00:08:54,023 M… My secret is that 210 00:08:54,023 --> 00:08:55,816 I knew Britta's secret. 211 00:08:55,816 --> 00:08:57,527 Yeah. 212 00:08:57,527 --> 00:09:00,029 I saw her in her dance outfit and she looked ridiculous. 213 00:09:00,029 --> 00:09:01,364 So I helped her protect her shame. 214 00:09:01,364 --> 00:09:04,284 I'm just glad she's out now. 215 00:09:04,284 --> 00:09:05,868 Bravo, Britta. Thanks. 216 00:09:05,868 --> 00:09:08,079 Mr. Winger, there you are. 217 00:09:08,079 --> 00:09:10,039 Just got word of your relationship 218 00:09:10,039 --> 00:09:12,500 with Professor Slater. 219 00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:15,086 I'd like to see both of you in my office in half an hour. 220 00:09:15,086 --> 00:09:17,672 None of you left the room. How is that even possible? 221 00:09:17,672 --> 00:09:20,091 Well, for one thing, it's all over Twitter. 222 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:26,473 Britta in a tutu. Can you imagine? 223 00:09:27,724 --> 00:09:29,016 Hey. What the hell? 224 00:09:29,016 --> 00:09:30,518 I thought we were supposed to come out 225 00:09:30,518 --> 00:09:32,061 to the group together. 226 00:09:32,061 --> 00:09:34,606 Yeah. I changed my mind. 227 00:09:34,606 --> 00:09:36,733 They're gonna find out that you dance at the recital. 228 00:09:36,733 --> 00:09:38,777 I'm not gonna be in the recital. 229 00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:40,487 I'm dropping the class. Oh, my God. 230 00:09:40,487 --> 00:09:43,197 How can you do this to me? I'm so disappointed in you. 231 00:09:43,197 --> 00:09:45,074 Hey, you don't get to talk to me like that. 232 00:09:45,074 --> 00:09:46,660 You are not Shirley. 233 00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:48,328 And Shirley's not my mom. 234 00:09:48,328 --> 00:09:51,247 Britta, it's not like we were in the same boat. 235 00:09:51,247 --> 00:09:52,873 Girls are supposed to dance. 236 00:09:52,873 --> 00:09:55,335 That's why God gave them parts that jiggle. 237 00:09:55,335 --> 00:09:57,587 But I'd be going from starting quarterback 238 00:09:57,587 --> 00:09:59,506 to a guy that twirls around in tights. 239 00:09:59,506 --> 00:10:01,841 I've got way more to lose getting up on that stage 240 00:10:01,841 --> 00:10:03,635 because I'm a man. Well, guess what. 241 00:10:03,635 --> 00:10:07,305 A real man doesn't bail on his friends, or on himself. 242 00:10:08,723 --> 00:10:12,018 You're a dancer, Troy. It's who you are. 243 00:10:13,269 --> 00:10:15,021 Not anymore. 244 00:10:17,190 --> 00:10:18,692 Excuse me. Whoa. 245 00:10:19,859 --> 00:10:21,611 Come on. 246 00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:24,405 Upset about Jeff? 247 00:10:24,405 --> 00:10:29,703 No, I am upset about something I can't talk about. 248 00:10:29,703 --> 00:10:33,707 We can talk about anything. Politics, medicine, Jeff. 249 00:10:33,707 --> 00:10:35,249 Okay, uh, did you hear 250 00:10:35,249 --> 00:10:36,793 that the Shroud of Turin is actually…? 251 00:10:36,793 --> 00:10:39,587 Here's the thing about Jeff. Wow. 252 00:10:39,587 --> 00:10:41,673 Chasing after you made him a better person 253 00:10:41,673 --> 00:10:43,216 because you always call him on his stuff. 254 00:10:43,216 --> 00:10:45,301 All this time, you've been warming him up 255 00:10:45,301 --> 00:10:47,303 and stirring in sweetener, and making him just right. 256 00:10:47,303 --> 00:10:49,681 And sure, you weren't ready to take a sip yet. 257 00:10:49,681 --> 00:10:51,307 But that didn't mean you wanted somebody 258 00:10:51,307 --> 00:10:53,100 to snatch him off the counter and guzzle him down. 259 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:57,188 Shirley, I did not warm Jeff up. Nobody ever will. 260 00:10:57,188 --> 00:11:00,191 Do you think Professor Slater is getting flowers right now? 261 00:11:00,191 --> 00:11:03,361 Do you think they are gonna go to the movies and hold hands? 262 00:11:03,361 --> 00:11:05,822 Visit her parents? No. 263 00:11:05,822 --> 00:11:07,198 The only thing keeping them going 264 00:11:07,198 --> 00:11:08,783 was the thrill of the secrecy. 