1 00:00:01,416 --> 00:00:04,086 Good afternoon, Greendale. 2 00:00:04,086 --> 00:00:06,463 with a few corrections I am your dean 3 00:00:06,463 --> 00:00:08,298 to the fall class catalogue. 4 00:00:08,298 --> 00:00:11,468 Cosmology should be Cosmetology. 5 00:00:11,468 --> 00:00:13,386 Astrology should be Astronomy. 6 00:00:13,386 --> 00:00:16,265 The students on the cover should be smiling, 7 00:00:16,265 --> 00:00:18,516 but that's a matter of opinion. 8 00:00:18,516 --> 00:00:20,477 a small patch of cannabis Whoever is growing 9 00:00:20,477 --> 00:00:21,895 behind the gymnasium, 10 00:00:21,895 --> 00:00:24,522 you have won a cruise. congratulations, 11 00:00:24,522 --> 00:00:27,525 to claim your tickets. Report to security 12 00:00:27,525 --> 00:00:30,154 In order to increase awareness of homelessness, 13 00:00:30,154 --> 00:00:32,363 security has been given binoculars. 14 00:00:32,363 --> 00:00:34,074 In campus news, 15 00:00:34,074 --> 00:00:36,910 the debate over our library's PA system continues, 16 00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:39,871 with some students suggesting its volume be lowered, 17 00:00:39,871 --> 00:00:42,291 while others question its very purpose. 18 00:00:42,291 --> 00:00:45,085 More on that story as it unfolds. 19 00:00:45,085 --> 00:00:47,045 That dude makes a lot of announcements. 20 00:00:47,045 --> 00:00:48,713 It makes every 10 minutes I like it. 21 00:00:48,713 --> 00:00:50,465 feel like a new scene of a TV show. 22 00:00:50,465 --> 00:00:52,550 The illusion lasts until someone says something 23 00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:54,219 they never say on TV, 24 00:00:54,219 --> 00:00:56,721 like how much life is like TV. There, it's gone. 25 00:00:56,721 --> 00:00:58,682 Jeff's running late again. 26 00:00:58,682 --> 00:01:00,600 We should get started… What a shame. 27 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,979 No, I think we should wait for Jeff before we start. 28 00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:07,858 But when Jeff gets here, we could talk to him, 29 00:01:07,858 --> 00:01:09,609 about his tardiness. as a group, 30 00:01:09,609 --> 00:01:11,862 Oh, come on now. Don't use that word around Abed. 31 00:01:11,862 --> 00:01:14,990 a chat with Jeff, I'd do it. If you want me to have 32 00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:17,951 kind of, sort of like brothers. We've got a bond going, 33 00:01:17,951 --> 00:01:19,911 Hope your mom didn't make you take baths together. 34 00:01:19,911 --> 00:01:21,579 would have been like 30. One of you 35 00:01:21,579 --> 00:01:23,999 Jeff probably comes late That's funny. 36 00:01:23,999 --> 00:01:26,751 so he doesn't have to sit through your tardiness. 37 00:01:26,751 --> 00:01:29,296 Sorry, Abed. 38 00:01:29,296 --> 00:01:31,215 Hey, will you guys have some self-respect? 39 00:01:31,215 --> 00:01:32,799 obsessing over someone You are 40 00:01:32,799 --> 00:01:34,343 who does not give you a second thought. 41 00:01:34,343 --> 00:01:37,386 journalists are being killed In Guatemala, 42 00:01:37,386 --> 00:01:38,555 by their own government. 43 00:01:38,555 --> 00:01:40,640 What's happening in Guatemala? 44 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,142 Nothing. 45 00:01:42,142 --> 00:01:43,768 are being murdered? Journalists 46 00:01:43,768 --> 00:01:46,230 Every day in that country, 47 00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:47,981 people are being killed for speaking out. 48 00:01:47,981 --> 00:01:50,025 The worst part of it is, when it's all over… 49 00:01:50,025 --> 00:01:52,485 …it's as if it never happened. Spoilers. 50 00:01:52,485 --> 00:01:54,654 Hmm? Hey, Abed. 51 00:01:54,654 --> 00:01:57,866 they don't have spoilers. Real stories, 52 00:01:57,866 --> 00:02:01,078 and life are different, right? You understand that TV 53 00:02:01,078 --> 00:02:02,371 Hey. 54 00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:07,709 My lady. My lord. 55 00:02:07,709 --> 00:02:09,586 Hey, baby. Hi, sweetie. 56 00:02:09,586 --> 00:02:11,171 You smell nice. Vitamin P. 57 00:02:11,171 --> 00:02:14,091 Morning, Jeffrey. People were jazzed to see me too. 58 00:02:14,091 --> 00:02:16,009 Word them everywhere. Word them up. 59 00:02:16,009 --> 00:02:19,221 Good entrance. Thank you. It was for you. 60 00:02:22,974 --> 00:02:25,227 Hey, Jeff. Britta. 61 00:02:25,227 --> 00:02:27,187 Think there's something that the group 62 00:02:27,187 --> 00:02:28,772 to talk to you about. would like 63 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,610 Okay. If you're gonna study with people, 64 00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:35,279 to show up on time. it would be cool 65 00:02:35,279 --> 00:02:37,530 Oh. Were you waiting? No. 66 00:02:37,530 --> 00:02:38,949 I just got here. No. 67 00:02:38,949 --> 00:02:40,784 You guys usually spend the first 20 minutes 68 00:02:40,784 --> 00:02:42,744 your interesting lives talking about 69 00:02:42,744 --> 00:02:45,163 and your cool emotional problems. 70 00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:47,207 I feel like I never have anything to offer. 71 00:02:47,207 --> 00:02:49,418 No. Truth is, Oh! 72 00:02:49,418 --> 00:02:52,629 than this three-ring binder. my life is emptier 73 00:02:52,629 --> 00:02:56,633 Annie, do you have any Spanish notes that might fit in there? 74 00:02:56,633 --> 00:02:58,343 Wow. Double-spaced. Thank you. 75 00:02:58,343 --> 00:03:01,263 So, what's a guy gotta do to get a C around here? 76 00:03:08,937 --> 00:03:12,190 To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope 77 00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:15,360 It could be here ♪ d Somebody said 78 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,614 Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up 79 00:03:24,369 --> 00:03:28,957 They all just fade away d d One by one 80 00:03:33,586 --> 00:03:35,130 Good study. 81 00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:37,757 Thanks for good study. See you later. 82 00:03:37,757 --> 00:03:40,135 Hey, you know what today is? 83 00:03:40,135 --> 00:03:42,804 of my horrible first impression. It's the two-week anniversary 84 00:03:42,804 --> 00:03:44,889 There's a card for that? Not specifically. 85 00:03:44,889 --> 00:03:47,476 But if you think of grandsons as metaphors for friendship, 86 00:03:47,476 --> 00:03:49,853 I think you'll agree with this Transformer here 87 00:03:49,853 --> 00:03:51,896 that it's time for ours to become a man 88 00:03:51,896 --> 00:03:53,523 Look, Jeff, by reading from the Torah. 89 00:03:53,523 --> 00:03:55,442 you're harmless enough to me. 90 00:03:55,442 --> 00:03:57,986 has given me douche-ray vision. A life full of ups and downs 91 00:03:57,986 --> 00:04:00,155 But those are good people in there, 92 00:04:00,155 --> 00:04:01,490 and they trust and respect you, 93 00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:03,533 and watching you exploit them bums me out. 94 00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:05,118 They're my friends. Exploit them? 95 00:04:05,118 --> 00:04:06,619 Can I bring your car around? 96 00:04:06,619 --> 00:04:10,999 No, Abed, I don't want you bring my car around. 97 00:04:10,999 --> 00:04:12,667 I'll bring yours around, good guy. 98 00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,752 You get going, all right? 