1
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,090
So, two keys, huh?

2
00:00:10,050 --> 00:00:11,220
That's a lot of snow.

3
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:14,180
If you can't handle it, we're
happy to find someone who can.

4
00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:16,220
Don't worry about me, friend.
I can handle it.

5
00:00:16,310 --> 00:00:17,900
Marissa, baby,

6
00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:19,290
go get our guests something
to drink, would you?

7
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,160
We don't want a drink.
What is this, a social call?

8
00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:23,080
It's not a tea party. We look
like 5-year-old girls to you?

9
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,110
Gentlemen, please.

10
00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,190
Have some Patience.

11
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:27,280
Two keys.

12
00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:29,740
Pure as a catholic schoolgirl.

13
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,410
Did you bring the cash?

14
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,330
Oh, we brought something
much better than cash.

15
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,700
What's that? Our guns!

16
00:00:34,790 --> 00:00:35,960
NYPD! You're under arrest!

17
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:46,750
Boss man's gone.

18
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,300
Where'd he go?

19
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:52,710
Thank you kindly, little lady.

20
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,440
Gio costa,

21
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,190
you're under arrest.

22
00:01:03,270 --> 00:01:04,650
Want that drink now, Hitchcock?

23
00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:05,940
Don't mind if I do, Scully.

24
00:01:06,110 --> 00:01:07,400
Don't mind if I do.

25
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,220
What the hell, Diaz?

26
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,970
You trying to make
your heart explode?

27
00:01:37,060 --> 00:01:38,060
I'm loading up on coffee

28
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,780
because it's a pain in the ass
getting to the kitchen now

29
00:01:39,810 --> 00:01:40,950
and I don't want
to come back here.

30
00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:41,980
Is this about the desks?

31
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,650
Yes, Terry.
It's about the desks.

32
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,460
How long is commissioner Kelly
going to punish us because

33
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,440
captain holt complained
about him to the mayor?

34
00:01:48,530 --> 00:01:50,010
I don't know, but I hope
it ends soon.

35
00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:52,160
Terry's shoulders weren't
built for tight spaces.

36
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:53,320
It's bonk city in here!

37
00:01:53,410 --> 00:01:55,140
I've said "excuse me"
more times this morning

38
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,250
than I have in my entire life.

39
00:01:57,580 --> 00:01:58,580
Twice!

40
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,040
Jake. Rosa.

41
00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:08,420
Good morning.

42
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:09,960
Oh, my. We are very
close together.

43
00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:11,050
I love it.

44
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:13,320
Hey, you know how I've always
wanted to have another child?

45
00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:14,720
Well, it's happening!

46
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:15,970
Genevieve is pregnant?

47
00:02:16,050 --> 00:02:18,800
But I thought your "meh-err"
no longer made "whoo-oo."

48
00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:21,180
Correct. My testes
no longer make sperm.

49
00:02:21,270 --> 00:02:22,330
I was good with "meh-err"
and "whoo-oo."

50
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,750
No, we're thinking
of adopting again.

51
00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:26,730
We just got an email from
Nikolaj's 15-year-old brother

52
00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:28,310
in Latvia that he's never met.

53
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,070
Yeah, his name is dragomir.

54
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,400
Oh, my god.

55
00:02:31,490 --> 00:02:33,530
That is a 42-year-old
fur trapper.

56
00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:35,360
What? You don't see
the resemblance?

57
00:02:35,450 --> 00:02:37,790
Yeah, to matisyahu.
There's no way he's 15.

58
00:02:37,870 --> 00:02:38,930
Well, then, how come he wrote

59
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,080
that his greatest fear
is "going through puberty"?

60
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,220
Probably because he wants you

61
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:43,690
to think he's 15
so you'll adopt him.

62
00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:46,190
Look, Charles, I hate to say this,
but I think this guy is scamming you.

63
00:02:46,210 --> 00:02:48,500
Come on. You're just
suspicious of everyone.

64
00:02:48,590 --> 00:02:50,300
Jake! Charles!

65
00:02:50,380 --> 00:02:52,220
Captain wants to see you!

66
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,470
I cannot get through
this room anymore,

67
00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:55,970
so I'm yelling everything now.

68
00:02:56,300 --> 00:03:00,470
Nancy, captain said you can go
to your psychologist this morning.

69
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,810
You're clear.
Get your head right.

70
00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:04,280
Gentlemen,
we have a situation.

71
00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:06,630
Scully and Hitchcock just got
a call from internal affairs.

