1 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,300 Last orders, please. 2 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,200 - Shaun. - Yeah? 3 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:09,500 - Do you see what I'm saying? - Yeah, totally. 4 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,600 I know he's your best friend but you do live with him. 5 00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:15,200 I know... 6 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,000 It's not that I don't like Ed. Ed, it's not that I don't like you. 7 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,500 It's all right. 8 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,800 - It'd just be nice if we could... - Fuck. 9 00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:28,200 spend a bit more time together. - Bollocks. 10 00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:30,400 - Just the two of us. - Cock it. 11 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,900 With Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flatmates out 12 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,300 and that only exacerbates things. 13 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:40,300 - What do you mean? - You guys hardly get on, do you? 14 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,500 No, what does "exacerbate" mean? 15 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:44,700 It means to make things worse. 16 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,800 Right, right. 17 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,700 Well, I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di, you know. 18 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,400 - Guys, it's not that I don't like you. - It's all right. 19 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,800 And I do want to spend time with you. 20 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:59,900 It's just Ed doesn't have too many friends. 21 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,400 Can I get any of you cunts a drink? 22 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,500 Anybody? 23 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:10,000 No, thank you. 24 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,400 I know... 25 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,700 friends are important to Shaun 26 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,800 but you must set some quality time aside for yourselves. 27 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,300 Daffs is always taking me to see these listed buildings 28 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:24,000 and I'm always dragging him to the theatre. 29 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:27,000 - I'm not so hot on theatre. - How about a meal? 30 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:30,100 - It's your anniversary soon. - It was last week. 31 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,200 - Did you do anything special? - We came here. 32 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,500 Shaun. Hog lumps. 33 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:39,000 Shaun, what I'm trying to say is I need something more, 34 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,700 more than spending every night in the Winchester. 35 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:45,200 I want to do more interesting stuff. 36 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:49,500 I want you to want to want to do it. 37 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,800 Listen to me. I'm beginning to sound like your mum. 38 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,800 - Not that I'd know. - You haven't met his mum? 39 00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:58,800 - Not yet. - Don't you get along with your mum? 40 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:02,400 - It's not her... - Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun? 41 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,900 - No, I love my mum. - I love his mum. 42 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,300 ♪ She's like butter ♪ - Ed! 43 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,600 - Shaun! - Liz. 44 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,800 I understand what you're trying to say and I agree. 45 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:15,400 We should get out there. We'll start tomorrow. 46 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,900 I'll book a restaurant. The place that does all the fish. 47 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,900 Just the two of us. 48 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,900 Things will change. I promise. 49 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,800 Really, Shaun? 50 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,000 Time, gentlemen. 51 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,800 ♪ This town is coming like a ghost town ♪ - Shaun? 52 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:43,200 'Player two has entered the game.' 53 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,500 Haven't you got work? 54 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:48,400 'Player two has left the game.' 55 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,600 The front door was open again last night. 56 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,900 - I'm not saying it was you. - I know, man. 57 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,800 - I'm saying it was Ed. - Right. 58 00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,900 I can't live like this. 59 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,800 Look at the state of it. We're not students any more. 60 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:21,900 - Pete... - He brings no money into the house. 61 00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:24,900 - He brings a bit. - What? Dealing drugs? 62 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:28,200 He sells a bit of weed now and again. You've sold puff. 63 00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:31,100 Yeah, once. At college. To you. 64 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:36,000 I've known him since primary school. I like having him around, he's a laugh. 65 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,900 Because he can impersonate an orang-utan? 66 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,600 - Fuck-a-doodle-doo. - Leave him alone. 67 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,700 I admit, he can be pretty funny on occasion. 68 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:49,400 Like that time we stayed up all night drinking apple schnapps and playing Tekken 2. 69 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,400 - When was that? - Five years ago. 70 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,800 When's he going home? 71 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,400 Hey, man, listen... Top left. 72 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,100 - Uh-huh. - I was gonna say... Reload. 73 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,400 - I'm on it. - Erm, since... Nice shot! 74 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,500 Thanks. 75 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,400 Two seconds. 76 00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:13,000 - All right, Noodle? - 'Got anything? ' 77 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,500 - No, man. - 'Eball says you was holding.' 78 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,000 - I ain't got nothing. - 'Nothing at all? ' 79 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:21,500 I've only got an 'enry meself. All right, laters. 80 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,600 - Listen... - Ed... 81 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:30,200 since you're not working at the moment could you please clean up a bit? 82 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:34,300 And if you play the answer machine, can you take down everyone's messages? 83 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,600 - Yep. - It's not that taxing, is it? 84 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,800 Writing something on a scrap of paper? 85 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,200 - Nope. - Right. 86 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:47,000 Dom, hi... 87 00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:49,300 Come on, it was pretty funny. 88 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:53,000 - Will you do what he said? - I ain't doing nothing for him. 89 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:55,300 Do it for me, then. 90 00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:59,000 I'm sorry, Shaun. 91 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,400 - It's all right. - No, no. 92 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,600 I'm sorry, Shaun. 93 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,700 Oh! 94 00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:10,000 Oh, my God, that's rotten. 95 00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:13,600 - I'll stop doing 'em when you stop laughing. - I am not laughing. 96 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,600 - Get that. - You get it. 97 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,800 'Shaun, it's me. I'm gonna be a bit tied up today 98 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,100 'so can you book the table for eight rather than seven? 99 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,300 'I'll try you at work. Bye, bye.' 100 00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:32,600 Hey! You're dead. 101 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,500 - Spare some change, please, mister? - Yeah. 102 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,200 Watch out. Are you blind? 103 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,500 'The American deep space probe Omega 6 104 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,800 'unexpectedly re-entered Earth's atmosphere over England 105 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:10,100 'and broke apart over... ' 106 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:28,300 Nelson? 107 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,400 Nelson? 108 00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,300 Hello, my friend. No beer today? 109 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,600 No, it's a bit early for me. 110 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,500 Gather round, everyone. Gather round, please. 111 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,100 Gather round. 112 00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,700 As well as Mr Sloman being off today 113 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,700 I'm afraid Ash is feeling a little bit under the weather, 114 00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:04,300 so I will be taking charge as the... 115 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,300 - Oldest. - Senior staff member. 116 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:10,500 So if we can all pull together... 117 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,100 - Hello? Hello, mate. - Noel? 118 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,800 I was totally munted last night. 119 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,000 Yeah, I spoke to him. He's only got Henry. 120 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:23,900 All right, mate. Laters. 121 00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,800 - Continue. - Thank you. 122 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:40,500 Erm, as Mr Sloman always says, there's no I in team but there is an I in pie. 123 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:43,000 In... There's an I in meat pie. 124 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,700 The anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about. 125 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,200 Phones off. It's not a social gathering. 126 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:54,000 - All right, keep your hair on, grandad. - Hey! I'm 29 for Christ's sakes. 127 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,600 - How old are you? 20? 21? - 17. 128 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,000 Hey, well... 129 00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:03,900 I know you don't wanna be here forever. I got things I wanna do with my life. 130 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:06,600 When? 131 00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:09,000 You got red on you. 132 00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,400 Hello, mate. 133 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,600 This one comes with a basic digital package. 134 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:20,700 You've got your lifestyle channels there, a bit of Trisha. 135 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,700 Er, you've got entertainment. I don't know what that is. 136 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,300 News. All the basic, er... news... 137 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,900 - channels. - 'Bizarre events... ' 138 00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,900 'Coming after me... ' 139 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,500 - Shaun. - I'm with customers. 