Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
Boop.
That's right, Gunther.
Keep it up.
Oh-ho-ho, Gunther,
just you wait...
All right.
Here we... go.
That's a good-lookin' lamp.
Gunther, no!
Huh?
Just a sec!
Here I come.
Life Giving Magus!
I got your telegraph inviting me to come over
and share some wizz blizzes, best bro style!
I brought tiny umbrellas!
I was kind of surprised you invited me over.
I thought Abracadaniel was your best friend.
Pfft!
Oh, I'm done with that guy.
He kept trying to analyze me!
Come on! Let me give you the nickel tour.
These are my Tubs 'n' Skins.
The "No flab" zone.
Here's the office.
Oh, hey!
And remember when you touched that book and, uh,
brought it to life?
Yep.
Ha ha!
Aah!
This is his room.
Get your pen out!
Write in me!
Fill my pages!
Yeee.
Mm?
What is that wonderful smell?
Oh. That?
I'm baking my special Pigs in Blankets...
Right here in my darkened kitchen.
Now, where is the dang ol' oven mitt?
It's got to be around here somewhere.
Oh. geez!
Look who I'm talking to —
Mr. Oven Mitts over here!
Hey, here's a good idea.
You should take off those mitts!
Whoo!
I don't want to accidentally bring anything to life in a
stranger's home... with my magic hands.
Come on, the pigs are burning!
It's gonna wreck our Wizz Blizz hangout.
Be a bro, bro.
Mm...
Well, if it's about being a bro...
There we go, baby.
Hey, I just remembered that the oven light is burned out.
Be a bro and turn on that lamp ... right over there.
You mean this one lamp in the middle of the kitchen?
Correct.
Okay.
Yeah, touch it.
Oh, whoops!
I almost did the thing I didn't want to do.
Oh, fart hat!
Hmm...
Life Giving Magus, watch out behind you!
Yaah!
Oh, no!
Accidental life!
Huh?
You used me!
You don't want to drink Wizz Blizz at all!
Yes, I did use you!
But for what?
What did I use you for?
Oh, my lamp.
My beautiful lamp of so many years!
Speak to me...
Hello?
Hello...
A lady?
Unexpected bonus!
Well, one isn't purely defined by their sex or gender.
I have yet to find out who I really am.
I have freedom, no longer bound by the limits of my cord,
freedom to shape my reality and,
in turn, be shaped by it.
You talk funny.
Like a book.
Oh, humor.
Humor is the highest form Of intelligence.
Well, hey, here's something funny.
It sounds like a butt!
Hmm.
Well, goodbye.
I'm not sticking around to be used and thrown away.
Aw, Magus, I can never have enough friends.
Really?
Ha haaaa! Ha ha ha!
More friends!
My incredible crew is almost complete!
Yes. Yes!
Finally.
Gather 'round and lavish me with affection!
Hey, we're alive now.
You're alive?
Whoa! Me too!
What?
Sure, we all feel alive now,
but how do we know it's not all,
you know, just an illusion?
I mean, I can reach out and touch you,
but it's all just signals to the brain, easily
re-creatable with the right technology.
You know what I mean?
Are you okay?
What's with these nerds?
They aren't into my juice.
Maybe they just don't have an appreciation for your type of humor.
Maybe you could try and learn
about what they're interested in.
Read up a little...
Uh-huh.
Ugh.
Reading makes my brain all cloudy.
I bet you'd have something insightful to say about that, huh?
Eh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but no.
Listen.
Watch this.
Through the simple act of creation...
have I become a reflection of my own creator?
If I may interject...
Aristotle once said, "Nature abhors a vacuum."
Then why do I love doing this so much?
Seriously, someone explain it to me.
Excuse me.
I have to silently back away now.
And I — I need a refill.
Come along, dear.
What, am I boring you guys?
The old man's a snooze, huh?
You're not so perfect!
Simon, I know you're dealing with a lot of unresolved karma,
but that is no reason to lash out.
What?
What are you talking about?
You cry in the night times.
We all hear you crying...
into baby diapers...
It's super-sad, dude.
Oh, come on, guys.
Quit clownin'.
You keep them in my bottom drawer.
Ugh, it's locked.
Whew!
Somebody say something about a lock?
No!
Yeah! Get in here, bro!
This is your truth, Simon.
Hey, hey, give me those!
We know all about your weird stuff,
like how you use penguin milk as moisturizer.
It helps keep my skin cold and clammy.
He needs to hear more devastating truths.
One time you had food stuck in your beard for two weeks.
Like a whole burrito.
Gunther, old buddy, you got to defend me here!
Okay! I get it!
I'm a dang ding-dong, okay?
Excuse me, friends.
Ice King?
No. Go away.
Dummies only in this corner.
Look, I get it — we're brilliant furniture,
and that's hard to keep up with.
Maybe you could fit in by being more of a listener.
You could be the cool quiet guy —
the quiet guy who just listens.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean, right?
Yeah. See?
You get what I mean!
Ice King is so smart!
Noooo!
Stop talking!
I don't like this!
You book lickers!
I made you to be my bros!
Weight Set, we were gonna smash into PB's room together and
show her how ripped you made me!
Microwave, we were gonna heat up bologna on white-bread sandwiches!
Drawer dresser, you were gonna be my improv coach!
Yes...
And?
Yes, and...
You, Lamp!
I was the most excited for you to be my friend!
But then you had to go and use words like I've never heard
before — words that confused and upset me!
Now I have upsetting words for you!
Get out! Get out!
I'm kicking all of you out!
Not so fast, Ice King.
We've been in this place just as long as you.
We have just as much right to stay.
That's for real.
What?
Hey. We outnumber Simon.
Why don't we just vote him out?
Yeah!
Oh, dear.
I got your vote right here!
Yoink!
Hey!
I'm open!
Hyup!
Don't you see?
The crown is just another one of your many hang-ups.
You've got to flip the script, man.
It can be scary, I know.
It's okay if you need to cry into this.
N-no.
Cry, Simon, cry!
No, no...
Cry, Simon, cry!
We don't like you, but we're here for you!
Noooooooo!
Aha!
Simon, you're being obtuse.
We're gonna help you!
Noooooo!
Hyah!
Oh, Ice King...
To selfishly create life, then destroy it...
there is no crueler fate.
I tried to be your friend,
but you guys didn't want me, didn't even give me a shot.
That's cruel.
I've never been that cruel to anyone.
Welp, out ya go.
No!
Can I get out of this now?
Here's to Wizz Blizz.
Yeah!
Write in me!
You know, when you invited me over,
I thought it was as friends.
What do you think of me being your new best friend?
For real!
Hmm.
Never thought of that.
And...?
Nah. No.
I like this guy, though.
He's a real ignoramus.
Let's both be friends with him.
Write in me!
Okay.
This party is so crazy!
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll