1 00:00:01,732 --> 00:00:03,108 As you know, 2 00:00:03,108 --> 00:00:04,401 all faculty at Greendale 3 00:00:04,401 --> 00:00:06,027 are required to give extra credit 4 00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:08,322 academically-related events to students who organize 5 00:00:08,322 --> 00:00:13,494 during what would otherwise be known as our "free time." 6 00:00:13,494 --> 00:00:15,537 in any department No student 7 00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:19,124 has ever exercised this option until now. 8 00:00:21,627 --> 00:00:23,044 Tonight, in the library, 9 00:00:23,044 --> 00:00:24,212 I will be hosting 10 00:00:24,212 --> 00:00:25,589 a Día de los Muertos party. 11 00:00:25,589 --> 00:00:26,924 Just relax, just relax. 12 00:00:26,924 --> 00:00:30,260 or Day of the Dead, Día de los Muertos 13 00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:32,847 is sometimes referred to as Mexican Halloween. 14 00:00:32,847 --> 00:00:34,765 Which is quite offensive to people 15 00:00:34,765 --> 00:00:38,519 familiar with Mexican Halloween as a sexual position. 16 00:00:38,519 --> 00:00:40,980 At any rate, if you show up, you get extra credit. 17 00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:44,191 Me, I don't even get paid. 18 00:00:44,191 --> 00:00:45,526 See you tonight. 19 00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:50,781 Um… 20 00:00:50,781 --> 00:00:52,491 Most of you responded to my e-vite, 21 00:00:52,491 --> 00:00:55,452 remain evasive, so… but some of you 22 00:00:55,452 --> 00:00:58,246 This is my first college party. Count me in. 23 00:00:58,246 --> 00:01:00,081 I got some tequila, 24 00:01:00,081 --> 00:01:03,502 and I just rented Van Wilder 2: the Rise of Taj, and look. 25 00:01:03,502 --> 00:01:04,962 You took off your wedding ring. 26 00:01:04,962 --> 00:01:07,381 My husband's been gone for six months. 27 00:01:07,381 --> 00:01:09,717 I think it's time for me to embrace being single. 28 00:01:09,717 --> 00:01:12,052 Message received. 29 00:01:12,052 --> 00:01:13,846 I'm waiting to hear from Jeff and Pierce. 30 00:01:13,846 --> 00:01:16,849 I thought I shot you a response from this pocket phone here. 31 00:01:16,849 --> 00:01:18,183 Access e-mail. 32 00:01:18,183 --> 00:01:20,143 to Annie's party? You're not going 33 00:01:20,143 --> 00:01:23,731 with the enjoyment of my life. Oh, it conflicts 34 00:01:23,731 --> 00:01:27,192 I cannot figure out the voice command part of this thing. 35 00:01:27,192 --> 00:01:28,527 It's like I'm my mother. 36 00:01:28,527 --> 00:01:30,237 Calling mother. 37 00:01:30,237 --> 00:01:31,488 What? 38 00:01:31,488 --> 00:01:32,740 Speaking of enjoying life, 39 00:01:32,740 --> 00:01:34,533 I don't wanna beat a dead horse, 40 00:01:34,533 --> 00:01:37,285 but are you sure you don't see anything non-platonic 41 00:01:37,285 --> 00:01:39,496 ever crystallizing between us? I'm sure. 42 00:01:39,496 --> 00:01:41,164 Good. One of my professors is really hot. 43 00:01:41,164 --> 00:01:42,958 And I wanted to give you first right of refusal. 44 00:01:42,958 --> 00:01:44,668 Hello? Pierce? 45 00:01:44,668 --> 00:01:46,545 How's school going? Mom? 46 00:01:46,545 --> 00:01:48,422 Are you popular? 47 00:01:48,422 --> 00:01:51,216 I am headed through a tunnel right now. 48 00:01:53,134 --> 00:01:54,553 Wrong number. 49 00:01:54,553 --> 00:01:57,514 stopped teasing you? Has that boy Jeff 50 00:01:57,514 --> 00:01:59,391 How's your Canadian girlfriend? 51 00:02:00,976 --> 00:02:02,561 I saw your father's ghost again. 52 00:02:02,561 --> 00:02:04,145 He's still angry. 