1
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Ripped & Corrected By mstoll

2
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Birthday! Birthday!

3
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Birthday! Birthday!
Birthday!

4
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Birthday! Birthday!

5
00:00:41,381 --> 00:00:42,974
Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!

6
00:00:43,050 --> 00:00:45,644
Birthday!
Birthday! Birthday!

7
00:00:45,719 --> 00:00:47,847
Birthday! Birthday!

8
00:00:47,929 --> 00:00:50,728
Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!
Birthday!

9
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Birthday! Birthday!
Birthday!

10
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- Yeah!
- Yay!

11
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Nice job,
Mr. Birthday Boy!

12
00:00:56,063 --> 00:00:57,110
Thanks.

13
00:00:57,189 --> 00:00:58,862
Man, you are
like another year older,

14
00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:00,863
but you look good —
like, super good.

15
00:01:00,942 --> 00:01:04,196
Yup. Mom and Dad passed
down some pretty good genes.

16
00:01:04,279 --> 00:01:06,373
Oh, yeah, Morn and Dad.

17
00:01:06,448 --> 00:01:08,291
Hey, did Mom and Dad tell you
any stories

18
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:09,744
about when
you were born?

19
00:01:09,826 --> 00:01:12,204
Yay!
Birthday story time, please.

20
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Well...

21
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it was a day like
any other day...

22
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There, there, baby.

23
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You're going to be a fighter,
just like your mother.

24
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Yes!
Barrel roll.

25
00:01:31,848 --> 00:01:33,441
Ugh!

26
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Guh.

27
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- Steak break.
- Let's get started.

28
00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:41,866
These steaks are tough
and stringy... like you.

29
00:01:41,942 --> 00:01:43,910
Oh, good one, dear.

30
00:01:43,985 --> 00:01:45,578
Hey, after dinner,
what do you say

31
00:01:45,654 --> 00:01:48,203
we check the ticker-type
for new cases?

32
00:01:48,281 --> 00:01:49,874
Margaret, you're
in a family way now.

33
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:51,827
You should take a backseat
from investigations.

34
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Oh, come on, Joshua.

35
00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:55,964
Even with this ankle-biter,
I'm as quick as ever.

36
00:01:56,039 --> 00:01:58,087
Sure, my waist is bigger,
but that just means

37
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more bullets
in my ammo belt.

38
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You're missing the point, sugar.
What if something bad happens?

39
00:02:02,838 --> 00:02:04,761
Let's say we're out on the beat,
fighting some lowlife.

40
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He throws a punch — you zig
when you should have zagged,

41
00:02:06,842 --> 00:02:08,560
and — oops! —junior
takes a knock to the noodle,

42
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comes out with a shiner
the size of a grapefruit.

43
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I can't take that kind of guilt,
and neither can you.

44
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I can take care of myself
just fine.

45
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And besides, these babies
don't come cheap.

46
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We need to work together
as a team

47
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to bring in the bread.

48
00:02:20,313 --> 00:02:21,690
Yeah, you got me there.

49
00:02:21,773 --> 00:02:23,400
Now let's get over to that
ticker-type

50
00:02:23,483 --> 00:02:25,281
and look for some
perps.

51
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,158
You relax, dear.
I got it.

52
00:02:29,948 --> 00:02:31,541
Hmm.
Let's get a look here.

53
00:02:31,616 --> 00:02:33,368
"Vampire girl spotted
in the grasslands

54
00:02:33,452 --> 00:02:35,500
harassing sheep and cattle."
Nope, nope, nope.

55
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"Small fire goblin burns down
Candy Kingdom forest."

56
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Hey, that sounds fun.
Let's do that.

57
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Wait. Wait.
Here's one —

58
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"Woman's pies go missing
in bucolic countryside,

59
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where nothing ever happens" —

60
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The perfect case
for my pregnant wife!

61
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What?

62
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Now let's get an egg
in our shoe and beat it.

63
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- Yes? Hello?
- Afternoon, Mrs. Tree trunks.

64
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We're Joshua and Margaret

65
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of Joshua and Margaret
investigations.

66
00:03:06,943 --> 00:03:08,240
And this is our boy.

67
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We're responding to a wire
about missing pies.