99 00:04:14,752 --> 00:04:16,754 You're cute but selfish, 100 00:04:16,754 --> 00:04:19,590 and narcissistic to the point of near-delusion. 101 00:04:21,759 --> 00:04:23,845 She said I was cute. Tell you what. You take her. 102 00:04:23,845 --> 00:04:25,347 I have less to prove. 103 00:04:25,347 --> 00:04:28,683 Jeff, you can't pursue people so desperately. 104 00:04:28,683 --> 00:04:30,727 creep them out. It starts to 105 00:04:30,727 --> 00:04:33,271 Why don't we get a beer? I'll give you advice, 106 00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:35,982 and we can have what the kids are calling a sausage fest. 107 00:04:35,982 --> 00:04:39,736 I'm not much of a sausage guy, Pierce. Maybe next time. 108 00:04:40,778 --> 00:04:42,906 Next time then. 109 00:04:42,906 --> 00:04:45,575 Hey. 110 00:04:45,575 --> 00:04:48,537 Britta, will you tell us more about Guatemala? 111 00:04:48,537 --> 00:04:50,247 I wanna be political. 112 00:04:50,247 --> 00:04:52,665 That's good. You should discover that stuff on your own. 113 00:04:52,665 --> 00:04:56,378 We need your help. We've been living on the wrong side. 114 00:04:56,378 --> 00:04:58,880 You're like Jodie Foster or Susan Sarandon. 115 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,840 You'd rather keep it real than be likeable. 116 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,675 Can you at least tell us what to Google? 117 00:05:02,675 --> 00:05:05,387 journalist Chacata-Panecos. You could start with the 118 00:05:05,387 --> 00:05:08,890 Wrote an article critical of the government and they killed him. 119 00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:11,017 Can we have a protest? That's horrible. 120 00:05:11,017 --> 00:05:12,477 I wanna protest something. 121 00:05:12,477 --> 00:05:14,979 like lesbians on the news. A candlelight vigil, 122 00:05:14,979 --> 00:05:16,731 I could make brownies. 123 00:05:18,358 --> 00:05:19,943 Brownies? 124 00:05:19,943 --> 00:05:22,487 Every once in a while, a student will ask: 125 00:05:22,487 --> 00:05:25,740 why do you teach Spanish?" "Señor Chang, 126 00:05:28,993 --> 00:05:30,870 They say it just like that. 127 00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:34,332 "Why do you teach Spanish?" 128 00:05:34,332 --> 00:05:36,667 Why you. 129 00:05:38,627 --> 00:05:40,505 Why not math? 130 00:05:43,049 --> 00:05:45,802 Why not photography? 131 00:05:47,137 --> 00:05:49,638 Why not martial arts? 132 00:05:49,638 --> 00:05:53,851 in my nature to instruct you I mean, surely it must be 133 00:05:53,851 --> 00:05:56,771 in something that's ancient and secret 134 00:05:56,771 --> 00:06:00,358 you can see from outer space. like, building a wall that 135 00:06:00,358 --> 00:06:02,277 Well, I'll tell you why I teach Spanish. 136 00:06:02,277 --> 00:06:04,862 It is none of your business, okay? 137 00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:08,408 conversations about what a… Now, I don't wanna have any 138 00:06:08,408 --> 00:06:11,702 inscrutable man I am. …mysterious, 139 00:06:11,702 --> 00:06:13,455 IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] [LAUGHING 140 00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:20,337 I am a Spanish genius! 141 00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:25,049 In espanol my nickname is El Tigre Chino. 