53 00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:11,361 To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope 54 00:02:11,361 --> 00:02:14,531 It could be here ♪ d Somebody said 55 00:02:14,531 --> 00:02:18,786 Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up 56 00:02:23,791 --> 00:02:28,128 They all just fade away d d One by one 57 00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:34,175 The Bernoulli Distribution is the number of successes 58 00:02:34,175 --> 00:02:38,680 independent yes-no experiments. in a sequence of 59 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:43,351 brush up on chapters 3 and 4. Okay. For the quiz, Monday 60 00:02:46,021 --> 00:02:48,440 of my favorites. Bernoulli's one 61 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,609 Little known fact: statistics were not his only love. 62 00:02:50,609 --> 00:02:53,361 He's famous for his French sauce used on meat and poultry. 63 00:02:53,361 --> 00:02:54,655 That's béarnaise. 64 00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:56,406 We may need to settle this at a restaurant. 65 00:02:56,406 --> 00:02:58,909 A little aggressive. That's cute. 66 00:02:58,909 --> 00:03:00,661 confident woman of authority, But as a busy, 67 00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:02,161 I'm attracted to men who take charge. 68 00:03:02,161 --> 00:03:03,998 Are you being sarcastic or am I nailing it? 69 00:03:03,998 --> 00:03:06,625 until you had to ask. You were nailing it 70 00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:08,502 Starting over. Oh, damn it. 71 00:03:08,502 --> 00:03:10,462 You in the skirt, date me. I'd like to, Mr. Winger. 72 00:03:10,462 --> 00:03:12,255 You're tall, you dress nice. 73 00:03:12,255 --> 00:03:14,549 I've graded enough of your tests to know I'd never feel 74 00:03:14,549 --> 00:03:16,259 Thank you. mentally inadequate. 75 00:03:16,259 --> 00:03:18,386 I don't date students. Only problem, 76 00:03:21,515 --> 00:03:23,391 You know, if you agree to go… 77 00:03:23,391 --> 00:03:25,060 Oh. Hey. Awkward. 78 00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:26,353 How small is this campus? 79 00:03:26,353 --> 00:03:27,855 Bastard. 80 00:03:27,855 --> 00:03:29,230 It's fine, I don't care. 81 00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:30,899 It's disgusting the way men behave. 82 00:03:30,899 --> 00:03:32,693 You ever see that Katherine Heigl movie poster, 83 00:03:32,693 --> 00:03:34,653 had that heart over his wiener? where Gerard Butler 84 00:03:34,653 --> 00:03:37,447 That resonated with me. Okay, fine. But just to repeat, 85 00:03:37,447 --> 00:03:39,158 I don't care what Jeff does. 86 00:03:39,158 --> 00:03:40,367 Bastard. 87 00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:41,660 I'm barely a student. 88 00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:43,037 I'm older than you, I drive a Lexus. 89 00:03:43,037 --> 00:03:44,579 I saw Ghost Busters in the theater. 90 00:03:44,579 --> 00:03:46,707 Look, my gums are receding. It's uncanny 91 00:03:46,707 --> 00:03:48,375 how many of my buttons you're finding, 92 00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:50,585 but I have a personal rule about this and I stick to it. 93 00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:52,921 Have a cup of coffee with me, I can change your mind. 94 00:03:52,921 --> 00:03:54,381 I know you can. 95 00:03:54,381 --> 00:03:57,092 That's why you're not getting the chance. 96 00:03:57,092 --> 00:03:59,178 Ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo. 97 00:04:00,137 --> 00:04:01,972 Are you coming to my party? 98 00:04:01,972 --> 00:04:04,016 I'm definitely gonna try to swing by. 99 00:04:04,016 --> 00:04:06,143 Then I can mark you down as definitely being there 100 00:04:06,143 --> 00:04:07,895 until question mark? from 7:00 sharp 101 00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:10,147 No, here's the thing. Here's the thing… 102 00:04:10,147 --> 00:04:12,273 I am putting my foot down, do you understand? 103 00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:15,736 and I am making eye contact, I am being assertive, 104 00:04:15,736 --> 00:04:17,487 and it is achieving results. 105 00:04:17,487 --> 00:04:19,031 Are you trying to get formidable with me? 106 00:04:19,031 --> 00:04:21,742 Infomercials work on Pierce. It worked on Pierce. 