72
00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:09,480
They're interested
in a case of theirs from 1986.

73
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,150
If you ask me, this old case
is only coming up now

74
00:03:12,230 --> 00:03:15,570
because the commissioner is trying
to drum up a scandal in the nine-nine.

75
00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:17,780
And take out your two best
detectives in the process.

76
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:19,180
You're not
my two best detectives.

77
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:20,530
Oh, that's such a relief.

78
00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:21,750
I feel so much safer now.

79
00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:22,830
Good lord.

80
00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:24,500
Don't interfere
with ia's investigation.

81
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:26,290
Just find out
what actually happened

82
00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:29,580
in case Kelly is trying to manipulate
the facts. Can you do that?

83
00:03:29,670 --> 00:03:31,150
So, you're asking
if we can open a portal

84
00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,460
to the wet and wild 1980s

85
00:03:32,550 --> 00:03:34,260
to investigation
the bizarre lives

86
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,510
of these magnificent dodos?

87
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:40,050
I believe it was a young Barack
Obama who said, "yes, we can."

88
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,980
Sorry. Sorry.

89
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:44,440
Sorry. You want
to see me, sarge?

90
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,110
Yeah. I know we're all sort of
crammed together in here,

91
00:03:47,190 --> 00:03:49,990
but we were kind of thinking
that your uniformed officers

92
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:52,020
are causing some problems.

93
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,610
Oh. Like what?
How do I put this tactfully?

94
00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:56,330
Your squad turned the
kitchen into a cesspool,

95
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,200
nastied up the bathroom, and
made the elevator smell like 100 butts.

96
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,450
Okay, thank you for your
tact, Diaz. Well, that's unfair.

97
00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:04,870
Your squad is responsible
for at least 50 of those butts.

98
00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:07,930
Look, all I'm saying is maybe you can
ask the downstairs people to be more...

99
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,750
Excuse me? "Downstairs people"?

100
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,300
That's a little offensive.

101
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,460
Don't get it twisted.

102
00:04:14,550 --> 00:04:15,690
It's just where you came from.

103
00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:17,840
Some of my best friends
are downstairs people.

104
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:23,470
Okay, I think you know exactly what
that sounds like, you upstairs people.

105
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,230
Aw! Thank you for that
nice compliment.

106
00:04:25,310 --> 00:04:27,850
It wasn't a compliment, and
you know it. I said it with 'tude.

107
00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:29,600
Classic downstairs person.

108
00:04:29,690 --> 00:04:33,150
Wow, you are prejudiced
against the first floor.

109
00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:35,110
I'm taking this up the chain.

110
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:37,740
Gina linetti spaghetti confetti.

111
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:39,700
Gina linetti spaghetti confetti.

112
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,530
Faster. Gina linetti
spaghetti confetti.

113
00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:42,950
Captain holt.
Yeah, can't you see

114
00:04:43,030 --> 00:04:44,090
we're in the middle
of something?

115
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,810
Sorry. It sounded like you were
just saying gibberish back and forth.

116
00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:49,020
Gina is helping me to prepare
for a televised interview.

117
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,670
Since the mayor
has yet to weigh in

118
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:53,000
on commissioner Kelly's
"vigilant policing" initiative,

119
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,580
I've decided to take my
objections straight to the people.

120
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:58,130
And this gibberish
is actually Gina jargon,

121
00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:02,260
a world-renowned linguistic system
that worked pretty well for Ellen musk.

122
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:03,970
Elon Musk. Ellen musk.

123
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:06,550
Season 1 winner
of vh1's queen bitch.

124
00:05:07,270 --> 00:05:10,400
Sir, isn't going to the press going
to make Kelly even angrier at us?

125
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,940
Yeah. He's already
made life here pretty miserable.

126
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:16,940
The crowding, the desks, the
downstairs people treating the bullpen

127
00:05:17,030 --> 00:05:18,110
like a dumpster.

128
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,780
Ooh! I'm so
sorry for the untidiness, milord.

129
00:05:21,860 --> 00:05:24,130
That's enough. I don't have
time for your internecine battles,

130
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,870
and I don't give a hoot about
your minor inconveniences.

131
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,700
I am trying to fight injustice

132
00:05:28,790 --> 00:05:31,880
and do what is right
for the entire NYPD.

133
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:33,250
Understood?

134
00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:34,870
Yes, milord.

135
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,710
Okay, let's set the scene.