265 00:11:08,783 --> 00:11:11,578 And now that it is out, it is over. Believe me. 266 00:11:11,578 --> 00:11:16,708 Can… Can I just ask, as a divorced, black housewife, 267 00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:18,292 what part of being a single, 268 00:11:18,292 --> 00:11:20,378 white slacker makes you people so jaded? 269 00:11:20,378 --> 00:11:22,255 Ooh. "You people"? 270 00:11:22,255 --> 00:11:24,382 What do you mean, "you people"? 271 00:11:24,382 --> 00:11:26,217 I cannot believe I got to say that. 272 00:11:26,217 --> 00:11:29,262 It's the little things, isn't it? 273 00:11:29,262 --> 00:11:31,180 Okay, well, now that your secret is out there, 274 00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:32,599 I'm just gonna talk you 275 00:11:32,599 --> 00:11:34,642 through this teacher-student relationship form, 276 00:11:34,642 --> 00:11:37,520 and then we can get you two on your very attractive way. 277 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,522 We haven't even admitted to being a couple. 278 00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:42,316 This is all based on hearsay. Worse than hearsay. 279 00:11:42,316 --> 00:11:45,194 Pierce's Twitter account, in which he says he's 47, 280 00:11:45,194 --> 00:11:47,572 and teaches a women's-only Pilates class. 281 00:11:47,572 --> 00:11:49,741 Jeff, it's okay. It's out. 282 00:11:49,741 --> 00:11:51,701 And you know what? It doesn't bother me. 283 00:11:51,701 --> 00:11:53,912 I'm happy. Sweet. 284 00:11:55,872 --> 00:11:57,164 First question. 285 00:11:57,164 --> 00:11:58,666 How long have you been doing it? 286 00:11:58,666 --> 00:12:02,879 Oh, not "it." I mean, this, dating. 287 00:12:02,879 --> 00:12:05,089 A few weeks. Mm-hm. 288 00:12:05,089 --> 00:12:08,301 And how long have you been doing it? 289 00:12:08,301 --> 00:12:11,512 We don't have to answer that. Oh, it's… Hmm? 290 00:12:11,512 --> 00:12:15,308 Now, this is just hypothetical. 291 00:12:15,308 --> 00:12:16,643 Might you ever consider 292 00:12:16,643 --> 00:12:18,185 spending the night with a third person? 293 00:12:18,185 --> 00:12:21,773 That's not on there. Uh… 294 00:12:21,773 --> 00:12:23,065 Wow, it's on there. 295 00:12:23,065 --> 00:12:25,109 Just exploring your options, obviously. 296 00:12:26,653 --> 00:12:29,739 No agenda. I'll put TBD. 297 00:12:29,739 --> 00:12:32,366 Would you describe yourself as boyfriend and girlfriend? 298 00:12:32,366 --> 00:12:33,827 Yes. Eh… 299 00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,994 What? Oh, boy. 300 00:12:35,994 --> 00:12:38,372 It's semantics, really, isn't it? 301 00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:42,376 We've slept together every night for the last three weeks. 302 00:12:42,376 --> 00:12:45,546 How would you describe me? The best friend ever. 303 00:12:45,546 --> 00:12:47,131 Oh. 304 00:12:47,131 --> 00:12:48,842 Well, uh… 305 00:12:48,842 --> 00:12:50,927 I guess I've had the wrong idea about us. 306 00:12:50,927 --> 00:12:52,679 You know what? This is good. 307 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:56,516 I'd be better off dating, um, an adult. 308 00:12:56,516 --> 00:12:58,476 See you around. Michelle. 309 00:12:58,476 --> 00:13:01,521 Mmm. Rowr. 310 00:13:03,564 --> 00:13:05,399 I'll get the breakup form. 311 00:13:12,156 --> 00:13:14,032 I got freaked out by that boyfriend label. 312 00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:18,329 I'm afraid of commitment. 313 00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:19,622 How original. 314 00:13:19,622 --> 00:13:21,332 The biggest truths aren't original. 315 00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:24,669 Truth is ketchup, it's Jim Belushi. 316 00:13:24,669 --> 00:13:26,587 Its job isn't to blow our minds, 317 00:13:26,587 --> 00:13:27,922 it's to be within reach. 318 00:13:27,922 --> 00:13:29,298 So the truth is, 319 00:13:29,298 --> 00:13:31,300 I get claustrophobic when things get official. 320 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,553 You're acting like I'm a Venus flytrap. 