winter break, Greendale! Happy last day before
Time to visit our loved ones.
Some of you will travel as far as three miles.
winter wonderland in the quad, Don't forget to visit our
where we're giving away catalogues
of next semester's classes.
Whoa! What's that sound?
Is that the tippy-tapping of secular boots on the roof?
Oh, well, it must be yet another sign that it 'tis the season,
because rumor has it
that non-denominational Mr. Winter
to the student lounge! is on his way
I am so sick of the dean jamming his PCness down my throat.
Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go.
PCness. Now I get it.
It sounds like penis. I just got it too.
Well, it's still Christmas to all of us.
And I made you all a little gift,
because you're like my new family.
"W.W.B.J.D."?
"What would Billy Joel do?" If that stands for
he'd write another crappy song. I'll tell you right now,
Yeah, in your face, Billy Joel.
Who is that?
"What would baby Jesus do?"
And it's to remind us that the real meaning
of this season is Christmas.
thank you, Shirley. Oh, well,
I'm gonna put that in the pocket closest to my heart.
No, no, no. It's a bracelet, you put 'em on.
Everybody put 'em on.
Hey. Hey.
the Winter-Doodles. You took all
What are you, a douche bag?
They're for my friends. But there's a lot of other cookies left.
No. Only macadamia nut cookies. I have a tree-nut allergy.
Christmas-tree-shaped cookies. You should stay away from
even make allergic sense. Ha-ha-ha! That did not
What are you, an idiot?
Okay, we get it,
you and the A-Team are awesome, now beat it.
Oh, look at that. Pretty boy,
standing up for bird-face over here.
Give me a Winter-Doodle.
If you're trying to be menacing,
maybe don't call the cookie by its name.
you're a funny man. Oh, you're funny,
something funny, funny man? Wanna hear
My fist up your balls. Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry happy!
This ain't over.
There won't always be a dean around, all right?
those cookies, Abed. Still waiting on
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
Tied up dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
It was like My Bodyguard, Jeff protected my honor.
but I was the kid from Meatballs,
Full Metal Jacket, Jeff was from
and mustache guy was the brother of the guy in Entourage.
You got it. Thanks for dumbing that down.
What's the deal, Jeff? You leave your stones in your other suit?
Why didn't you rap that guy in the face?
that I floss, have a bedframe, For the same reason
in its case… I'm over 23. and keep my guitar
handling it peacefully, Jeff. I'm proud of you for
Like a certain little birthday boy. Heh-heh-heh.
Real men turn the other cheek. Let's see 'em.
Nonsense. Men were wired to fight each other
so that women could choose the right mate.
No, the real reason men fight
their pent-up gayness. is to release
That guy wasn't gay, he had a mustache.
You know what I have? Finals.
for Spanish or not? Are we cramming
or I'm gonna flunk the class. I need a 65
Why didn't you do the extra credit if you knew
that you were failing?
minimum work is my definition of Because doing more than the
failing. Quick question.
Christmas party after the final Are you all coming to my
or are you stopping home
your Christmas outfits? to change into
one of my Hanukkah sweaters. I guess I could wear
you weren't, um, Christian. Ah. Annie, I didn't know
even say I'm Jewish. Yep, one might
Oh, that's good for you. That's wonderful.
I respect all religions of the world.
Jehovah's Witness. I'm Muslim.
The Lord is testing me. Atheist.
Guys, this is a subject
that breeds conflict, can we please…?
What religion are you, Jeff? I'm agnostic.
Agnostic. Lazy man's atheist.
I'm born-again. Oh!
We had are-birthing ritual in my friend's hot tub.
I'm now a level five Laser Lotus in my Buddhist community.
That does not sound like Buddhism.
you're not in a cult? Are you sure
Just by asking me that question,
you put me back down to a level four.
2000 Energon Cubes. You now owe me
Do you know how foolish you sound right now?
What else do you believe in, blood transfusions?
Jehovah's Witnesses are a type of Christian, right, Troy?
Yeah, but we don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas,
and we can't drink. But it helps.
You're like a Muslim. Assalamu alaikum.
Shama-lama-ding-dong.
a diverse little family. Well, don't we have
I say we open up this party to all faiths.
my Star of Bethlehem, Ah, I brought
to the savior of all mankind. which led the wise men
And you guys can bring a little trinket
philosophies. Sounds good? or doodad from your
As an agnostic, I'm gonna bring my winning smile.
Ugh! So boring.
Done. Hee, hee!
Feliz Navidad.
or none of the above?" "True or falso
That doesn't make any sense.
Hey, look at that,
Forehead's taking a test.
Why don't you get going, Chuck Norris?
Did you just shoo me?
Why don't you just kiss him already?
Dude, I will shoo your nose down your throat.
Señor Chang, can you do something about this?
I'll allow it.
Qué pasa here, huh?