68
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Oh, yes.

69
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A — a — a monster's been
stealing my pies

70
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off of the windowsill.

71
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A monster, eh?

72
00:03:18,997 --> 00:03:21,750
Oh, yes.
You can see the monster tracks

73
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leading off into the forest.

74
00:03:25,003 --> 00:03:27,176
Well, those tracks
are as phony as a $3 bill.

75
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The monster tracks
are very real.

76
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My husband told me so.

77
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Ohh!

78
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Wyatt!

79
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Aw! Aw, geez, you got me.

80
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What's the big idea, Wyatt?

81
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Why'd you burgle
your wife's pie?

82
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Because it's amazing!

83
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Ohh, I can't get enough of it.

84
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You could just ask
for seconds.

85
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But I want thirds
and fourths!

86
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I want to stop
when /want to stop!

87
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Oh, Wyatt.

88
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Oh, it's the only good part
of my day.

89
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Well, there you have it —
the only monster here

90
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was this man's appetite
for his wife's pie.

91
00:04:06,962 --> 00:04:10,182
Oh, no.
But the monster is real.

92
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He snuck up and rubbed my elbow
while I was gardening.

93
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And Leftenant Candy Corn said it
came in through the window

94
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and touched him on the chest.

95
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Oh! Oh, now I got myself
all scared.

96
00:04:26,606 --> 00:04:29,405
W-Won't you check around
to make sure

97
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no one is out there?

98
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,869
Of course. Probably nothing
more than a peeper.

99
00:04:34,948 --> 00:04:38,077
Ha! These country yokels are
all just superstitious.

100
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I bet you that old elephant
sees a monster a day.

101
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Joshua, look —
something way larger

102
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than Wyatt made them.

103
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These tracks look real.

104
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Hot cram!
A peeping monster!

105
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Oh, this town would surely
put up a collection

106
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to nab this guy.

107
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Ohh, too bad you're preggo.
We gotta pass.

108
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Come on, Joshua!

109
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What?

110
00:05:00,849 --> 00:05:03,102
- Ha ha!
- Margaret!

111
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Margaret! Wait for pappy!

112
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Hmm. The tracks end here.

113
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Hey, hey!
Beat it, uggos!

114
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The Deeper!

115
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I'll show that peepsie the pepper!

116
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Joshua dear, I'm stuck.

117
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Joshua, the beast
outflanked us!

118
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Gads!

119
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Boom!

120
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Do your worst, you masher.

121
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Joshua!

122
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Ooh!

123
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Ooh!

124
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Drop that daddy!

125
00:06:04,704 --> 00:06:06,001
Babycakes!

126
00:06:06,081 --> 00:06:07,754
Oh, this is all my fault!

127
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Uh, yeah, pretty much.

128
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Mmm. Mmm.

129
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Ahh, good last meal.

130
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Okay. Well, I got bit
by a monster,

131
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a creature of the night.

132
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We both know what comes
next for me.

133
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Just make it snappy, darling.

134
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Don't.

135
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Don't be melodramatic,
Joshua.

136
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I've been doing some
research.

137
00:06:31,564 --> 00:06:33,111
Listen here — I think
if we can get

138
00:06:33,191 --> 00:06:34,488
a sample of that creature's
venom,

139
00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:37,070
we can use it
to synthesize an antidote.

140
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Joshua?

141
00:06:39,030 --> 00:06:41,032
Oh! Puddin' pie!

142
00:06:41,116 --> 00:06:43,665
Ugh.
I'm fine.

143
00:06:43,743 --> 00:06:45,666
Just got to pop out
and fetch that venom.

144
00:06:45,745 --> 00:06:49,249
You're about as fine
as a canary in a cat mine!

145
00:07:08,059 --> 00:07:09,686
Oof!

146
00:07:09,769 --> 00:07:11,487
Hey, where's the fire,
kiddo?

147
00:07:11,563 --> 00:07:13,065
You stay put.

148
00:07:14,816 --> 00:07:17,490
So's I can keep tabs on you.

149
00:07:17,569 --> 00:07:19,492
Feel better.
Over.

150
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:32,258
Come in, Margaret.

151
00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:33,585
Do you read me? Over.

