My inflatable angel.
How's the miniqueen?
I don't know.
Can't understand a word she says.
Aww. My pleasure, ma'am.
I just like beating up evil.
- Okay.
Didn't catch any of that either.
Miniqueen must have stepped in something funky.
No, it's not tiny feet i'm smelling.
This way!
Whoa!
What?
Do you know whose sword this is?
This is the sword of billy!
Billy?
Nothung!
Oh, yeah, that was the most mathematical thing ever!
Yeah, he fought a bear.
This is so cool.
Whoa!
It's billy's legendary crack.
Uh, hello.
It's him, it's him!
I know, i know. Be cool.
Yeah, it's me.
Man, i'm such a huge nerd for you.
Please take us on as hero apprentices.
What for?
So that we can learn to kick evil's butt, just like you.
I want to be the dog version of you.
Aw, that would be a waste of time.
Yeah.
I'm a little paunchy.
But i could do some sit-Ups.
No, i was talking about beating up monsters.
It's as pointless as a dog chasing his own tail.
See, that's where you're wrong, 'cause watch.
Ah, ah, ah.
What do you mean, pointless?
We just saved the miniqueen from a monster.
Do you know where she is right now?
She's probably being eaten by a different monster.
She's probably dead.
In my youth, i was much like you —
Motivated, headstrong, wore a silly little outfit.
Even had a matching dog.
I'm gonna pass out.
All my life, i've beaten on evil creatures.
But new evil keeps popping up.
Kicking their butts was a hopeless effort.
What other way is there?
Nonviolently.
Help people by being active in your community.
Nonviolently?
I got to try being nonviolent.
The billy way!
Me, too!
Billy, i won't let you down.
I love you, billy!
I got a secret crush on you, billy!
Pbht!
This is gonna be tough, jake.
I'll have to suppress my every warrior instinct.
Relax.
It'll be easy not to beat up on monsters and still help people.
Help! Help! A monster!
Ohh! Aah!
Oh, thank goodness — heroes.
I'm being chased by a horrible dragon!
Please, please, help!
Oh, uh...
Oh.
Act quickly!
He's almost upon us!
Sorry, we don't beat stuff up anymore.
No, but, please!
Dude, we got to do something to help him.
I could teach him how to not be such a spaz.
Hey, mister, besides being chased by a monster, what else is wrong?
Well, i've been running all day.
I guess i'm pretty hungry.
Say no more!
Come on, finn.
Where are you going?
To make you something to eat!
Aah! No! Help!
I still feel weird about not fighting off that dragon.
Trust me, this is a way better way to help him.
Gruel! Get your free gruel!
What's this all about?
Free gruel, ma'am.
I can't beat monster butts, but i can beat your hungry guts.
That's for sure.
I didn't throw up.
This gruel is very adequate.
Yeah!
This is great, jake!
Yeah, we're really helping people.
Whoa, look who it is.
Dude, you're alive!
No thanks to you two!
That dragon chased me for two days!
And then i was lost for, uh, three days, and then i fell
Under a spell of a beautiful enchantress for, uh, a week?
So that's two plus three...
Plus a week —
Shh. Dude, gruel.
Oh, thank you.
Hmm?
Aah! What's happening?
Huh?
Oh, that's probably the stone-Skin potion i added to the recipe.
It gives your body the power to grow armor.
What? Uh?
Oh! Aah!
Dude, how much of that potion did you use?
Aah!
My tummy is breathing fire!
Geez, i thought people would like that.
Why?
Why would anyone want that?
So you can defend against evil monsters!
You're supposed to beat up monsters so we don't have to defend ourselves!
No, see, i'm helping you nonviolently.
Helping?
I can't even move my hands!
I'm a cobbler!
How am i supposed to cobble with these useless chunk mitts?
So, the village needs the help of a new cobbler, eh?
Hmm.
What? No!
All right, we're cobblers!
No, you're not!
You're just watching my shop while i go to the dermatologist!
And don't try to cobble anything!
What does "cobble" mean, anyway?
I think it has something to do with shoes.
Excuse me. Can you help me?
I need a broken heel fixed.
I'm going to a fancy funeral.
Of course i'll help!
There! Hwah!
Pkow!
Ah!
Now you can fight off evil if it shows up at the funeral.
You fix that shoe with a magic nail?
Maybe.
Whoa! Cool!
I cannot go to the funeral in these!
Hey, everyone!
I'm back from the doctor!
Uh, why?
And i'm not supposed to bring a guest!
Get out!
Apparently, i suck at being nonviolent.
Dude, sucking at something is the first step
Towards being sort of good at something.
You and i are like little baby billys right now,
And we're "sucking" on our first bottle of nonviolent milk.
Totes.
I'll stop "pooping my diaper."
Whoa, what?
Help! I need medical help!
Medical help? Hmm.
How can we help?
I want surgery to make my body hot.
Yikes.
Yeah, i know i'm already pretty smokin',
But i bought this swimsuit,
So i need a swimsuit body.
You up for some serious plastic surgery?
Oh, yeah, this bod is hot and powerful!
Huh? Oh, what.
Whoa! Aah!
Dude, did you use a magic nail again?
I've got three left!
What did you do to me?
We transformed you into a cyborg fighter!
That's hot, right?
No one thinks this look is hot!
Oh, my laces, you're the most beautiful — aah!
- Jake? - Yeah?
I think us not being violent is hurting people.
Man, billy is gonna be so bummed out.
Not if we run away, finn.
We'll have to live in halfway homes and be cannibals, but we'll survive.
I just want to sit here and moan.
Then i'll moan with you, buddy.
Thanks, buddy.
You're welcome.
Aah! Aah! Help me!
Relax!
I'm just gonna grlnd you up!
Oh, man, this grass bag again?
Hey, evil-Doer, um, can you keep your evil-Doing quiet?
Finn is dealing with some heavy stuff over here.
It's not evil!
When they get this old, they want to be ground up!
Right, you old bat?
- Help! - Right?
Huh?
A fist raised in righteous anger?
Oh, no, it's my fist!
I've got to think of a way to save this old lady without
Punching this guy in the face!
Hmm.
Yeah, you want to get ground up, right?
- Wrong! - Ow!
I couldn't think of anything.
Poop!
I saved her with violence!
What's your huff, son?
The greatest hero in the world told me to help people without being violent,
And i promised i would do that and not let him down.
But i did let him down.
Stuff and nonsense!
You sure helped this old gal out, and you did it with violence.
Like a true hero, you were born to punch evil creatures.
Ohh!
Just like i was born to be an old lady.
Don't deny your rowdy nature, paladins.
And don't take advice from old people.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah!
That old lady has a point!
Wait, didn't she say not to take advice from old p—
It's all so clear to me!
Back to the cave of billy!
Yeah!
It's us again!
And we've got exciting news!
I don't — i don't want to buy anything!
Billy, an old lady told me that i shouldn't listen to you
Because you're old — also,
That i should do what i was born to do, which is kicking buns.
Don't you see how pointless it is?
You know what's probably happening to that old lady right now?
She's probably dead!
She's right here.
Hello!
We saved her, billy.
You saved her.
I saved her, billy.
I saved her using violence, and that's not a bad thing, billy.
This old lady is alive because of these!
And look how happy she is, man.
She's elated!
Hmm, perhaps you're right.
Oh! Oh! Ugh!
It's — it's as if your words are filling a void in my very being.
You want to watch?
Whoa!
Nothung!
Finn and jake, truly, you are my heroes.
Now you're freaking me out.
We're his heroes!
Huh. Hello.
I love you, billy!
Get out of here!