1
00:00:04,114 --> 00:00:06,241
I booked a sketch artist,
an improv troupe,

2
00:00:06,241 --> 00:00:08,536
and a laser projecting
a burning pelvis

3
00:00:08,536 --> 00:00:09,953
onto the ceiling.
A laser?

4
00:00:09,953 --> 00:00:11,622
This isn't
gonna be your mother's

5
00:00:11,622 --> 00:00:14,416
sexually transmitted disease
awareness fair.

6
00:00:14,416 --> 00:00:15,876
You've been quite the helper,
Annie.

7
00:00:15,876 --> 00:00:18,838
Oh, STD fair, guys.
Catch knowledge.

8
00:00:25,969 --> 00:00:27,763
Mm-mm.

9
00:00:27,763 --> 00:00:29,765
You think you're better
than me?
No.

10
00:00:29,765 --> 00:00:32,934
You stick to quoting movie
lines, I'll stick to sports.

11
00:00:32,934 --> 00:00:34,645
Trying to reduce
my pop cultural referencing.

12
00:00:34,645 --> 00:00:37,105
Well, you're not moving
into sports.

13
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:40,818
You and I are playing
real basketball, right now.

14
00:00:40,818 --> 00:00:43,445
Sounds fun.
No, it doesn't.

15
00:00:43,445 --> 00:00:45,030
And it won't be.

16
00:00:45,030 --> 00:00:47,324
Catch knowledge.
Sorry, not interested

17
00:00:47,324 --> 00:00:50,118
in ignoring your
very important cause.

18
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:51,704
Hi, I'm Jeff Winger.

19
00:00:51,704 --> 00:00:54,081
Oh, Sabrina is my
new secretary.

20
00:00:54,081 --> 00:00:56,751
Secretary is a little
degrading to women.

21
00:00:56,751 --> 00:00:58,836
I help the dean
do office-y things.

22
00:00:58,836 --> 00:01:00,546
Oh, gender saved.

23
00:01:00,546 --> 00:01:02,464
My casual friend
and I

24
00:01:02,464 --> 00:01:04,299
gonna have
a non-romantic breakfast

25
00:01:04,299 --> 00:01:07,010
if you'd like to join us.
Cafeteria's closed.

26
00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:08,888
Fortune cookie?
Isn't it great?

27
00:01:08,888 --> 00:01:11,139
Greendale is the latest campus
to catch a case of

28
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,641
public-health fever.

29
00:01:12,641 --> 00:01:14,727
You know the toilets
in the women's bathrooms

30
00:01:14,727 --> 00:01:16,729
don't have seats, right?

31
00:01:16,729 --> 00:01:18,773
Because they keep
getting stolen.

32
00:01:18,773 --> 00:01:20,065
Sabrina,
take a note.

33
00:01:20,065 --> 00:01:22,443
I want hidden cameras
in every stall.

34
00:01:22,443 --> 00:01:24,986
Problem solved.

35
00:01:24,986 --> 00:01:26,447
"You will get AIDS."

36
00:01:26,447 --> 00:01:28,449
Flip it over.

37
00:01:28,449 --> 00:01:30,743
"Unless you go
to the STD fair."

38
00:01:30,743 --> 00:01:33,120
I wrote that.

39
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,206
Congratu… Horrible.

40
00:01:36,206 --> 00:01:37,957
See you later.

41
00:01:37,957 --> 00:01:39,668
Catch knowledge.

42
00:01:45,674 --> 00:01:47,468
Jeff,

43
00:01:47,468 --> 00:01:50,345
you and I are friends, right?
Okay.

44
00:01:50,345 --> 00:01:53,641
You may have noticed
a recent change in my demeanor.

45
00:01:53,641 --> 00:01:56,477
I haven't.
I have a new girlfriend.

46
00:01:56,477 --> 00:02:00,481
She is super-smart,
if you know what I mean.

47
00:02:00,481 --> 00:02:03,484
I always know what you mean.
Can't wait for you to meet her.

48
00:02:03,484 --> 00:02:05,444
You know, when you
catch a big fish,

49
00:02:05,444 --> 00:02:09,072
you wanna stuff her
and put her on the mantle.

50
00:02:09,072 --> 00:02:11,575
How about tonight?
I doubt it.

51
00:02:11,575 --> 00:02:14,703
Troy and I played basketball.
Don't gloat.

52
00:02:14,703 --> 00:02:16,204
It's impossible
to guard you.

53
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:19,458
Your eyes are too
gentle and mysterious.

54
00:02:19,458 --> 00:02:22,252
Hey, guys, Jeff and I
are double-dating tonight

55
00:02:22,252 --> 00:02:24,546
with my new girlfriend.
Ooh!

56
00:02:24,546 --> 00:02:26,674
You got that
from "I doubt it"?

57
00:02:26,674 --> 00:02:29,760
Pierce has got
a girlfriend.

58
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,929
Great. What does she do?
She's an escort.

59
00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,514
Oh.

60
00:02:33,514 --> 00:02:35,474
Some mysteries
solve themselves.

61
00:02:35,474 --> 00:02:38,644
No, that's just her profession.
She doesn't escort me.

62
00:02:38,644 --> 00:02:41,313
No, no.
I met her in my marketing class.

63
00:02:41,313 --> 00:02:44,441
And I'm taking Doreen
to Annie's mixer tonight.

64
00:02:44,441 --> 00:02:46,986
You mean the STD fair.
Catch knowledge.

65
00:02:46,986 --> 00:02:49,279
Taking a call girl
to an STD fair?

66
00:02:49,279 --> 00:02:50,948
There's a joke here.

67
00:02:50,948 --> 00:02:52,783
So, Jeff, dust off that
black book

68
00:02:52,783 --> 00:02:54,326
and rustle up a honey.

69
00:02:54,326 --> 00:02:57,538
Is there a pill that
makes the word "no" clearer?

70
00:02:57,538 --> 00:03:00,374
It is short notice. Probably
couldn't get a date anyway.

71
00:03:00,374 --> 00:03:02,751
Ooh.

72
00:03:02,751 --> 00:03:04,043
I'm sure you're right.

73
00:03:04,043 --> 00:03:06,380
Ooh.

74
00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:09,967
Something to do with crabs.
They're food but also a disease?

75
00:03:09,967 --> 00:03:11,802
Jeff,
for your feather flashing,

76
00:03:11,802 --> 00:03:13,846
when was the last time
you scored?

77
00:03:13,846 --> 00:03:16,891
I don't know the precise date,
Pierce, because I'm not you.

78
00:03:16,891 --> 00:03:18,893
So there's no receipt.

79
00:03:18,893 --> 00:03:20,811
Ooh.
Ehh.

80
00:03:20,811 --> 00:03:22,187
Oh, come on.

81
00:03:22,187 --> 00:03:24,105
You shouldn't take pot shots
at some woman

82
00:03:24,105 --> 00:03:25,649
just because you can't
get a date.

83
00:03:25,649 --> 00:03:28,527
I can get dates
any time I want.

84
00:03:28,527 --> 00:03:32,197
What is this, some joke?
No, this is.

85
00:03:32,197 --> 00:03:34,909
"Don't eat the crab dip."
Yeah.

86
00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:38,620
Ahh! You hear that,
Annie?

87
00:03:38,620 --> 00:03:40,915
That's the sound
of STDs screaming,

88
00:03:40,915 --> 00:03:44,793
"No. Stop being
so aware of us."

89
00:03:44,793 --> 00:03:46,628
And it's all thanks to you.

90
00:03:46,628 --> 00:03:49,673
I was voted "most likely
to succeed" at my rehab clinic.

91
00:03:49,673 --> 00:03:52,384
Well, in recognition
of all your hard work,

92
00:03:52,384 --> 00:03:55,387
I have decided that
you should conduct

93
00:03:55,387 --> 00:03:56,889
the condom demonstration.

94
00:03:56,889 --> 00:04:00,141
You're gonna be center stage
showing everyone

95
00:04:00,141 --> 00:04:02,102
how to put a condom
on a, uh…

96
00:04:02,102 --> 00:04:04,521
Well, what my dad called
a Jimmy Carter.

97
00:04:04,521 --> 00:04:07,649
Um, I don't know
if I'm the right person.

98
00:04:07,649 --> 00:04:09,484
Don't worry.
Not a real one.