107 00:04:21,742 --> 00:04:25,162 Jeff, you're the cool guy, okay? 108 00:04:25,162 --> 00:04:27,164 If you show up, it will be the first party I host 109 00:04:27,164 --> 00:04:29,374 they need to get home in time where everyone doesn't say 110 00:04:29,374 --> 00:04:30,959 for the news. 111 00:04:30,959 --> 00:04:33,461 This won't work. 112 00:04:33,461 --> 00:04:35,756 I saved a vial of your tears. The last time you did this, 113 00:04:35,756 --> 00:04:37,507 building up an immunity. And I've been slowly 114 00:04:37,507 --> 00:04:39,593 I was so unpopular in high school, 115 00:04:39,593 --> 00:04:43,555 used to lure me into traffic. the crossing guard 116 00:04:43,555 --> 00:04:45,682 This party is a second chance 117 00:04:45,682 --> 00:04:49,895 at being hip, cool, 118 00:04:51,021 --> 00:04:52,689 laid-back. 119 00:04:53,941 --> 00:04:56,985 Look, I will come to your party. Thank you. 120 00:04:56,985 --> 00:04:58,612 I'm putting you down for two bags of ice 121 00:04:58,612 --> 00:05:00,530 and a sleeve of paper cups. 122 00:05:15,170 --> 00:05:17,172 Taking a pill? 123 00:05:18,673 --> 00:05:20,801 "Xenolovaden." Yes, I am. 124 00:05:20,801 --> 00:05:22,219 My grandpa took that around your age. 125 00:05:22,219 --> 00:05:23,470 Fantastic. 126 00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:24,805 Helped him with his going problem. 127 00:05:24,805 --> 00:05:26,514 By the time Grandpa got up in years, 128 00:05:26,514 --> 00:05:28,433 his memory wasn't great. He'd mix the wrong pills. 129 00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:30,435 You know how old people are. Heard stories about it. 130 00:05:30,435 --> 00:05:32,479 One time he ran down the street with no pants on, 131 00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:34,689 is considered a real party foul which in the Gaza Strip 132 00:05:34,689 --> 00:05:36,108 so you should probably be careful. 133 00:05:36,108 --> 00:05:38,152 Look, I really don't need your advice, 134 00:05:38,152 --> 00:05:39,694 and I'm not your pantsless grandpa. 135 00:05:39,694 --> 00:05:42,197 "Pantsless grandpa." 136 00:05:48,369 --> 00:05:49,788 Scary. 137 00:05:49,788 --> 00:05:51,957 You look great. 138 00:05:51,957 --> 00:05:53,541 Hi. 139 00:05:53,541 --> 00:05:54,751 Britta, 140 00:05:54,751 --> 00:05:56,878 you look adorable. Thank you. 141 00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:59,173 I hate when women use Halloween as an excuse 142 00:05:59,173 --> 00:06:00,548 to dress up like sluts, you know? 143 00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:01,883 Yeah. 144 00:06:03,302 --> 00:06:06,888 I think we can begin. Okay, everyone. 145 00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:10,142 personalized cookie tombstones, I've got everyone's 146 00:06:10,142 --> 00:06:11,643 por tradición. 147 00:06:11,643 --> 00:06:14,353 And, in a few minutes we're going to start 148 00:06:14,353 --> 00:06:15,856 the Dance of the Dead, 149 00:06:15,856 --> 00:06:17,524 La Danza de los Muertos. 150 00:06:17,524 --> 00:06:19,234 You don't have to keep doing that. 151 00:06:19,234 --> 00:06:21,236 Party on. 152 00:06:27,575 --> 00:06:29,161 Nice of you to be here, 153 00:06:29,161 --> 00:06:30,996 I'm sure you'd rather be with your hot professor. 154 00:06:30,996 --> 00:06:33,081 I enrolled as a selfish loner. It's funny. 155 00:06:33,081 --> 00:06:35,583 But you and the group have given me a crash course in friendship. 156 00:06:35,583 --> 00:06:37,544 She's grading papers. She blew you off, huh? 157 00:06:37,544 --> 00:06:38,837 Professor Slater? 158 00:06:38,837 --> 00:06:40,088 She's not grading papers. 159 00:06:40,088 --> 00:06:41,673 She's at the faculty party. 160 00:06:41,673 --> 00:06:43,800 It's the eavesdropping matador. Oh, look. 161 00:06:44,968 --> 00:06:46,803 my people are sneaky? Are you saying 162 00:06:46,803 --> 00:06:48,680 What? 163 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,225 There is a storm building on the horizon. 