As you know,
all faculty at Greendale
are required to give extra credit
academically-related events to students who organize
during what would otherwise be known as our "free time."
in any department No student
has ever exercised this option until now.
Tonight, in the library,
I will be hosting
a Día de los Muertos party.
Just relax, just relax.
or Day of the Dead, Día de los Muertos
is sometimes referred to as Mexican Halloween.
Which is quite offensive to people
familiar with Mexican Halloween as a sexual position.
At any rate, if you show up, you get extra credit.
Me, I don't even get paid.
See you tonight.
Um…
Most of you responded to my e-vite,
remain evasive, so… but some of you
This is my first college party. Count me in.
I got some tequila,
and I just rented Van Wilder 2: the Rise of Taj, and look.
You took off your wedding ring.
My husband's been gone for six months.
I think it's time for me to embrace being single.
Message received.
I'm waiting to hear from Jeff and Pierce.
I thought I shot you a response from this pocket phone here.
Access e-mail.
to Annie's party? You're not going
with the enjoyment of my life. Oh, it conflicts
I cannot figure out the voice command part of this thing.
It's like I'm my mother.
Calling mother.
What?
Speaking of enjoying life,
I don't wanna beat a dead horse,
but are you sure you don't see anything non-platonic
ever crystallizing between us? I'm sure.
Good. One of my professors is really hot.
And I wanted to give you first right of refusal.
Hello? Pierce?
How's school going? Mom?
Are you popular?
I am headed through a tunnel right now.
Wrong number.
stopped teasing you? Has that boy Jeff
How's your Canadian girlfriend?
I saw your father's ghost again.
He's still angry.
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
It could be here ♪ d Somebody said
Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
They all just fade away d d One by one
The Bernoulli Distribution is the number of successes
independent yes-no experiments. in a sequence of
brush up on chapters 3 and 4. Okay. For the quiz, Monday
of my favorites. Bernoulli's one
Little known fact: statistics were not his only love.
He's famous for his French sauce used on meat and poultry.
That's béarnaise.
We may need to settle this at a restaurant.
A little aggressive. That's cute.
confident woman of authority, But as a busy,
I'm attracted to men who take charge.
Are you being sarcastic or am I nailing it?
until you had to ask. You were nailing it
Starting over. Oh, damn it.
You in the skirt, date me. I'd like to, Mr. Winger.
You're tall, you dress nice.
I've graded enough of your tests to know I'd never feel
Thank you. mentally inadequate.
I don't date students. Only problem,
You know, if you agree to go…
Oh. Hey. Awkward.
How small is this campus?
Bastard.
It's fine, I don't care.
It's disgusting the way men behave.
You ever see that Katherine Heigl movie poster,
had that heart over his wiener? where Gerard Butler
That resonated with me. Okay, fine. But just to repeat,
I don't care what Jeff does.
Bastard.
I'm barely a student.
I'm older than you, I drive a Lexus.
I saw Ghost Busters in the theater.
Look, my gums are receding. It's uncanny
how many of my buttons you're finding,
but I have a personal rule about this and I stick to it.
Have a cup of coffee with me, I can change your mind.
I know you can.
That's why you're not getting the chance.
Ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo.
Are you coming to my party?
I'm definitely gonna try to swing by.
Then I can mark you down as definitely being there
until question mark? from 7:00 sharp
No, here's the thing. Here's the thing…
I am putting my foot down, do you understand?
and I am making eye contact, I am being assertive,
and it is achieving results.
Are you trying to get formidable with me?
Infomercials work on Pierce. It worked on Pierce.
Jeff, you're the cool guy, okay?
If you show up, it will be the first party I host
they need to get home in time where everyone doesn't say
for the news.
This won't work.
I saved a vial of your tears. The last time you did this,
building up an immunity. And I've been slowly
I was so unpopular in high school,
used to lure me into traffic. the crossing guard
This party is a second chance
at being hip, cool,
laid-back.
Look, I will come to your party. Thank you.
I'm putting you down for two bags of ice
and a sleeve of paper cups.
Taking a pill?
"Xenolovaden." Yes, I am.
My grandpa took that around your age.
Fantastic.
Helped him with his going problem.
By the time Grandpa got up in years,
his memory wasn't great. He'd mix the wrong pills.
You know how old people are. Heard stories about it.
One time he ran down the street with no pants on,
is considered a real party foul which in the Gaza Strip
so you should probably be careful.
Look, I really don't need your advice,
and I'm not your pantsless grandpa.
"Pantsless grandpa."
Scary.
You look great.
Hi.
Britta,
you look adorable. Thank you.
I hate when women use Halloween as an excuse
to dress up like sluts, you know?
Yeah.
I think we can begin. Okay, everyone.
personalized cookie tombstones, I've got everyone's
por tradición.