140 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,400 It's your dad. 141 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,800 He's not my dad, 142 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:43,000 he's my stepdad. 143 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,200 Philip. 144 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,300 Shaun. 145 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,600 You haven't forgotten about tomorrow? 146 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:58,700 - No. - Your bimonthly visit. 147 00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,800 No, I haven't forgotten. 148 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,600 You could bring the flowers you forgot on Mother's Day. 149 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:05,700 I was gonna. 150 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,300 And not a cheap posy from a garage forecourt. 151 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,800 I wasn't gonna. 152 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:15,500 Well, we look forward to seeing you tomorrow. 153 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,200 OK. 154 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,400 You've got red on you. 155 00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:30,000 - I thought it wasn't a social gathering? - What? 156 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,000 How comes you're allowed to speak to your dad? 157 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:36,200 A, he's not my dad, OK? He's my stepdad. 158 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,200 And B, it was an emergency. 159 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,800 What, like buying your mum some flowers? 160 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:48,100 Noel, I do not find it difficult to keep my work and my social life separate. 161 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,900 Shaun, it's Liz for you. 162 00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:56,000 - Hello. - 'Hello, it's me.' 163 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,400 - Hello. - 'Did you get my message? ' 164 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,000 - Yep. - 'So it's all OK, then? ' 165 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,200 - Yep. - 'Eight at the place with all the fish? 166 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,900 'Cool, that's great. Just ring me later.' 167 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:11,200 - Goodbye, Liz. - 'Bye. Bye, bye, bye.' 168 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,600 Liz from Head Office. It's nothing to panic about. 169 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,300 Sir? Sir? 170 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,000 Sorry. Erm, they're for my mum. 171 00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:29,500 Mum. "To a wonderful Mum" or "Supermum"? 172 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,600 - Er... the first one. - Right. 173 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,600 '... London seems to have gone completely bonkers... ' 174 00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:20,100 - Oh, my God! Shaun! - Yvonne. 175 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,100 Oooh! How are you doing? 176 00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,600 - Surviving. - Are you living round here? 177 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:28,800 - Yeah, are you? - Yeah, I just bought a place. 178 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,000 - Bought? - I know, bit grown-up, eh? 179 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,500 - Are you still with...? - Liz. 180 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:38,900 That's great. Glad somebody made it. How long's that been now? 181 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:43,400 - Er, it's three years ago last week. - Did you do anything special? 182 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,500 - We're going out for a meal tonight. - Anywhere nice? 183 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,600 Yeah... 184 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,700 Come on! 185 00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:02,400 - Are you gonna thank me, then? - For what? 186 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,400 Tidying up. 187 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,600 - It doesn't look tidy. - I had a few beers when I finished. 188 00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:10,300 'Hello, Fulci's. Can you hold, please? ' 189 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,800 - Do you want your messages? - What? 190 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,200 Your mum rang about tomorrow night. 191 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:18,200 Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight. 192 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:22,100 Then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight. 193 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,600 - 'Hello, Fulci's.' - Hi, I know it's short notice 194 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:30,000 but could you possibly do me a table for two for tonight at about eight? 195 00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:33,100 'Sorry, we just gave away the last table.' 196 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,400 Wasn't true about your mum. 197 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,100 Where are we gonna go? 198 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,100 - The Winchester. - Don't be stupid! They don't do food. 199 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,500 - There's a Breville out back. - Ed, this is serious! 200 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,600 Hello. 201 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:51,700 - 'Hello, it's me.' - Hello. 202 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,700 'What's the plan, then? ' 203 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:58,100 Erm, there's been a bit of a... a mix-up with the table, babe. 204 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,700 - 'What do you mean? ' - They're full up. 205 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,600 'But... I thought you said it was all OK? ' 206 00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,500 Yeah. 207 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,200 'You didn't book it, did you, Shaun? ' 208 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:12,400 - No. - 'So... what is the plan, then? ' 209 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,800 The Winchester? 210 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,600 - 'Hello? ' - Dianne, can you let me in? 211 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:29,600 - 'I'm not sure, Shaun.' - Oh, come on. 212 00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,300 'Lizzie doesn't want to see you.' 213 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:36,200 - Just open the door! - 'She doesn't want to see you.' 214 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:41,300 Do you want me to climb up the wall, come through the window? Because I will. 215 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,500 'You're not coming in.' 216 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,000 - OK, see you in a minute. - 'Don't... ' 217 00:15:57,900 --> 00:15:59,700 'Hi, it's me again.' 218 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,300 Can we just talk about this? Let's go out. 219 00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:05,000 - To the Winchester? - Do you want to? 220 00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:08,000 - No, I don't fucking want to! - OK. 221 00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,300 It's not the only place in the world. 222 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,400 We'll go to the Shepherd's, they do Thai in there. 223 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,400 - I'm going out with David and Di. - Let's go together. 224 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:19,900 You hang out with my friends? "A failed actress and a twat"? 225 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,700 That's harsh. I did not call Dianne a failed actress. 226 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,400 Let's just go somewhere and have a laugh. Things'll be fine, I promise. 227 00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,500 You promised you'd stop smoking. 228 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,800 You promised you'd try drinking red wine instead of beer! 229 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:37,300 - You promised we'd go on holiday. - We went to Greece! 230 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,800 - We met in Greece. - At a rave. 231 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,900 It's not the same. You promised things would change. 232 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,300 - You promised us free cable. - I'm working on that. 233 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:50,900 I can give up smoking whenever I want. See, don't need them. 234 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,900 W- What was the next one? 235 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,400 It's not enough, Shaun. 236 00:16:55,600 --> 00:17:00,200 'We appear to have a breakdown in communication there. 237 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,000 'If you or someone you know may... ' 238 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,600 I'd say your nine lives were up, Shaun. 239 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,600 Get fucked, four-eyes! 240 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:10,200 You go out with her, you love her so much. 241 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,400 What do you mean by that? 242 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:18,000 '... the devastation really is extensive. It's a total mess.' 243 00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:20,400 I don't know what he meant by that. 244 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,300 Got you these. 245 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,500 - "To a wonderful mum"? - Oooh! 246 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,200 Yeah, that's because... 247 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,600 I thought it would be funny because of what you said last night 248 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,600 about you don't want to be my mum and that. 249 00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:49,500 It's just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment. 250 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,700 - They're for your mum, aren't they? - Yeah. 251 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,500 Smooth. 252 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:06,500 If I don't do something, I'll end up in that pub 253 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,900 for the rest of my life like those other sad old fuckers 254 00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:13,100 wondering what the hell happened. 255 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,400 What do you mean do something? 256 00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:52,100 Fuck her. You got your pint. 257 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,200 You got your pig snacks. What more do you want? 258 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,600 Oh. You want your favourite monkey? 259 00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:03,100 Shall I do Clyde? 260 00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:18,000 See, I knew you'd get over her. 261 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,300 ♪ If you leave me now... ♪ 262 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,700 Who the hell put this on? 263 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:33,300 It's on random. 264 00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:36,200 For fuck's sake. John, yes please, mate. 265 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,200 You know what we should do tomorrow? Keep drinking. 266 00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,300 A Bloody Mary first thing, 267 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,700 a bite at the King's Head, couple at The Little Princess, 268 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,000 stagger back here and bang... back at the bar for shots. 269 00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:55,300 How's that for a slice of fried gold? 270 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,600 - No. - Come on, man. 271 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,000 Talk to me. 272 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:06,500 She said if she stayed with me she'd end up in here for the rest of her life 273 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:10,100 like these sad old fuckers wondering what the hell happened. 274 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,200 That is harsh. 275 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,800 - These are rich, interesting characters. - Like who? 276 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:23,100 Snakehips. Always surrounded by women. 277 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,000 He's a bigamist. 278 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,100 Strangled his first wife with a draught excluder. 279 00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:30,500 And invented the mobile disco. 