99
00:04:09,484 --> 00:04:12,279
No, it's an anatomically
correct model, you know.

100
00:04:12,279 --> 00:04:16,033
But trust me, eyes closed,
you can't tell the difference.

101
00:04:16,033 --> 00:04:17,993
Mmm. Okay.

102
00:04:26,043 --> 00:04:27,377
Hey, it's Jeff Winger.

103
00:04:29,046 --> 00:04:32,883
Well, I wanted to see
what you were doing tonight.

104
00:04:32,883 --> 00:04:34,468
Do I know your name?

105
00:04:34,468 --> 00:04:37,679
What kind of question is that?
Of course I know.

106
00:04:37,679 --> 00:04:39,514
Well, if I answer now,

107
00:04:39,514 --> 00:04:42,935
you'll never learn
a valuable lesson about trust,

108
00:04:42,935 --> 00:04:45,270
Jennifer.

109
00:04:45,270 --> 00:04:47,314
Crap. Ugh.

110
00:04:47,314 --> 00:04:50,025
Pierce really
got to you, huh?

111
00:04:50,025 --> 00:04:51,819
It has been a dry spell.

112
00:04:51,819 --> 00:04:54,989
But it's been a while since
I've tried. So I'm trying.

113
00:04:54,989 --> 00:04:58,784
Yeah, I can see that.
This is a lot of outgoing calls.

114
00:04:58,784 --> 00:05:01,078
"Car Wash Redhead."

115
00:05:01,078 --> 00:05:03,038
"Tube Top R.E.M. Concert."

116
00:05:03,038 --> 00:05:05,540
"Juror Number 6."
That sounds aboveboard.

117
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:08,251
At least you have "Mommy."
That's not my mom.

118
00:05:08,251 --> 00:05:10,337
Dude, not cool.

119
00:05:10,337 --> 00:05:13,841
You saying "dude"
is not cool.

120
00:05:13,841 --> 00:05:15,009
What are you doing?

121
00:05:16,718 --> 00:05:19,471
"Hot Blonde Spanish Class"?
You're welcome.

122
00:05:19,471 --> 00:05:22,182
This is the phone book
of a man in his 20s.

123
00:05:22,182 --> 00:05:24,559
The women literally
have no identities.

124
00:05:24,559 --> 00:05:26,186
It's pretty shallow.

125
00:05:26,186 --> 00:05:28,271
You're right.

126
00:05:28,271 --> 00:05:30,607
I can't believe I haven't
seen it before now.

127
00:05:30,607 --> 00:05:33,735
Whatever. I'm gonna go
study with Shirley.

128
00:05:33,735 --> 00:05:36,530
Well, I'll be here,
rethinking my way of life.

129
00:05:36,530 --> 00:05:37,865
Mm.

130
00:05:41,743 --> 00:05:43,704
Call "Mommy."

131
00:05:43,704 --> 00:05:47,332
Guys, I have a problem.

132
00:05:47,332 --> 00:05:49,043
The dean wants me
to demonstrate

133
00:05:49,043 --> 00:05:50,544
proper use of a condom

134
00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:52,754
at the fair by putting
one on a mannequin's

135
00:05:52,754 --> 00:05:56,050
stupid thing-a-mob.

136
00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:58,635
It's a big honor

137
00:05:58,635 --> 00:05:59,928
but I'm gonna screw it up.

138
00:05:59,928 --> 00:06:01,930
Well,
it's easy enough to practice.

139
00:06:01,930 --> 00:06:03,598
Do you have a banana?

140
00:06:03,598 --> 00:06:07,144
This is an anatomically correct
model I'll be handling.

141
00:06:07,144 --> 00:06:11,523
Real whatchamacallits
are nothing like bananas.

142
00:06:11,523 --> 00:06:13,901
Are they?

143
00:06:13,901 --> 00:06:15,234
Have you never seen one?

144
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:18,780
Annie, being a virgin
in this day and age

145
00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:21,200
is something to be proud of.
You're like a unicorn.

146
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,536
I'm not a unicorn.

147
00:06:24,536 --> 00:06:27,455
I had relations
with my high school boyfriend.