136
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,300
The year is 1986.

137
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:42,260
Top gun is crushing
the box office,

138
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:44,570
and the Beastie Boys have just
been issued their license to III.

139
00:05:44,590 --> 00:05:48,090
And that's the year I got felt up
for the first time under the shirt.

140
00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:51,160
Always a big moment in a young boy's
life. All right tell us about the case.

141
00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:52,680
We were working organized crime,

142
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:55,020
and we took down a
mafia boss, gio costa,

143
00:05:55,110 --> 00:05:56,190
for running cocaine.

144
00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:57,900
We were the studs
of the nine-nine.

145
00:05:57,980 --> 00:05:59,900
Well, I'm sure
"studs" is a bit of a...

146
00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:02,370
Oh, my god. I can't believe
I'ma say this, but...

147
00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:03,740
Meow.

148
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,240
No, that is not
what I was gonna say,

149
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,950
but honestly, yeah, meow.

150
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:10,240
No offense, guys, butwhat
the hell happened to you?

151
00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:11,330
Are you body shaming us?

152
00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:13,290
No, I'm personality shaming you.

153
00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:15,500
You were so alert and cool
and job-doing.

154
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,080
So, how did you get to costa?

155
00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:19,340
We had a c! On the inside
who helped set up a sting.

156
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:22,210
We took down costa,
recovered a ton of coke

157
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,760
and three duffel bags
full of cash.

158
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:24,840
Seems pretty clear-cut,

159
00:06:24,930 --> 00:06:26,600
but then why would ia
reopen the case?

160
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,520
Unless, they think it's some
sort of freaky Friday situation

161
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,870
and you guys traded places
with horny singles in your area.

162
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:33,600
It's possible.
So, what happened to the cl?

163
00:06:33,690 --> 00:06:35,080
Who knows?
It was so long ago.

164
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,560
I mean, I barely remember
how I got to work this morning.

165
00:06:37,650 --> 00:06:38,960
I think there was
an ambulance involved.

166
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:39,980
There was.

167
00:06:40,070 --> 00:06:41,570
Wait a minute.
Here's a question.

168
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:43,900
You said you recovered
three duffel bags full of cash,

169
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,680
and that's what the
evidence logs say as well.

170
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:46,700
Yeah. So?

171
00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:47,910
So, count the bags.

172
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,240
One, two, three, like you said,

173
00:06:50,330 --> 00:06:52,020
but then take a look
in this mirror behind you,

174
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,670
the one that shows off
your shockingly taut bottoms.

175
00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:55,920
A fourth bag.

176
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,060
Probably missed it.

177
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,960
Yeah, you know us.
We're dumb-dumbs.

178
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,250
But even you wouldn't miss
a giant bag full of cash.

179
00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:03,180
It was the '80s.
Police weren't perfect then

180
00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:04,900
like they are today.
All right, calm down.

181
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:06,660
We're not accusing you
of anything, right, Jake?

182
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,310
Kinda was.
This is crazy!

183
00:07:08,390 --> 00:07:10,100
Vveteinnocenfl
ia is railroading us

184
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,520
like holt said, and you're
joining in the witch hunt.

185
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,940
You're fake news. Sad!

186
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:20,490
Yeah, that's definitely
the language of the innocent.

187
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,990
Okay, so there are two
questions on the table.

188
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,700
First, who was more bang-able,
young Hitchcock or young Scully?

189
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,360
Young Hitchcock.
Total smoke show.

190
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,040
Agreed, but it's close,
and second,

191
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,000
did they steal a big old bag
full of mob cash?

192
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,500
They said they didn't do
anything wrong. I believe them.

193
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,670
When I brought up the
fourth bag, they stormed out.

194
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:41,420
Or, once again, I think you just can't
help being suspicious of everyone.

195
00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:43,900
Oh, my god. Is that what this is
about? You're mad because I said

196
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,130
the old sea captain you want
to adopt is scamming you?

197
00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:47,260
Dragomir is not a captain.

198
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,070
He clubs the fish in the bottom of
the boat. That's his after-school job.

199
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:51,820
Okay, Charles,
you are letting your emotions

200
00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:54,440
cloud your judgment with
dragomir and with these guys.

201
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:55,830
I mean, for all we know,
Hitchcock and Scully

202
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:58,090
have been playing us for years
like criminal masterminds.

203
00:07:59,850 --> 00:08:01,310
Okay, so maybe not masterminds,

204
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,570
but I'm still going in there
and getting the truth.