And, in a few minutes we're going to start
the Dance of the Dead,
La Danza de los Muertos.
You don't have to keep doing that.
Party on.
Nice of you to be here,
I'm sure you'd rather be with your hot professor.
I enrolled as a selfish loner. It's funny.
But you and the group have given me a crash course in friendship.
She's grading papers. She blew you off, huh?
Professor Slater?
She's not grading papers.
She's at the faculty party.
It's the eavesdropping matador. Oh, look.
my people are sneaky? Are you saying
What?
There is a storm building on the horizon.
You and I will save the night. Chex mix, pretzels, carrots.
Predictable but appetizing.
Hey. Can I ask you something I always wanted to ask
Yeah. the real Batman?
Am I good-looking?
You're a very attractive young man.
I knew it.
Let's get this party started.
Who are you?
I am the Beastmaster.
From the movie, Beastmaster.
have you been living under? What rock
What are you going as? A gay douche bag?
Just kidding. Nice one.
I'm not much of a costume guy.
a liking-ladies guy either. You're not much of
Oh. Body blow.
Is that liquor?
Hello.
Here's your drinks, mates.
Oh. Thanks, Urkel.
I'm Harry Potter.
Really? What up, Urkel?
Oh! Hey.
What are you taking? All right.
Huh? Oh.
the usual cool stuff. You know,
I've got 'ludes, dreamers, Johnny Boys.
Tell you what, I'll trade you one of mine for two of yours.
Star-Burns, I'm… I don't know,
Sorry, I thought I was dealing with the Beastmaster.
Hey. Who said you weren't?
Saddle up, fruit pie.
Don't mind if I do. May I?
Here, take this.
Give anyone that shows up their stupid credit.
You going to the faculty party? Make me your plus one.
Give it up, Winger.
doesn't date students. Professor Slater
Or married Asians who drive mopeds.
I'll give you 20 bucks.
I'll bring the hog around.
for the Dance of the Dead. Okay, it's time
Everyone form a circle.
Lights. Music.
or on a specific play list? Is it under genre
what'd you slip me? Hey, man,
and I wanna kiss everybody. I keep grinding my teeth
What did you slip me, man?
My heart stopped racing and I can't pee.
Now, for the first dance,
I would like to invite a very special guest to the floor.
Jeff Winger?
Jeff?
Where's Jeff?
Please slow down.
Stop crying, Winger. Please.
Watch it!
Is Jeff gone?
I don't wanna miss the news. You know, I'm gonna go.
News.
He's gonna be right back. He just stepped out.
the faculty party. He's going to
Short Skirt? We hate her. To be with Professor
No, it's not about her, Shirley.
I can't believe that Jeff would do this to Annie.
it's about Annie. Yes, absolutely,
We should go find that bitch's car
and snap off her antenna.
It's like high school all over again.
Everyone's leaving.
Not me.
I can do this all night.
I love you.
There you go, pretty lady.
What are you doing here?
Showing you my non-student side.
this outfit is doing it for me. I have to admit,
have been deflowered I may or may not
by a junior rodeo champion.
of my first time too. You remind me
You lost your virginity to Robin Hood?
No, with an attractive woman at a party.
to repeat history. We seem destined
I told you, no students. It's unseemly.
you tell your friends. I go out with you,
I have no friends. What friends?
I hate everyone here but you.
Hey. What are you doing here?
at the library with Annie. You should be over
Whoa. Yippee ki-yay.
Thought you weren't a costume guy.
Had to have one to get in, squirrel.
Oh. So where did you get it?
I wouldn't think any costume stores
would be open this late.
what you're getting at. I don't know
The words you're looking for are, "I own a cowboy outfit."
Did you buy it like that? And it is tight too.
Your toy gun to my head, I'd say yes.
Hi, Michelle Slater, PhD.
Britta Perry, GED.
Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's?
When you say classmate, it sounds like
we take naps together and eat paste.
community college is What's great about
are as mature as the teachers. is that a lot of the students
Jeff, you must return to Annie's party.
She's feeling unpopular.
Jeff, Pierce took something and he is tripping balls.
He's touching people and dancing weird.
It's like Grumpy Old Men, but not hilarious.
Okay. Guys, I'm at a grown-up Halloween party, all right?
You're all being unseemly.
How are we unseemly? Oh, no.
Why is Urkel ripping the antenna
off Professor Slater's car?
Professor Slim Calves. That's right,
This is what you get when you steal Jeff from a good woman.
No, Abed.
Is he meowing? Yeah.
I want you guys out of here. Enough.
Britta, I don't care about your high school soap opera.
Abed, you're not Batman.
Pierce, Pierce, Pierce.
Stop grinding on the Women's Studies department.
You are too old to be tripping.
I'm old?
What do you mean old?
Whose hands are these?
Stop me. Way to go.
