Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
Ugh. Huh? Wha?
Where am I?
Gunther?
I don't think this is Gunther.
It's me, Ice King.
Lumpy Space Princess?
Yeah.
And you're doing this because you like me?
No. Ice King, listen.
I'm gonna give you the straight dope.
Okay.
You're weird and old, and you kidnap princesses.
I know.
But I asked you here tonight
because I want to know what you think of this.
"'The Prince Who Wanted Everything,
a Fionna and Cake Adventure?"
Hey, why isn't my name on there?
I want you to read it because you're their dad.
Please be their dad right now and bring them to life!
Okay,
Might as well, at least until the cops show up.
"Once upon a time, there was a most handsome prince,
the future king of Lumpy Space,
Lumpy Space Prince."
Where do you want these gold-plated sandwiches,
your highness?
By the window!
No! That's not how I sound!
Read it in a better voice!
Okay, okay. Sheesh.
By the window,
for from the window
shall I shower the poor with presents,
as is my altruistic nature.
Ha ha! Eat! Eat, my children!
Aah!
Hmm.
Son! Come here at once!
"But all was not perfect
for this philanthropic prince of the people.
His parents were slobbering monsters
who didn't care that he was a beautiful prince.
They wanted him to be a monster, too."
Why aren't you working on your monster exercises?
I don't want to be a monster.
Eat these worms!
- No! - You will eat them!
I won't eat them.
- Sharpen your teeth! - No!
Eat these worms!
Eat those worms and sharpen those teeth!
No, no, no! I've told you hundreds of times
that I don't want to be a monster,
and there's nothing you can do about it!
Aah!
Ugh.
Where am I?
Who's there? Reveal yourself!
Hmm. Citizens of this realm...
I am the one and only heir
to the throne of the Lumpy Space Kingdom.
I mean, I used to be.
I rebelled against my parents,
and now I'm a refugee.
What's that? You wish to help me?
I'm touched!
Fetch me some clothes,
and I'll pay you handsomely by petting you.
First, I need freaky clothes!
Cool freaky, not monster freaky.
Oh, yes, and something to read as well,
something mind-blowing.
Oh, wait! I also need servants.
Recruit some locals. They won't mind.
Hmm. Not bad.
Well done, my child.
Next!
"Massenpsychologie und ich-analyse."
That does sound mind-blowing.
Hiya. Hiya!
Aha!
Cake, I'll save the captives.
You take care of those animals.
Yaaah!
Ha! Dance, you puppets!
Ha! Ha!
Hiya!
You're free to go, people!
Whoo!
Hey, those were my servants.
- Hmm? - What an innocent face.
It shines as if you have done no wrong.
Do you like my freaky clothes?
I don't care about your clothes.
Hey, you're not supposed to read it like that.
Say it in a nicer way!
I, uh — "I don't..."
care about your clothes.
You don't?
Finally, someone who's not impressed with my noble looks,
but admires what's inside of me.
Hmm?
Is this really happening?
Your clothes are so raggedy and soiled,
and yet you use them as a napkin.
You care not about your personal appearance,
nor hygiene.
Dress me in the fashion of this peasant.
I have much to learn from you, Fionna the Human.
How'd he know your name?
Unh!
Judo chop! Hiya! Hiya!
Hmm, your movements are so free.
My parents only want me to fly like a proper monster,
stiff and rigid, with a sharp-toothed scowl
permanently in place.
But now I see a new way to move.
Dance with me.
Y'all seeing those big, floaty faces?
Pretty.
No!
Release!
Ugh.
What just happened?
You were under my handsome spell for a moment.
We can never marry, you know.
I can only be with someone who's my equal in every way,
a person so much like me
that she doesn't even exist.
I don't care, as long as we can hang out.
Anyone want a sandwich?
Oh, I'll have one.
So rustic, so humble.
Delightful!
Wait. Where are your baby tables?
What?
Hmm?
You don't dip your foods in gold before eating?
Who eats gold?
Great glob!
What is this?
So charming, so quaint,
so self-reliant!
For years, I've thought only of the needs of my people,
but what about me?
What do I need?
This poorly made sandwich has enlightened me!
Aah!
What I want is to be like you, Fionna the Peasant!
And I'll need you as my pet, Cake the Cat.
Yeah, whatever.
Huh?
Son!
Flee, noble Fionna, for it is my stupid parents.
And they're fatter than ever.
Silence!
Aah! I'm just being honest.
Huh?
Come on, you beautiful dandy.
Only your pure spirit can defeat your evil family.
And this sword.
Whoo!
You're right, Fionna. This is my destiny.
I do have the power.
- Aah! - Huh? Fionna!
You must obey!
Ugh!
My heart!
Submit, young one.
Become a true monster.
No. It isn't right.
Silence!
Ugh! Aah!
Oh, Fionna, this is the end for me.
But at least I made you proud.
Didn't I?
I don't care.
My glob, Fionna.
You've been telling me the answer all along —
the only way to defeat parental disapproval
is not caring about anything.
Aah!
(lake's helping!
Thank you, son.
You've freed us from adult mediocrity and fatuousness.
Fionna, Cake, both of you, buy me dinner.
Yes, your hotness.
"And then Lumpy Space Prince became so real
that he could actually break through
into this plane of existence..."
Whoa.
"... and meet his one true love, Lumpy Space Princess.
It was really happening.
The secret portal began to shake and tremble.
"The countdown began.
10, 9, 8...
7, 6, 5, 4...
3, 2, 1."
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
This party is so crazy!
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll