1 00:00:02,216 --> 00:00:05,385 A small, fading remnant of a star. 2 00:00:05,385 --> 00:00:07,721 A white dwarf. That's right. 3 00:00:07,721 --> 00:00:09,139 I used a memory technique. 4 00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:11,016 Dwarves hate being called midgets, 5 00:00:11,016 --> 00:00:13,560 and midgets are small. 6 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,147 And what does a star turn into after it collapses? 7 00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,357 A movie of the week. 8 00:00:18,357 --> 00:00:20,150 A black hole. Right. 9 00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,361 Troy, you could be an astronomer. 10 00:00:22,361 --> 00:00:25,488 There's only one black hole worth studying. 11 00:00:27,741 --> 00:00:29,701 It's called Sagittarius A. 12 00:00:29,701 --> 00:00:31,661 It's located in the center of our galaxy, 13 00:00:31,661 --> 00:00:35,749 and it has the density of 40 suns. 14 00:00:35,749 --> 00:00:38,001 Just like my wiener. Ha, ha. 15 00:00:38,001 --> 00:00:40,003 You said "wiener." That's funny. 16 00:00:40,003 --> 00:00:42,923 Pierce and Troy are bonding through mutual adolescence. 17 00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:45,967 Shut up, fart head. Poo-poo head. 18 00:00:45,967 --> 00:00:48,803 Hi, everybody. Ha, ha. Well, look at this group. 19 00:00:48,803 --> 00:00:51,598 Having some kind of meeting and being so diverse. 20 00:00:51,598 --> 00:00:53,308 There is just… Boy… 21 00:00:53,308 --> 00:00:55,894 There is just one of every kind of you, isn't there? 22 00:00:55,894 --> 00:00:58,939 We are missing a pipsqueak, but we don't want one, beat it. 23 00:00:58,939 --> 00:01:01,275 Uh, Pierce, that's the dean. 24 00:01:01,275 --> 00:01:04,736 You kidding? Sorry. Just my luck. 25 00:01:04,736 --> 00:01:06,154 Don't let me interrupt. 26 00:01:06,154 --> 00:01:08,782 Sometimes, I just roll around campus 27 00:01:08,782 --> 00:01:09,991 like a little football. 28 00:01:09,991 --> 00:01:11,534 I can't believe this. 29 00:01:11,534 --> 00:01:15,205 Here I am in a random conversation about football, 30 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,706 and I'm talking to Troy Barnes, 31 00:01:16,706 --> 00:01:20,001 star quarterback from Riverside High. Whoa. Heh. 32 00:01:20,001 --> 00:01:22,545 Troy, did you know Greendale has a football team? 33 00:01:22,545 --> 00:01:24,423 Did you know they had a football? 34 00:01:24,423 --> 00:01:26,300 Ah. Heh. Good. That's very funny. 35 00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:29,010 Troy, I was so sorry to hear about your injury, 36 00:01:29,010 --> 00:01:30,595 but now that you have recovered, 37 00:01:30,595 --> 00:01:33,098 we would love for you to play for the Human Beings. 38 00:01:33,098 --> 00:01:35,434 The team's name is the Human Beings? 39 00:01:35,434 --> 00:01:39,813 My idea. It was the Greendale Grizzlies, but I thought… 40 00:01:39,813 --> 00:01:43,108 A lot of these students have been called animals. 41 00:01:43,108 --> 00:01:46,111 Unfortunately, I don't know what to do about the mascot. 42 00:01:46,111 --> 00:01:47,654 Oh. I could help with that. 43 00:01:47,654 --> 00:01:50,198 I have a wealth of experience in image management, 44 00:01:50,198 --> 00:01:53,160 icon development, and Y2K preparedness. 45 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,495 Ooh. Well, aren't you found money. 46 00:01:55,495 --> 00:01:58,081 Troy, all of your friends are lining up 47 00:01:58,081 --> 00:02:00,125 to turn Greendale around. How about you? 48 00:02:00,125 --> 00:02:02,002 Troy isn't interested in football. 49 00:02:02,002 --> 00:02:05,546 Getting injured was the best thing that ever happened. 50 00:02:05,546 --> 00:02:07,132 Whoa. Yoko Ono much? 51 00:02:08,342 --> 00:02:10,635 Bros before ho's, Troy. 52 00:02:10,635 --> 00:02:12,679 Heh. Listen, man, no offense, 53 00:02:12,679 --> 00:02:15,140 but I was the best and I finished on top. 54 00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:17,017 I wouldn't play with a 10-foot pole. 55 00:02:17,017 --> 00:02:20,145 Dean, I'm sure Troy will sign up for football, 56 00:02:20,145 --> 00:02:22,563 if and when some accident damages 57 00:02:22,563 --> 00:02:24,565 the part of his brain that feels pride. 