280 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,700 What about her, then? 281 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,200 Ooh! Cockacidal maniac. 282 00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:40,300 She's an ex-porn star. 283 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,400 They say she starred in the world's first interracial hardcore loop. 284 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,500 Cafe Au Lait... 285 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,100 Pour Vous. 286 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:53,600 Yeah. What about John, then? 287 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:56,700 He's North London Mafia. 288 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,800 It's true, Big Al says so. 289 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,800 Yeah, Big Al also says dogs can't look up. 290 00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:05,900 Think about it. Handy with a blade. Gruff demeanour. 291 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,300 Bernie, the trophy wife. 292 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,200 He's connected. Why is there a rifle above the bar? 293 00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:14,700 - The pub's called the Winchester. - Exactly. 294 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,700 See, you don't need Liz to have a good time. 295 00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:19,700 - Don't, man. - No. 296 00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:22,000 Oi, look at me. 297 00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:26,700 Can I just say one thing? I'm not gonna say there's plenty more fish in the sea, 298 00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:29,300 I'm not gonna say if you love her let her go 299 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:34,600 and I'm not gonna bombard you with clichés but what I will say is this... 300 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,600 it's not the end of the world. 301 00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:44,800 Sorry, we're closed. 302 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,200 Pisshead. 303 00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:56,500 ♪ Ooh, white lines 304 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,500 ♪ Visions, dreams of passion 305 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,700 ♪ Going through my mind 306 00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:03,400 ♪ And all the while I think of you... 307 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:05,200 Oh? 308 00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:08,600 What's the matter, love, haven't you had your tea? 309 00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:13,500 ♪ Something of a phenomenon telling my body to come along 310 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,200 ♪ Cos white lines 311 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,000 ♪ Blow away... - Shh! 312 00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:22,100 Blow! 313 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,200 ♪ Ah, get higher, baby 314 00:22:24,300 --> 00:22:27,900 ♪ Ah, get higher, baby, ah, get higher, girl 315 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,300 ♪ Ah... ♪ 316 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,700 What? He should say base. 317 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,700 Or freeze. 318 00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:44,500 What a tit. 319 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,800 ♪ You wanna dance? ♪ 320 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,800 Don't scratch it! Wait... 321 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:11,700 - That was the second album I ever bought! - It's four in the fucking morning! 322 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,000 - It's Saturday! - No, it's not. 323 00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:17,300 It's fucking Sunday and I've got to go to fucking work 324 00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:21,300 in four fucking hours because every other fucker is fucking ill! 325 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,100 Now can you see why I'm so fucking angry? 326 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,100 - Fuck, yeah! - Hey! Pete, look, 327 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:31,600 I'm sorry, we had a couple of drinks, we split up with Liz tonight. 328 00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:35,900 Just keep it down, yeah? 329 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,500 Prick. 330 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,400 What was that? 331 00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:42,000 Nothing. 332 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:46,100 - Stop it, we're friends! - He's not my friend. He's a fucking idiot. 333 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,900 - What's that supposed to mean? - It means why don't you fuck off! 334 00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:53,700 You wanna live like an animal, live in the shed, you thick fuck! 335 00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:56,500 - Leave him alone! - Stop defending him. 336 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,400 All he ever does is hold you back. 337 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,400 Or is it easier having someone around who's more of a loser than you? 338 00:24:02,700 --> 00:24:05,900 - What's that supposed to mean? - You know what I mean. 339 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,700 I assume it was Liz who did the dumping? 340 00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:13,200 Sort your fucking life out, mate. 341 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,700 What's up with your hand, man? 342 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,300 - I got mugged on the way home from work. - By who? 343 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,400 - Some crackheads. One of them bit me. - Why did they bite you? 344 00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:26,500 I don't know, I didn't stop to ask them! 345 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,700 I've got a splitting headache and your stupid hip hop isn't helping. 346 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,600 And the front door is open. Again! 347 00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:39,300 It's not hip hop, it's electro. Prick. 348 00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:42,000 Next time I see him, he's dead. 349 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,500 'Shaun, it's me. I'm gonna be a bit tied up today 350 00:24:56,700 --> 00:25:00,100 'so can you book the table for eight rather than seven? 351 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,200 'I'll try you at work. Bye, bye.' 352 00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:06,400 'Hello, pickle. It's me, Mum. 353 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,900 'Dad mentioned you might be visiting tomorrow which would be lovely. 354 00:25:11,100 --> 00:25:14,300 'Will you be bringing Elizabeth with you this time? 355 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,900 'Only we can't wait to meet her finally 356 00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:21,400 'and also I was wondering if she wanted anything special for lunch? 357 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,400 'Cos these days a lot of people don't eat meat.' 358 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,900 Do you want anything from the shop? 359 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,400 Cornetto. 360 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,600 Nelson, have you got any papers? 361 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,100 Nelson? I haven't even... 362 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,300 I owe you about 15p. 363 00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:35,700 Oh dear. 364 00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:40,600 Sorry, I haven't got any change. 365 00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:44,600 I didn't even have enough at the fucking shop. Oh dear. 366 00:27:54,500 --> 00:28:00,200 '... no official comment but religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There's... ' 367 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,200 #... panic on the streets of London... ♪ 368 00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:06,900 - '... number of reports of... ' - '... serious attacks on... ' 369 00:28:07,100 --> 00:28:09,900 - '... people who are being... ' - '... eaten alive.' 370 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:14,200 'Witness reports are sketchy. One unifying detail seems to be 371 00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:17,200 'that the attackers appear to be... ' 372 00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:20,700 '... the sensational chart-topping... ' 373 00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:25,700 '... or ideological connection between those committing the atrocities... ' 374 00:28:26,100 --> 00:28:28,300 There's a girl in the garden. 375 00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:32,200 - '... emergency services... ' - What? 376 00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:34,400 In the garden, there is a girl. 377 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:39,000 '... the armed forces will be called in to provide backup and assistance. 378 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:43,900 'Scientists are still trying to establish the nature of the phenomenon 379 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,700 'and are unsure as to the... ' 380 00:28:46,900 --> 00:28:49,300 Excuse me. 381 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,200 Excuse me. 382 00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:58,000 Hello. 383 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,700 - What are you doing? - Oi! 384 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,000 Oh, my God. 385 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,600 She's so drunk. 386 00:29:33,100 --> 00:29:35,300 How much have you had, love? 387 00:29:35,500 --> 00:29:38,200 - Oh! I think she likes you. - Shut up. 388 00:29:38,300 --> 00:29:41,700 - She wants a cuddle! - I've just come out of a relationship. 389 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,600 - Ed, do something! - Wait there. 390 00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:47,800 - Ed! - Two seconds. 391 00:29:47,900 --> 00:29:50,500 I'm really flattered and everything but... 392 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,400 And, hold it there. 393 00:29:54,500 --> 00:29:56,500 Ed! Just get her off me. 394 00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:58,900 Jesus! 395 00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:04,700 - What's up with her eyes? - Now, seriously... 396 00:30:04,900 --> 00:30:08,600 Mary, I'm warning you, I'll have to get physical, I mean it! 397 00:30:08,900 --> 00:30:11,000 This is it... Look, just fuck off! 398 00:30:45,300 --> 00:30:47,900 - I think we should go back inside. - OK. 399 00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:59,100 - Shaun, what's going on? - Shit, it's engaged. 400 00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:02,500 - How about an ambulance? - It's engaged, Ed. 401 00:31:03,700 --> 00:31:06,900 - Fire engine? - It's one number and it's busy! 402 00:31:07,100 --> 00:31:11,800 - And what do you want a fire engine for? - Anything with flashing lights. 403 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,200 Are they still out there? 404 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,200 Yeah. What do you think we should do? 405 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,100 Have a sit-down? 406 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,900 'There are reports of chaos on the motorways 407 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:32,100 'as thousands of people attempt to flee the cities. 408 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:36,000 'The M1, the M3, M4, M6... ' 409 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:40,600 - Do you think this is the same thing? - '... are all at a standstill. 410 00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:46,900 'The Home Office is urging people to stay in their homes and await further instruction.' 411 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,000 'Ensure all residences are secure 412 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:55,000 'with all doors and windows firmly locked and barricaded. Police... ' 413 00:31:59,100 --> 00:32:02,200 - For God's sake! He's got an arm off! - Get him! 414 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:22,500 'More reports just in confirm that in all cases the attackers seem slow and shambolic... ' 415 00:32:22,700 --> 00:32:24,900 I'm gonna shut the front door. 416 00:32:25,100 --> 00:32:29,100 '... regarding the best way to neutralise the attackers. 417 00:32:29,300 --> 00:32:34,400 'In the meantime, contact with these assailants is highly inadvisable.' 418 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,300 - Did you see his head go? - 'If you're confronted... ' 419 00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:44,600 - We should get out there. - No, we should stay inside. 420 00:32:44,700 --> 00:32:47,600 - We can take 'em. - The man said to stay indoors. 