It's usted, dude. Even I know that.
correct my Spanish, No Sleeves. You picked the wrong day to
It's on!
He's doing this for me. He's my bodyguard.
Maybe to some show tunes? You wanna dance?
No, I want to beat the crap out of you, and I'm gonna enjoy it.
Because you're like this school.
You're obnoxious, you're cramping my style
and you smell like french-fry oil.
Three o'clock. I don't get it!
Bike rack! But not the one by the parking lot!
Right! The one by the trash cans, near the orange cones,
where they're building the wheelchair ramp!
Yeah. Best exam ever.
That guy's awesome.
jerkweed made me fail. So help me, if that
Well, I aced it, amigo. That means cousin.
So, what's my role going to be in the fight?
Is there a moment where I stand up for myself, and take revenge?
Uh, maybe you should just hang back.
Yeah, I will. In his face.
Whatever you do, don't tell Shirley about the fight.
mothery guilt-inducing powers. She'll start in with all her
You know what I mean? No.
I'm wearing this Jesus bracelet because it gets me chicks.
I know guys like this Mike.
He used to be a nerd, now he's a meathead.
Dangerous combo.
Tyson, Lou Ferrigno, Rosie O'Donnell.
You're a pretty big dude. You've probably got moves.
Yeah, I got some theories.
You've never been in a fight? Technically, no.
and likeable. Call me a name. I guess I'm too charming
Mm. I can't.
Are you telling me you've never been punched in the face?
This is the moneymaker. No, thank God.
the face, I was like, "Oh, no." First time I got punched in
But then I was like, "This is a story."
And a good one. Yeah.
Every man should be punched in the face.
It's a rite of passage.
In my day, Friday night was smoke a doobie,
and then get your teeth feel up a gal
by a Republican. knocked out
Guys, the plan here isn't for me to get hit.
It's for me to hit him.
Oh, then it's settled.
We have to teach Jeffrey how to fight.
I know a few moves.
handy with a switchblade. Troy, I assume you're
Abed, you get back to the family tent,
try to find a chicken for Jeff to chase.
Guys, I appreciate the enthusiasm,
but I think I got this.
Oh, well, look who it is.
Dumb Head and the Other Head. We got Forehead, Old Head,
See you at three, Forehead.
Give me a snowman, dork!
See this, funny guy? Huh?
Huh?
Classic Rosie.
in a half an hour? Fight lessons
Good plan.
Hello.
Oh! Is this your Hanukkah holder?
It's, uh… It's pretty.
Let's just put it here. We'll just, uh…
There we go. That's nice.
I never knew you were a Jew. So I can't believe
I'd say the whole word next time.
So, uh, do you think everyone will start arriving soon?
I think they're gonna come after Jeff's fight.
After Jeff's what, now?
Jeff wants to fight that bully.
On Christmas?
Will you excuse me for a moment?
the manger scene? Can you finish
We know you were one of us.
What's up? What's up?
No, it's a question. What's up.
What's up? What's up?
Not a real question, a rhetorical one.
You have the answer, he does not.
Okay, then you give them the Forest Whitaker eye.
Oh, that's pretty good.
Okay, hold that stare. There you go.
look straight through his eyes Hold it. Then,
and deep into his soul.
And then you move to Vermont.
saying that fighting is gay. I'm sick and tired of you
You know, in boxing, you fight for the purse and a belt.
I've gotta write a paper about that. All right.
I've seen enough. Let's see what we're working with.
throw a few at the old paws. Go ahead,
A North Korean seamstress? What are you?
Not if that's bad. Get mad, come on!
as somebody who annoys you. If it helps, think of me
That's it. That's good.
put your blouse back on. Britta,
Ohh! Ow!
You gotta be ready for anything. This is not a game.
Dude, that is not cool.
Well, that foxy Black girl thinks it is.
Hm? Aah!
Why she have to be Black? What are you doing?
What is going on?
We're trying to get Jeff ready for the fi-iiiight.
I couldn't think of another word.
Idiot.
He meant we were figh…
…ting. It is hard to think of another word.
no other way for me to take this You realize there's
than as a giant middle finger to the most important day of the year.
It's our Christmas. December 10th?
And I'm having a party.
and my relatives picking sides, Due to my divorce,
this will be the only Christmas party I throw this year.
Will you be there
or will I have another family letting me down?
I told him not to fight.
He wouldn't listen.
I don't know what that is.
Jeffrey, I have two boys.
a serious discussion, And when we have
I find that a brownie helps them to relax.
hate me and Jesus? So why do you
my brownie's working. I don't think
on a day so important to me. Don't do something so ugly
Again, it's December 10th.
You think religion is stupid.
No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd.
I see the appeal and would never take it away from anyone,
but I would also never stand in line for it.
And, look, Shirley,
the die has been cast with this crazy bully guy.