58 00:02:24,565 --> 00:02:26,401 Until then, excuse us. 59 00:02:26,401 --> 00:02:30,197 If you change your mind, the field is always open. 60 00:02:30,197 --> 00:02:32,657 Figuratively speaking. Wednesdays and Sundays 61 00:02:32,657 --> 00:02:36,661 it's used as parking overflow for the megachurch. Okay. 62 00:02:36,661 --> 00:02:39,039 Now let's meet the minimum requirements 63 00:02:39,039 --> 00:02:40,374 for a language credit. 64 00:02:40,374 --> 00:02:42,501 Yes, but I need to go to the bathroom first. 65 00:02:42,501 --> 00:02:45,170 Uh, Britta? Oh, no, I don't have to go. 66 00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:47,672 I'll go with you. 67 00:02:52,344 --> 00:02:53,678 What? She's offended? 68 00:02:53,678 --> 00:02:55,347 Girls go in groups. 69 00:02:55,347 --> 00:02:58,099 Did you learn nothing from standup comedy in the '90s? 70 00:02:58,099 --> 00:02:59,934 I'm familiar with the concept. 71 00:02:59,934 --> 00:03:02,770 If it's important to Shirley, I'll go next time. 72 00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:06,066 I'm willing to try some more mainstream feminine stuff. 73 00:03:06,066 --> 00:03:08,109 Then you should know nothing says, 74 00:03:08,109 --> 00:03:10,611 "I'm a woman" like doing it with me. 75 00:03:10,611 --> 00:03:14,573 Nothing says, "I'm a pig," like you. 76 00:03:14,573 --> 00:03:16,575 Will they or won't they? Sexual tension. 77 00:03:16,575 --> 00:03:19,120 It makes the group uncomfortable when you talk 78 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,206 like we're characters in a show. 79 00:03:21,206 --> 00:03:22,707 That's sort of my gimmick. 80 00:03:22,707 --> 00:03:25,335 But we did lean on that pretty hard last week. 81 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:27,045 I can lay low for an episode. 82 00:03:35,220 --> 00:03:38,765 Sure you made the right call on the team? 83 00:03:38,765 --> 00:03:41,726 It looks like they won something once. 84 00:03:41,726 --> 00:03:46,356 "Most Valued Customer, Henderson Trophy Cases." 85 00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:49,150 So we should still study a little more astronomy later. 86 00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:52,237 Maybe over some Milky Ways or some Mars bars. 87 00:03:52,237 --> 00:03:54,739 Or pancakes. 88 00:03:54,739 --> 00:03:58,535 "I'm Jeff and I'm a student at Greendale"? 89 00:03:58,535 --> 00:04:00,787 Well, that's not good. 90 00:04:00,787 --> 00:04:03,790 Wood undergoes rapid oxidation 91 00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:06,667 because it reacts spontaneously to… 92 00:04:07,961 --> 00:04:10,004 Seriously. We've talked about this. 93 00:04:10,004 --> 00:04:14,468 Okay, you have got to turn off your cell ph… 94 00:04:14,468 --> 00:04:15,843 That's mine. My bad. 95 00:04:15,843 --> 00:04:18,096 I'm going to the bathroom. 96 00:04:18,096 --> 00:04:21,600 Would you like to come with me? Well, yes. Yes, I would. 97 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,184 Oh, that's nice. 98 00:04:23,184 --> 00:04:26,938 Okay, what's it called? Antoni…? Hold on. 99 00:04:26,938 --> 00:04:29,274 Does anybody have a pen? A pen? 100 00:04:29,274 --> 00:04:30,609 No one has a pen. 101 00:04:30,609 --> 00:04:32,777 Why would you not bring a pen to class? 102 00:04:32,777 --> 00:04:35,447 Idiot. No, you're not an idiot. Ha-ha-ha. 103 00:04:35,447 --> 00:04:37,657 I had my blinker on about five minutes, 104 00:04:37,657 --> 00:04:40,410 and this "bald but trying to hide it with a bandana" 105 00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:42,537 loser swooped in. I couldn't believe it. 106 00:04:42,537 --> 00:04:44,164 Maybe he didn't see you. 107 00:04:44,164 --> 00:04:46,666 Maybe he had his blinker on too. He saw me. 108 00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,168 Maybe. 109 00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:49,961 So you got any family, Britta? 110 00:04:49,961 --> 00:04:52,380 Yeah. Whatever. 111 00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,257 My mom might visit this weekend. 