164 00:06:51,225 --> 00:06:55,103 You and I will save the night. Chex mix, pretzels, carrots. 165 00:06:55,103 --> 00:06:57,438 Predictable but appetizing. 166 00:06:58,857 --> 00:07:01,568 Hey. Can I ask you something I always wanted to ask 167 00:07:01,568 --> 00:07:03,278 Yeah. the real Batman? 168 00:07:03,278 --> 00:07:05,488 Am I good-looking? 169 00:07:05,488 --> 00:07:07,615 You're a very attractive young man. 170 00:07:07,615 --> 00:07:09,368 I knew it. 171 00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:14,706 Let's get this party started. 172 00:07:14,706 --> 00:07:16,041 Who are you? 173 00:07:16,041 --> 00:07:17,918 I am the Beastmaster. 174 00:07:19,169 --> 00:07:20,837 From the movie, Beastmaster. 175 00:07:22,381 --> 00:07:24,883 have you been living under? What rock 176 00:07:24,883 --> 00:07:27,594 What are you going as? A gay douche bag? 177 00:07:27,594 --> 00:07:28,929 Just kidding. Nice one. 178 00:07:28,929 --> 00:07:30,471 I'm not much of a costume guy. 179 00:07:30,471 --> 00:07:32,557 a liking-ladies guy either. You're not much of 180 00:07:32,557 --> 00:07:34,393 Oh. Body blow. 181 00:07:34,393 --> 00:07:35,685 Is that liquor? 182 00:07:36,644 --> 00:07:37,938 Hello. 183 00:07:37,938 --> 00:07:39,231 Here's your drinks, mates. 184 00:07:39,231 --> 00:07:40,607 Oh. Thanks, Urkel. 185 00:07:40,607 --> 00:07:42,025 I'm Harry Potter. 186 00:07:42,025 --> 00:07:44,778 Really? What up, Urkel? 187 00:07:54,329 --> 00:07:56,539 Oh! Hey. 188 00:07:56,539 --> 00:07:59,626 What are you taking? All right. 189 00:07:59,626 --> 00:08:01,044 Huh? Oh. 190 00:08:01,044 --> 00:08:03,004 the usual cool stuff. You know, 191 00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:07,092 I've got 'ludes, dreamers, Johnny Boys. 192 00:08:07,092 --> 00:08:11,638 Tell you what, I'll trade you one of mine for two of yours. 193 00:08:11,638 --> 00:08:14,141 Star-Burns, I'm… I don't know, 194 00:08:14,141 --> 00:08:17,018 Sorry, I thought I was dealing with the Beastmaster. 195 00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:19,813 Hey. Who said you weren't? 196 00:08:20,855 --> 00:08:23,066 Saddle up, fruit pie. 197 00:08:23,066 --> 00:08:25,402 Don't mind if I do. May I? 198 00:08:26,611 --> 00:08:28,322 Here, take this. 199 00:08:28,322 --> 00:08:30,365 Give anyone that shows up their stupid credit. 200 00:08:30,365 --> 00:08:32,826 You going to the faculty party? Make me your plus one. 201 00:08:32,826 --> 00:08:34,161 Give it up, Winger. 202 00:08:34,161 --> 00:08:35,787 doesn't date students. Professor Slater 203 00:08:37,331 --> 00:08:39,749 Or married Asians who drive mopeds. 204 00:08:39,749 --> 00:08:41,042 I'll give you 20 bucks. 205 00:08:42,710 --> 00:08:44,796 I'll bring the hog around. 206 00:08:56,766 --> 00:08:59,769 for the Dance of the Dead. Okay, it's time 207 00:08:59,769 --> 00:09:01,646 Everyone form a circle. 208 00:09:01,646 --> 00:09:04,107 Lights. Music. 209 00:09:04,107 --> 00:09:06,943 or on a specific play list? Is it under genre 210 00:09:08,028 --> 00:09:10,405 what'd you slip me? Hey, man, 211 00:09:10,405 --> 00:09:13,574 and I wanna kiss everybody. I keep grinding my teeth 212 00:09:13,574 --> 00:09:15,118 What did you slip me, man? 213 00:09:15,118 --> 00:09:18,038 My heart stopped racing and I can't pee. 214 00:09:18,038 --> 00:09:20,248 Now, for the first dance, 215 00:09:20,248 --> 00:09:23,584 I would like to invite a very special guest to the floor. 216 00:09:23,584 --> 00:09:24,836 Jeff Winger? 217 00:09:29,716 --> 00:09:31,426 Jeff? 218 00:09:31,426 --> 00:09:32,886 Where's Jeff? 219 00:09:32,886 --> 00:09:35,430 Please slow down. 220 00:09:35,430 --> 00:09:37,098 Stop crying, Winger. Please. 