421 00:32:47,900 --> 00:32:50,400 - Fuck the man. - In here, we're safe. 422 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:58,700 '... the attackers can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain. 423 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:04,100 'I'll repeat that, by removing the head or destroying the brain.' 424 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,300 Hey! 425 00:33:15,300 --> 00:33:17,000 Aim for the head. 426 00:33:36,100 --> 00:33:37,800 - Now what? - Get more stuff. 427 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,200 - What's in the shed? - Dunno, it's locked. 428 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,800 - Why is it locked? - It's always been locked. 429 00:33:44,700 --> 00:33:47,000 No! That's the second album I ever bought! 430 00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:58,000 Some of these are limited... Ah! What was that? 431 00:33:58,100 --> 00:34:00,600 - Blue Monday. - That was an original pressing. 432 00:34:00,700 --> 00:34:02,800 For fuck's sake. 433 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,800 - Erm... Purple Rain? - No. 434 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,700 - Sign O' The Times? - Definitely not. 435 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:08,900 - The Batman soundtrack? - Throw it. 436 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,400 - Dire Straits? - Throw it. 437 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,600 - Er... Ooh, Stone Roses? - No. 438 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,000 - Second Coming? - I like it. 439 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,100 Ah! Sade? 440 00:34:24,300 --> 00:34:26,400 - That's Liz's. - She dumped you. 441 00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:31,100 - I'm going to the shed. - You said it was locked. 442 00:34:42,100 --> 00:34:46,000 - Which one do you want? Girl or bloke? - Er... the first one. 443 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:09,400 'People receiving bites have experienced headaches and nausea 444 00:35:09,500 --> 00:35:11,400 'and developed symptoms... ' 445 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,400 You've got red on you. 446 00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:15,800 'If you know someone who has been bitten 447 00:35:15,900 --> 00:35:19,800 'it is absolutely essential that you isolate them immediately. 448 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:24,400 'The public are being strongly advised not to approach anyone... ' 449 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,500 Pete? 450 00:35:29,900 --> 00:35:31,400 Pete? 451 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,500 - Why don't we just go up? - Don't go up there! 452 00:35:33,700 --> 00:35:36,600 - Why not? - Because A, he might be one of them 453 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,300 and B, he might still be annoyed. 454 00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:41,400 Pete? 455 00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:43,500 Maybe he went into work. 456 00:35:43,500 --> 00:35:46,700 How come he didn't drive? His keys are still here. 457 00:35:46,900 --> 00:35:51,400 Maybe he got a lift. He said he wasn't feeling well. Pete? 458 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:54,200 Oi, prick! 459 00:35:54,300 --> 00:35:56,500 He's not in. 460 00:35:56,700 --> 00:35:59,500 - You got a fag? - No, I've given up. 461 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,000 - Since when? - Since... 462 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,500 Come on, babe. Oh, she's engaged. 463 00:36:07,700 --> 00:36:10,100 - That was quick. - Ed, this is serious. 464 00:36:10,300 --> 00:36:11,600 Liz! 465 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,100 - 'Shaun.' - Mum! I was gonna call you. Are you OK? 466 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,200 - 'Yes.' - Are you sure? 467 00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:19,900 'Some men tried to get into the house.' 468 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,800 - Are they still there? - 'I'm not sure. We shut the curtains.' 469 00:36:24,100 --> 00:36:27,600 - Did you try the police? - 'Well, I thought about it.' 470 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,100 - Are you OK? Did they hurt you? - 'No, I'm fine.' 471 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:35,400 - Mum? - 'Well... they were a bit bitey.' 472 00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:41,200 - Mum, have you been bitten? - 'No, but Philip has.' 473 00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:43,400 - Oh, OK. - Has she been bitten? 474 00:36:43,500 --> 00:36:45,200 - No, Philip has. - Oh, OK. 475 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:49,700 - Mum, what state is he in? - 'He's fine. Bit under the weather.' 476 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,600 - I see. - What's the deal? 477 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:56,000 We may have to kill my stepdad. Mum, you're not safe there. I'm coming. 478 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,500 - 'I don't want to cause a fuss.' - We're coming to get you, Barbara! 479 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,900 So, what's the plan? 480 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:06,800 Right. 481 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,500 'We take Pete's car, we drive over to Mum's, 482 00:37:10,700 --> 00:37:13,900 'we go in, we take care of Philip.' 483 00:37:14,100 --> 00:37:16,300 I'm so sorry, Philip. 484 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,900 'Then we grab Mum, go over to Liz's place, 485 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,100 'hole up, have a cup of tea 486 00:37:21,300 --> 00:37:24,000 'and wait for all this to blow over.' 487 00:37:24,300 --> 00:37:27,100 - Why have we got to go to Liz's? - Because we do. 488 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,900 - She dumped you. - I have to know if she's all right. 489 00:37:30,100 --> 00:37:32,500 - Why? - Because I love her. 490 00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:35,800 All right, gay. 491 00:37:35,900 --> 00:37:38,300 - I'm not staying there, though. - Why not? 492 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,200 If we hole up, I want to be somewhere familiar, 493 00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:45,400 I wanna know where the exits are and I wanna be allowed to smoke. 494 00:37:45,500 --> 00:37:47,700 OK... 495 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,800 'Take Pete's car, go round Mum's, 496 00:37:49,900 --> 00:37:52,400 'go in, deal with Philip.' 497 00:37:52,500 --> 00:37:53,800 Sorry, Philip. 498 00:37:53,900 --> 00:37:57,300 'Grab mum, go to Liz's, pick her up, bring her back here, 499 00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,800 'have a cup of tea and wait for all this to blow over.' 500 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,300 Perfik. 501 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,300 No, wait, we can't bring them back here. 502 00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,100 - Why not? - It's not exactly safe, is it? 503 00:38:08,300 --> 00:38:10,200 Yeah. Look at the state of it. 504 00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:13,900 Where's safe? Where's familiar? 505 00:38:14,100 --> 00:38:15,700 Where can I smoke? 506 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,800 'Take car, go to Mum's, kill Phil.' 507 00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:27,200 - Sorry. - 'Grab Liz, go to the Winchester, 508 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:31,000 'have a nice cold pint and wait for all this to blow over.' 509 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,900 How's that for a slice of fried gold? 510 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,700 Yeah, boy! 511 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:40,000 'To recap, it is vital that you stay in your homes. 512 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,500 'Make no attempt to reach loved ones 513 00:38:42,700 --> 00:38:46,300 'and avoid all physical contact with the assailants.' 514 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,200 Do you believe everything you hear on TV? 515 00:38:50,300 --> 00:38:53,200 Yeah, I can see it, it's just outside. 516 00:38:53,300 --> 00:38:55,300 Any zombies out there? 517 00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:58,100 - Don't say that. - What? 518 00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,100 - That. - What? 519 00:39:00,300 --> 00:39:02,600 That. The Z word. Don't say it. 520 00:39:02,700 --> 00:39:05,200 - Why not? - Because it's ridiculous. 521 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,800 All right. Are there any out there, though? 522 00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,200 Can't see any. Maybe it's not as bad as all that. 523 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,400 Oh! No, there they are. 524 00:39:18,700 --> 00:39:20,900 - OK, let's do this, yeah? - Yeah? 525 00:39:21,100 --> 00:39:23,200 Yeah! I got to do a wee first. 526 00:39:23,300 --> 00:39:25,300 Ooh... can I drive? 527 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:26,900 What? 528 00:39:27,100 --> 00:39:30,800 I always wanted to drive Pete's car. I might not get another chance. 529 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,500 OK. 530 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,300 Ahh! Oh, God. 531 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:10,600 Sorry, Pete. Listen, we're gonna borrow your car, OK? 532 00:40:10,900 --> 00:40:12,900 Erm, we'll bring it back. 533 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:18,000 And if you're feeling better later, we're... we're going to the pub. 534 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:21,600 You're more than welcome to, er... 535 00:40:21,700 --> 00:40:23,100 join us. 536 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,000 Pete'd be so pissed off if he knew I was driving his car. 537 00:40:34,100 --> 00:40:35,500 I don't think so. 538 00:40:38,300 --> 00:40:40,800 Shaun, which button's central locking? 539 00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,600 Oh, cock it! 540 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,900 Get lost! 541 00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:06,800 Drive. 542 00:41:08,700 --> 00:41:13,000 'The Church of England has joined other extremist religious groups 543 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,400 'in proclaiming this "a sign of a coming apocalypse". 544 00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:20,600 'Downing Street is refusing to be drawn into a religious debate. 545 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:26,200 'The bodies of the recently deceased are returning to life and attacking the living.' 546 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,300 Let's put something else on. 547 00:41:29,500 --> 00:41:31,800 What are you doing? Ed, look out! 548 00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:38,500 I think we hit something. 549 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,000 Or someone. 550 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,500 Ow! 551 00:41:52,500 --> 00:41:55,100 Are you all right? 552 00:41:55,300 --> 00:41:57,300 Come on, let's just go. 553 00:41:58,400 --> 00:41:59,600 Hello? 554 00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:02,600 - He's gonna be dead either way. - That's not the point. 555 00:42:08,900 --> 00:42:10,900 Oh, thank God for that. 556 00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:17,000 Ah, hello. 557 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,000 Who's a pretty boy then? 558 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:27,300 You didn't say Barbara had a Jag. I've always wanted to drive a Jag. 559 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,900 It's Philip's. He won't let anybody near it. 560 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:33,000 I put a Mars Bar in it once and he chased me with a bit of wood. 561 00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:37,100 - Fuck, it's gorgeous. - It seems pretty clear, we should go. 562 00:42:37,300 --> 00:42:40,100 Why don't I stay here? 563 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,200 What, what, what, what, what? 564 00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:46,200 You know, just look after the car. If there's any problems... 565 00:42:46,300 --> 00:42:48,300 I'll honk three times. 566 00:42:48,500 --> 00:42:49,600 OK. 567 00:42:54,100 --> 00:42:56,400 Don't forget to kill Philip! 568 00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:59,900 - Hello, pickle. - Hi, Mum. 569 00:43:00,700 --> 00:43:02,500 You've got red on you. 570 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,700 Yeah. Mum, is everything OK? Are you all right? 571 00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:08,200 - Yes, I'm fine. - Where's Philip? 572 00:43:08,300 --> 00:43:10,600 - Dad's in the lounge. - He's not my dad. 573 00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:12,100 Really! 574 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,600 Ed's outside, we'll take you somewhere safe. 575 00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,700 - What about the doctor? - I don't think he's gonna come. 576 00:43:17,900 --> 00:43:21,700 - Philip won't want to leave the house. - Philip isn't... 577 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,800 Put the kettle on and I'll deal with Philip. 578 00:43:24,900 --> 00:43:26,700 - OK. - OK, then. 579 00:43:26,900 --> 00:43:28,500 - You hungry? - Not really. 