He picked on Abed, and he corrected my Spanish.
So you go to your party and I'll see you soon.
Jeffrey, I forbid you from fighting.
Well, you don't get to. You're not my mom.
You're right, but if you show up for the fight,
don't show up for my party.
Oh, come on, Shirley, don't be mad.
I'm disappointed. I'm not mad,
That's Mom for mad.
and applesauce, that's nice. Oh, hash browns
Oh, what is that interesting smell?
It's a traditional Muslim dish.
Looks delicious.
I won't be allowed to eat that. I'm guessing as a woman
That's too bad.
Oh, look, Britta brought what she believes in.
Nothing.
my Buddha incense holder? Where should I put
I'm pretty sure that's a bong.
Where's Jeff?
I guess he made his choice.
I wanna go to Jeff's fight. As I told Jeff,
no one that goes to the fight can come to my party.
And if any of you leave He's dead to me.
you'll be dead to me too.
Let's sing.
Everybody.
Come on, everybody. You don't know it?
You're banning Jeff from the party?
That doesn't seem very Christian.
Well, that's an interesting point of view
coming from an atheist.
I did my best to create a special Christmas
for my one intact family.
this is the thanks I get? And, ahem,
Shirley, you are a guilt machine.
And Annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right, Jew?
Say the whole word.
Jewie?
You would never catch
a Jehovah's Witness saying "Jewie."
Tell it to the birthday cake you never got.
an old Buddhist saying in my vision group… You know, there's
You are not a Buddhist, you are in a cult.
Suck it, Nietzsche.
Guys, everyone's faith is weird.
Let's just not talk about it.
Guys, guys! Guys, guys,
are we really gonna let religion divide us like this?
I think there's one thing we can all agree on.
I get 72 virgins in heaven.
No. That we would all like
to have Jeff at this party.
Mm. He can't come. Mm-mm. Shirley.
Shirley, listen, I get that this is your first Christmas
since your husband left you. And I don't know,
you're being so stubborn, maybe that's why
because you're trying so hard to recreate something
that you've lost forever. that you're afraid
But if you really want us to be your second family,
then you've gotta start treating us like one.
Even if that means supporting us
that you don't agree with. when we do things
by rooting for Jeff And you can start
while he rolls around on the ground, groping another man.
That's what I'm gonna do.
has real cranberries. The cranberry sauce
Look, if this dude doesn't show up,
to Applebee's, all right? we're definitely going
Because I'm getting into a fight no matter what today, dude, I'm telling you.
Oh, look who showed up.
Oh, check him out. Ohh!
What's up, dude?
No backup today, huh?
Looks like Grandpa and Weirdo couldn't show up
to get their teeth knocked out.
Can I ask you a question?
Are you perpetually on your way to the gym?
Dude, my life is a gym!
What's up, man? Well, what's up? What's up?
What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?
Whoa.
Dude, what is that? One sec, these are expensive.
What is he doing?
All right.
Dude, you wear a bracelet?
Your name is Mike, right? So?
Mike, I'm not gonna fight you.
I have a friend that believes this is the time of year
differences and you make peace. where you put aside your
Me? I don't believe in any of that,
but I do believe in friendship.
And as much as I hate you and the cast of Breakin',
I have to ask myself, what would Shirley do?
Oh, no. What would Shirley do?
I think that she would shake your hand
and wish you a Merry Christmas.
Jeffrey.
Kick his ass!
Shirts off, boys. Cavalry's here.
I'm being punk'd, right? Come on,
Kick 'em. Come here.
It's December 10th. Please, it's Christmas.
Ow!
Not the moneymaker, not the moneymaker.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Thank you. Yeah.
Yes, it is I, Señor Chang. Thank you, I get it.
Shakira, hold this.
So, I have finished grading everyone's finals.
And all of you are moving on.
Yes. Yeah.
Ha, ha. Except for Jeff.
It turns out, you… Oh.
Pause for dramatic effect.
will be seeing me next semester.
No!
Because he passed, you know. In Spanish 102, ha-ha-ha!
And I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Yay!
I meant about Jeff passing.
You being our Spanish teacher, eh.
Whoa.
Man, Mike got you good.
Actually, that was my present to Jeff.
I've got a mountain to shred. Ha, ha. I don't care.
Jeffrey, you're a man now. How does it feel?
I got hit in the face, like, four times
before you punched me.
Well, some people just don't know how to say thank you.
Pierce, thank you.
And thanks to all of you
and having my back for showing up
those fly dancers. when we fought
So, uh…
Ooh!
No, no, no, holiday. Merry…
Actually, I was gonna say,
and happy new one." "Merry semester
Switch, next glass. Switch?
Okay, he's running out. He's running out.
Thou canst give me ♪ d Much pleasure
do stuff like this? Why do you guys
Because it's fun. Yeah.
Don't move.
like special drink. This nose smells