142 00:06:28,178 --> 00:06:32,223 will bite her face off. Because my knowledge 143 00:06:33,850 --> 00:06:38,729 So don't question Señor Chang or you'll get bit. 144 00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:42,108 Yeah, bit. Yeah, bit. 145 00:06:45,736 --> 00:06:48,781 we'll be having conversations Okay, Friday mañana, 146 00:06:48,781 --> 00:06:52,118 using some phrases we learned. with the rest of the class, 147 00:06:52,118 --> 00:06:55,955 You'll be partnering up in pairs of dos. 148 00:06:55,955 --> 00:06:57,624 CHUCKLES] 149 00:06:57,624 --> 00:06:59,417 under your desk, So if you look 150 00:06:59,417 --> 00:07:03,421 you will find a card with either a picture or a word on it, okay? 151 00:07:03,421 --> 00:07:05,632 Por ejemplo, Blondie, aqui, 152 00:07:05,632 --> 00:07:08,885 has a card with a picture of a house on it. 153 00:07:08,885 --> 00:07:10,845 So that means the person with the card 154 00:07:10,845 --> 00:07:13,431 with the word "casa" on it is her partner. 155 00:07:13,431 --> 00:07:17,018 Comprende, Star-Burns? 156 00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:21,772 Okay, see you Friday, find your partners, have a great day. 157 00:07:21,772 --> 00:07:24,693 at the end of every class? And what do we say 158 00:07:26,903 --> 00:07:29,322 Ninety percent of Spanish. Come on, hands. 159 00:07:33,993 --> 00:07:36,871 Good. Abed, Abed, Abed. 160 00:07:36,871 --> 00:07:39,123 Do you want to trade cards? No. 161 00:07:39,123 --> 00:07:41,585 I'll give you 20 bucks. 162 00:07:41,585 --> 00:07:42,793 No. 163 00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:44,087 Fifty bucks. No. 164 00:07:44,087 --> 00:07:45,880 Don't want money. Want your shirt. 165 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,257 What? 166 00:07:47,257 --> 00:07:49,092 I've had my eye on it since registration. 167 00:07:49,092 --> 00:07:50,843 Fine. Give me your card. 168 00:07:50,843 --> 00:07:53,722 I don't think you understand. I wanna wear it out of here. 169 00:07:55,014 --> 00:07:57,308 Thanks. Gracias. Gracias. 170 00:07:57,308 --> 00:07:59,269 What are the odds? 171 00:07:59,269 --> 00:08:01,812 Are you sure you didn't adjust the odds? 172 00:08:01,812 --> 00:08:04,274 I know Abed's been eyeing that shirt for three weeks. 173 00:08:04,274 --> 00:08:07,151 It's almost like you gave it to him so he would switch cards. 174 00:08:07,151 --> 00:08:10,447 because I'm not selfish. I gave Abed my shirt 175 00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:12,490 Which is I guess you'll discover 176 00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:15,118 while we are working on this. 177 00:08:15,118 --> 00:08:17,245 Tomorrow night? Dinner, drinks? 178 00:08:17,245 --> 00:08:20,039 That's something we should discuss with our partners. 179 00:08:20,039 --> 00:08:22,417 Oh, see, I did switch cards. 180 00:08:25,712 --> 00:08:29,090 Can you believe this? What are the odds? 181 00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,967 That's a nice shirt. Wanna sell it? 182 00:08:30,967 --> 00:08:32,302 Yes. 183 00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:37,223 What's the moist towelette industry like? 184 00:08:37,223 --> 00:08:40,059 it's nothing like the product. Oh, believe me, 185 00:08:40,059 --> 00:08:43,271 dry, large business. No, it's a hard, 186 00:08:43,271 --> 00:08:44,897 Destroyed all my marriages. 187 00:08:44,897 --> 00:08:47,358 It didn't help any that I can't have children. 188 00:08:47,358 --> 00:08:49,944 In fact it's a rare condition I'm not sterile. 189 00:08:49,944 --> 00:08:52,071 called hyper-virility. 190 00:08:52,071 --> 00:08:55,199 My sperm shoot through the egg like bullets. 191 00:08:55,199 --> 00:08:57,619 Can you believe that? I can't. 192 00:08:57,619 --> 00:08:59,537 so that's fine. But you can, 193 00:08:59,537 --> 00:09:04,542 So the assignment is to write a Spanish conversation 194 00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:07,003 using those five phrases… Ooh. 195 00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:09,005 Hemingway's lemonade. 