I know I'm not Batman. You could try not being a jerk.
She's pretty hot.
Well, where were we, little doggie?
Unseemly. Yeah, crap.
AND GLASS BREAKING] [THUDDING
Shirley?
Robin Hood's office. This is Professor
Putting this hose in her desk. What are you doing?
You turn the water on. Why?
To teach that long neck, weave-having bank teller
she can't steal another woman's man, that's why.
Uh…
I have a confession to make.
of what I just said I think some
may have more to do with my situation.
weave-having bank teller Yeah, the long neck,
didn't feel universal.
came by this morning, My ex-husband
for his ring back. and he asked
It was his mother's,
and he wants to give it to his new girlfriend.
Shirley, that sucks.
happened to me was him leaving. The best thing that ever
he'd come crawling back, I just always thought
and I'd get to tell him to go to hell.
He couldn't even give me that.
You know what the crazy thing is?
Everything you've done tonight?
It's like I was too proud to admit I was hurt,
so I had to pretend that you were.
I totally get that.
I feel better now.
Let's go check on Annie.
I targeted this poor lady? Can you believe
Look at all these awards, I bet she's nice.
Yeah.
Nice and pretentious.
Pierce, are you okay?
IN DISTORTED VOICE] [LAUGHING
Hey, man, what's going on?
You have a full-on erection.
Just relax. Relax, man.
Just relax, okay?
You are too old to be tripping.
You're going to die.
You are too old to be tripping.
Tell me about The Beatles, Pierce.
Tell me about Woodstock and Sputnik, Pierce.
Do I feel a breeze here?
Because someone just struck out.
She blew you off too, Chang.
Is that what you have to fall back on?
Look at me, bro. Look at me.
of a fifth grader, okay? I've got the body
with what you've got, If I was working
she'd be at the Comfort Inn right now
a Mexican Halloween. giving me
It feeds on my coolness. It's this campus.
I got no moves anymore.
Moves?
Everything's a game to guys like you.
you've never tried in your life. I know one move I bet
What is it?
Please sleep with me. Please.
Pretty please. I'm so lonely.
I haven't slept with anyone in a very long time,
and you are so good-looking.
Please do me the favor of having sex with me.
Okay. Stay three steps behind
you won't tell anybody. and promise
I promise. I promise.
Everybody stay out of the library.
Pierce, it's okay. Come out of there.
No, I'm not ready to die.
You're not gonna die. Look at me.
Don't make eye contact. Just keep walking.
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
Pierce is freaking out.
You're the only one that can help.
What makes you think that? Is Jeff there?
He's the only one who can help.
He says he's gonna kill himself but doesn't want us to call 911
because he doesn't wanna get in trouble for taking drugs.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I, uh…
I think I have to say good night.
Are you, like, a court appointed guardian for these people?
No. Um…
They're my classmates.
Good night, Jeff.
Loser!
What in the Pink Floyd?
I'm gonna crush myself to death with desks and tables, Jeff.
befitting a beastmaster? Is that a death
I just wanted to be cool. I never saw Beastmaster,
I'm coming in there, Pierce.
Those floating Mexican skeletons were right.
My life is over.
Well, when we go to floating skeletons with our problems,
we get what we pay for, don't we?
I'm old, Jeff.
you spent the first 60 years, Pierce, I don't know how
in the last two months, but I know
you've probably doubled the national average
for amount of life lived per lifetime.
Well, I do have a young African-American friend.
you're dressed like a gladiator Yeah, and more importantly,
in a desk fort that you built during a bad trip.
If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts
to be alive,
you're a hero to everything that's ever lived.
Yeah? Yeah.
Batman?
Yeah.
Are you staying for the party?
there can be no party. If I stay,
I must be out there in the night,
staying vigilant.
Wherever a party needs to be saved, I'm there.
Wherever there are masks,
wherever there's tomfoolery and joy,
I'm there.
because I'm out in the night, But sometimes I'm not
staying vigilant, watching.
Lurking, running, jumping,
hurdling, sleeping.
No, I can't sleep.
You sleep. I'm awake.
I don't sleep, I don't blink.
Am I a bird? No.
I'm a bat.
I am Batman.
Or am I?
Yes, I am Batman.
Happy Halloween.
I'm Batman.
You sound like Cookie Monster. I'm Batman.
That's Batman.
looks like tiny traffic cones. Candy corn
Yeah, it sure does.
At, like, a candy traffic school.
Like a little gingerbread man at the wheel, and he's drunk.
Look out. We driving.
Yeah, but you keep wanting to eat yourself.
All day.
That's one of my biggest fears. What is?
woke up as a doughnut. If I ever, like,
I wouldn't even question it. You would eat yourself.
Mm. That would be tasty.
It's cool to know other people think about this stuff too.
Yeah. Yeah.