205
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,090
All right, guys, let's not make this
any more difficult than it has to be.

206
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,820
We know there was
a fourth bag of money.

207
00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:09,190
Where'd it go?
We told you dorks.

208
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,280
We never saw it.
Now leave us alone.

209
00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:12,810
I don't think you get
what's happening here.

210
00:08:12,830 --> 00:08:15,620
This is an interrogation, and
it's only gonna end one way,

211
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,370
with you telling us everything.

212
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:19,760
Something funny?
It's just,

213
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,310
I don't think
you get what's happening here.

214
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:25,000
You're locked in a small, windowless room
with the two of us one hour after lunch.

215
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,690
Oh, no. You want
to know what we ate?

216
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:30,550
Four-cheese pizza, double-cheese,
with a side of cheesy fries, extra cheese,

217
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,270
and a big old slice
ofcheesecake.

218
00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:33,350
But, Scully,

219
00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:36,140
yeah. You're lactose intolerant.

220
00:08:36,430 --> 00:08:38,680
This whole room is a
Dutch oven.

221
00:08:40,690 --> 00:08:41,820
What the hell is this?

222
00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:45,480
The downstairs people keep
making a mess of the microwave.

223
00:08:45,570 --> 00:08:49,240
One of them thought it was cool to
heat up soup in an uncovered dish.

224
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,320
That's just crazy!

225
00:08:50,410 --> 00:08:54,040
How do you know that's our splatter?
There are some sloppy Susans upstairs.

226
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,790
I saw it go down. It was
one of you, so ya banned.

227
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,750
No way. This microwave
belongs to the entire precinct,

228
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,670
so I'm nah-banned.

229
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:05,460
Actually, turns out, this
microwave is not precinct property.

230
00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:08,640
Detective o'shea brought it
from home back in '98, so...

231
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,060
Ya banned. I went
to visit o'shea's widow.

232
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:12,230
He's dead? Big-time.

233
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,300
She is not over it.

234
00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:16,470
Anyway, I got her
to sign a contract that states

235
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:19,770
the upstairs has
exclusive microwave rights.

236
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,310
You bothered a widow with this?

237
00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:23,100
Honestly, it wasn't
that awkward for me.

238
00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:24,190
Rosa did it.

239
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:26,900
It was rough, but she
signed it, so ya banned.

240
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:29,160
Okay, now that
we can all breathe,

241
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,370
let's try this again,

242
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:32,850
unless you want to try and stink
up the entire city of New York.

243
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:34,280
Challenge accepted.

244
00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:35,710
Okay, everyone,
be cool. Be cool!

245
00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:37,870
Just tell me everything
that happened after the bust.

246
00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:39,180
I'll tell you what happened.

247
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,580
We were frigging heroes.

248
00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:42,410
Anybody have a trash can?

249
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,540
Cause flat top and the freak
are bringing in some garbage.

250
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:49,800
You guys had badass entrance
lines and people cheered?

251
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,880
What happened?
Where'd it all go wrong?

252
00:09:51,970 --> 00:09:53,470
Some things aren't
for us to know.

253
00:09:53,550 --> 00:09:55,680
Look, guys, we never
had that money.

254
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,510
Here. We'll prove it to you.

255
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,660
Those are our financial records.

256
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:02,310
I don't have any retirement. I
don't have any security, or a car.

257
00:10:02,390 --> 00:10:03,810
I rent most of my clothes.

258
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:06,690
We get it. You're poor.
I'm not just poor, son.

259
00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:08,100
I'm destitute.

260
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,030
Definitely not a wink-able line.

261
00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:12,800
Look at all these
credit card charges for wing slutz.

262
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,260
It can't be healthy
to eat there this much.

263
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,590
If you want
a diet option,

264
00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:17,830
the marine park location
has a blue cheese parfait.

265
00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:19,890
You guys go all the way
down to marine park for wings?

266
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,510
There's a waitress there
who always gives us

267
00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:23,890
an extra drumstick in our slut
bucket. Wait a minute.

268
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,520
Why do you pay for
a monthly parking spot?

269
00:10:25,540 --> 00:10:27,020
Because it's New York.
It's hard to park.

270
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,680
Yeah, but he
just said he doesn't have a car.

271
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:31,300
So, what's parked in this spot
you don't want us to know about?

272
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:35,760
Could it be a super-expensive
sports car, paid for in cash?

273
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:36,840
Nope.