148
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:29,750
We did it
to Madonna's Erotica

149
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,459
on the floor
of his walk-in closet.

150
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:34,004
But he wouldn't let me
look at it.

151
00:06:34,004 --> 00:06:37,841
He cried after and during.

152
00:06:37,841 --> 00:06:39,093
He's gay now.

153
00:06:39,093 --> 00:06:41,011
He was gay then.

154
00:06:41,011 --> 00:06:43,430
So you never seen one
when you were growing up?

155
00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:46,516
Like, on the Internet, in a
picture, or Harvey Keitel's?

156
00:06:46,516 --> 00:06:51,021
Caught glimpses, but I've never
got a real good look at one.

157
00:06:51,021 --> 00:06:54,273
What I need to do is practice
on the actual model.

158
00:06:54,273 --> 00:06:56,026
But the dean has
it locked in his office.

159
00:06:56,026 --> 00:06:58,528
Okay, that's easy. We'll go
to him, ask him if we…

160
00:06:58,528 --> 00:07:01,656
No. I…
This is really embarrassing.

161
00:07:01,656 --> 00:07:03,242
I don't want anyone to know.

162
00:07:03,242 --> 00:07:05,994
I wanna figure out how to do it
and get it over with.

163
00:07:05,994 --> 00:07:07,829
The dean is counting on me,

164
00:07:07,829 --> 00:07:10,415
and I want him to know
that I'm someone he can trust.

165
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,378
We have to break
into his office.

166
00:07:15,378 --> 00:07:17,005
I have no problem
with that.

167
00:07:17,005 --> 00:07:18,715
I think I could do that.

168
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:25,472
Oh, hello, Jeffrey.
Hi, Pierce.

169
00:07:25,472 --> 00:07:27,266
I was just going
into the fair

170
00:07:27,266 --> 00:07:29,893
to wait for my
smoking-hot date.

171
00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:31,561
That's nice.
How about you?

172
00:07:31,561 --> 00:07:35,565
Uh, were you ever able to,
you know, come up with a date?

173
00:07:35,565 --> 00:07:38,152
No, no,
because I didn't try,

174
00:07:38,152 --> 00:07:40,904
because taking a date
to an STD fair would be lame.

175
00:07:40,904 --> 00:07:42,363
Don't worry about it,
kid.

176
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:44,283
What you're going through
is a dry spell.

177
00:07:44,283 --> 00:07:46,034
From my experience,
they don't last any more

178
00:07:46,034 --> 00:07:49,121
than 12, 13 years.

179
00:07:49,121 --> 00:07:51,790
Excuse me.

180
00:07:54,375 --> 00:07:57,545
No gonorrhea,
please, please, please.

181
00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:59,131
No gonorrhea.

182
00:07:59,131 --> 00:08:01,382
Ow! It burns.

183
00:08:01,382 --> 00:08:03,135
That's gonna hurt.
Gross. Dean,

184
00:08:03,135 --> 00:08:04,928
your assistant,
is she single?

185
00:08:04,928 --> 00:08:06,471
What are her likes
and dislikes?

186
00:08:06,471 --> 00:08:09,599
Yes, on single.
She likes hip-hop and horses.

187
00:08:09,599 --> 00:08:11,768
Dislikes beards…
I was done talking.

188
00:08:15,314 --> 00:08:19,776
Is it me or are horses
the most beautiful creatures?

189
00:08:19,776 --> 00:08:22,904
They're so majestic.
Totally.

190
00:08:22,904 --> 00:08:25,782
This morning when I was shaving
and listening to the new Jay-Z,

191
00:08:25,782 --> 00:08:28,785
Was thinking how I wanna squeeze
in a quick gallop this weekend.

192
00:08:28,785 --> 00:08:31,330
Do you own a horse?

193
00:08:31,330 --> 00:08:34,082
Can you ever really
own a horse?

194
00:08:37,336 --> 00:08:39,129
Pierce.
Yeah?

195
00:08:39,129 --> 00:08:40,421
This is Sabrina.

196
00:08:40,421 --> 00:08:42,299
Thirty seconds
after you walked away,

197
00:08:42,299 --> 00:08:44,718
I asked her to be my date
and she said yes.

198
00:08:44,718 --> 00:08:46,928
You must have a great
personality.

199
00:08:46,928 --> 00:08:48,222
Thank you.

200
00:08:48,222 --> 00:08:50,182
Jeff, you proved me wrong.
You got a girl.

201
00:08:50,182 --> 00:08:51,558
Yeah, I did.
Oh.

202
00:08:51,558 --> 00:08:54,435
This is Doreen.
Ready for our double-date?

203
00:08:54,435 --> 00:08:57,231
Yes, I am.
Wait, how'd you do that?

204
00:09:00,901 --> 00:09:03,904
Is this the best safe-sex
fair or what?

205
00:09:03,904 --> 00:09:05,530
Check out these condoms.

206
00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:08,116
All along the side
it says, "Greendale!"

207
00:09:08,116 --> 00:09:10,744
Exclamation point,
my idea.

208
00:09:12,954 --> 00:09:15,999
Wow. Me,
in a dune buggy,

209
00:09:15,999 --> 00:09:18,752
with syphilis.
This is going on the fridge.

210
00:09:18,752 --> 00:09:21,922
Heh, heh. Look how gorgeous
Doreen is tonight.

211
00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:24,841
Hey, can we…?

212
00:09:24,841 --> 00:09:27,468
Let's lay out our plans
for the evening.

213
00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:29,763
You wingman me,
I wingman you.

214
00:09:29,763 --> 00:09:33,016
Maybe we split up
for a little hoo-ha

215
00:09:33,016 --> 00:09:37,854
and then meet in the morning
for eggs and details.

216
00:09:37,854 --> 00:09:41,858
That sounds like the worst
combination plate ever.

217
00:09:41,858 --> 00:09:44,485
Thanks.
Argh!

218
00:09:44,485 --> 00:09:47,364
I can't believe
you beat me again.

219
00:09:47,364 --> 00:09:49,991
Do you want
my stuffed animal?

220
00:09:51,368 --> 00:09:52,702
We're arm wrestling.

221
00:09:54,579 --> 00:09:58,292
Like Stallone in Over the Top.
Don't I need a truck and a son?

222
00:09:58,292 --> 00:10:02,170
The rules are, "You suck."
Let's go.

223
00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:04,423
I wanna wait for a more
inspiring song.

224
00:10:04,423 --> 00:10:06,925
This score isn't right.
There we go.

225
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,870
Oh, my God.

226
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:42,169
You broke my hand,
you bastard.

227
00:10:57,684 --> 00:10:59,686
I can't do anything
with this.

228
00:10:59,686 --> 00:11:01,521
No, let me see that.

229
00:11:03,106 --> 00:11:05,775
Oh, I can see
through the door.

230
00:11:07,027 --> 00:11:09,279
Oh, yeah, thar she blows.

231
00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:11,072
I wanna see, I wanna see.

232
00:11:11,072 --> 00:11:13,116
Okay, go, go, go.
Go ahead.

233
00:11:14,784 --> 00:11:19,080
I'm the one that needs to see.
Okay, okay, okay.

234
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,957
It's okay.

235
00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:26,921
Oh, boy.

236
00:11:28,547 --> 00:11:32,844
Oh, I had it wrong.

237
00:11:32,844 --> 00:11:34,179
Is that considered large?

238
00:11:34,179 --> 00:11:36,056
Oh, no.
Yes.

239
00:11:38,099 --> 00:11:40,977
What in the reverse Porky's
is going on here?

240
00:11:42,687 --> 00:11:45,732
You know, Doreen
speaks six languages.

241
00:11:45,732 --> 00:11:48,527
You should hear her
order wine in French.

242
00:11:48,527 --> 00:11:51,779
Hey, honey, say,
"Cabernet sauvigonenon."

243
00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:53,323
You're embarrassing me.

244
00:11:53,323 --> 00:11:55,492
You know a lot
about wine?

245
00:11:55,492 --> 00:11:58,328
Well, I did have a client
who owned a vineyard in Napa.

246
00:11:58,328 --> 00:12:02,249
He was into S&M and merlot
so we called it S&M&M.

247
00:12:04,084 --> 00:12:07,212
Honey, you're boring
the crap out of Jeff.