321 00:13:33,553 --> 00:13:35,847 I didn't want or need more than what we were doing. 322 00:13:35,847 --> 00:13:37,807 Let's get back to it. Should I get the door? 323 00:13:37,807 --> 00:13:39,851 I can't now because you went to the friend place. 324 00:13:39,851 --> 00:13:41,978 That's you getting official, not me. 325 00:13:41,978 --> 00:13:43,813 Because unless there's something I need to know 326 00:13:43,813 --> 00:13:46,064 about the lunch lady, or that blond in your Spanish class 327 00:13:46,064 --> 00:13:48,150 with the infinite supply of leather jackets, 328 00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:50,528 somewhere between our ninth and 11th slumber party, 329 00:13:50,528 --> 00:13:51,905 statistically speaking, 330 00:13:51,905 --> 00:13:53,823 most people would call us more than pals. 331 00:13:53,823 --> 00:13:55,616 Yeah, but soon as you say it, 332 00:13:55,616 --> 00:13:57,159 it can get complicated and messy. 333 00:13:57,159 --> 00:13:59,412 How? Because when you say it, 334 00:13:59,412 --> 00:14:01,455 later on, you might have to unsay it. 335 00:14:01,455 --> 00:14:04,291 Whoopee flipping ding, Winger. Happens 50 million times a day. 336 00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:06,920 It's the Jim Belushi of sexual commitments. 337 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,337 It barely means anything, 338 00:14:08,337 --> 00:14:10,006 and it grows on what's there over time. 339 00:14:10,006 --> 00:14:11,632 Wow, that guy is really taking a pounding 340 00:14:11,632 --> 00:14:13,801 in this conversation. 341 00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:15,678 I'll see you around, Jeff. 342 00:14:24,228 --> 00:14:25,813 I really liked what we were doing. 343 00:14:25,813 --> 00:14:28,524 And if the ratio of work to pleasure 344 00:14:28,524 --> 00:14:30,192 can really stay at that same level, 345 00:14:30,192 --> 00:14:32,946 I don't care what it's called, I'll do it. 346 00:14:32,946 --> 00:14:34,614 Let's do it. 347 00:14:42,663 --> 00:14:44,164 Okay. 348 00:14:47,877 --> 00:14:49,295 Okay. 349 00:14:58,304 --> 00:15:00,139 Oh. That's a big crowd out there. 350 00:15:00,139 --> 00:15:02,683 Abed's really good at inviting people. 351 00:15:02,683 --> 00:15:04,268 We're all here to support you. 352 00:15:04,268 --> 00:15:05,770 Jeff even brought his girlfriend. 353 00:15:05,770 --> 00:15:07,688 Oh, she's his girlfriend now? 354 00:15:07,688 --> 00:15:09,440 Can't wait till he hears about it. 355 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,401 Oh, he knows. They even had to file paperwork with the dean. 356 00:15:12,401 --> 00:15:13,861 It's pretty serious. 357 00:15:13,861 --> 00:15:15,321 Our little Jeff's growing up. 358 00:15:19,742 --> 00:15:21,243 Break a leg, Britta. 359 00:15:21,243 --> 00:15:23,454 I have no idea how someone could do 360 00:15:23,454 --> 00:15:25,205 what you're about to do. 361 00:15:29,209 --> 00:15:31,545 I brought Goobers. Anybody want a Goober? 362 00:15:31,545 --> 00:15:33,172 Get them while they're goobie. 363 00:15:34,298 --> 00:15:36,425 Yeah! Showtime. 364 00:15:39,553 --> 00:15:41,681 Well, this is already ridiculous. 365 00:15:46,102 --> 00:15:48,521 "Tea for Two"? There… There's five people. 366 00:15:55,695 --> 00:15:57,697 Good Lord. 367 00:16:01,159 --> 00:16:03,285 Is she a water pot or a tea kettle? 368 00:16:10,459 --> 00:16:12,503 Any of you think the flowers are dying from the tea? 369 00:16:14,172 --> 00:16:15,506 Everyone can hear you. 370 00:16:34,984 --> 00:16:36,610 Britta. 371 00:16:43,409 --> 00:16:44,827 Water it. 372 00:16:44,827 --> 00:16:46,537 What's going on? 373 00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,372 So embarrassing. 374 00:16:56,089 --> 00:16:57,715 Oh, plot twist. 375 00:16:58,674 --> 00:17:02,302 Easy, girl. There we go. 376 00:17:04,097 --> 00:17:05,431 Thank you. 377 00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:07,934 Yeah. 378 00:17:07,934 --> 00:17:09,560 Play something modern. 