580 00:43:28,700 --> 00:43:31,000 - I'll make some sandwiches. - OK. 581 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,000 No fighting, you two. 582 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:38,000 '... you may ask where is our God? 583 00:43:39,300 --> 00:43:43,000 'But throughout the land, men and women of integrity 584 00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:45,800 'rise up to confront the unseen enemy. 585 00:43:47,700 --> 00:43:49,900 'They will not be cowards, 586 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:53,600 'they will be courageous in the face of danger.' 587 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,300 - I'm so sorry, Philip. - Why? 588 00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,800 - What have you done now? - Nothing. 589 00:44:04,900 --> 00:44:07,200 What have you got there? Flowers, I hope. 590 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:10,100 No, it's... cricket bat. 591 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:13,100 - Is that for the jumble, Shaun? - No. Yes. 592 00:44:13,300 --> 00:44:16,600 Your toys are upstairs. I was going to give them to the jumble. 593 00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,800 - I took them all to the tip, Barbara. - What? 594 00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:23,000 - Shaun wants to take us somewhere. - Don't be silly. 595 00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:25,800 Maybe you should stay here and wait for the doctor. 596 00:44:25,900 --> 00:44:29,200 - You said he wasn't coming. - You didn't call the doctor? 597 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:34,100 - Just to be on the safe side. - I'm fine. I ran it under a cold tap. 598 00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:37,400 We had ourjabs when we went to the Isle of Wight. 599 00:44:37,700 --> 00:44:40,400 - But, Philip... - It's overblown nonsense. 600 00:44:40,500 --> 00:44:44,500 - A lot of drug nuts running wild. - But I should get Mum away. 601 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,800 - I'm not going anywhere without Philip. - Mum, look! 602 00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,800 How about that tea? 603 00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,700 Mum, how much do you love Philip? 604 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,600 - Two sugars, is it? - I haven't had sugar in my tea since 1982. 605 00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,100 Oh, yes. Will you cut me some bread, love? 606 00:45:01,300 --> 00:45:04,500 Mum, look, how much do you love Philip? 607 00:45:04,700 --> 00:45:07,200 Do we have to go through all that again? 608 00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:11,300 What would you say if I told you that Philip's been quite unkind to me? 609 00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,500 You weren't easy to live with. 610 00:45:13,500 --> 00:45:17,000 - He chased me with a bit of wood! - You did call him a you-know-what. 611 00:45:17,300 --> 00:45:20,100 - Did he tell you that? Motherfucker. - Shaun! 612 00:45:20,300 --> 00:45:22,200 Sorry, Mother... Mum! 613 00:45:22,300 --> 00:45:26,800 Did you know that on several occasions... he touched me? 614 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,800 That wasn't true. Made it up, shouldn't have, sorry. 615 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,200 - You don't understand... - No, you don't understand. 616 00:45:39,300 --> 00:45:42,200 Philip is my husband and has been for 17 years 617 00:45:42,300 --> 00:45:45,800 and I would at least expect you to respect my feelings. 618 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:48,700 You must be more adult about these things. 619 00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:50,700 Yeah. 620 00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,800 Come on, Shaun. There comes a time when... 621 00:45:56,100 --> 00:45:58,400 you just... 622 00:45:58,500 --> 00:46:00,500 gotta be a man. 623 00:46:07,900 --> 00:46:10,400 I'm telling you, it's a fuss over nothing. 624 00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:12,400 Hello, Edward. 625 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,900 - Hi, Barbara. - My, how you've grown. 626 00:46:15,100 --> 00:46:18,400 You better believe it. What happened? Why is he coming? 627 00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:22,100 - It wasn't as easy as all that. - Are we following you? 628 00:46:22,300 --> 00:46:25,800 No, it's probably best if we... Where's the car? 629 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,900 Hmm... I pranged it. 630 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,600 You were parked. 631 00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:32,500 Yeah. 632 00:46:32,700 --> 00:46:35,100 I guess we'll have to take the Jag. 633 00:46:36,700 --> 00:46:38,900 - Philip? - What? 634 00:46:39,100 --> 00:46:41,100 Look out! 635 00:46:42,900 --> 00:46:44,700 Christ! 636 00:46:53,100 --> 00:46:55,800 - Give me the car keys! - You're not driving that car. 637 00:46:55,900 --> 00:46:59,000 Give me the car keys! Ed, get Mum in the car. 638 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,400 I'm on it. 639 00:47:01,500 --> 00:47:04,400 Don't worry about me. Worry about your mother. 640 00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:08,700 - Maybe I should drive. - I've adjusted the seat now. 641 00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:10,700 Just be careful! 642 00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,200 Can you please turn that noise down? 643 00:47:25,900 --> 00:47:29,200 Are you all right, dear? Would you like another tissue? 644 00:47:29,300 --> 00:47:32,600 I'd be fine if it weren't for that bloody racket. 645 00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,900 - It is a bit loud. - Sorry, Barbara. 646 00:47:37,700 --> 00:47:40,100 You do realise this is a 20 mile an hour zone? 647 00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:41,800 Oh, yeah. 648 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,300 - Here. - Mum, this won't take a second, all right? 649 00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:55,000 - Have you still got the child locks on? - Safety first, Shaun. 650 00:47:55,100 --> 00:47:57,100 You can't... 651 00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,200 Hey, man, watch the leather. 652 00:48:03,700 --> 00:48:06,500 Keep moving. If there's any problems... 653 00:48:06,700 --> 00:48:08,900 I'll do the honks. 654 00:48:33,100 --> 00:48:35,100 'Hello? ' 655 00:48:37,100 --> 00:48:39,600 Hello? 656 00:49:00,700 --> 00:49:03,400 - Guys, can you let me in? - What are you doing? 657 00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:06,300 I've come to get you. 658 00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:22,400 - What are you doing? - I've come to take you somewhere safe. 659 00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:24,700 - We were safe! - You don't know that. 660 00:49:24,900 --> 00:49:27,800 There was two of them out there. How many are there now? 661 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,200 - Lots. - Lots! 662 00:49:29,300 --> 00:49:32,200 It only takes one of them to know you're in here. 663 00:49:32,300 --> 00:49:35,900 I tried calling but I couldn't get through. I had to come up with a plan. 664 00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:39,500 - Oh, you made a plan? - We have to get out of here. 665 00:49:39,700 --> 00:49:42,200 If we don't, they'll tear us to pieces. 666 00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:45,100 And that will exacerbate things for all of us. 667 00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,100 - Shaun... - This is not about you and me. 668 00:49:48,300 --> 00:49:50,200 This is about survival. 669 00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:54,200 We need to be somewhere more secure, somewhere we can stay alive. 670 00:49:54,300 --> 00:49:56,500 - We're with you, Shaun. - What? 671 00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,300 - We're with you. - I'm not going out there. 672 00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:04,000 Daffs! I don't want to be torn to pieces and if you think about it, neither do you. 673 00:50:04,300 --> 00:50:06,900 - I'm not going if Lizzie's not going. - She's going. 674 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,100 - I'm not staying by myself. - You're going, aren't you? 675 00:50:09,300 --> 00:50:11,300 - Lizzie? - Liz? 676 00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:19,300 - All right, Flash, what's your plan? - Great. I've got a car 677 00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:23,100 but it's gonna be a bit cramped now. Has anyone got transport? 678 00:50:23,300 --> 00:50:25,200 - Yes! - Great. Where? 679 00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,100 Oh, no. Well, I've passed my test. 680 00:50:28,300 --> 00:50:29,500 David? 681 00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:33,100 I don't see the point of owning a car in London. 682 00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,800 Look, just get any blunt objects together. 683 00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,700 If you get cornered, bash them in the head. 684 00:50:38,900 --> 00:50:41,500 Keep together, stay sharp and follow me. 685 00:50:41,700 --> 00:50:44,000 So, what's the plan, then? 686 00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:46,500 We're going to the Winchester. 687 00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,300 OK? Let's go. 688 00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:10,600 - Come on. - Where's the car? 689 00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,300 What's up, niggaz? 690 00:51:22,100 --> 00:51:26,000 Apologies for the cramped conditions. Di, stay on David's lap. 691 00:51:26,300 --> 00:51:29,200 Philip, hang in there, OK? Ed, get there fast. 692 00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:31,500 And, Mum, this is Liz. Liz, Mum. 693 00:51:31,700 --> 00:51:33,500 Hello. 694 00:51:40,700 --> 00:51:42,000 Ed, be careful. 695 00:51:42,100 --> 00:51:44,100 - Is your dad all right? - He's not my dad. 696 00:51:44,300 --> 00:51:46,700 - He's bleeding. - I know! Ed, be careful. 697 00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,400 Thought you wanted to get there fast? 698 00:51:50,100 --> 00:51:53,100 I want to get there in one piece! Why are we going this way? 699 00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,200 Chill out, it's a short cut. 700 00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:58,300 - That road goes to the Winchester. - Shaun... 701 00:51:58,500 --> 00:52:02,600 - Liz, please! - I don't understand why the Winchester? 702 00:52:02,900 --> 00:52:05,900 - It's a pub, it's safe, it's secure. - They know us. 703 00:52:06,100 --> 00:52:10,000 - What makes it so secure? - It's got big heavy doors and deadbolts. 704 00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,000 And there's a rifle above the bar. 705 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:16,700 - I would think that's deactivated. - It's not. John's connected. Big Al says so. 706 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:18,800 Big Al also says dogs can't look up. 707 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:20,400 - They can't. - Can't they? 708 00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:22,600 - Of course they can! - Are you sure? 709 00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:26,100 Yes! The pub is the right place to go. Everything is gonna be fine. 710 00:52:26,300 --> 00:52:28,600 - Shaun... - I turned it off, all right? 711 00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:30,900 What? 712 00:52:31,100 --> 00:52:34,200 - Being a father, it's not easy. - What? 713 00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:39,200 You were 12 when I met you, you'd already grown up so much. 714 00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:45,200 I just wanted you to be strong and not give up because you lost your dad. 715 00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:51,900 - Philip, you don't have to explain. - No, I do. I always loved you, Shaun. 716 00:52:52,100 --> 00:52:56,700 And I always thought you had it in you to do well. 717 00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:01,100 You just need... m-motivation. 718 00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:03,800 Somebody to look up to and... 719 00:53:06,900 --> 00:53:08,900 I thought it could be me. 720 00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:13,400 Would you just... take care of your mum? 721 00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,200 There's a good boy. 722 00:53:22,300 --> 00:53:24,700 - Ed, can you pull over? - Two seconds. 723 00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:30,100 - Ah! Ed, please pull over. - What for? 724 00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:33,000 - Just pull over! - All right. 725 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,200 Whoa, momma! 726 00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:43,700 - What the hell are you doing? - Chill out. Everyone's all right. 727 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,900 Stop telling me to chill out! 728 00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:50,400 - And everybody is not all right. - What's wrong? 729 00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:53,100 Mum, it's Philip, he's gone. 730 00:53:53,300 --> 00:53:55,800 - Where's he gone? - Mum, he's dead. 731 00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:59,100 No, he isn't. 732 00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,100 Get out! 733 00:54:02,700 --> 00:54:04,900 Jesus! 