248
00:12:07,212 --> 00:12:11,007
Be right back.
I have to make tinkles.

249
00:12:11,007 --> 00:12:13,885
Well, then, I'm gonna go
get us another round.

250
00:12:13,885 --> 00:12:17,847
You know,
you are not what I expected.

251
00:12:17,847 --> 00:12:20,892
You're smart, you're classy,
you're not wearing go-go boots.

252
00:12:20,892 --> 00:12:22,810
They're in the shop.

253
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,729
You know,
despite what people think,

254
00:12:24,729 --> 00:12:28,442
I actually spend
most of my time talking.

255
00:12:28,442 --> 00:12:31,069
As men get older, they wanna
spend time with someone

256
00:12:31,069 --> 00:12:32,904
they can have a real
conversation with.

257
00:12:32,904 --> 00:12:34,573
That is going to suck.

258
00:12:34,573 --> 00:12:36,699
"Going to," Jeff?

259
00:12:36,699 --> 00:12:38,034
Come on, Sabrina's cute,

260
00:12:38,034 --> 00:12:40,120
but she thinks that
Monty Python

261
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,330
is the evil snake
from Harry Potter.

262
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:45,083
Trust me,
I know girls I can converse with

263
00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:47,544
who are way more annoying.
I will take "tinkles"

264
00:12:47,544 --> 00:12:49,837
over
"we need to talk" every time.

265
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,672
Hey, babe.

266
00:12:51,672 --> 00:12:53,800
Ready to show me
that Lexus?

267
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,470
I thought you'd never ask.

268
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,847
Doreen,

269
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,640
it was very nice
to meet you.

270
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,477
You can do better.

271
00:13:10,442 --> 00:13:12,611
Here.

272
00:13:12,611 --> 00:13:15,363
Oh, they already left?
What a couple of nincompoops.

273
00:13:15,363 --> 00:13:18,492
Uh, before I buy dinner,
I have to ask.

274
00:13:18,492 --> 00:13:21,536
Is there any lovemaking
on the table?

275
00:13:21,536 --> 00:13:23,830
We're through, Pierce.

276
00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,706
I'm gonna go to the bar

277
00:13:25,706 --> 00:13:27,501
and you can join me
if you'd like.

278
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:29,544
And we can still have
a lovely evening,

279
00:13:29,544 --> 00:13:31,838
but it will cost you
200 bucks.

280
00:13:38,553 --> 00:13:42,849
That is a pretty
big discount.

281
00:13:57,238 --> 00:14:00,534
I had no idea alcohol
would make people horny.

282
00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:02,410
It makes me sleepy.
I don't…

283
00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:03,870
Dean?
Yeah.

284
00:14:03,870 --> 00:14:06,498
We have a 597 currently
going on in your office.

285
00:14:06,498 --> 00:14:10,544
597? There's a dog-fighting
ring in my office?

286
00:14:10,544 --> 00:14:12,546
No.

287
00:14:12,546 --> 00:14:15,965
I'm gonna turn him around
and we're gonna cover him up.

288
00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:18,552
Okay, ladies,
I am shocked

289
00:14:18,552 --> 00:14:20,720
at the reverse Porky's
that has happened here.

290
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,514
I don't see
what the big deal is.

291
00:14:22,514 --> 00:14:24,765
Annie needed to look
at the model of the pen…

292
00:14:24,765 --> 00:14:28,061
Okay, the P-word
has entered into play.

293
00:14:28,061 --> 00:14:30,438
That's exactly
why I wanted Gayle,

294
00:14:30,438 --> 00:14:31,856
our school counselor here,

295
00:14:31,856 --> 00:14:33,983
and Monique, who's keeping
record, to ensure

296
00:14:33,983 --> 00:14:35,985
we discuss
these sensitive topics

297
00:14:35,985 --> 00:14:37,612
in a legally appropriate
manner.

298
00:14:37,612 --> 00:14:39,780
I think everyone
should say "penis"

299
00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:42,783
so we can take away
the negative power of the word.

300
00:14:42,783 --> 00:14:44,578
Yeah? So everybody.

301
00:14:44,578 --> 00:14:46,913
Penis.
She didn't say it.

302
00:14:46,913 --> 00:14:50,083
Now, why did you break
in to see the penis?