274
00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:38,770
It's just a sketchy old sex Van.

275
00:10:38,850 --> 00:10:41,310
There is nothing sketchy
about the beaver trap.

276
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,350
Yes, there is.

277
00:10:43,430 --> 00:10:44,850
In short, commissioner Kelly's

278
00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:48,190
new initiative is a regressive,
wrongheaded return

279
00:10:48,270 --> 00:10:51,150
to the NYPD's darkest days.

280
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,530
How was that?
Like watching a corpse

281
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,860
wash up on shore, lifeless.

282
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,950
Come on, you gotta pace it up,
okay? You need to smile more.

283
00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:02,530
Energize the eyes. Gesticulate!

284
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,350
You're describing the
behavior of a crazy person.

285
00:11:04,370 --> 00:11:07,870
Am I? Because right now,
you can't take your eyes off me.

286
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,060
That must be the camera crew,
here to set up the remote.

287
00:11:11,090 --> 00:11:13,530
But you're not ready. This is
gonna be like the king's speech,

288
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:16,150
before he lost all that weight or
whatever. I haven't seen that movie.

289
00:11:16,180 --> 00:11:17,180
It's fine, Gina.

290
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,470
I don't need any tricks.
I've got the truth,

291
00:11:19,550 --> 00:11:21,800
and the truth is all I need
to bring down

292
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:23,770
commissioner Kelly.

293
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,640
Hello.

294
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,350
So, Hitchcock, what's the
deal with the secret Van?

295
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,480
Nothing. It's where I sleep
during my divorces.

296
00:11:30,570 --> 00:11:33,320
If this Van's a-rocking,
my ex-wife's a-locking,

297
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,530
me, out of her house.

298
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:35,740
Catchy.

299
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,360
What are we doing here, Jake?

300
00:11:37,450 --> 00:11:39,240
What are we even looking for?
Whatever it is

301
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:40,550
that Hitchcock's trying
to hide from us.

302
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:42,960
Well, I'd imagine he'd be
hiding everything in here from us.

303
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,750
It's a Van of horrors.
Yeah, I know.

304
00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:47,960
I saw the bucket
of male body butter, and her.

305
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,500
But my gut tells me
there's a smoking gun in here.

306
00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:52,800
It's like you want them
to be guilty. I don't.

307
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,270
I just want to know
what happened, unlike you,

308
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,400
who doesn't want them to be
guilty, no matter what the truth is.

309
00:11:56,420 --> 00:11:58,060
I'm not an idiot
just because I have a heart.

310
00:11:58,090 --> 00:12:00,050
Well, your heartjust
might be an idiot,

311
00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:01,140
because voila'!

312
00:12:01,350 --> 00:12:04,100
So many smells.
Shouldn't have gone for the flourish.

313
00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:06,270
Wait, is that... the fourth
bag from the picture?

314
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:09,900
Same logo, same stain
under the handle,

315
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,770
and it's empty. They're guilty!

316
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:14,210
Nuh-uh. Not necessarily. I
mean, there could be a very good...

317
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,440
Damn it. We're trapped. We're
trapped in the beaver trap.

318
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,870
We're the beavers.
We're the beavers!

319
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:27,580
It won't budge.

320
00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:30,060
I can't believe we let Hitchcock
and Scully get the drop on us.

321
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,930
It's like being outsmarted
by a couple of tomatoes.

322
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,130
I'm the tomato.

323
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,960
I was wrong about them, and I'm
probably wrong about dragomir.

324
00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:37,090
I'm too nice.

325
00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:40,630
I let every random jerk suckle
at the teat of my human kindness.

326
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,760
Gross. Now please hand me
that mannequin's leg.

327
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:45,020
There were so many
warning signs about dragomir.

328
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,340
Nikolaj had never heard of him.

329
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,600
He's 45. He asked for money.

330
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,240
He's 45. He didn't
have a birth certificate.

331
00:12:49,270 --> 00:12:50,650
He's 45.
He looked older than 15.

332
00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:52,770
He's 45. Fine. He was 45.

333
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:55,200
I'm just a sucker,
trapped in a creepy sex Van.

334
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,270
That's not entirely true.

335
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,320
You're no longer
trapped in a Van.

336
00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:05,620
Crap. They took our car.
All right, I'll just call them

337
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,200
and beg them
to turn themselves in.

338
00:13:07,290 --> 00:13:09,250
No. I left my phone in the car.

339
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,830
I know it's under
one of their butts.