112 00:04:54,257 --> 00:04:56,050 She and I are gonna get makeovers… 113 00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:59,262 Makeovers. They sure have us programmed right. 114 00:04:59,262 --> 00:05:04,184 I am a female pleasure unit. I require a new coat of paint. 115 00:05:04,184 --> 00:05:05,893 Something I thought might be fun. 116 00:05:05,893 --> 00:05:07,895 Here's something I think might be fun. 117 00:05:07,895 --> 00:05:11,816 Let's find the number of makeup companies owned by women. 118 00:05:11,816 --> 00:05:14,027 I'll save you the trouble. It's zero. 119 00:05:14,027 --> 00:05:16,821 Of course, you're saying, "Aren't you a hypocrite? 120 00:05:16,821 --> 00:05:18,281 You're plastered with glitter 121 00:05:18,281 --> 00:05:20,450 and goo from head to toe like the rest of us." 122 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:23,411 I also pay income tax and pull over for cops. 123 00:05:23,411 --> 00:05:25,455 That doesn't mean I support a country… 124 00:05:27,832 --> 00:05:30,168 Thanks for offering to design the new mascot. 125 00:05:30,168 --> 00:05:33,796 I have been a little stumped. Heh. That's no problem. 126 00:05:33,796 --> 00:05:37,091 I took the liberty of thumbnailing a prototype, 127 00:05:37,091 --> 00:05:41,762 uh, which I modeled after Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man. 128 00:05:41,762 --> 00:05:44,474 You're offering it, but… The penis is a little small. 129 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:47,726 Oh, okay. It looks a lot like you. 130 00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:49,229 Um, here's the thing. 131 00:05:49,229 --> 00:05:52,148 If we are the Human Beings, you know, 132 00:05:52,148 --> 00:05:54,401 and we have a mascot that's just a white guy, 133 00:05:54,401 --> 00:05:56,611 what message are we sending? 134 00:05:56,611 --> 00:05:58,905 Our symbol needs the diversity of our school 135 00:05:58,905 --> 00:06:02,200 and our species. So black? 136 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,620 No, because we're not the Greendale Blacks 137 00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:07,330 or the Greendale Asians, 138 00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:09,916 we are the Greendale Human Beings. 139 00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,043 Yeah. 140 00:06:12,043 --> 00:06:14,295 Sorry to disturb you guys. 141 00:06:14,295 --> 00:06:16,256 Who are looking at a naked drawing 142 00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:17,798 of Pierce doing jumping jacks. 143 00:06:17,798 --> 00:06:19,842 A quick download? Uh… Absolutely. 144 00:06:19,842 --> 00:06:22,803 Excuse me. Okay. Fill me in later. 145 00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:29,977 Whoa-oh. Ah. Good, a pencil. 146 00:06:29,977 --> 00:06:32,606 First of all, I'm flattered. 147 00:06:32,606 --> 00:06:34,691 Oh, well, you're a very photogenic man. 148 00:06:34,691 --> 00:06:35,942 Is that real bed head, 149 00:06:35,942 --> 00:06:37,902 or do you put something in there? Can I? 150 00:06:37,902 --> 00:06:39,696 It's crispy. I was thinking about 151 00:06:39,696 --> 00:06:41,864 the four disembodied heads and I thought, 152 00:06:41,864 --> 00:06:43,366 "Where's the heart? The soul? 153 00:06:43,366 --> 00:06:45,952 Where's the different poster design?" 154 00:06:45,952 --> 00:06:47,786 Those were less than personable. 155 00:06:47,786 --> 00:06:50,624 Which is why I went with the full bodies 156 00:06:50,624 --> 00:06:52,626 in these mailers we have going out. 157 00:06:52,626 --> 00:06:54,043 Ta-ta-ta. 158 00:06:54,043 --> 00:06:57,297 Mailers? I didn't give permission for this. 159 00:06:57,297 --> 00:06:59,633 Did you not read the release agreement 160 00:06:59,633 --> 00:07:01,468 on the back of your registration? 161 00:07:01,468 --> 00:07:05,263 I'm starting to see why someone used to be a lawyer. 162 00:07:05,263 --> 00:07:09,142 Look, if someone from the outside were to find… 163 00:07:09,142 --> 00:07:11,018 Okay, if someone from the outside 164 00:07:11,018 --> 00:07:13,896 were to find out I am a student at a community college, 165 00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:15,856 that could have a negative impact 166 00:07:15,856 --> 00:07:17,150 on my future career. 