303
00:14:50,083 --> 00:14:53,587
Wow, I really do feel more
comfortable saying that now.

304
00:14:53,587 --> 00:14:58,425
I just wanna focus on the girl
who won't say "penis."

305
00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:11,271
This is a judgment-free zone,
so express yourself.

306
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,652
You know what?

307
00:15:17,652 --> 00:15:21,531
I don't want
to express myself.

308
00:15:21,531 --> 00:15:24,367
I don't wanna sit
in a room full of people

309
00:15:24,367 --> 00:15:25,744
and say…

310
00:15:25,744 --> 00:15:28,371
the P-word.
I like being repressed.

311
00:15:28,371 --> 00:15:31,374
I am totally comfortable
being uncomfortable

312
00:15:31,374 --> 00:15:32,833
with my sexuality.

313
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,336
And maybe, just maybe,

314
00:15:35,336 --> 00:15:37,922
if everyone were
a little more like me,

315
00:15:37,922 --> 00:15:40,800
we wouldn't have
to have an STD fair.

316
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,136
You go, girl.
That's my pumpkin.

317
00:15:43,136 --> 00:15:45,555
Mm-hm.

318
00:15:45,555 --> 00:15:48,141
By the way, now that I've
gotten a good look at one,

319
00:15:48,141 --> 00:15:50,602
I don't see what all the fuss
was about.

320
00:15:50,602 --> 00:15:54,021
A giant thumb in a turtleneck.
Whoop-dee-doo!

321
00:16:03,281 --> 00:16:05,950
You have a really
awesome body.

322
00:16:05,950 --> 00:16:07,619
You probably hear that
all the time.

323
00:16:07,619 --> 00:16:10,371
Not as much
as I should.

324
00:16:11,665 --> 00:16:14,709
Professor.

325
00:16:14,709 --> 00:16:16,503
What?

326
00:16:16,503 --> 00:16:18,129
I'm not a professor.

327
00:16:18,129 --> 00:16:21,174
But you're at Greendale
and you're old.

328
00:16:21,174 --> 00:16:23,009
I'm a student.

329
00:16:23,009 --> 00:16:24,594
Yikers.

330
00:16:24,594 --> 00:16:27,806
Yeah. It's pretty much
yikers for me too.

331
00:16:27,806 --> 00:16:33,060
Well, I guess I can make
an exception, professor.

332
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:43,946
You know,
I can't do this.

333
00:16:43,946 --> 00:16:45,239
What?

334
00:16:45,239 --> 00:16:46,574
But this is your car.

335
00:16:46,574 --> 00:16:48,159
Keep it.

336
00:16:48,159 --> 00:16:50,161
But…

337
00:16:52,955 --> 00:16:55,583
Yes, yes, yes.

338
00:16:55,583 --> 00:16:59,838
Yes! How do you like
those apples?

339
00:16:59,838 --> 00:17:01,964
I don't like those apples.

340
00:17:01,964 --> 00:17:03,633
I'm so upset.

341
00:17:03,633 --> 00:17:06,386
It was just a fluke
I won those other games.

342
00:17:06,386 --> 00:17:07,846
Troy.

343
00:17:09,930 --> 00:17:12,183
Wow, this may be
the only STD fair

344
00:17:12,183 --> 00:17:13,976
to actually spread STDs.

345
00:17:13,976 --> 00:17:15,603
Shut up, Ben.

346
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:20,149
ACondom water balloon fight!

347
00:17:22,694 --> 00:17:24,987
What the hell?

348
00:17:24,987 --> 00:17:26,573
Dude,
these are leaking.

349
00:17:27,824 --> 00:17:29,784
Oh, my God.

350
00:17:29,784 --> 00:17:31,703
That's why you don't
print things on condoms.

351
00:17:31,703 --> 00:17:34,581
Everyone's getting preggers
and it's all your fault.

352
00:17:42,004 --> 00:17:43,214
Oh, man.

353
00:17:43,214 --> 00:17:44,841
Troy,

354
00:17:44,841 --> 00:17:46,593
all the condoms are faulty.