734 00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,200 - Get it open! - Ed, get the child locks! 735 00:54:08,300 --> 00:54:10,300 Quick! 736 00:54:12,900 --> 00:54:14,800 - The child lock! - Ed! 737 00:54:34,700 --> 00:54:36,700 - Now what? - We keep moving. 738 00:54:36,900 --> 00:54:40,500 - How do we get Philip out the car? - We haven't got time. 739 00:54:40,700 --> 00:54:43,300 - We can't leave your dad. - He's not my dad! 740 00:54:43,500 --> 00:54:45,400 Mum, he was, but he's not any more. 741 00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:49,800 - I really think we could... - That's not your husband in there. OK? 742 00:54:50,100 --> 00:54:54,300 It looks like him but there is nothing of the man you loved in that car. 743 00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,800 Let's go, shall we? 744 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:01,200 You're not suggesting we walk? 745 00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,000 - Everybody OK? - Yeah, we're having a whale of a time. 746 00:55:07,500 --> 00:55:10,600 Maybe we should all hold hands, make a crocodile? 747 00:55:10,900 --> 00:55:12,800 Do you know where we're going? 748 00:55:12,900 --> 00:55:15,200 - David, come on. - Sorry. 749 00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,700 - Do you, though? - Yeah, totally. 750 00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:19,500 Are we close? 751 00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,500 We're pretty close. 752 00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:30,600 - Is your mum gonna be OK? - Yeah, I hope so. 753 00:55:30,700 --> 00:55:33,500 - Did you contact your folks? - They're in Antigua. 754 00:55:33,700 --> 00:55:36,500 - Do you think this is happening there? - I hope not. 755 00:55:36,700 --> 00:55:39,600 About last night. I know loads of things were said but... 756 00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,500 - You said this wasn't about us. - No, it's not. 757 00:55:42,700 --> 00:55:45,500 - You said it was about survival. - It is, but... 758 00:55:45,700 --> 00:55:50,800 You're not just trying to prove something? I meant everything I said last night. 759 00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:56,500 - Maybe this isn't the best time to talk. - OK. 760 00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:59,300 Shaun. 761 00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:00,800 Yvonne. 762 00:56:00,900 --> 00:56:03,600 - How's it going? - Er, surviving. 763 00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:06,200 Hey, Liz. Long time no see. 764 00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:08,000 Hey, Yvonne. 765 00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,900 Erm... this is my boyfriend, Declan. 766 00:56:11,100 --> 00:56:13,000 Erm... my friends Mark, Maggie, 767 00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:16,500 - my mum and my cousin Tom. - All right. 768 00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:19,200 This is Shaun and his girlfriend Liz. 769 00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,200 - They've split up, actually. - Oh, really? 770 00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:24,500 - Yeah. - That's a shame. 771 00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:27,500 We should scoot. Have you got somewhere you're going? 772 00:56:27,700 --> 00:56:31,100 - Yeah, we're going to the Winchester. - The pub? 773 00:56:33,100 --> 00:56:35,700 - Yeah. - Right, well. Good luck! 774 00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:43,500 Hi. 775 00:56:43,700 --> 00:56:45,100 Hello. 776 00:56:45,100 --> 00:56:46,200 Hi. 777 00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,100 Hello. 778 00:56:48,100 --> 00:56:49,700 All right. 779 00:56:52,500 --> 00:56:55,000 See? The Winchester's just over there. 780 00:56:55,100 --> 00:56:57,400 - Over where? - Over there. 781 00:56:57,500 --> 00:57:00,000 Just over there, over the 20 garden fences? 782 00:57:00,100 --> 00:57:01,900 What's the matter, David? 783 00:57:02,500 --> 00:57:04,600 Never taken a short cut before? 784 00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:23,100 Shaun. 785 00:57:23,300 --> 00:57:26,000 I'm sure Jill and Derek live round here. 786 00:57:40,100 --> 00:57:44,100 Now, the Winchester is just over that fence, all right? 787 00:57:44,300 --> 00:57:47,400 Everyone stay where they are, I'll... Are we all here? 788 00:57:47,700 --> 00:57:51,200 - One, two, three, four, five. Yes. - There's six of us. 789 00:57:51,300 --> 00:57:53,500 Mum! 790 00:57:56,300 --> 00:57:58,300 I'm coming! 791 00:57:58,500 --> 00:58:01,000 Mum, are you OK? Are you OK? 792 00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:03,900 I don't think Jill and Derek do live here. 793 00:58:07,900 --> 00:58:10,300 Shaun? 794 00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,500 Are you all right? 795 00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:33,600 What are you doing? 796 00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:37,800 Shaun! 797 00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:42,700 Yes! 798 00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:46,500 No, that's rubbish. 799 00:58:54,100 --> 00:58:56,200 - Ooh! - Yes! 800 00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:00,200 Feel free to step in any time. 801 00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:03,400 - You did all right. - I didn't want to cramp your style. 802 00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:05,700 I'm so sorry about that. 803 00:59:07,500 --> 00:59:09,600 Right. 804 00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:15,600 OK, everyone stay where they are. I'm gonna check if the coast is clear. 805 00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:26,600 - Is it clear? - No. 806 00:59:26,700 --> 00:59:28,800 - How many? - Lots. 807 00:59:39,100 --> 00:59:42,000 Oh, well, that is just great. 808 00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:44,300 There are a fair few of them, yes. 809 00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:47,600 I trust Shaun has another genius scheme up his sleeve? 810 00:59:47,900 --> 00:59:50,000 This is hardly constructive, David! 811 00:59:50,100 --> 00:59:53,800 - We should have stayed at the flat. - Why didn't you? 812 00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:58,100 Because... Because, because of... Captain Wow. 813 00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:01,700 - Will you stop it? - We'll get nowhere moaning. 814 01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,300 Right, let's all shake out. Get nice and limber. 815 01:00:12,500 --> 01:00:14,900 Or not. 816 01:00:15,900 --> 01:00:19,400 Take another look at the way he moves. Remember, very limp. 817 01:00:19,700 --> 01:00:25,000 Almost like sleepwalking. Look at the face, it's vacant with a hint of sadness. 818 01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,400 Like a drunk who's lost a bet. 819 01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:29,500 OK, let's try, shall we? Liz. 820 01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:37,400 Nice. Good vocal work. OK. Barbara, that's excellent. 821 01:00:37,700 --> 01:00:40,100 Sorry, dear, I was miles away. 822 01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,800 - D-Daffs. - Uh. 823 01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,900 - Come on! - Urgh. 824 01:00:45,100 --> 01:00:48,300 It's mournful, sorrowful, you're dead and you hate it. Go. 825 01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:50,200 Uuurgh. 826 01:00:50,300 --> 01:00:53,100 - Much better. Ed. - I'll do it on the night. 827 01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:55,600 This is the night! 828 01:00:55,800 --> 01:00:58,100 - What is that? - What about yours? 829 01:00:58,200 --> 01:01:01,100 Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies? 830 01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:02,800 Don't... 831 01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:07,500 Yeah, that's pretty good. 832 01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:13,300 Right, let's all try together, shall we? One, two, three. 833 01:02:07,900 --> 01:02:09,700 Go, go, go, go. 834 01:02:12,100 --> 01:02:14,400 Shit! Get round me, get round me! 835 01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:18,900 John? John, Bernie, are you there? It's Shaun and Ed. We come in all the time. 836 01:02:19,900 --> 01:02:22,100 - They can hear you. - We do the quiz. 837 01:02:22,300 --> 01:02:23,700 - They know. - Stay in character! 838 01:02:23,900 --> 01:02:27,000 - I can't see them. - Shaun, we have to get inside. 839 01:02:27,100 --> 01:02:29,600 - Break the window. - We'll be exposed! 840 01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:32,500 - Break the window! - Is there another way in? 841 01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:34,600 Yeah, there's... 842 01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:38,000 Two seconds. Hey, Noodle. 843 01:02:38,300 --> 01:02:40,900 - 'All right? ' - Yeah, man, I can't talk now. 844 01:02:41,100 --> 01:02:43,800 - 'You get anything yet? ' - I got nothing. 845 01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:46,800 I'm in the middle of something. Yeah, it's weird. 846 01:02:46,900 --> 01:02:50,600 - Oi! What are you doing? - What are you doing? You stupid moron. 847 01:02:50,900 --> 01:02:53,400 - Fuck off. - You fuck off! 848 01:02:53,500 --> 01:02:56,900 Fuck fucking off! I've spent an entire life... 849 01:02:57,100 --> 01:03:00,200 Look at me. I've spent my entire life sticking up for you 850 01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:03,600 and all you ever do is fuck things up and make me look stupid. 851 01:03:03,700 --> 01:03:06,700 I'm not gonna let you do it any more. Not today! 852 01:03:06,900 --> 01:03:08,800 Shaun. 853 01:03:08,900 --> 01:03:10,100 Oh. 854 01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:20,300 You were saying about another way in? 855 01:03:20,500 --> 01:03:22,500 Yeah, there's a... 856 01:03:22,700 --> 01:03:25,200 What are you doing? 857 01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:29,500 - No! - Get inside. 858 01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:33,400 No, they'll follow us. Keep up the act, I'll have to do something. 859 01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:37,400 - What do you mean do something? - Hello, hello, over here! 860 01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:41,600 Come on, that's it. Come on, that's it, over here! 861 01:03:41,900 --> 01:03:44,800 Over here! Come on. Oh, bollocks. 862 01:03:44,900 --> 01:03:47,800 - Wait till I've gone then get inside. - Gone where? 863 01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:53,500 I won't be long, I promise. Come on, you pasty-faced fuckers, let's go! Follow me. 864 01:03:53,800 --> 01:03:57,100 Come on, this way, that's it! 865 01:03:57,400 --> 01:04:01,100 Come on. This way, follow me. Come on, follow me. 866 01:04:01,300 --> 01:04:04,700 Come and get it. It's a running buffet. 867 01:04:04,900 --> 01:04:07,000 All you can eat! 868 01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:09,200 Shall we go in, then? 869 01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:20,800 - Come on, Barbara. Leave those. - I think they're for me. 870 01:04:40,900 --> 01:04:43,500 - He's been gone a good 20 minutes. - 17. 871 01:04:43,900 --> 01:04:49,100 Either way, we need to think about blocking up this window. We're totally exposed. 872 01:04:49,300 --> 01:04:52,800 - How will Shaun get back in? - I'm sure he'll knock. 873 01:04:54,600 --> 01:04:57,400 - Let's get some lights on. - David, wait! 874 01:04:58,900 --> 01:05:01,400 - Power's off. - That's a good thing. 875 01:05:01,500 --> 01:05:04,800 - We mustn't advertise our whereabouts. - No, of course not. 876 01:05:05,100 --> 01:05:08,900 - Do we, David? - No, of course not, Lizzie. 877 01:05:09,100 --> 01:05:11,000 I'm just being proactive. 878 01:05:11,100 --> 01:05:15,300 There's no lights, no power. And there's a hole in the window. 879 01:05:15,600 --> 01:05:19,100 - You did that, you twat. - Somebody had to do something! 880 01:05:19,300 --> 01:05:23,000 We were in a spot of bother. Somebody has to take control of the situation 881 01:05:23,300 --> 01:05:27,400 and if none of you are prepared to accept that responsibility 882 01:05:27,700 --> 01:05:30,700 then perhaps... I should. 883 01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:34,100 - Will Shaun be gone long? - He'll be back soon. 884 01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:37,100 - How do you know? - I don't think he'd leave us. 885 01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:43,300 Wouldn't he? How can you trust a man you binned for being unreliable? 886 01:05:43,500 --> 01:05:48,000 A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot is also an impenetrable fortress. 887 01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:51,200 This is a pub! We are in a pub! What are we going to do? 888 01:05:51,500 --> 01:05:54,000 I could get a round in. 889 01:05:54,100 --> 01:05:57,700 Let's just wait for Shaun. We'll barricade the window when he gets back. 890 01:05:57,900 --> 01:06:00,800 What then? How long? Days? Weeks? A month? 891 01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:03,100 - What are we going to eat? - Toasties! 892 01:06:03,300 --> 01:06:06,700 - There's a Breville out back. - Great. Saved by nibbles. 893 01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:09,200 Must be why Shaun took us here before he left. 894 01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:13,300 - He's coming back! - Why? Because he promised? 895 01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:18,400 If he does, do you think his master plan will be anything more than eating peanuts? 