221 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,975 Watch it! 222 00:09:38,975 --> 00:09:40,685 Is Jeff gone? 223 00:09:42,396 --> 00:09:44,981 I don't wanna miss the news. You know, I'm gonna go. 224 00:09:44,981 --> 00:09:46,316 News. 225 00:09:47,734 --> 00:09:50,570 He's gonna be right back. He just stepped out. 226 00:09:52,947 --> 00:09:55,116 the faculty party. He's going to 227 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,618 Short Skirt? We hate her. To be with Professor 228 00:09:57,618 --> 00:09:59,871 No, it's not about her, Shirley. 229 00:09:59,871 --> 00:10:01,831 I can't believe that Jeff would do this to Annie. 230 00:10:01,831 --> 00:10:04,167 it's about Annie. Yes, absolutely, 231 00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:05,502 We should go find that bitch's car 232 00:10:05,502 --> 00:10:06,836 and snap off her antenna. 233 00:10:08,838 --> 00:10:11,007 It's like high school all over again. 234 00:10:11,007 --> 00:10:12,800 Everyone's leaving. 235 00:10:13,718 --> 00:10:15,136 Not me. 236 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:17,389 I can do this all night. 237 00:10:18,723 --> 00:10:20,392 I love you. 238 00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:31,361 There you go, pretty lady. 239 00:10:31,361 --> 00:10:32,904 What are you doing here? 240 00:10:32,904 --> 00:10:34,531 Showing you my non-student side. 241 00:10:34,531 --> 00:10:36,533 this outfit is doing it for me. I have to admit, 242 00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:38,159 have been deflowered I may or may not 243 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,411 by a junior rodeo champion. 244 00:10:39,411 --> 00:10:41,162 of my first time too. You remind me 245 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,747 You lost your virginity to Robin Hood? 246 00:10:42,747 --> 00:10:45,125 No, with an attractive woman at a party. 247 00:10:45,125 --> 00:10:46,709 to repeat history. We seem destined 248 00:10:46,709 --> 00:10:48,711 I told you, no students. It's unseemly. 249 00:10:48,711 --> 00:10:50,797 you tell your friends. I go out with you, 250 00:10:50,797 --> 00:10:52,757 I have no friends. What friends? 251 00:10:52,757 --> 00:10:54,842 I hate everyone here but you. 252 00:10:54,842 --> 00:10:56,303 Hey. What are you doing here? 253 00:10:56,303 --> 00:10:57,678 What are you doing here? 254 00:10:57,678 --> 00:11:00,765 at the library with Annie. You should be over 255 00:11:00,765 --> 00:11:04,102 Whoa. Yippee ki-yay. 256 00:11:04,102 --> 00:11:05,395 Thought you weren't a costume guy. 257 00:11:05,395 --> 00:11:07,021 Had to have one to get in, squirrel. 258 00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:08,440 Oh. So where did you get it? 259 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:09,857 I wouldn't think any costume stores 260 00:11:09,857 --> 00:11:11,359 would be open this late. 261 00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:13,403 what you're getting at. I don't know 262 00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:16,114 The words you're looking for are, "I own a cowboy outfit." 263 00:11:16,114 --> 00:11:18,950 Did you buy it like that? And it is tight too. 264 00:11:18,950 --> 00:11:20,827 Your toy gun to my head, I'd say yes. 265 00:11:20,827 --> 00:11:22,829 Hi, Michelle Slater, PhD. 266 00:11:22,829 --> 00:11:24,122 Britta Perry, GED. 267 00:11:24,122 --> 00:11:26,040 Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's? 268 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,542 When you say classmate, it sounds like 269 00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:29,461 we take naps together and eat paste. 270 00:11:29,461 --> 00:11:31,254 community college is What's great about 271 00:11:31,254 --> 00:11:34,090 are as mature as the teachers. is that a lot of the students 272 00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:36,301 Jeff, you must return to Annie's party. 273 00:11:36,301 --> 00:11:37,885 She's feeling unpopular. 274 00:11:37,885 --> 00:11:40,679 Jeff, Pierce took something and he is tripping balls. 275 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:42,807 He's touching people and dancing weird. 