355
00:17:46,593 --> 00:17:50,179
As the best athlete on campus,
I need you to run to my office

356
00:17:50,179 --> 00:17:52,181
and make an announcement
before everyone leaves.

357
00:17:53,474 --> 00:17:58,479
Dean, I am not the best
athlete on campus.

358
00:17:58,479 --> 00:18:01,232
Abed is.

359
00:18:01,232 --> 00:18:03,067
I know you let me win
the race.

360
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:04,277
You didn't say anything.

361
00:18:04,277 --> 00:18:06,487
That's because…

362
00:18:06,487 --> 00:18:08,656
I wanted it to be true.

363
00:18:08,656 --> 00:18:11,701
You're a really good friend.
No, Abed.

364
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,038
You are.
For the love of God, run!

365
00:18:16,038 --> 00:18:18,332
Okay.

366
00:18:18,332 --> 00:18:19,876
Go, Abed, go.

367
00:18:19,876 --> 00:18:23,671
Before people
sex one another.

368
00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:28,134
There he is.

369
00:18:28,134 --> 00:18:30,720
Back already.
Detail time?

370
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,597
I stopped.

371
00:18:32,597 --> 00:18:35,642
I don't know what's wrong
with me. I mean, she's hot.

372
00:18:35,642 --> 00:18:38,060
I think this place
is sapping my life force.

373
00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:40,772
Oh, it's not Greendale,
Jeff, it's you.

374
00:18:40,772 --> 00:18:42,356
You're becoming more mature.

375
00:18:42,356 --> 00:18:44,233
A man reaches a point
in his life

376
00:18:44,233 --> 00:18:48,070
where he stops looking for
a place to hang his underwear

377
00:18:48,070 --> 00:18:50,657
and starts looking
for a place to hang his hat.

378
00:18:51,783 --> 00:18:53,367
Oh, I'm sorry.

379
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:56,329
I was waiting for that to become
inappropriate or racist.

380
00:18:56,329 --> 00:18:58,456
What happened
to Doreen?

381
00:18:58,456 --> 00:19:00,124
Oh, uh,

382
00:19:00,124 --> 00:19:02,794
she said if I wanted to
continue, I'd have to pay.

383
00:19:02,794 --> 00:19:05,672
Oh, man,
that is rough.

384
00:19:05,672 --> 00:19:07,465
No, it was
a wake-up call.

385
00:19:07,465 --> 00:19:10,050
Doreen is a special lady.
I did not treat her right.

386
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:12,303
I have stuff to work on,
you know?

387
00:19:12,303 --> 00:19:14,514
You'll get there.

388
00:19:16,056 --> 00:19:18,434
We're both gonna get there.

389
00:19:20,186 --> 00:19:21,771
Here's to being better men.

390
00:19:23,397 --> 00:19:26,233
Cheers.

391
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,736
So can I borrow 200 bucks?

392
00:19:31,364 --> 00:19:34,826
Tell Doreen I say hi.

393
00:19:34,826 --> 00:19:37,787
You know, for 220,
I can get…

394
00:19:37,787 --> 00:19:40,164
I'll give you 250
if you don't finish telling me.

395
00:19:40,164 --> 00:19:42,082
Now I can get it twice.

396
00:19:42,082 --> 00:19:45,252
Ah, college.
Best years of our lives.

397
00:19:47,463 --> 00:19:49,131
Oop.

398
00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:16,784
Attention, Greendale students.

399
00:20:16,784 --> 00:20:18,703
Don't use the condoms.

400
00:20:18,703 --> 00:20:22,582
If you're going to have sex
tonight, don't use condoms.

401
00:20:29,756 --> 00:20:32,759
"The characteristic of an acid
to donate or accept a proton

402
00:20:32,759 --> 00:20:35,428
"cannot be quantified
for individual species.

403
00:20:35,428 --> 00:20:37,847
"Comparing two
donor-acceptor systems,

404
00:20:37,847 --> 00:20:43,310
the proton transposition
HA plus H2O…"

405
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:01,579
Abed?
Yeah, Troy?

406
00:21:01,579 --> 00:21:03,623
Can you get me a glass
of water?

407
00:21:03,623 --> 00:21:07,126
Mm, Sure.

408
00:21:07,126 --> 00:21:09,378
Thank you, Abed.