340
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,510
If they have your phone, then
we can track where they're going.

341
00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:15,460
I have "find my phone"
set up to track you.

342
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,050
What? I do that for all
my friends, not just you.

343
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,000
Show me.

344
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,550
There's no time. Look,

345
00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:23,340
they're headed south
on the belt parkway.

346
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:25,150
Check what exit they're
taking. Marine park.

347
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:27,430
They're going
to wing slutz.

348
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,210
But how do we get there?
We don't have a car.

349
00:13:29,230 --> 00:13:30,520
But we do have a Van.

350
00:13:33,690 --> 00:13:35,790
Yeah, we should have taken
a lyft. I feel like a predator.

351
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,320
Thsisntourcan
itsaloaner

352
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,530
we respect women!
I'm still with her!

353
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,490
So, you are doing a TV
interview? That's cool.

354
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:43,570
Why are you smiling?

355
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:45,050
'Cause he's one
of those friendly villains,

356
00:13:45,070 --> 00:13:47,160
like the verizon guy
who defected to sprint.

357
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,370
If you're angry, come out
and say it. I'm not angry.

358
00:13:49,450 --> 00:13:51,370
I'm just curious
about what all this means.

359
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:55,050
It's not often that one of our captains
makes an unapproved media appearance.

360
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:56,380
It's fun. I plan on using

361
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,710
this interview to criticize
you and your policies.

362
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,260
Okay. That's your prerogative.

363
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,380
No, don't chuckle.

364
00:14:02,470 --> 00:14:04,430
A frown is a more
appropriate response.

365
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,820
I like you, Raymond.
No, you don't.

366
00:14:05,850 --> 00:14:08,060
I do. And I just
came down here to tell you

367
00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:09,780
that if you go through
with this interview,

368
00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:13,810
I have some real fun ideas about new
ways to spice up life at the nine-nine.

369
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:15,580
I don't like your threats,
and I don't like

370
00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:17,990
the cheery manner in which
you've chosen to deliver them.

371
00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:19,490
Well, I'm just a cheery guy.

372
00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:21,820
You're a snake. Okay.

373
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:23,530
I'm a snake.

374
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,280
No, they found us.

375
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,100
Damn straight, we did.
What were you thinking?

376
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,290
They obviously weren't
thinking aboutanyone,

377
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:36,750
especially the one friend, me, who
had their backs and believed in them

378
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:39,170
the whole time!
Why is the little one so mad?

379
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:41,600
He's going through something.
Now stand up, wet wipe your hands,

380
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,150
and put them behind your
backs so we can cuff you.

381
00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:44,800
Thank god. I'm so tired
of running.

382
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,470
It's only been an hour.
Stop.

383
00:14:46,550 --> 00:14:47,610
They didn't do anything wrong.

384
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,030
Excuse me, ma'am.
This is police business.

385
00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:52,730
I know. I'm Donna, the manager
here, but my real name's Marissa costa.

386
00:14:53,230 --> 00:14:55,570
I'm gio costa's wife, and
I'm the reason they're here.

387
00:14:55,650 --> 00:14:57,740
You were the informant.
Yeah, I was.

388
00:14:57,810 --> 00:14:59,600
Marissa's the only reason
we got costa.

389
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,960
And our captain
screwed her over.

390
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,580
He wouldn't put her
in witness protection.

391
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,650
So, you did take the cash.

392
00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:05,180
You just didn't keep it.
You gave it to her.

393
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,890
We come down here and
check on her periodically.

394
00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:08,680
Yeah, we never spoke,
but if she put an extra wing

395
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,470
in our slut bucket,
it meant everything was okay.

396
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:13,030
Wait, so I was right. Hitchcock
and Scully are good people.

397
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,520
You bet your nips
we are, skid Mark.

398
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:18,210
Well, people are complicated.
These two contain

399
00:15:19,290 --> 00:15:20,540
multitudes. Yeah.

400
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,800
Hey, guys. I just wanted to
say that I talked to my squad,

401
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,930
and we're sorry we've been
so disrespectful of your space.

402
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,680
Really? What's going
on here? Nothing.

403
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,180
We just want
to make things right.

404
00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:33,350
You upstairs people
are really great,

405
00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:35,350
and there's a lot
we could learn from you.

406
00:15:35,430 --> 00:15:37,890
Well, that is true.
We are pretty great,

407
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,940
you downstairs people
are gonna figure it out.