276 00:11:42,807 --> 00:11:45,101 It's like Grumpy Old Men, but not hilarious. 277 00:11:45,101 --> 00:11:49,481 Okay. Guys, I'm at a grown-up Halloween party, all right? 278 00:11:49,481 --> 00:11:50,898 You're all being unseemly. 279 00:11:50,898 --> 00:11:53,193 How are we unseemly? Oh, no. 280 00:11:53,193 --> 00:11:56,029 Why is Urkel ripping the antenna 281 00:11:56,029 --> 00:11:57,572 off Professor Slater's car? 282 00:11:58,948 --> 00:12:00,699 Professor Slim Calves. That's right, 283 00:12:00,699 --> 00:12:03,953 This is what you get when you steal Jeff from a good woman. 284 00:12:07,874 --> 00:12:09,750 No, Abed. 285 00:12:18,468 --> 00:12:21,429 Is he meowing? Yeah. 286 00:12:21,429 --> 00:12:23,598 I want you guys out of here. Enough. 287 00:12:23,598 --> 00:12:26,809 Britta, I don't care about your high school soap opera. 288 00:12:26,809 --> 00:12:28,228 Abed, you're not Batman. 289 00:12:29,229 --> 00:12:31,356 Pierce, Pierce, Pierce. 290 00:12:31,356 --> 00:12:34,067 Stop grinding on the Women's Studies department. 291 00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:36,903 You are too old to be tripping. 292 00:12:36,903 --> 00:12:38,988 I'm old? 293 00:12:38,988 --> 00:12:41,199 What do you mean old? 294 00:12:43,159 --> 00:12:45,036 Whose hands are these? 295 00:12:48,789 --> 00:12:50,875 Stop me. Way to go. 296 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:54,170 I know I'm not Batman. You could try not being a jerk. 297 00:12:55,213 --> 00:12:57,215 She's pretty hot. 298 00:12:59,509 --> 00:13:01,802 Well, where were we, little doggie? 299 00:13:01,802 --> 00:13:04,264 Unseemly. Yeah, crap. 300 00:13:04,264 --> 00:13:06,725 AND GLASS BREAKING] [THUDDING 301 00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:12,146 Shirley? 302 00:13:15,734 --> 00:13:17,694 Shirley? 303 00:13:17,694 --> 00:13:19,446 Robin Hood's office. This is Professor 304 00:13:19,446 --> 00:13:21,489 Putting this hose in her desk. What are you doing? 305 00:13:21,489 --> 00:13:24,242 You turn the water on. Why? 306 00:13:24,242 --> 00:13:26,745 To teach that long neck, weave-having bank teller 307 00:13:26,745 --> 00:13:28,871 she can't steal another woman's man, that's why. 308 00:13:29,914 --> 00:13:31,790 Uh… 309 00:13:34,252 --> 00:13:35,712 I have a confession to make. 310 00:13:35,712 --> 00:13:38,089 of what I just said I think some 311 00:13:38,089 --> 00:13:40,091 may have more to do with my situation. 312 00:13:40,091 --> 00:13:41,926 weave-having bank teller Yeah, the long neck, 313 00:13:41,926 --> 00:13:43,970 didn't feel universal. 314 00:13:43,970 --> 00:13:46,180 came by this morning, My ex-husband 315 00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:49,643 for his ring back. and he asked 316 00:13:49,643 --> 00:13:51,060 It was his mother's, 317 00:13:51,060 --> 00:13:53,896 and he wants to give it to his new girlfriend. 318 00:13:53,896 --> 00:13:56,232 Shirley, that sucks. 319 00:13:56,232 --> 00:13:58,526 happened to me was him leaving. The best thing that ever 320 00:13:58,526 --> 00:14:01,321 he'd come crawling back, I just always thought 321 00:14:01,321 --> 00:14:03,740 and I'd get to tell him to go to hell. 322 00:14:05,116 --> 00:14:07,327 He couldn't even give me that. 323 00:14:09,078 --> 00:14:10,705 You know what the crazy thing is? 324 00:14:10,705 --> 00:14:13,124 Everything you've done tonight? 325 00:14:15,710 --> 00:14:18,129 It's like I was too proud to admit I was hurt, 326 00:14:18,129 --> 00:14:21,132 so I had to pretend that you were. 327 00:14:21,132 --> 00:14:22,925 I totally get that. 328 00:14:22,925 --> 00:14:25,094 I feel better now. 329 00:14:26,053 --> 00:14:27,764 Let's go check on Annie. 330 00:14:31,768 --> 00:14:34,729 I targeted this poor lady? Can you believe 331 00:14:34,729 --> 00:14:37,607 Look at all these awards, I bet she's nice. 332 00:14:37,607 --> 00:14:39,526 Yeah. 333 00:14:39,526 --> 00:14:41,820 Nice and pretentious. 