379 00:17:11,062 --> 00:17:14,065 What are you doing here? Being a friend and a man. 380 00:17:14,065 --> 00:17:16,358 Holy schnikes. 381 00:17:35,419 --> 00:17:36,963 It's okay. 382 00:17:39,632 --> 00:17:43,677 Culturally, it's unacceptable, but it's theatrical dynamite. 383 00:17:54,438 --> 00:17:57,357 Whoo! Bravo! 384 00:17:57,357 --> 00:17:58,609 Whoo. 385 00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:01,112 Yeah, all right. Greendale. 386 00:18:02,404 --> 00:18:03,739 Greendale! 387 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,830 Hi, guys. That was really cool. I wish I knew how to tap dance. 388 00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:12,581 Oh. Thanks, Abed. 389 00:18:12,581 --> 00:18:14,625 It takes a lot of hard work, but you could take a class. 390 00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,418 Hmm, pass. 391 00:18:17,419 --> 00:18:20,506 Hey, Troy, thank you. 392 00:18:20,506 --> 00:18:22,258 No, thank you. 393 00:18:22,258 --> 00:18:23,759 I mean, you looked so pathetic, 394 00:18:23,759 --> 00:18:27,013 you made going up there the most masculine option. 395 00:18:27,013 --> 00:18:28,806 Mmm. 396 00:18:31,976 --> 00:18:33,727 Troy. Oh. 397 00:18:33,727 --> 00:18:35,896 What you did up there really took guts. 398 00:18:35,896 --> 00:18:38,065 I'm impressed. Thanks, Pierce. 399 00:18:38,065 --> 00:18:41,777 Yeah. And such a creative way to tell the world you're gay. 400 00:18:42,903 --> 00:18:44,571 Good job up there. Thank you. 401 00:18:44,571 --> 00:18:45,906 Where's your date? 402 00:18:45,906 --> 00:18:47,574 Didn't she wanna get my autograph? 403 00:18:47,574 --> 00:18:49,327 she's getting a permission slip from the dean 404 00:18:49,327 --> 00:18:50,744 to allow us to drive home together. 405 00:18:50,744 --> 00:18:52,330 Heard you guys are official now. 406 00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:53,956 Yeah, I guess. 407 00:18:53,956 --> 00:18:55,624 You actually had a big part in that. 408 00:18:55,624 --> 00:18:59,003 I mean, if I can handle having a girl for a friend, 409 00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:01,588 who's to say I'm not ready for a girlfriend? 410 00:19:01,588 --> 00:19:04,008 Makes perfect sense. Break a leg. 411 00:19:07,970 --> 00:19:09,513 Flowers. Yeah. 412 00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:11,057 Is that…? That's what people do, right? 413 00:19:11,057 --> 00:19:12,683 I was gonna throw them up on stage, 414 00:19:12,683 --> 00:19:14,227 but I thought they might catch fire. 415 00:19:14,227 --> 00:19:15,394 No, this is… This is good. 416 00:19:15,394 --> 00:19:18,064 You can hand them to me. Thank you. 417 00:19:18,981 --> 00:19:20,649 See you Monday. Bye. 418 00:19:50,263 --> 00:19:51,680 Good night, everybody! 419 00:19:55,475 --> 00:19:57,353 Five letters, Broadway musical. 420 00:19:57,353 --> 00:19:58,645 Annie. 421 00:19:58,645 --> 00:20:01,607 Uh, six letters, to puncture. Pierce. 422 00:20:01,607 --> 00:20:03,442 Um, a water filter that starts with B. 423 00:20:03,442 --> 00:20:05,069 Brita. 424 00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:06,320 Okay. Here's a tough one, though. 425 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,739 Um, Helen of… Troy. 426 00:20:08,739 --> 00:20:10,032 Oh, damn, you're good. Thank you. 427 00:20:10,032 --> 00:20:11,658 I never even heard of that last one. 428 00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:14,161 All right, one of the two brother actors, Bridges, 429 00:20:14,161 --> 00:20:15,871 four letters. 430 00:20:16,705 --> 00:20:19,166 Hmm. I know. Bridges. 431 00:20:19,166 --> 00:20:20,500 I don't know. Come on, guys, 432 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,002 can't you see the pattern there? 433 00:20:22,002 --> 00:20:24,755 Can you see it? It's Beau, Beau Bridges. 434 00:20:24,755 --> 00:20:27,341 These are all things you can see on TV. 435 00:20:27,341 --> 00:20:28,968 Except for "pierce," That's a misdirect. 436 00:20:28,968 --> 00:20:31,011 Oh. Oh. 437 00:20:31,011 --> 00:20:32,263 I love misdirects. 438 00:20:32,263 --> 00:20:33,764 I love The Big Lebowski.