408
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,560
You're all right. Thanks, Terry.

409
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:43,440
Truce? Truce.

410
00:15:43,530 --> 00:15:44,780
Now!

411
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,240
What the hell?

412
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,240
You thought the microwave
was a mess before?

413
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,530
Well, we just threw
a whole fish in there.

414
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,290
What happened to the truce?

415
00:15:52,370 --> 00:15:54,130
The truce was crap.
You bet it was.

416
00:15:54,290 --> 00:15:55,620
Viva the downstairs people!

417
00:15:57,710 --> 00:16:00,170
What the hell was in
that fish? I don't know.

418
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,610
It's from the gowanus. It
probably ate a bunch of batteries.

419
00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:08,340
Diaz, what is going on?
Commissioner Kelly is still in my office.

420
00:16:08,430 --> 00:16:11,430
I'm so sorry. I didn't know. We were
just having a minor disagreement.

421
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:12,510
Well, can it.

422
00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:15,850
I am struggling for the
very soul of the NYPD,

423
00:16:15,930 --> 00:16:19,180
so please stop squabbling
over these unimportant things.

424
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,440
Of course, sir,
but it's not unimportant.

425
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,400
The overcrowding, the desks,

426
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,570
it's affecting morale.

427
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,360
Jeez,
something smells funky.

428
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,690
What happened here?

429
00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:30,740
Was it a fight,
because it's so crowded?

430
00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:33,410
I hope nothing else happens
to make everything worse.

431
00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:35,930
Listen, Kelly, I'm going to do that
interview, and you can't stop me,

432
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:39,330
so go ahead. Cut our budget,
close more of the building,

433
00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:42,800
open other fake ia
investigations into my detectives.

434
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,130
I didn't do that.
No, the ia thing,

435
00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:47,000
your detectives
aren't under investigation,

436
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:49,010
although it's not a bad idea.

437
00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:50,970
Hey, thanks for the suggestion.

438
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:52,680
Excuse me.

439
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:54,550
I need to make a call.

440
00:16:55,260 --> 00:16:56,260
Okay, thank you, sir.

441
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,080
Hey, guys, I have something
super important to tell you,

442
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,700
but first, Scully, you have
a Hitler sauce mustache.

443
00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:00,770
Thank you. Go on.

444
00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:03,230
Internal affairs isn't actually
investigating your case.

445
00:17:03,310 --> 00:17:04,870
That call you got wasn't real.
What?

446
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:07,490
The guy on the phone sounded
legit. He had a very deep voice.

447
00:17:07,570 --> 00:17:08,950
If it's not ia, who is it?

448
00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:11,130
My guess is someone who wanted
us to lead them to Marissa.

449
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:15,120
Which, apparently, we just did.

450
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:20,930
That's gio costa.
How'd he get out of jail?

451
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,340
Probably for good behavior.
He had really great manners.

452
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:25,570
Yeah, he and his gigantic gun
look like real sweethearts.

453
00:17:25,590 --> 00:17:26,590
Noice. All right,

454
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:27,900
we gotta get out of here.
Is there a back exit?

455
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:28,980
Through the kitchen. Great.

456
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:31,610
All right, listen up, everybody.
We're NYPD. If you could all please

457
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,090
head to the back
exit immediately.

458
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:35,430
Leave the wings, Hitchcock. No!

459
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:41,480
Look, Jake, it's the
slut sauce. It's perfect.

460
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,850
Hey, guys, we gotta leave,
and we gotta leave right now.

461
00:17:43,940 --> 00:17:44,940
Chadesdetsgo. Negaflve.

462
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:47,060
I count three, possibly
four gunmen out there.

463
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,380
All right,
no one panic.

464
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,880
I'm sure they didn't even
see us come in here.

465
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,610
We saw you go back there.

466
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:52,840
Okay, so I was wrong about that.

467
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:54,860
I'm gonna go around back
and cut them off.

468
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,910
Knock this door down, now.

469
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:01,050
All right, here's the way I see it.
We gotta break out the back entrance

470
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,830
and get these people to the Van.
Okay, everyone, just follow my lead.

471
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,760
No, we got you into this mess.
We'll get you out of it. Follow our lead.

472
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,570
There are armed men out there. We
don't even have our bulletproof vests.

473
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:10,840
We can use the slut sauce.

474
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,920
That's insane. It's not even solid.
The bullets will go right through it.

475
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,720
If you don't think
the slut sauce is solid,

476
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,890
then you might want to talk
to my rock-hard arteries.