896 01:06:18,700 --> 01:06:21,700 Is he just gonna stroll in and suddenly everything's OK? 897 01:06:21,900 --> 01:06:26,200 I don't know, David! I don't know any more than you do. 898 01:06:26,500 --> 01:06:30,900 But what I do know is that we're here now and we have to make the best of it. 899 01:06:32,700 --> 01:06:35,600 - Ed, get me a double vodka. - Right you are. 900 01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:38,800 I'll have a drink too. Would you like a drink, Barbara? 901 01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:41,100 - Hello. - Right, great, fuck it. 902 01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:44,700 We'll have a party and get completely smashed. 903 01:06:44,900 --> 01:06:48,500 We've got our nibbles. We've got our Mini Cheddars. 904 01:06:48,700 --> 01:06:52,100 - David! - We got Twiglets. Oh, look, hog lumps. 905 01:06:57,700 --> 01:06:59,200 Pickle! 906 01:06:59,300 --> 01:07:00,900 Hello, Mum. You all right? 907 01:07:01,100 --> 01:07:03,100 - Everybody OK? - Yeah. 908 01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:05,400 - Any sign of John and Bernie? - No. 909 01:07:05,500 --> 01:07:07,700 - Check upstairs? - It's locked. 910 01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:10,300 - Phones? - Dead. Same as the power. 911 01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:14,300 - OK... - Nice of you to join us. 912 01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:16,900 Yeah, well, I promised, didn't I? 913 01:07:22,900 --> 01:07:25,600 How did you lose them? 914 01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:30,900 I just gave them the slip. Wasn't difficult. They're not all that. 915 01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:33,700 - Well, how did you get in? - The back door. 916 01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:36,200 I tried to tell you before you smashed the window. 917 01:07:36,400 --> 01:07:39,600 But it wasn't me blowing our cover by arguing with my boyfriend. 918 01:07:39,900 --> 01:07:43,500 - He's not my boyfriend. - Might be a bit warm, the cooler's off. 919 01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:45,700 Thanks, babe. 920 01:07:47,300 --> 01:07:49,200 So, what's the plan, then? 921 01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:53,900 Would anyone like a peanut? 922 01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:06,100 Why don't you do your Clyde? 923 01:08:06,300 --> 01:08:09,200 Has anyone seen Every Which Way But Loose? 924 01:08:09,300 --> 01:08:12,200 Ed does the most amazing impression of the orang-utan. 925 01:08:12,300 --> 01:08:14,900 - No, it's not. - It is. Come on. Do it. 926 01:08:15,100 --> 01:08:17,800 - No, no. - But it's brilliant. Come on. 927 01:08:17,900 --> 01:08:20,900 - You've built it up too much. - No, just do it. 928 01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:24,000 Everyone wants to see it. We could do with a laugh. 929 01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:26,600 Do it, do it, do it, do it. Come on, do it. 930 01:08:26,800 --> 01:08:28,800 I'm not a performing monkey. 931 01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:34,600 - The power's on. - It's not, I tried it earlier. 932 01:08:34,700 --> 01:08:38,500 The streetlights are on. I'll flip the fuses, we can watch television. 933 01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:42,400 - What about the lights? - Yes. Don't advertise our whereabouts. 934 01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:46,300 The lights are on a separate circuit. Just flip the mains breakers. 935 01:08:46,500 --> 01:08:48,800 It's quite simple, David. 936 01:09:16,800 --> 01:09:19,300 - Is that it? - That's it. 937 01:09:45,700 --> 01:09:49,000 Liz, erm... have you got a quid? 938 01:09:50,300 --> 01:09:52,100 Erm... 939 01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:55,700 Yeah. 940 01:10:00,300 --> 01:10:02,500 Never anything on, is there? 941 01:10:07,200 --> 01:10:08,900 What? 942 01:10:11,000 --> 01:10:14,900 - I think we might have a bit of a problem. - What do you mean? 943 01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:22,700 - They followed me. - I thought you said you gave them the slip. 944 01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:25,300 Yeah. 945 01:10:25,300 --> 01:10:29,700 Well, we'll just have to be extra quiet then, won't we? 946 01:10:31,400 --> 01:10:33,400 What? 947 01:10:35,300 --> 01:10:37,700 Ed, no! 948 01:10:37,800 --> 01:10:39,900 Turn it off! 949 01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:13,200 Shit! 950 01:11:13,400 --> 01:11:16,000 - Where the hell did he come from? - I dunno. 951 01:11:20,100 --> 01:11:23,000 - Who put this on? - It's on random. 952 01:11:23,100 --> 01:11:26,200 Dianne, get Mum somewhere safe. David, kill the Queen. 953 01:11:26,400 --> 01:11:28,100 - What? - The jukebox! 954 01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:30,800 - Liz, Ed, grab a weapon. - What about the rifle? 955 01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:33,000 - Cocktails? - What do you mean? 956 01:11:33,100 --> 01:11:36,500 The flaming spirits Get a rag in, light it. 957 01:11:36,700 --> 01:11:39,700 - But the whole place could go up. - What, then? 958 01:11:39,800 --> 01:11:41,700 How about pool? 959 01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:45,000 ♪ Don't stop me now 960 01:11:45,200 --> 01:11:47,100 ♪ Don't stop me 961 01:11:47,200 --> 01:11:50,300 ♪ Cos I'm having... ♪ - John, it's time at the bar. 962 01:11:50,500 --> 01:11:54,200 ♪ I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky like a tiger 963 01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:57,900 ♪ Defying the laws of gravity 964 01:11:58,000 --> 01:12:02,100 ♪ I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva 965 01:12:02,400 --> 01:12:04,700 ♪ I'm gonna go, go, go 966 01:12:04,900 --> 01:12:07,300 ♪ There's no stopping me 967 01:12:07,500 --> 01:12:09,700 ♪ I'm burning through the sky... 968 01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:12,600 - I can't find the switches! - Then get the fuses! 969 01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:15,100 ♪ That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit 970 01:12:15,100 --> 01:12:17,200 ♪ I'm travelling at the speed of light 971 01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:21,100 ♪ I wanna make a supersonic man out of you 972 01:12:21,400 --> 01:12:23,400 ♪ Don't stop me now 973 01:12:23,600 --> 01:12:25,600 ♪ I'm having such a good time 974 01:12:25,800 --> 01:12:27,700 ♪ I'm having a ball 975 01:12:27,900 --> 01:12:29,700 ♪ Don't stop me now 976 01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:31,800 ♪ If you wanna have a good time 977 01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:33,800 ♪ Just give me a call 978 01:12:33,900 --> 01:12:36,400 ♪ Don't stop me now cos I'm having a good time 979 01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:38,400 ♪ Don't stop me now 980 01:12:38,500 --> 01:12:44,000 ♪ Yes I'm having a good time I don't wanna stop at all 981 01:12:44,300 --> 01:12:48,200 ♪ I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars... - Why is Queen still on? 982 01:12:48,400 --> 01:12:50,800 - We have a situation! - I know! 983 01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:54,200 - Fuck this. Two seconds. - Ed! 984 01:12:54,300 --> 01:12:55,900 Oi! 985 01:12:56,000 --> 01:13:00,700 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, explode 986 01:13:00,900 --> 01:13:03,900 ♪ I'm burning through the sky, yeah... 987 01:13:04,100 --> 01:13:05,800 Shaun! 988 01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:08,000 #... call me Mister Fahrenheit... 989 01:13:08,200 --> 01:13:09,600 No! 990 01:13:11,600 --> 01:13:13,800 Yes! Yes! In the head! 991 01:13:16,800 --> 01:13:18,600 Ooow! 992 01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:20,100 Shauny! 993 01:13:20,300 --> 01:13:22,300 ♪ Don't stop me Ooh, ooh, ooh 994 01:13:22,500 --> 01:13:26,300 ♪ Don't stop me, don't stop me good time, good time 995 01:13:26,500 --> 01:13:28,400 ♪ Don't stop me... ♪ 996 01:13:36,100 --> 01:13:38,400 Why didn't you just shoot him, man? 997 01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:42,100 Ed, for the last time, it's... 998 01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:49,800 I fucking knew it! What did I tell you? Big Al was right. 999 01:13:50,100 --> 01:13:51,900 OK. 1000 01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:57,500 But dogs can look up. 1001 01:14:00,400 --> 01:14:02,800 - Has anyone fired a gun before? - Oh, yeah. 1002 01:14:03,500 --> 01:14:05,300 - Apart from Ed? - I'm a pacifist. 1003 01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:08,100 - Apart from David and Ed? - What was Ed's experience? 1004 01:14:08,300 --> 01:14:11,500 - He shot his sister in the leg. - I think you should do it. 1005 01:14:11,700 --> 01:14:14,800 - We should all do it. - How can five people operate one gun? 1006 01:14:14,900 --> 01:14:17,700 - No one has any experience. We've got... - 29. 1007 01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:19,900 - 29 bullets. - Call them shells. 1008 01:14:20,000 --> 01:14:23,000 29 shells. I need someone to help me reload, 1009 01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:25,700 everyone else to look out. I will fire. 1010 01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:30,600 As Bertrand Russell said the only thing that will redeem mankind is co-operation. 1011 01:14:30,900 --> 01:14:33,000 I think we can all appreciate that now. 1012 01:14:33,100 --> 01:14:36,600 - Was that on a beer mat? - Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold. 1013 01:14:36,800 --> 01:14:38,600 - I won't say anything. - Thanks. 1014 01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:43,400 - They want to come in. - Get Mum out of the way. 1015 01:14:43,600 --> 01:14:47,100 David, Dianne, let's go. Ed, give me some shells. 1016 01:14:49,500 --> 01:14:51,700 - Barbara. - Oh, hello. 1017 01:14:51,900 --> 01:14:54,800 - Would you like to come with me? - That'd be lovely. 1018 01:14:56,400 --> 01:15:01,400 It's nice to meet you, finally. Shaun's always talking about you. 1019 01:15:01,700 --> 01:15:03,700 - Really? - Yeah. 1020 01:15:03,800 --> 01:15:05,700 - Ah! - Barbara? 1021 01:15:07,300 --> 01:15:09,800 Are you all right? 1022 01:15:09,900 --> 01:15:11,700 I've got something for you. 1023 01:15:12,900 --> 01:15:16,500 Shaun's father gave me this. Shaun's real father, I mean. 1024 01:15:16,800 --> 01:15:20,200 - I'd like you to have it. - Barbara, Shaun and I have... 1025 01:15:20,300 --> 01:15:23,200 It seems only right. 1026 01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:39,600 I didn't want to say anything. 1027 01:15:39,700 --> 01:15:41,800 I thought Shaun would be worried. 1028 01:15:43,800 --> 01:15:45,400 Liz! 1029 01:15:45,500 --> 01:15:47,200 Here they come! 1030 01:15:48,700 --> 01:15:50,900 - Stay behind me! - There's one! 1031 01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:53,400 Sorry, we're closed! 1032 01:15:53,500 --> 01:15:55,800 - The safety! - That happened to me on stage. 1033 01:15:55,900 --> 01:15:58,000 Cock it! 1034 01:16:05,100 --> 01:16:06,800 - There! - Where? 1035 01:16:07,000 --> 01:16:08,900 Three o'clock! 1036 01:16:14,300 --> 01:16:17,800 - Oh! Over there again. Quarter to twelve. - What? 1037 01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:20,100 - 11:45! - Keep it simple! 1038 01:16:21,300 --> 01:16:23,100 Top left! 1039 01:16:25,400 --> 01:16:27,500 - Reload. - I'm on it! 1040 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:29,600 Come on, come on. 1041 01:16:33,100 --> 01:16:34,900 Nice shot. 1042 01:16:35,000 --> 01:16:37,600 OK, David, Dianne, let's block up this window! 1043 01:16:37,700 --> 01:16:39,800 Ed, take over a sec. 1044 01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:42,500 - What is it? What's wrong? - Shaun, I'm so sorry. 1045 01:16:42,700 --> 01:16:45,100 - Mum, what's wrong? - I didn't want to be a bother. 1046 01:16:45,300 --> 01:16:47,400 - Mum, what's wrong? - I didn't want to be a bother. 1047 01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:53,700 - Mum, I don't understand. - The man in his pyjamas. 1048 01:16:53,900 --> 01:16:57,000 I didn't want to say anything, I thought you'd be upset. 1049 01:16:57,300 --> 01:17:00,200 No, you should've said. 1050 01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:03,400 - Take over a sec. - What's going on? 1051 01:17:03,500 --> 01:17:05,900 - What's up? - What the hell's going on? 1052 01:17:06,100 --> 01:17:09,200 - Barbara's hurt! - Just take over a minute. 1053 01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:11,300 Jesus. 1054 01:17:11,300 --> 01:17:13,300 I know first aid. 1055 01:17:13,500 --> 01:17:16,300 Just hang on. Mum! 1056 01:17:16,600 --> 01:17:19,000 - Mum. - Is she...? 1057 01:17:19,100 --> 01:17:21,300 Just hold on, Mum, you're gonna be fine. 1058 01:17:21,500 --> 01:17:24,500 - I never thanked you. - For what? 1059 01:17:25,900 --> 01:17:29,700 For these. "To a wonderful mum." 1060 01:17:31,900 --> 01:17:34,500 It's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it? 1061 01:17:35,600 --> 01:17:38,400 Oh, no, no! Mum, come on. 1062 01:17:38,700 --> 01:17:40,800 Stop it, stop it, stop it. 1063 01:17:40,900 --> 01:17:43,200 Mum. Please don't go. 1064 01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:57,700 - What are you doing? - We have to deal with her. 1065 01:17:57,800 --> 01:18:00,300 - Daffs! - For Christ's sake! 1066 01:18:00,600 --> 01:18:02,800 - She's gonna come back! - She's not going anywhere. 1067 01:18:03,000 --> 01:18:05,300 - She'll change. - She's my mum! 1068 01:18:05,500 --> 01:18:08,100 - She's a zombie. - Don't say that. 1069 01:18:09,200 --> 01:18:11,500 Move aside. I'm gonna count to three. 1070 01:18:11,600 --> 01:18:13,600 One... 1071 01:18:13,800 --> 01:18:15,100 two... 1072 01:18:15,300 --> 01:18:16,500 three! 1073 01:18:16,500 --> 01:18:19,200 - Don't point that gun at my mum! - Calm down. 1074 01:18:19,400 --> 01:18:21,800 Don't point that gun at Barbara! 1075 01:18:21,900 --> 01:18:24,300 - Ed, don't exacerbate things! - What's that mean? 1076 01:18:24,400 --> 01:18:26,700 - This isn't exactly fair. - Here. 1077 01:18:26,900 --> 01:18:28,600 - Thank you. - It's OK. 1078 01:18:30,100 --> 01:18:32,800 Please, can we just stop and think about this? 1079 01:18:33,000 --> 01:18:34,800 Tell him to put the gun down! 1080 01:18:34,900 --> 01:18:37,100 She's gonna change. You know I'm right. 1081 01:18:37,200 --> 01:18:42,400 And when she does, she'll kill all of us. That's what your ex can't seem to realise. 1082 01:18:42,600 --> 01:18:45,700 That's what this is about, isn't it? He doesn't like me! 1083 01:18:45,900 --> 01:18:48,300 He's always hated me and now he wants to shoot my mum. 1084 01:18:48,400 --> 01:18:52,000 - She's not... - You've never thought I was good enough. 1085 01:18:52,300 --> 01:18:55,400 - What? - We all know you're in love with Liz. 1086 01:18:55,500 --> 01:18:57,900 - That is not true. - Yes it is! 1087 01:18:58,000 --> 01:19:00,000 - That is not true. - Yes it is. 1088 01:19:00,100 --> 01:19:02,700 - What? - I know you only hung out with me 1089 01:19:02,900 --> 01:19:07,700 to get close to Liz and when she knocked you back, I was there to pick up the pieces. 1090 01:19:07,900 --> 01:19:11,500 I've come to terms with that, Daffs, why can't you? 1091 01:19:11,800 --> 01:19:15,000 Lizzie, I want you to know that my feelings for you... 1092 01:19:15,100 --> 01:19:19,100 David! There are slightly more pressing matters at hand here. 1093 01:19:19,400 --> 01:19:23,400 - Like "Daffs" pointing a gun at my mum. - I'm not being unreasonable, "Pickle". 1094 01:19:23,600 --> 01:19:26,600 - Christ, she's not dead! - She's finished. 1095 01:19:26,700 --> 01:19:28,700 For a hero, you're quite a hypocrite. 1096 01:19:28,900 --> 01:19:31,500 You've gone from a chartered accountant to Charlton Heston. 1097 01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:33,400 I'm not a chartered accountant. 1098 01:19:33,600 --> 01:19:35,700 - Well, you look like one. - Yeah. 1099 01:19:35,800 --> 01:19:38,700 - I'm a lecturer. - You're a twat. 1100 01:19:38,900 --> 01:19:42,400 She's not your mum. In a minute she'll be just another zombie. 1101 01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:45,700 - Don't say that. - We're not using the Z word. 1102 01:19:45,900 --> 01:19:49,700 Please can we just calm the fuck down! 1103 01:19:51,400 --> 01:19:54,900 Now, I can see what David is trying to say... 1104 01:19:55,100 --> 01:19:57,200 - Thank you. - Even if he is being a twat. 1105 01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:59,100 Yep. 1106 01:19:59,300 --> 01:20:02,100 And, Shaun... Shaun, look at me. 1107 01:20:04,900 --> 01:20:08,400 I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be for you 1108 01:20:08,700 --> 01:20:11,000 but we can't afford to fall apart. 1109 01:20:12,200 --> 01:20:14,900 Shaun, babe... 1110 01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:18,100 I know you don't wanna hear this... 1111 01:20:36,500 --> 01:20:38,500 You do it. 1112 01:20:48,500 --> 01:20:50,600 I'm sorry, Mum. 1113 01:20:52,100 --> 01:20:54,400 Do it! 1114 01:21:09,400 --> 01:21:13,800 Well... I think we're all agreed, you did the right thing there. 1115 01:21:19,700 --> 01:21:21,900 David, no! 1116 01:21:22,900 --> 01:21:24,100 David! 1117 01:21:24,300 --> 01:21:26,800 - Right, I'm leaving. - What? 1118 01:21:26,900 --> 01:21:29,400 - I'm not staying here. - David, it's suicide. 1119 01:21:31,300 --> 01:21:34,600 - I think you should go. - We will. We can defend ourselves. 1120 01:21:34,800 --> 01:21:37,100 - What do you mean "we"? - What do you mean? 1121 01:21:37,300 --> 01:21:41,000 Opening that door now would be a very silly thing to do. 1122 01:21:41,200 --> 01:21:43,500 - You gonna stay here with him? - Look... 1123 01:21:43,700 --> 01:21:45,900 - After where he led us? - Let me finish! 1124 01:21:46,000 --> 01:21:50,000 Shaun didn't ask you to come here. You came for the same reason I did. 1125 01:21:50,100 --> 01:21:52,800 - Get away from that door this instant! - But... 1126 01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:54,800 David! 1127 01:22:02,300 --> 01:22:04,400 I'm so sorry, Dianne. 1128 01:22:04,500 --> 01:22:08,400 Maybe I'm not the one you should be apologising to. 1129 01:22:11,100 --> 01:22:13,000 Shaun... 1130 01:22:18,200 --> 01:22:20,100 David! No! 1131 01:22:20,300 --> 01:22:22,500 No! No! No! 1132 01:22:24,300 --> 01:22:26,200 David! 1133 01:22:26,800 --> 01:22:28,900 - No! No! - David! 1134 01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:52,000 David! 1135 01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:54,400 Dianne, no! 1136 01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:56,100 I'm coming, David! 1137 01:22:59,500 --> 01:23:01,800 David! 1138 01:23:02,000 --> 01:23:03,800 Oh dear. 1139 01:23:03,900 --> 01:23:06,000 - Cocktails? - Do it. 1140 01:23:17,000 --> 01:23:18,700 Stay back! 1141 01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:25,700 Shaun, hold them! 1142 01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,700 Heads! 1143 01:23:34,700 --> 01:23:36,500 - Ed! - Hurry up! 1144 01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:40,700 Shauny, look who it is. 1145 01:23:40,900 --> 01:23:43,300 Fuck-a-doodle-doo! 1146 01:23:44,900 --> 01:23:46,500 Ed! 1147 01:23:46,700 --> 01:23:48,500 - Shaun! - Ed! 1148 01:23:48,700 --> 01:23:50,600 Don't groan at me, you thick fuck! 1149 01:23:50,800 --> 01:23:52,500 I can't hold them! 1150 01:23:56,200 --> 01:23:57,500 No! 1151 01:24:01,700 --> 01:24:03,400 - Shaun! - Pete! 1152 01:24:05,700 --> 01:24:07,500 I said leave him alone! 1153 01:24:10,700 --> 01:24:13,600 Ed. Ed! 1154 01:24:13,700 --> 01:24:16,700 Shaun, bar! 1155 01:24:27,900 --> 01:24:29,700 Ed! 1156 01:24:30,600 --> 01:24:32,500 Ed! 1157 01:24:33,200 --> 01:24:35,700 Ed! 1158 01:24:35,900 --> 01:24:37,700 What? 1159 01:24:37,900 --> 01:24:40,000 Chuck us a cloth, will you? 1160 01:24:53,300 --> 01:24:55,600 - Where are the shells? - They're on the bar. 1161 01:24:55,800 --> 01:24:58,200 Oh, fuck. 1162 01:24:58,900 --> 01:25:00,600 Ow! 1163 01:25:00,700 --> 01:25:02,200 Fuck it! 1164 01:25:02,400 --> 01:25:05,200 What are we gonna do? Where are we gonna go? 1165 01:25:05,300 --> 01:25:07,700 - The cellar. - Maybe we can get out! 1166 01:25:07,900 --> 01:25:12,600 - There's a hatch out on to the street. - You mean go back outside? 1167 01:25:12,900 --> 01:25:15,600 Oh, give us a fucking break! 1168 01:25:21,700 --> 01:25:23,800 Go! 1169 01:25:33,500 --> 01:25:35,600 I can see the street. 1170 01:25:36,800 --> 01:25:38,100 Come on. 1171 01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:41,500 Come on! 1172 01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:45,100 Why won't it open? 1173 01:25:55,200 --> 01:25:59,300 That's it then, we're trapped. "Hey, let's go to the Winchester!" 1174 01:25:59,400 --> 01:26:01,300 Whose fucking idea was that? 1175 01:26:01,400 --> 01:26:04,100 Man, I've really ballsed this up. 1176 01:26:07,800 --> 01:26:11,300 - No, you haven't. - I have, Liz. I couldn't save us. 1177 01:26:11,400 --> 01:26:16,000 I couldn't save Di or David. I couldn't even save Mum. I'm useless. 1178 01:26:16,300 --> 01:26:21,700 You shouldn't feel so responsible, you tried. You did something, that's what counts. 1179 01:26:23,900 --> 01:26:25,900 Yeah, I suppose. 1180 01:26:28,500 --> 01:26:31,100 Do you think they'll get through? 1181 01:26:31,300 --> 01:26:33,100 Yeah. 1182 01:26:34,700 --> 01:26:36,800 How many shells have we got left? 1183 01:26:37,000 --> 01:26:40,000 Erm... two. 1184 01:26:40,100 --> 01:26:45,000 I suppose we could take a few of them out if they stand in a line. 1185 01:26:45,300 --> 01:26:47,400 I wasn't thinking about them. 1186 01:26:47,600 --> 01:26:49,200 I know. 1187 01:26:54,300 --> 01:26:58,800 - What about Ed? There's only two shells. - I don't mind being eaten. 1188 01:27:02,800 --> 01:27:05,100 How are we gonna do this? 1189 01:27:05,300 --> 01:27:07,800 I don't know. Erm... 1190 01:27:08,000 --> 01:27:10,000 One of us has to go first. 1191 01:27:10,100 --> 01:27:13,200 One should do the other and then do themselves. 1192 01:27:13,500 --> 01:27:16,400 You should do me. I'll muck it up if I have to do myself. 1193 01:27:25,600 --> 01:27:28,800 I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, 1194 01:27:29,000 --> 01:27:32,200 my mum and my girlfriend all in the same evening. 1195 01:27:33,700 --> 01:27:35,900 What makes you think I've taken you back? 1196 01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:37,800 Well... 1197 01:27:39,000 --> 01:27:41,200 you don't want to die single, do you? 1198 01:27:41,400 --> 01:27:45,000 Actually... I would like to be shot. 1199 01:27:46,200 --> 01:27:50,500 Besides, I've changed. I haven't had a fag since yesterday, I promise. 1200 01:27:50,700 --> 01:27:52,700 He hasn't. 1201 01:27:54,500 --> 01:27:56,700 Maybe we should have one now. 1202 01:28:00,200 --> 01:28:03,100 - You left them in my flat. - Yeah, in the bin. 1203 01:28:03,300 --> 01:28:06,200 - I was desperate. - Sneaky monkey. 1204 01:28:06,300 --> 01:28:09,400 - Sorry. - I won't say anything. 1205 01:28:22,000 --> 01:28:24,300 Come on, we're getting out of here. 1206 01:28:25,400 --> 01:28:28,200 - I might just stay here. - But we can get out. 1207 01:28:28,400 --> 01:28:31,800 - You two should make a go of it. - What are you talking about? 1208 01:28:32,000 --> 01:28:35,200 - I only hold you back. - Yeah, but... 1209 01:28:41,300 --> 01:28:43,200 Maybe you should have this. 1210 01:28:44,600 --> 01:28:46,300 - Don't you want it? - No. 1211 01:28:46,400 --> 01:28:49,200 I can't hit anything with it anyway, I'm rubbish. 1212 01:28:52,700 --> 01:28:56,100 - Ed, I'm sorry. - What for? 1213 01:28:56,300 --> 01:29:01,000 - Cos I was shouting at you earlier on. - It's all right. 1214 01:29:01,200 --> 01:29:03,400 I'm sorry too. 1215 01:29:03,600 --> 01:29:05,600 It's OK. 1216 01:29:05,600 --> 01:29:07,300 No... 1217 01:29:07,500 --> 01:29:09,400 I'm sorry, Shaun. 1218 01:29:12,400 --> 01:29:15,500 Oh, God! That's not funny. 1219 01:29:15,700 --> 01:29:20,400 - I'll stop doing 'em when you stop laughing. - I'm not laughing. 1220 01:29:33,200 --> 01:29:34,900 You'd better be off. 1221 01:29:44,700 --> 01:29:46,900 Bye, Ed. Love you. 1222 01:29:48,000 --> 01:29:49,500 Cheers. 1223 01:29:50,600 --> 01:29:52,600 I love you too, man. 1224 01:29:55,800 --> 01:29:57,800 Gay. 1225 01:30:18,800 --> 01:30:21,100 - Ready? - Ready. 1226 01:30:30,900 --> 01:30:33,200 Section One. Ready. 1227 01:30:33,400 --> 01:30:35,600 Zombies to your front. Fire! 1228 01:30:39,500 --> 01:30:41,100 Fire! 1229 01:30:55,800 --> 01:30:58,300 Oh, my God! Shaun! 1230 01:30:58,400 --> 01:31:00,100 Yvonne? 1231 01:31:04,900 --> 01:31:08,000 - How are you doing? - Surviving. 1232 01:31:08,200 --> 01:31:12,700 They're taking us somewhere safe. I thought you two might want to tag along. 1233 01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:15,200 Is it just the two of you? 1234 01:31:17,800 --> 01:31:20,600 Well, glad somebody made it. 1235 01:31:22,700 --> 01:31:24,600 Come on. 1236 01:31:37,600 --> 01:31:41,000 'Next, the story of ten-year-old Enrique Ramírez 1237 01:31:41,100 --> 01:31:44,900 'who fought off the reanimated corpses of his entire family. 1238 01:31:45,200 --> 01:31:48,500 'It's all coming right up on Zombies From Hell.' 1239 01:31:48,700 --> 01:31:53,600 'Six months on and, to many, the events of Z-Day must seem like a bad dream. 1240 01:31:53,900 --> 01:31:57,400 'As we now know, the phenomenon resulted from the use of... ' 1241 01:31:57,700 --> 01:32:02,300 '... not something I ever expected as a newscaster to have to say on air. 1242 01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:05,800 "'Removing the head or destroying the brain." Incredible.' 1243 01:32:06,000 --> 01:32:11,100 '... to have a top band with us, talking about their work for the charity Zombaid... ' 1244 01:32:11,300 --> 01:32:15,000 'The fact that the mobile deceased retained their primal instincts 1245 01:32:15,300 --> 01:32:18,800 'make them ideal recruitment for the service industry, 1246 01:32:19,100 --> 01:32:21,200 'as well as other roles such as... ' 1247 01:32:22,600 --> 01:32:27,200 'He can't quite get it. Ooh! He's fallen, he's down! ' 1248 01:32:28,000 --> 01:32:32,400 'I don't see nothing wrong with it but I know that some people would. 1249 01:32:32,700 --> 01:32:37,000 'But he's my husband, you know. I still love him and I got the ring. 1250 01:32:37,200 --> 01:32:40,700 - 'You go to bed with it? ' - 'Course I do.' 1251 01:32:41,000 --> 01:32:44,200 'People can't understand why she's with him? ' 1252 01:32:49,200 --> 01:32:54,800 'Initial claims that the virus was caused by infected monkeys have been dismissed... ' 1253 01:32:55,000 --> 01:32:57,100 Hello. 1254 01:33:02,500 --> 01:33:04,400 What's the plan, then? 1255 01:33:04,500 --> 01:33:07,400 Right, a cup of tea... 1256 01:33:07,600 --> 01:33:10,200 then we get the Sundays. 1257 01:33:10,400 --> 01:33:12,700 Head down the Phoenix for a roast, 1258 01:33:12,800 --> 01:33:15,400 veg out in the pub for a bit 1259 01:33:15,500 --> 01:33:18,900 then wander home, watch a bit of telly, go to bed. 1260 01:33:19,100 --> 01:33:21,500 - Perfik. - I'll get the kettle on. 1261 01:33:21,700 --> 01:33:25,600 - Can I have two sugars, please? - Ooh! Adventurous. 1262 01:33:25,800 --> 01:33:29,400 - I might pop into the garden for a bit. - Go on, then. 1263 01:33:30,600 --> 01:33:32,600 Two seconds. 1264 01:33:43,600 --> 01:33:45,900 'Player two has entered the game.' 1265 01:33:47,000 --> 01:33:48,100 Ed! 1266 01:33:56,800 --> 01:33:58,600 Yes!