196 00:09:09,005 --> 00:09:10,674 Don't need to make this a long evening. 197 00:09:10,674 --> 00:09:12,925 a piece of garbage to you? What am I, 198 00:09:12,925 --> 00:09:15,928 What? No. 199 00:09:18,264 --> 00:09:20,725 Got you. Hey, come on, 200 00:09:20,725 --> 00:09:23,603 let's have one drink before we work. 201 00:09:25,938 --> 00:09:28,191 Mm, mm, mm. 202 00:09:29,484 --> 00:09:31,027 To the empowerage of words. 203 00:09:31,027 --> 00:09:34,656 of that sentence. To the irony 204 00:09:35,906 --> 00:09:37,742 So, what's up with you? 205 00:09:37,742 --> 00:09:41,078 It seems like you got a burr up your ass or something. 206 00:09:41,078 --> 00:09:44,833 Well, I guess that it's, uh… I think it's Britta. 207 00:09:44,833 --> 00:09:47,335 to know about her is her name. Forget Britta. All you have 208 00:09:47,335 --> 00:09:50,588 What is she, a water filter? I mean, she's ugly. 209 00:09:50,588 --> 00:09:51,922 Okay. 210 00:09:53,508 --> 00:09:55,719 with me saying, donde… Why don't we start 211 00:09:55,719 --> 00:09:58,304 What the hell are you doing? Our assignment. 212 00:09:58,304 --> 00:09:59,848 Oh, no, no, no. 213 00:09:59,848 --> 00:10:01,599 This is the first time people are gonna see 214 00:10:01,599 --> 00:10:03,226 Winger and Hawthorne together. 215 00:10:03,226 --> 00:10:05,395 We're gonna show them we're to be reckoned with. 216 00:10:05,395 --> 00:10:08,481 Come on, let's brainstorm some story ideas. 217 00:10:10,525 --> 00:10:14,779 Better yet, before we do that, let's ask ourselves… 218 00:10:16,030 --> 00:10:19,200 …what is a story? Oh, my God in heaven. 219 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:25,206 Guatemala, we hate 220 00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:27,458 Guatemala, we hate 221 00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:29,210 If you like that brownie, you're gonna hate 222 00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:31,254 what's going on in Guatemala. Google it. 223 00:10:31,254 --> 00:10:33,423 Oh, hey, hey. Hi. 224 00:10:33,423 --> 00:10:35,132 Raise the truth. 225 00:10:35,132 --> 00:10:37,510 Okay, once it gets dark, I hand out the candles, 226 00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:39,554 and we do what's called a speechless protest. 227 00:10:39,554 --> 00:10:43,015 We put tape over our mouths and gather hand in hand 228 00:10:43,015 --> 00:10:44,517 of outraged silence. in a sea 229 00:10:50,398 --> 00:10:51,982 Star-Burns, no, no. 230 00:10:53,651 --> 00:10:56,237 What's gotten into you? This is not how you do this. 231 00:10:56,237 --> 00:10:58,782 We know it's not how you do it. Because we're doing everything. 232 00:10:58,782 --> 00:11:01,284 But this is tacky and lame. 233 00:11:01,284 --> 00:11:04,829 I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. 234 00:11:04,829 --> 00:11:06,539 What I meant to say 235 00:11:06,539 --> 00:11:09,083 is really personal to me. was that this cause 236 00:11:09,083 --> 00:11:13,212 we're not allowed to protest? Are you saying that 237 00:11:13,212 --> 00:11:16,132 you sound like Guatemala. Britta, 238 00:11:16,132 --> 00:11:18,551 Somebody has a case of "likes to use fringe politics 239 00:11:18,551 --> 00:11:21,679 to make themselves feel special but doesn't ever do anything." 240 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:24,973 Itis. No, I do things. I… 241 00:11:24,973 --> 00:11:26,768 I went to… 242 00:11:28,227 --> 00:11:31,021 I don't do anything. 243 00:11:32,732 --> 00:11:34,066 What can I do? 244 00:11:35,526 --> 00:11:38,279 the Chacata-Panecos piñata. You can hang 245 00:11:38,279 --> 00:11:40,364 he was beaten to death? You guys realize 246 00:11:40,364 --> 00:11:42,241 That's where we got the idea from. 247 00:11:42,241 --> 00:11:43,992 Poignant. 248 00:11:43,992 --> 00:11:45,870 All right. 249 00:11:48,915 --> 00:11:51,417 what I've got so far. Okay, tell me 250 00:11:51,417 --> 00:11:52,794 What we have so far? 251 00:11:52,794 --> 00:11:55,672 Well, we have something incredibly long 252 00:11:55,672 --> 00:11:57,966 and a little homophobic. and very confusing, 253 00:11:57,966 --> 00:12:01,385 specifically, surprisingly And really, really, 254 00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:03,262 and gratuitously critical of Israel. 255 00:12:03,262 --> 00:12:06,683 It's called "Two Conquistadors." Should probably be dos. 256 00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:09,226 I mean, it is Spanish class. Oh, which reminds me. 257 00:12:09,226 --> 00:12:11,103 The only thing not included in this epic 258 00:12:11,103 --> 00:12:14,899 are the five phrases required to get me a passing grade. 259 00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:18,026 Needs more work. You're right. 260 00:12:18,026 --> 00:12:20,446 What are you guys doing? I have no idea. 261 00:12:20,446 --> 00:12:22,824 Headed to the demonstration. What, hippies? 262 00:12:22,824 --> 00:12:25,409 Some cause Britta's into. It's a silent protest, 263 00:12:25,409 --> 00:12:28,705 lots of candles. Gets the ladies in the mood for social change. 264 00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:30,331 Good chance to put miles on this shirt. 265 00:12:30,331 --> 00:12:33,167 You realize these conversations are due in the morning? 266 00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:36,796 Oh, yeah. Right. 267 00:12:38,339 --> 00:12:40,383 What do you wanna do? 268 00:12:48,975 --> 00:12:50,393 Pfft. Hacks. 269 00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:54,731 Okay, what do we do about the ending of act two? 270 00:12:54,731 --> 00:12:56,607 what we're going to do. I'll tell you 271 00:12:56,607 --> 00:12:58,317 We are gonna take this 272 00:12:58,317 --> 00:13:02,030 in a museum for crazy people. and we're gonna put it 273 00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:04,699 Then we're gonna take this and memorize five phrases 274 00:13:04,699 --> 00:13:08,369 tomorrow morning before class. Good night. 275 00:13:08,369 --> 00:13:11,247 Wait a minute. You're bailing on our first sausage fest? 276 00:13:11,247 --> 00:13:13,165 This is your definition of friendship? 277 00:13:13,165 --> 00:13:17,003 No, this is my definition of you trying way too hard 278 00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:20,172 and harder to stay polite. and me finding it harder 279 00:13:20,172 --> 00:13:22,926 This was a fine way to spend an evening devoid of hope, 280 00:13:22,926 --> 00:13:25,929 but the woman I kind of like is out in the moonlight 281 00:13:25,929 --> 00:13:27,722 caring about something stupid. 282 00:13:27,722 --> 00:13:30,558 This is my chance to show her that I care enough to act 283 00:13:30,558 --> 00:13:32,393 like I care about it too. 284 00:13:32,393 --> 00:13:35,271 That's all you had to say. That was it? Oh. 285 00:13:35,271 --> 00:13:38,274 Would've been great if I had done that two hours ago. 286 00:14:20,608 --> 00:14:23,069 Thanks. Nice sign. 287 00:14:23,069 --> 00:14:24,654 I like what you've done with the place. 288 00:14:27,531 --> 00:14:31,494 I think was a little too harsh on you. I'm not perfect. 289 00:14:31,494 --> 00:14:34,330 to show you the ropes. I am. I'd be happy 290 00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:36,040 Awesome. 291 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,669 Look at awesome Jeffrey Winger. 292 00:14:39,669 --> 00:14:42,379 Too awesome for old Pierce 293 00:14:42,379 --> 00:14:46,509 with your hip shirts and your gelled hair 294 00:14:46,509 --> 00:14:51,180 and your cool tape over your mouth. 295 00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:53,599 Why is everybody wearing tape over their mouth? 296 00:14:53,599 --> 00:14:55,267 It's a protest, Pierce. 297 00:14:55,267 --> 00:14:57,103 Oh, good. 298 00:14:57,103 --> 00:15:00,272 Because I know what I'd like to protest. How much you hurt me. 299 00:15:00,272 --> 00:15:02,525 will bring us together Conflicts like these 300 00:15:02,525 --> 00:15:04,443 as an unlikely family. 301 00:15:04,443 --> 00:15:06,529 You have horrible breath. 302 00:15:06,529 --> 00:15:09,532 You constantly blow me off, then you want me to do your homework. 303 00:15:09,532 --> 00:15:11,534 I'm trying too hard Then you tell me 304 00:15:11,534 --> 00:15:13,494 to be your friend so you have to go. 305 00:15:13,494 --> 00:15:16,580 You had to come out here to pretend to care 306 00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:19,542 about the stupid stuff she cares about. 307 00:15:19,542 --> 00:15:22,586 He is paraphrasing. His words, not mine. 308 00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:25,923 I got an idea. Why don't you go get a cup of coffee 309 00:15:25,923 --> 00:15:28,759 and hold some waitress hostage with a monologue about sperm. 310 00:15:28,759 --> 00:15:31,595 some sperm, buddy. I'll show you 311 00:15:31,595 --> 00:15:34,682 What the hell? I'm on fire! Is this your idea? 312 00:15:34,682 --> 00:15:37,434 No, I'm not ready to die. 313 00:15:38,686 --> 00:15:41,355 Oh, he's… He's… 314 00:15:41,355 --> 00:15:43,941 He's jumped in the fountain. 315 00:15:43,941 --> 00:15:46,903 Please call 911. He's fine. 316 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,868 We did it, girl. Page three. Have you seen it? 317 00:15:53,868 --> 00:15:56,286 It's about Pierce, but listen to that paragraph. 318 00:15:56,286 --> 00:15:58,372 "The incident occurred during a protest" 319 00:15:58,372 --> 00:16:00,791 in Guatemala." Awareness! "regarding events 320 00:16:00,791 --> 00:16:02,710 This is a real damn newspaper. 321 00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:04,003 There's a Marmaduke in here. 322 00:16:04,003 --> 00:16:06,089 I ever accomplished. It's more than 323 00:16:06,089 --> 00:16:08,132 ethnic cleansing in Burma? Did you know about the 324 00:16:08,132 --> 00:16:09,759 We need to bust out that brownie mix. 325 00:16:15,139 --> 00:16:17,767 Morning. Morning. 326 00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:19,602 Oh, no, I get it. 327 00:16:19,602 --> 00:16:22,605 Garfield's wishing me a Arbor Day, you'd like a fresh start. 328 00:16:22,605 --> 00:16:24,607 It's actually Secretaries Day. Nice try. 329 00:16:24,607 --> 00:16:26,901 It says I'm sorry about crashing your protest 330 00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:29,403 self-immolating baby boomer. with that drunken, 331 00:16:29,403 --> 00:16:32,281 We don't blame you. Pierce has always been on my watch list. 332 00:16:32,281 --> 00:16:35,409 That dude is crazy. He told me girls have two pee holes. 333 00:16:35,409 --> 00:16:37,245 I sang carols at a nursing home. 334 00:16:37,245 --> 00:16:39,872 I've seen the face of dementia, and last night, I saw it again. 335 00:16:39,872 --> 00:16:43,960 You know what he did that's really crazy? 336 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,671 He offered me a $100 to switch cards with him 337 00:16:47,671 --> 00:16:49,966 just so he could be partners with Jeff. 338 00:16:49,966 --> 00:16:52,176 I think he thought getting closer to Jeff 339 00:16:52,176 --> 00:16:54,553 would bring him respect in the group. 340 00:16:54,553 --> 00:16:57,807 I think he spent his whole life looking out for himself, 341 00:16:57,807 --> 00:17:02,728 and he would trade it all for a shot at some family. 342 00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:06,482 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] [PIERCE & CHANG 343 00:17:08,525 --> 00:17:10,694 Hola, cl Hola. 344 00:17:10,694 --> 00:17:12,280 Time for our presentations. 345 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,032 to be Jeff and Pierce, First up was supposed 346 00:17:15,032 --> 00:17:17,285 but Pierce explained the situation to me. 347 00:17:17,285 --> 00:17:20,246 There was a falling out, things were said, people were betrayed. 348 00:17:20,246 --> 00:17:22,331 Wow. 349 00:17:22,331 --> 00:17:25,168 Pierce's side of the story, Jeff, having heard 350 00:17:25,168 --> 00:17:28,462 the only humane thing to do would be to give you a C 351 00:17:28,462 --> 00:17:30,631 his presentation alone. and let Pierce do 352 00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:33,676 If that sounds fair to you. 353 00:17:37,054 --> 00:17:40,016 That doesn't sound fair to me at all. 354 00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:42,392 I understand if you don't wanna be my friend. 355 00:17:42,392 --> 00:17:44,270 But this thing that we've created, 356 00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:46,939 it is bigger than the both of us, 357 00:17:46,939 --> 00:17:50,276 to be done right. and it deserves 358 00:17:52,569 --> 00:17:53,904 All right. 359 00:17:55,364 --> 00:17:58,201 Okay, um, guys, why are there costumes involved? 360 00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:00,703 These are short conversations. They're not supposed to take… 361 00:18:00,703 --> 00:18:02,579 Your breath away? 362 00:18:03,706 --> 00:18:05,415 Well, tough. 363 00:18:05,415 --> 00:18:07,668 You ready, amigo? Sí. 364 00:18:07,668 --> 00:18:11,214 "WISE UP" PLAYING] [AIMEE MANN'S 365 00:19:30,459 --> 00:19:32,628 F, F-minus. 366 00:19:32,628 --> 00:19:34,755 What? 367 00:19:34,755 --> 00:19:37,549 What? Did you say S? 368 00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:43,764 So… 369 00:19:43,764 --> 00:19:46,225 that was one of the worst things I have ever seen. 370 00:19:46,225 --> 00:19:50,354 Which I guess makes being a part of it a pretty selfless act. 371 00:19:50,354 --> 00:19:51,730 So I'm impressed. 372 00:19:51,730 --> 00:19:53,107 How do you know I didn't do it 373 00:19:53,107 --> 00:19:55,443 just to get another shot at you? 374 00:19:55,443 --> 00:19:57,945 A smart guy like you would know that no woman in that class 375 00:19:57,945 --> 00:19:59,363 will be able to look at you 376 00:19:59,363 --> 00:20:01,740 as a sexually viable candidate ever again. 377 00:20:03,867 --> 00:20:07,537 I thought of that. No, I know. 378 00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:10,082 She looked back. 379 00:20:10,082 --> 00:20:11,417 Aah! 380 00:20:11,417 --> 00:20:14,586 You did an all right job up there, my friend. 381 00:20:14,586 --> 00:20:16,130 Thanks, Pierce. 382 00:20:16,130 --> 00:20:18,466 You got this thing you do with your face 383 00:20:18,466 --> 00:20:20,717 when you're trying to be funny, forces people 384 00:20:20,717 --> 00:20:23,553 to think about how cool you think you are. 385 00:21:03,719 --> 00:21:05,846 Yeah, boy, boy. 386 00:21:05,846 --> 00:21:08,182 What? It's 2009. Yeah. 387 00:21:08,182 --> 00:21:10,100 Word.