477
00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:20,010
We're doing this,
and that's final.

478
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,770
Scully, it's time to sauce up.

479
00:18:27,570 --> 00:18:29,240
Look. Why'd you stop yelling?

480
00:18:31,780 --> 00:18:34,320
Thank god. My wife
and my dad are here.

481
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:37,000
I mean, captain dad.
I mean, I know who my dad is.

482
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,320
It's you. Hi, Amy.

483
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,760
Swatjust cleared out
the dining room.

484
00:18:39,790 --> 00:18:41,040
They got everyone. Copy that.

485
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,930
All right, Charles,
you can bring everyone out.

486
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,250
The nine-nine is here.

487
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,960
See, everyone, I told you
we had it all under control.

488
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,100
There was no need to panic.

489
00:18:48,130 --> 00:18:49,260
You're dead, Marissa.

490
00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:55,430
No!

491
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,560
Are you guys okay?
Did you get hit?

492
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,560
No. It hit the tub, but the
bullet didn't make it through.

493
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:04,730
The slut sauce.

494
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:05,810
It saved you.

495
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:09,320
You bet your nips it did, skid
Mark. Hitchcock.

496
00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:11,100
You suck, man.

497
00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:13,780
So, I spoke
to internal affairs,

498
00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:16,700
and since Hitchcock and Scully
did steal that money,

499
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,620
even though it was to help someone,
there have to be consequences.

500
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,050
Desk duty, desk duty...

501
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,120
One year of desk duty.

502
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,200
Yeah.

503
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,080
I mean, oh, no.

504
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,080
Thanks for getting
there so fast today, sir.

505
00:19:27,170 --> 00:19:28,610
Were you able to still
do your interview?

506
00:19:28,630 --> 00:19:30,970
He did not. However, I did so.

507
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:34,140
The real question
is what are police?

508
00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:35,600
I'm sorry. Who are you again?

509
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:38,130
They said they've never had
more viewer complaints.

510
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,100
Controversial and loving it.

511
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,350
Squad, I want to apologize.
I have been acting as though

512
00:19:44,430 --> 00:19:46,560
nothing mattered
except my pursuit of justice,

513
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,690
but seeing my people in danger today
made me realize I was being short-sighted.

514
00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:52,440
I do give a hoot.

515
00:19:52,530 --> 00:19:53,780
I give a hoot about all of you.

516
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,420
Are we gonna keep saying
"hoots"? Is this forever?

517
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,920
I pray not. I'm
gonna keep pushing back

518
00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:59,240
against John Kelly,
but not at your expense.

519
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,320
Thank you, sir, and we're going to
stop bickering with the upstairs people.

520
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,960
No, Amy. We're all
upstairs people now.

521
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,080
Thanks, Terry.

522
00:20:07,370 --> 00:20:09,370
Okay, I clearly missed
a whole thing there.

523
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,920
Hey, man. I just want to say
I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.

524
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,480
I was wrong about
Hitchcock and Scully.

525
00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:16,970
No, you were right.
I am too trusting sometimes.

526
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:21,220
I did a little digging on dragomir.
Turns out, he's not 15. He's...

527
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,590
Hundred and three. Thirty-four.

528
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,060
But the orphanage confirmed
he is actually Nikolaj's half-brother.

529
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:28,940
Anyway, we're taking it slow. In a
few months, he'll come out to visit.

530
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:30,820
Hey, thanks for having
our back today.

531
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:34,200
These are from the old studs of
the nine-nine to the new studs.

532
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,490
Nice. Nice.

533
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:37,800
Well, I think they drank out
of these. They're half-empty.

534
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,660
Definitely. Hitchcock's
contact lens is floating in mine,

535
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,740
which once again begs the question,
what happened to those guys?

536
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,160
I mean, when did it
all fall apart?

537
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,170
Hey, Donna, just want to make sure
you're okay here working at wing slutz.

538
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:54,630
Yeah. It's a good job, and I'm
excited about my new life. Thanks.

539
00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:55,710
Our pleas.

540
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:56,860
Well, we're gonna go hit the gym

541
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:57,920
for the second time today.

542
00:20:58,010 --> 00:21:01,510
Wait. You need some protein
to fuel those hard bodies.

543
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,590
It's on me.
What the heck.

544
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,760
One wing can't hurt.

545
00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:12,440
Take my breath away

546
00:21:18,150 --> 00:21:21,950
Take my breath away