334 00:14:52,455 --> 00:14:53,623 Pierce, are you okay? 335 00:14:53,623 --> 00:14:55,333 IN DISTORTED VOICE] [LAUGHING 336 00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:57,627 Hey, man, what's going on? 337 00:14:57,627 --> 00:15:00,004 You have a full-on erection. 338 00:15:00,004 --> 00:15:01,673 Just relax. Relax, man. 339 00:15:01,673 --> 00:15:04,801 Just relax, okay? 340 00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:09,389 You are too old to be tripping. 341 00:15:11,599 --> 00:15:14,268 You're going to die. 342 00:15:14,268 --> 00:15:16,896 You are too old to be tripping. 343 00:15:16,896 --> 00:15:18,648 Tell me about The Beatles, Pierce. 344 00:15:18,648 --> 00:15:23,027 Tell me about Woodstock and Sputnik, Pierce. 345 00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:38,000 Do I feel a breeze here? 346 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,169 Because someone just struck out. 347 00:15:40,169 --> 00:15:42,422 She blew you off too, Chang. 348 00:15:42,422 --> 00:15:44,507 Is that what you have to fall back on? 349 00:15:44,507 --> 00:15:46,259 Look at me, bro. Look at me. 350 00:15:46,259 --> 00:15:48,511 of a fifth grader, okay? I've got the body 351 00:15:48,511 --> 00:15:50,263 with what you've got, If I was working 352 00:15:50,263 --> 00:15:52,223 she'd be at the Comfort Inn right now 353 00:15:52,223 --> 00:15:54,225 a Mexican Halloween. giving me 354 00:15:54,225 --> 00:15:56,394 It feeds on my coolness. It's this campus. 355 00:15:56,394 --> 00:15:57,604 I got no moves anymore. 356 00:15:57,604 --> 00:15:59,522 Moves? 357 00:15:59,522 --> 00:16:01,524 Everything's a game to guys like you. 358 00:16:01,524 --> 00:16:05,612 you've never tried in your life. I know one move I bet 359 00:16:05,612 --> 00:16:07,238 What is it? 360 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,541 Please sleep with me. Please. 361 00:16:18,541 --> 00:16:20,960 Pretty please. I'm so lonely. 362 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,254 I haven't slept with anyone in a very long time, 363 00:16:23,254 --> 00:16:24,631 and you are so good-looking. 364 00:16:24,631 --> 00:16:27,341 Please do me the favor of having sex with me. 365 00:16:32,305 --> 00:16:33,556 Okay. Stay three steps behind 366 00:16:33,556 --> 00:16:35,475 you won't tell anybody. and promise 367 00:16:35,475 --> 00:16:38,394 I promise. I promise. 368 00:16:50,698 --> 00:16:53,660 Everybody stay out of the library. 369 00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:56,537 Pierce, it's okay. Come out of there. 370 00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:58,080 No, I'm not ready to die. 371 00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,791 You're not gonna die. Look at me. 372 00:16:59,791 --> 00:17:02,502 Don't make eye contact. Just keep walking. 373 00:17:02,502 --> 00:17:05,087 Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. 374 00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:06,339 Pierce is freaking out. 375 00:17:06,339 --> 00:17:07,966 You're the only one that can help. 376 00:17:07,966 --> 00:17:10,009 What makes you think that? Is Jeff there? 377 00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:11,886 He's the only one who can help. 378 00:17:11,886 --> 00:17:14,221 He says he's gonna kill himself but doesn't want us to call 911 379 00:17:14,221 --> 00:17:17,558 because he doesn't wanna get in trouble for taking drugs. 380 00:17:20,937 --> 00:17:23,397 I can't believe I'm doing this. 381 00:17:24,691 --> 00:17:25,984 I, uh… 382 00:17:27,694 --> 00:17:30,905 I think I have to say good night. 383 00:17:30,905 --> 00:17:33,908 Are you, like, a court appointed guardian for these people? 384 00:17:33,908 --> 00:17:37,244 No. Um… 385 00:17:37,244 --> 00:17:38,496 They're my classmates. 386 00:17:38,496 --> 00:17:40,790 Good night, Jeff. 387 00:17:46,337 --> 00:17:48,798 Loser! 388 00:17:57,264 --> 00:17:59,308 What in the Pink Floyd? 389 00:17:59,308 --> 00:18:03,437 I'm gonna crush myself to death with desks and tables, Jeff. 390 00:18:03,437 --> 00:18:05,272 befitting a beastmaster? Is that a death 391 00:18:05,272 --> 00:18:09,151 I just wanted to be cool. I never saw Beastmaster, 392 00:18:09,151 --> 00:18:11,153 I'm coming in there, Pierce. 393 00:18:19,787 --> 00:18:21,497 Those floating Mexican skeletons were right. 394 00:18:21,497 --> 00:18:23,123 My life is over. 395 00:18:23,123 --> 00:18:28,379 Well, when we go to floating skeletons with our problems, 396 00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:31,173 we get what we pay for, don't we? 397 00:18:33,342 --> 00:18:35,053 I'm old, Jeff. 398 00:18:35,053 --> 00:18:37,680 you spent the first 60 years, Pierce, I don't know how 399 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,224 in the last two months, but I know 400 00:18:40,224 --> 00:18:42,393 you've probably doubled the national average 401 00:18:42,393 --> 00:18:44,771 for amount of life lived per lifetime. 402 00:18:46,313 --> 00:18:49,275 Well, I do have a young African-American friend. 403 00:18:49,275 --> 00:18:53,696 you're dressed like a gladiator Yeah, and more importantly, 404 00:18:53,696 --> 00:18:56,074 in a desk fort that you built during a bad trip. 405 00:18:56,074 --> 00:18:59,077 If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts 406 00:18:59,077 --> 00:19:01,037 to be alive, 407 00:19:01,037 --> 00:19:03,456 you're a hero to everything that's ever lived. 408 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:07,251 Yeah? Yeah. 409 00:19:07,251 --> 00:19:09,378 Yeah. 410 00:19:28,022 --> 00:19:29,231 Batman? 411 00:19:29,231 --> 00:19:31,025 Yeah. 412 00:19:32,110 --> 00:19:34,737 Are you staying for the party? 413 00:19:34,737 --> 00:19:38,825 there can be no party. If I stay, 414 00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:42,411 I must be out there in the night, 415 00:19:42,411 --> 00:19:43,788 staying vigilant. 416 00:19:45,289 --> 00:19:48,960 Wherever a party needs to be saved, I'm there. 417 00:19:49,877 --> 00:19:51,337 Wherever there are masks, 418 00:19:51,337 --> 00:19:53,547 wherever there's tomfoolery and joy, 419 00:19:53,547 --> 00:19:55,591 I'm there. 420 00:19:57,343 --> 00:19:59,804 because I'm out in the night, But sometimes I'm not 421 00:19:59,804 --> 00:20:02,264 staying vigilant, watching. 422 00:20:02,264 --> 00:20:04,809 Lurking, running, jumping, 423 00:20:04,809 --> 00:20:07,603 hurdling, sleeping. 424 00:20:07,603 --> 00:20:09,063 No, I can't sleep. 425 00:20:09,063 --> 00:20:11,440 You sleep. I'm awake. 426 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,234 I don't sleep, I don't blink. 427 00:20:14,234 --> 00:20:16,278 Am I a bird? No. 428 00:20:16,278 --> 00:20:17,655 I'm a bat. 429 00:20:18,531 --> 00:20:21,075 I am Batman. 430 00:20:21,075 --> 00:20:22,660 Or am I? 431 00:20:23,536 --> 00:20:25,830 Yes, I am Batman. 432 00:20:28,041 --> 00:20:29,709 Happy Halloween. 433 00:20:32,128 --> 00:20:33,963 I'm Batman. 434 00:20:33,963 --> 00:20:36,215 You sound like Cookie Monster. I'm Batman. 435 00:20:36,215 --> 00:20:37,925 That's Batman. 436 00:20:37,925 --> 00:20:40,344 looks like tiny traffic cones. Candy corn 437 00:20:40,344 --> 00:20:41,679 Yeah, it sure does. 438 00:20:41,679 --> 00:20:43,514 At, like, a candy traffic school. 439 00:20:43,514 --> 00:20:47,852 Like a little gingerbread man at the wheel, and he's drunk. 440 00:20:47,852 --> 00:20:49,562 Look out. We driving. 441 00:20:49,562 --> 00:20:52,065 Yeah, but you keep wanting to eat yourself. 442 00:20:52,065 --> 00:20:53,357 All day. 443 00:20:53,357 --> 00:20:55,735 That's one of my biggest fears. What is? 444 00:20:55,735 --> 00:20:57,737 woke up as a doughnut. If I ever, like, 445 00:20:57,737 --> 00:21:00,239 I wouldn't even question it. You would eat yourself. 446 00:21:00,239 --> 00:21:02,491 Mm. That would be tasty. 447 00:21:02,491 --> 00:21:05,536 It's cool to know other people think about this stuff too. 448 00:21:05,536 --> 00:21:08,915 Yeah. Yeah.