167 00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:19,235 Oh. 168 00:07:19,235 --> 00:07:22,155 Goodness. Look what we have stumbled onto. 169 00:07:22,155 --> 00:07:24,491 An opportunity to help each other out. 170 00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:27,160 I suppose I wouldn't need this promotional campaign 171 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,120 if I could announce to the press 172 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,748 that Troy Barnes is playing football here. 173 00:07:31,748 --> 00:07:34,334 He's been pretty clear about declining that offer. 174 00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:36,419 If you said jump, he'd say, "How high?" 175 00:07:36,419 --> 00:07:38,797 If you said stop, he'd say "Hammer time." 176 00:07:38,797 --> 00:07:40,256 You get what I mean? Hmm? 177 00:07:40,256 --> 00:07:42,676 No, I need another example. 178 00:07:42,676 --> 00:07:44,594 You know, I didn't realize before, 179 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:49,056 but we should send those out to local businesses. 180 00:07:49,056 --> 00:07:55,689 Law firms, lawyer companies, 181 00:07:55,689 --> 00:08:00,067 legal gatherings. 182 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:02,028 You trying to blackmail me? I think so. 183 00:08:02,028 --> 00:08:07,492 Gentlemen, I present to you the Greendale Human Being. 184 00:08:07,492 --> 00:08:09,035 That's a falcon with a gun. 185 00:08:10,911 --> 00:08:12,789 It's a falcon with an erection. 186 00:08:17,585 --> 00:08:19,546 Oh, hi, Abed. 187 00:08:19,546 --> 00:08:23,842 Hmm. Bye. He's just laying low. 188 00:08:23,842 --> 00:08:25,926 Are you going to the bathroom? Uh… Yes. 189 00:08:25,926 --> 00:08:29,305 I'll go with you. You know what? I'm good. 190 00:08:31,725 --> 00:08:34,519 She probably just, you know, had to go number two. 191 00:08:36,979 --> 00:08:39,858 Okay, what's the closest planet to Earth? 192 00:08:39,858 --> 00:08:43,403 Planet Hollywood? Ha-ha-ha. 193 00:08:43,403 --> 00:08:44,696 That's not the right answer, 194 00:08:44,696 --> 00:08:46,781 but it shows how fun astronomy can be. 195 00:08:46,781 --> 00:08:48,366 Can I talk to you for a sec? 196 00:08:48,366 --> 00:08:51,411 Oh, we're studying, so Troy's busy. 197 00:08:51,411 --> 00:08:53,204 The galaxy's not going anywhere. 198 00:08:53,204 --> 00:08:55,749 I'll bring him back. 199 00:08:55,749 --> 00:08:58,042 Ever miss being a quarterback? 200 00:08:58,042 --> 00:09:00,378 I miss being the best at something. 201 00:09:00,378 --> 00:09:02,756 I miss having a coach. 202 00:09:02,756 --> 00:09:05,383 I miss knowing what to think. 203 00:09:05,383 --> 00:09:08,344 You still know what to think. Oh, good. 204 00:09:08,344 --> 00:09:10,597 After the dean talked to you about football, 205 00:09:10,597 --> 00:09:12,599 you and I were thinking the same thing. 206 00:09:12,599 --> 00:09:14,934 That dude looks like Moby. We were thinking, 207 00:09:14,934 --> 00:09:17,812 what if Troy did play? You'd be surprised 208 00:09:17,812 --> 00:09:19,689 at how many of your favorite players 209 00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,691 got started at community college. 210 00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:23,276 Really? Name one. 211 00:09:23,276 --> 00:09:26,237 Who's your favorite player? Me. Whoa. 212 00:09:26,237 --> 00:09:27,822 Maybe you and I should go 213 00:09:27,822 --> 00:09:30,617 check out the Greendale Thunderdome. 214 00:09:36,790 --> 00:09:40,501 The dome arrives later. It comes with thunder. 215 00:09:40,501 --> 00:09:42,629 Let me tell you a little secret about me. 216 00:09:42,629 --> 00:09:44,589 Every day, on my way to school, 217 00:09:44,589 --> 00:09:47,300 I drive through downtown, past the courthouse, 218 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:50,261 just to get a glimpse of the world I once ruled. 219 00:09:50,261 --> 00:09:52,346 And I just wanna jump out of my car, 220 00:09:52,346 --> 00:09:55,516 run up the steps and exploit the legal system for profit. 221 00:09:55,516 --> 00:09:58,895 But I can't. I'm locked out of my old kingdom. 222 00:09:58,895 --> 00:10:01,397 You're not. You see what I'm saying? 223 00:10:01,397 --> 00:10:03,149 You're saying I could be a lawyer. 224 00:10:03,149 --> 00:10:05,485 I'm saying you're a football player. 225 00:10:05,485 --> 00:10:07,320 It's in your blood. That's racist. 226 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:08,947 Your soul. That's racist. 227 00:10:08,947 --> 00:10:10,197 Your eyes? That's gay? 228 00:10:10,197 --> 00:10:11,741 Homophobic. That's black. 229 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,493 That's racist. Damn. 230 00:10:13,493 --> 00:10:15,787 When you played, you were a god. 231 00:10:15,787 --> 00:10:17,622 You're not playing and you're not. 232 00:10:17,622 --> 00:10:20,207 I'd tell you do the math, but math isn't important. 233 00:10:20,207 --> 00:10:22,293 The only thing important is this. 234 00:10:22,293 --> 00:10:24,796 But Annie said… Annie said Benjamin Button 235 00:10:24,796 --> 00:10:26,380 was compelling. 236 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,925 A smart girl, but sometimes she's just wrong. 237 00:10:28,925 --> 00:10:30,510 Eighty-five, go long. 238 00:10:30,510 --> 00:10:32,052 It's like a drug, isn't it? 239 00:10:32,052 --> 00:10:35,556 Feel it, Troy. Throw it! 240 00:10:35,556 --> 00:10:37,016 The scoreboard lights up. 241 00:10:37,016 --> 00:10:39,059 There will be a scoreboard there. 242 00:10:39,059 --> 00:10:41,479 It's complete. Nice catch. 243 00:10:41,479 --> 00:10:45,232 The girls, the glory, the scouts, the career. 244 00:10:45,232 --> 00:10:47,443 It starts when you join this team. 245 00:10:47,443 --> 00:10:49,445 Is that linebacker a pregnant woman? 246 00:10:49,445 --> 00:10:51,197 You can meet them later, 247 00:10:51,197 --> 00:10:53,825 but this decision has to be yours, T-Bone. 248 00:10:53,825 --> 00:10:56,410 And this decision has to be yes. 249 00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:58,371 How did you know my nickname was T-Bone? 250 00:10:58,371 --> 00:11:01,875 You're a football player and your name begins with T. 251 00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:07,421 Your name begins with T. 252 00:11:11,592 --> 00:11:13,427 Britta? 253 00:11:13,427 --> 00:11:16,014 Oh, are you finished? 254 00:11:16,014 --> 00:11:19,600 I have to go, but apparently, I failed yesterday's tryouts 255 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,686 for the position of bathroom companion. 256 00:11:21,686 --> 00:11:23,646 I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. 257 00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:25,857 You didn't hurt my feelings, Shirley. 258 00:11:25,857 --> 00:11:27,984 I don't need to go with other people. 259 00:11:27,984 --> 00:11:29,694 I was just trying to throw you a bone 260 00:11:29,694 --> 00:11:32,655 because I like you. Keep that bone. 261 00:11:32,655 --> 00:11:34,532 Listening to a story about a stranger 262 00:11:34,532 --> 00:11:36,910 pissing me off and taking the stranger's side? 263 00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,828 You can't talk about your own business 264 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,789 but insinuate my mama's a robot because we want makeovers. 265 00:11:41,789 --> 00:11:44,959 That is the ladies room. A place where ladies share, 266 00:11:44,959 --> 00:11:46,627 listen, support each other, 267 00:11:46,627 --> 00:11:49,047 and discretely eliminate waste. 268 00:11:49,047 --> 00:11:50,381 And I like you too. 269 00:11:50,381 --> 00:11:52,508 I even like that you're a little hard, 270 00:11:52,508 --> 00:11:55,887 but if you can't learn to be soft in there, 271 00:11:55,887 --> 00:11:57,764 you need to pee alone. 272 00:11:59,557 --> 00:12:01,517 I've peed alone my whole life. 273 00:12:03,519 --> 00:12:05,939 Women have always hated me. 274 00:12:05,939 --> 00:12:07,899 I don't even know how it started. 275 00:12:07,899 --> 00:12:10,443 Maybe it was when I got boobs before everybody… 276 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,154 Not out here. 277 00:12:15,406 --> 00:12:17,700 In there. 