152
00:07:35,295 --> 00:07:37,138
I've got the peep peep's
trail.

153
00:07:37,213 --> 00:07:39,011
In pursuit.

154
00:07:39,090 --> 00:07:41,388
You have to say, "over," or
I think you're still talking.

155
00:07:41,468 --> 00:07:42,845
Over.

156
00:07:42,927 --> 00:07:45,851
Joshua, I've stumbled upon
the beast's lair.

157
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:48,604
Just hang on, honey bunny.
Over.

158
00:08:05,825 --> 00:08:07,122
Bleh!

159
00:08:07,202 --> 00:08:09,296
Stay right there.

160
00:08:11,289 --> 00:08:14,213
What?

161
00:08:18,713 --> 00:08:20,056
Ohh!

162
00:08:20,131 --> 00:08:21,849
Ooh! Not yet.

163
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Come on, come on!

164
00:08:29,933 --> 00:08:31,401
Hey!

165
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Hup!

166
00:08:41,861 --> 00:08:44,614
What?
What's your angle, slick?

167
00:08:44,697 --> 00:08:47,667
You poison my hubby,
then play the innocent?

168
00:08:47,742 --> 00:08:51,337
And what's with all this
baby paraphernalia?

169
00:08:51,412 --> 00:08:54,791
Wait a tick.
Are you a baby?

170
00:08:56,126 --> 00:08:57,594
Uh-huh.

171
00:08:57,669 --> 00:09:00,764
Oh, no! I must've
scared the dickens out of you!

172
00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:07,100
There, there, baby.
I'm so sorry...

173
00:09:08,221 --> 00:09:11,395
for this!

174
00:09:11,474 --> 00:09:13,317
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

175
00:09:13,393 --> 00:09:15,111
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

176
00:09:34,247 --> 00:09:36,545
Joshua, I got the venom!

177
00:09:36,624 --> 00:09:38,718
Ohhhhhh!

178
00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:42,969
Uh-oh, this baby business is
getting serious!

179
00:09:45,425 --> 00:09:47,393
Ohh, ohh.

180
00:09:50,805 --> 00:09:52,102
Joshua!

181
00:09:52,182 --> 00:09:54,310
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohhhhh!

182
00:09:54,392 --> 00:09:59,023
Ohhhhh!

183
00:09:59,105 --> 00:10:01,324
Margaret, stay away.

184
00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:03,367
Something's about to happen!

185
00:10:03,443 --> 00:10:05,741
Something's about to happen
with me, too!

186
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:08,164
- Aaaaah!
- Ohhh!

187
00:10:08,239 --> 00:10:10,162
Margaret!
Aaaah!

188
00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:12,585
Ohhhhh!

189
00:10:14,370 --> 00:10:16,873
Shine the light, dear.

190
00:10:16,956 --> 00:10:19,425
Yowzers!

191
00:10:31,262 --> 00:10:33,230
Ohhhh!

192
00:10:37,143 --> 00:10:40,773
Boy, Jake left a scar on my head
the size of a nickel.

193
00:10:40,855 --> 00:10:43,233
I'll have to wear a hat now,
Margaret.

194
00:10:43,316 --> 00:10:46,195
Well, I think you'll look
good in one.

195
00:10:46,277 --> 00:10:48,621
Are you sure having
him next to Jermaine is safe?

196
00:10:48,696 --> 00:10:50,744
We don't even know what he is.

197
00:10:52,283 --> 00:10:54,752
Of course we do, dear —
he's our boy.

198
00:10:54,827 --> 00:10:57,421
That he is.

199
00:10:57,497 --> 00:10:59,841
Yes, we've got one boy
that I gave birth to,

200
00:10:59,916 --> 00:11:01,589
and one boy
you gave birth to.

201
00:11:01,668 --> 00:11:03,215
Let's never tell him
how it happened.

202
00:11:03,294 --> 00:11:05,296
Agreed.

203
00:11:05,380 --> 00:11:07,974
And so they never told me.

204
00:11:08,049 --> 00:11:09,767
Never told you what?

205
00:11:09,842 --> 00:11:12,766
I don't know.
They never told me. Ha!

206
00:11:40,498 --> 00:11:42,751
This party is so crazy!

207
00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:48,090
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll