Ripped By mstoll
He's heading for that cupe!
Come on, Jake.
Oh, yeah.
What? He's gone.
What? What happened?
Hey, hey!
Did you guys see that?
You know that was a ghost wearing a dead guy?
That might be the nastiest thing I've ever seen.
N-n-n-n-nasty, nasty Jazz.
Nast...
Hey, hey! Easy, buddy.
That's our friend Billy.
He got possessed by the Lich!
Oh, sorry! Sorry.
I didn't mean nothin' by it.
I mean, I have a lot of nasty friends.
My uncle was nasty.
I'm basically honorary nasty.
Do you know where he went?
We have to find our friend.
Who knows.
Uh... oh.
Actually, it depends on the wish I granted him.
Wish?
Yeah, he wished for the extinction of all life,
and I did it.
I guess it changed his timeline or something.
What? Oh, glob!
Whoa, wait a minute.
How can that be if I'm still here kickin'
it with my main man, Finn?
Oh, that's because you're safe in my time room
until you make your wish.
Oh-h-h-h.
I wish that life wasn't anymore exti...
Whoa! Wait, Jake.
Don't mess this up.
Think about it.
If we wish everything back to normal,
the Lich could just jazz it up again.
Oh, yeah.
Jazz.
Hmm.
Hm-m-m-m.
I got it!
I wish...
The Lich...
never...
even ever existed.
Mom?
Mom, what's wrong?
Finn, I need you to do something for me.
It's very important.
I need you to take the mule into
town today and sell him for as much as you can.
What?
Sell Bartram?
But I love Bartram. What the heck, mom?
Shh!
Finn, please. Just do as I say.
- Got it? - Dad?
I push you. You fall down.
The Destiny Gang?
Finn, please.
Everything will be fine, I promise.
Now, just do as I say.
I'm sorry, Bartram.
I guess dad must be in real trouble to be doing this.
But I bet there's a lot of fine folk lookin' to buy a good mule.
Why, I bet I could even come visit sometimes.
Won't that be swell, Bartram?
Dang it, Bartram.
Bar-bar?
What the...
Bar-bar, how'd you get up there?
Jake, look!
A golden crown!
Unbelievable!
We can sell it and keep Bartram!
Bong bong!
Hold it right there!
Who are you?
I'm a thousand years old, and this is my crown.
Okay, okay.
But, um...
maybe I could just... borrow it for a little while?
No!
No! No!
This crown is magic.
Bad, terrible magic.
Too dangerous for mortal fingies like yours!
One thousand years ago, my beloved friend, Simon Petrikov,
gave his life to save this foolish,
unworthy planet from annihilation.
A frightful bomb was poised to
bathe the land in mutogenic horror.
But using his mastery of ice and snow,
Simon froze the bomb in mid-flight only inches
from the ground,
where it remains to this very day,
today,
ever-ripe and ready to blow.
But he alone was not saved.
Trapped under the giant weight of the enormous bomb,
poor Simon perished.
Little help?
And the horrible crown, grieving its lost master,
loosed a spasm of magic so wild and crazy,
the entire Earth was buried in ice for 400 boring years.
Uh...
None of that is true, 'cause magic is fake.
Daddy says the false prophets of old used cheap parlor tricks
to control the people, and to get babes,
like 10 or 12 hot babes each.
No! Magic is real!
Lady, you been down here too long.
- Why don't you just let... - Step off, or I will use this!
Lady, quit it with that thing!
I'm sorry.
You must die!
Aah?
Ooh.
Um...
Oh, man!
This thing... dang it!
Go, Jake!
Aah!
Go back to the underworld, you beast!
Sorry!
I got to save my dad.
Destroy the world, more like!
Dummy!
I give up.
The crown...
Go get it.
I know you're not really talking to me.
I'm not crazy!
Get the crown!
Go get it!
Get the crown, Marceline!
Go get it!
I can't... my knees!
Well, that's really disappointing, I must say.
I'm just...
Well, whatever.
You're really letting me down right now.
Okay. All right.
Cool crown!
Who wants a cool crown?
I found it on a dead magician dude!
I'll take it.
Awesome!
How much cash you got?
Oh, I'm poor.
Uh, but what about I trade you for a personal concert
at your house?
I'll come over later and sing you like four songs.
I mostly do covers, but I have originals, too.
Do you own any spoons?
No.
Let me see that!
Hey!
Heh.
Wait. Destiny Gang.
I got to sell that to pay you guys!
Trami, what you think?
Is it my style?
Big Destiny will know.
Yo, boss!
Snap!
Huh? What is this?
Are you telling me what to wear, Trami?
No, boss! You look good!
You think I should re-invent my style
and put a stupid thing on my head?
No, man!
You tell us what to wear!
Otherwise, you would dress like an idiot!
Bam! Crown shorts.
Amazing!
Yeah-ha-hah.
Clap harder, trash bag.
Okay, you guys.
Give me my money or leave my parents alone.
Property of old dead person go to Big Destiny.
One arm needs to learn the rules,
unless you want your butt handed to you.
I guess it wasn't really mine.
It's mine! I'm a demon.
Half demon.
Tromo, jack up crazy lady.
Trami, take mule back to crib for din-din.
What?
Bar-bar!
Tough luck, one-arm!
See you soon, bad style junk town!
Bar-bar.
End of the road, bat lady.
Oww, my bones!
Aah!
My eye!
I will junk your face!
What the...
Destiny Gang, get out of town!
We're sick of being bullied around!
Yeah!
You make big mistake!
Especially you, one-arm.
My name is Finn Mertens!
And tell Big "D" I'm coming for my stuff!
Oh, you come and try!
Are you okay, lady?
You must promise to...
promise to return the crown to its hide-hole.
I promise.
You'll need this, Finn, if you want to win.
Choose Bruce.
What is it?
It's a weapon for your arm.
With this, you will defend from harm!
Hmm.
Feels natural, like peeing outside.
Sort of.
Best not to take the lift, my friend,
else the D-Gang will see you coming in!
No.
I want them to see me.
I'm-a go up there and show them my face!
Aah?
Hello?
Bar-bar? I'm coming!
Bar-bar!
I want my stuff, you big dump.
You want Big D's crown, huh?
Yeah!
And Bar-bar!
Here you go, then.
Wha...?
That is your final possession,
the last thing you will ever own.
What do you... mean?
Look down there, stupid.
Town is on fire, see?
I made it on fire.
Fix up junk town.
Look at old man cry!
That's what happens when you mess with Big D!
You get crush!
Your family get crush!
Boo-yah!
Suck my shirt!
Jump!
Choose Bruce!
All my stuff is "goan!"
Now they're going after your...
Home!
Bar-bar, come on!
Hurry, Finn!
You can win!
Finn!
Return...
I will.
But we got to stop the D-Gang first.
Come on, Jake!
Good boy!
Destiny!
No-o-o-o!
Yeah!
How did I even get here, son?
Mom! Dad!
- Finn! - No!
You said this thing is magic?
Yes, powerful and dangerous.
But you lost your mind in a cave.
Whatever.
You just got to believe me, okay?
For serious, you donk!
I am Big D!
Whoo!
I believe you.
You do?
Wait, no! Dingus!
This party is so crazy!
Ripped By mstoll