278 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,661 Whoo! Ha, ha. Troy, Troy, the wonder boy. 279 00:12:20,661 --> 00:12:23,205 You dropped your books, Poindexter. Heh-heh-heh. 280 00:12:23,205 --> 00:12:25,249 Troy, I've been waiting for an hour. 281 00:12:25,249 --> 00:12:26,918 It's all right. I'm worth it. 282 00:12:36,928 --> 00:12:39,430 why are you doing our conservative high school's 283 00:12:39,430 --> 00:12:42,475 outdated fight rap? Have you been playing football? 284 00:12:42,475 --> 00:12:45,311 Threw the skin around. I still got it. 285 00:12:45,311 --> 00:12:48,314 Uhn, uhn, uhn. Doosh! Uhn. 286 00:12:48,314 --> 00:12:50,817 But you knew we had an Astronomy test tomorrow. 287 00:12:50,817 --> 00:12:52,110 Class blows. 288 00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:54,028 What I need to know about the universe 289 00:12:54,028 --> 00:12:55,780 is I'm at the center of it. 290 00:13:00,493 --> 00:13:02,870 Troy, stop. 291 00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:04,747 Don't become this person again. 292 00:13:04,747 --> 00:13:06,791 This isn't the real you. 293 00:13:06,791 --> 00:13:09,961 This is the jock that totally ignored the only people 294 00:13:09,961 --> 00:13:12,296 that liked him for non-superficial reasons 295 00:13:12,296 --> 00:13:13,840 but weren't allowed to say 296 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,549 because their parents are bigots. 297 00:13:15,549 --> 00:13:19,428 Huh? Football is bad for you. 298 00:13:21,681 --> 00:13:23,223 Jeff said you'd say that. 299 00:13:23,223 --> 00:13:25,935 Jeff… What now? 300 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:28,312 Troy. Troy, Troy, Troy. 301 00:13:28,312 --> 00:13:30,064 That's my name. 302 00:13:30,064 --> 00:13:33,526 I think if we add in a little bit of Phylicia Rashad, 303 00:13:33,526 --> 00:13:35,569 we'll be in better shape. Right. 304 00:13:35,569 --> 00:13:36,779 That beige is light. 305 00:13:36,779 --> 00:13:40,240 Um… Wow. 306 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,742 Yeah, yeah. 307 00:13:41,742 --> 00:13:44,162 We are developing the perfect mascot. 308 00:13:44,162 --> 00:13:47,665 No stereotypical identifiers from any race or gender. 309 00:13:47,665 --> 00:13:51,377 This is a chart of the features we're staying away from. 310 00:13:51,377 --> 00:13:55,131 Pan-Asian eye folds, uh, Irish chins, women's breasts. 311 00:13:55,131 --> 00:13:58,801 Is that Seal? That is our human color wheel. 312 00:13:58,801 --> 00:14:00,970 It goes from Seal to Seal's teeth. 313 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,722 What do you think? I think 314 00:14:02,722 --> 00:14:05,265 not being racist is the new racism. 315 00:14:05,265 --> 00:14:07,894 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to the prototype? 316 00:14:07,894 --> 00:14:09,603 Ooh, I left the nose in the kiln. 317 00:14:09,603 --> 00:14:11,605 Oh. 318 00:14:11,605 --> 00:14:14,108 So Troy is gonna play football. 319 00:14:14,108 --> 00:14:17,153 Yes. Which means I'll be getting rid of these. 320 00:14:17,153 --> 00:14:20,073 No, uh, I won't mail these out but they are staying with me 321 00:14:20,073 --> 00:14:22,700 until the press announces Troy is a part of the team. 322 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,744 I want him at that pep rally tonight. 323 00:14:24,744 --> 00:14:26,204 Reporters are gonna be there. 324 00:14:26,204 --> 00:14:28,873 We're gonna unveil the new mascot 325 00:14:28,873 --> 00:14:31,542 and things are finally going to start turning around. 326 00:14:31,542 --> 00:14:35,546 Oh, and my ex-therapist is gonna think twice 327 00:14:35,546 --> 00:14:37,381 before he makes fun of my job! 328 00:14:37,381 --> 00:14:40,300 Here it is. Still hot. Ooh. Ow. 329 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,886 I'm gonna get some more coffee. 330 00:14:41,886 --> 00:14:43,804 You want anything? A Desmond Tutu 331 00:14:43,804 --> 00:14:45,472 with enough cream to make a Lou Diamond Phillips. 332 00:14:45,472 --> 00:14:47,474 La Bamba. Got it. 333 00:14:53,647 --> 00:14:55,983 Aha! 334 00:14:55,983 --> 00:14:57,484 I've been following you. 335 00:14:57,484 --> 00:14:59,737 How much did the dean pay you to make Troy play? 336 00:14:59,737 --> 00:15:01,864 I'm not having a conversation with someone 337 00:15:01,864 --> 00:15:04,117 who emerges from a bush. Because I'm right? 338 00:15:04,117 --> 00:15:06,285 Because I'm not in a commercial for cereal. 339 00:15:06,285 --> 00:15:09,622 The dean has pictures of me. 340 00:15:09,622 --> 00:15:11,624 Horrible pictures of me. 341 00:15:11,624 --> 00:15:13,709 Attending his school. 342 00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:15,419 For that, you've convinced Troy 343 00:15:15,419 --> 00:15:17,797 to flush his life down football's toilet again? 344 00:15:17,797 --> 00:15:20,340 Britta's right. You are the most selfish person. 345 00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:22,468 All that is gonna end now. 346 00:15:22,468 --> 00:15:24,720 I'm telling him what kind of friend you are. 347 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:28,348 Tell him you're hopelessly in love with him. 348 00:15:28,348 --> 00:15:30,059 High school must have been tough. 349 00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:32,103 Waiting for a superstar to notice you. 350 00:15:32,103 --> 00:15:37,024 But here, here, he's all alone and he needs so much help. 351 00:15:37,024 --> 00:15:38,651 Did you enroll in all his classes 352 00:15:38,651 --> 00:15:40,987 or were you worried that might freak him out? 353 00:15:40,987 --> 00:15:43,281 The important thing is you are there for him. 354 00:15:43,281 --> 00:15:46,450 The important thing is you are the only one there for him. 355 00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:48,452 And you don't really care what he wants, 356 00:15:48,452 --> 00:15:51,247 as long as you don't have to share him with the world. 357 00:15:51,247 --> 00:15:54,792 Because, really, you are just as selfish as I am. 358 00:15:54,792 --> 00:15:56,752 You're just not as good at it yet. 359 00:15:58,671 --> 00:16:00,631 You're right. 360 00:16:00,631 --> 00:16:02,925 I could never be as good as you. 361 00:16:02,925 --> 00:16:04,760 Probably, because I actually care. 362 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:08,806 Profound, but technically meaningless. 363 00:16:08,806 --> 00:16:12,351 Don't bother trying that thing women do where they walk away 364 00:16:12,351 --> 00:16:16,147 and make the guy feel like crap, because it won't happen. 365 00:16:16,147 --> 00:16:17,690 Yeah. 366 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,568 Damn it. 367 00:16:24,404 --> 00:16:27,325 Shirley, will you please come to the bathroom with me? 368 00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:38,418 Where's Shirley? Shirley's not coming. 369 00:16:38,418 --> 00:16:42,840 But, uh, I'm here to listen, girl. 370 00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:48,221 Why do we inflict so much pain on ourselves for men? 371 00:16:48,221 --> 00:16:52,183 I don't know, sweetie. 372 00:16:52,183 --> 00:16:57,604 Maybe it's because men make the world go around? 373 00:16:57,604 --> 00:17:00,358 Kleenex? 374 00:17:03,903 --> 00:17:08,532 I've been infatuated with Troy. 375 00:17:08,532 --> 00:17:09,867 Now he's joining football. 376 00:17:09,867 --> 00:17:12,036 Now he'll have his pick of the litter, 377 00:17:12,036 --> 00:17:15,789 and I'll never get to be with him. 378 00:17:15,789 --> 00:17:18,167 Oh, Annie, screw him. 379 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:21,003 There are guys out there that would kill to be with you. 380 00:17:21,003 --> 00:17:22,671 If Troy isn't one of them, 381 00:17:22,671 --> 00:17:25,465 that's him failing your standards. You got that? 382 00:17:27,051 --> 00:17:29,929 You're right. I can't control him. 383 00:17:29,929 --> 00:17:34,892 And if I truly cared about him, I wouldn't want to. 384 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,812 Thanks for talking to me, Britta. 385 00:17:38,812 --> 00:17:39,939 It really helped. 386 00:17:39,939 --> 00:17:42,608 Seriously? Yes. 387 00:17:42,608 --> 00:17:44,568 Who's my girl? 388 00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,489 Excuse me. I did it. I did it. 389 00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:51,658 Oh, yes, you did. 390 00:17:56,663 --> 00:18:00,376 Human Beings, Human Beings, Human Beings. 391 00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:02,878 Human Beings, Human Beings. 392 00:18:02,878 --> 00:18:04,463 Troy. Troy. 393 00:18:04,463 --> 00:18:07,800 Don't go in there, man. What? 394 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,761 You got the most you were going to get in high school. 395 00:18:10,761 --> 00:18:12,888 A life of disillusionment and depression 396 00:18:12,888 --> 00:18:14,765 begins on the other side of that door. 397 00:18:14,765 --> 00:18:18,185 Is this your first pep rally or something? 398 00:18:18,185 --> 00:18:22,315 You told me football was the most important thing. 399 00:18:22,315 --> 00:18:25,943 Buckle up, I was exaggerating. It's kind of my gimmick. 400 00:18:25,943 --> 00:18:28,404 Let me tell you something. No, let me. 401 00:18:28,404 --> 00:18:30,823 That keg flip that cost me my scholarship? 402 00:18:30,823 --> 00:18:32,491 Yeah. 403 00:18:32,491 --> 00:18:35,411 I hurt myself on purpose. What? 404 00:18:35,411 --> 00:18:37,579 There was a scout coming to the final game, 405 00:18:37,579 --> 00:18:39,873 and I couldn't take the pressure. 406 00:18:39,873 --> 00:18:42,751 So I took the easy way out. 407 00:18:42,751 --> 00:18:44,378 When you showed me that field, 408 00:18:44,378 --> 00:18:46,380 I saw there was nothing to worry about. 409 00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:48,174 I could play football for fun. 410 00:18:48,174 --> 00:18:51,218 Have you seen these guys? There is nowhere to go but up. 411 00:18:51,218 --> 00:18:52,928 Dude, we have feelings. 412 00:18:52,928 --> 00:18:55,973 I don't know about you, but I know I ended up here 413 00:18:55,973 --> 00:18:58,809 because things weren't that great out there. 414 00:19:00,394 --> 00:19:02,355 Try accepting where you're at, man. 415 00:19:02,355 --> 00:19:06,275 Take a pottery class or something. 416 00:19:15,742 --> 00:19:19,163 Hey. Hey. 417 00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:23,417 I've decided to support Troy. 418 00:19:23,417 --> 00:19:26,504 They deploy things in football. I went for rhyme over clarity. 419 00:19:26,504 --> 00:19:29,882 Look, I'm, uh… I'm really sorry about before. 420 00:19:29,882 --> 00:19:32,634 I just think we were both wrong. Really? 421 00:19:32,634 --> 00:19:35,804 Because I'm an 18-year-old girl and you made me cry in public. 422 00:19:35,804 --> 00:19:38,265 Hmm. Okay, maybe I was a little more wrong. 423 00:19:38,265 --> 00:19:42,353 I should grow up and make peace with being here. 424 00:19:42,353 --> 00:19:45,022 It's not like Greendale is gonna kill me. 425 00:19:46,606 --> 00:19:48,484 Holy crap. 426 00:19:48,484 --> 00:19:49,902 Sorry. Hey, say hello 427 00:19:49,902 --> 00:19:53,822 to our ethnically neutral mascot, the Human Being. 428 00:19:53,822 --> 00:19:56,200 The costume makes it difficult for him to see. 429 00:19:57,784 --> 00:19:59,328 He can't move his mouth either. 430 00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:02,622 But take it from me, that's human for "hello." 431 00:20:02,622 --> 00:20:04,791 Let's get you into the pep rally. 432 00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:07,461 Great idea. Let's do it. 433 00:20:07,461 --> 00:20:09,338 We've solved racism. What's next? 434 00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:12,425 Let's do something for little people. Or albinos. 435 00:20:12,425 --> 00:20:14,176 How about little albinos? 436 00:20:14,176 --> 00:20:18,013 Has the potential to be a uniquely Greendale experience. 437 00:20:36,782 --> 00:20:40,119 Students, this is Abed. And the disco spider. 438 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:41,745 Here at Greendale. Greendale. 439 00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:43,289 Say what? 440 00:20:43,289 --> 00:20:45,332 A few quick announcements. Number one. 441 00:20:45,332 --> 00:20:48,043 All announcements will be cool, starting right now. 442 00:20:48,043 --> 00:20:51,880 Announcement number two, butt soup. 443 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,340 Announcement number three, 444 00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:56,427 I am not Hadji from Jonny Quest, Jeff Winger. 445 00:20:56,427 --> 00:20:59,179 On security, you gotta start locking the dean's door 446 00:20:59,179 --> 00:21:00,389 so guys like us don't get in. 447 00:21:00,389 --> 00:21:02,015 Hey.