1
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:08,510
Police Constable Nicholas Angel.
Born and schooled in London.

2
00:01:08,594 --> 00:01:14,391
Graduated Canterbury University in 1993
with a double first in politics and sociology.

3
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,853
Attended Hendon College of Police Training.

4
00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:20,814
Displayed great aptitude in field exercises.

5
00:01:23,275 --> 00:01:25,986
Notably, urban pacification and riot control.

6
00:01:26,528 --> 00:01:27,655
Back off!

7
00:01:27,739 --> 00:01:31,992
Academically excelled in theoretical
course work and final year examinations.

8
00:01:32,409 --> 00:01:34,412
Received the Baton of Honor.

9
00:01:34,496 --> 00:01:38,540
Graduated with distinction into
the Metropolitan Police Service.

10
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,670
Quickly established an effectiveness
and popularity within the community.

11
00:01:43,045 --> 00:01:44,213
Use your brain.

12
00:01:44,631 --> 00:01:47,674
Proceeded to improve skill base
with courses in advanced driving

13
00:01:49,426 --> 00:01:51,721
and advanced cycling.

14
00:01:52,889 --> 00:01:56,518
Became heavily involved
in a number of extra vocational activities.

15
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,603
To this day holds the Met record
for the 100 meter dash.

16
00:02:00,522 --> 00:02:05,567
In 2001 began active duty with
the renowned SO 19 armed response unit.

17
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:10,031
Received a bravery award for efforts
in the resolution of Operation Crackdown.

18
00:02:10,532 --> 00:02:14,076
In the last 12 months
has received nine special commendations.

19
00:02:14,284 --> 00:02:17,329
Achieved the highest arrest record
for any officer in the Met.

20
00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:19,998
And sustained three injuries
in the line of duty.

21
00:02:20,082 --> 00:02:24,920
Most recently in December when wounded
by a man dressed as Father Christmas.

22
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:32,804
- Hello, Nicholas.
- Hello, Sergeant.

23
00:02:32,846 --> 00:02:33,847
- How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.

24
00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:34,889
It can get awfully hairy out there.

25
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:39,269
I'm surprised you weren't snapped up
sooner for a nice desk job. That's what I did.

26
00:02:39,352 --> 00:02:41,646
I prefer to think my office is
out on the street.

27
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,272
Indeed, you do.

28
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:48,026
Your arrest record is 400% higher
than any other officer.

29
00:02:48,110 --> 00:02:52,740
Which is why it's high time
that such skills were put to better use.

30
00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:57,078
- We're making you Sergeant.
- I see.

31
00:02:57,871 --> 00:02:59,663
In Sandford, Gloucestershire.

32
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,417
- In where, sorry?
- In Sandford, Gloucestershire.

33
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:05,586
- That's in the country.
- Yes, lovely.

34
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,256
Isn't there a Sergeant's position
here in London?

35
00:03:08,338 --> 00:03:09,549
No.

36
00:03:09,632 --> 00:03:11,925
- Can I remain here as a PC?
- No.

37
00:03:12,009 --> 00:03:14,429
- Do I have any choice in this?
- No.

38
00:03:15,513 --> 00:03:17,264
Sergeant, I kind of like it here.

39
00:03:17,348 --> 00:03:19,475
Well, you've always wanted
to transfer to the country.

40
00:03:19,558 --> 00:03:22,270
- In 20 years or so, yes.
- Well done, you.

41
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,480
Hang on, I don't remember telling you that.

42
00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:26,649
Yes, you did. You said,

43
00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:29,735
"I'd love to settle down
in the country sometime, Janine. "

44
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,781
I'd like to talk to the Inspector.

45
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,824
You can speak to the Inspector,
but I can promise you

46
00:03:34,908 --> 00:03:37,868
he will tell you
exactly the same thing as I have.

47
00:03:39,579 --> 00:03:43,040
- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- It's still a bit stiff.

48
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,543
- And how are things at home?
- I'm sorry, sir?

49
00:03:45,627 --> 00:03:47,127
How's Janine?

50
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,590
We're no longer together, sir.

51
00:03:50,673 --> 00:03:53,593
- Right. Then where are you living?
- He's staying at the Section House, sir.

52
00:03:53,675 --> 00:03:56,638
- With the recruits?
- Yes, he's living out of cardboard boxes.

53
00:03:56,721 --> 00:03:58,598
Well, then, you're packed already.

54
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:01,643
Nicholas, we're offering you a smashing
position with a delightful cottage,

55
00:04:01,725 --> 00:04:05,145
in a lovely little place
that I think has won Village of the Year

56
00:04:05,229 --> 00:04:08,608
I don't know how many times.
It'll be good for you.

57
00:04:08,817 --> 00:04:12,277
- I don't really know what to say.
- Yes?

58
00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:14,155
Yes, thank you.

59
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,535
No, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to...

60
00:04:18,617 --> 00:04:21,538
- You want to take this higher?
- Yes, yes, I do.

61
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,540
You want me to bother
the Chief Inspector with this?

62
00:04:23,622 --> 00:04:24,706
Yes.

63
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:27,836
You want me to get the Chief Inspector
to come all the way down here?

64
00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:30,504
- Yes, I do.
- Okay.

65
00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:32,632
Kenneth!

66
00:04:33,132 --> 00:04:36,468
- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.

67
00:04:36,845 --> 00:04:38,512
- Chief Inspector...
- Keep your seat.

68
00:04:38,596 --> 00:04:40,807
Now, I know what you're going to say,

69
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:44,185
but the fact is,
you've been making us all look bad.

70
00:04:44,269 --> 00:04:45,353
I'm sorry, sir?

71
00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:46,896
Of course we all appreciate your efforts,

72
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:49,566
but you've been rather
letting the side down.

73
00:04:49,649 --> 00:04:51,608
It's all about being a team player, Nicholas.

74
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,694
You can't be the Sheriff of London.

75
00:04:53,778 --> 00:04:55,572
If we let you carry on running round town,

76
00:04:55,654 --> 00:04:59,492
you'll continue to be exceptional
and we can't have that.

77
00:04:59,576 --> 00:05:01,952
You'll put us all out of a job.

78
00:05:02,327 --> 00:05:04,038
With respect, sir.

79
00:05:04,122 --> 00:05:09,461
- You can't just make people disappear.
- Yes, I can. I'm the Chief Inspector.

80
00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:14,757
Well, however you spin this, there's
one thing you haven't taken into account.

81
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,384
And that's what the "team"
is gonna make of this.

82
00:05:32,901 --> 00:05:34,903
- Hello?
- Janine, it's me.

83
00:05:34,985 --> 00:05:37,029
I know. I'm at work.

84
00:05:37,112 --> 00:05:39,031
I know, I'm outside.

85
00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:42,576
What's the situation?

86
00:05:42,659 --> 00:05:45,747
You know the situation.
We've been over this.

87
00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:47,247
No, I... I meant here.

88
00:05:47,331 --> 00:05:49,959
Two people involved,
distinct signs of a struggle.

89
00:05:50,043 --> 00:05:51,252
Complete mess.

90
00:05:51,336 --> 00:05:54,422
- You are talking about here?
- Nicholas, what do you want?

91
00:05:54,505 --> 00:05:58,675
Well, I have something important to tell you
and I didn't wanna do it over the phone.

92
00:06:00,845 --> 00:06:03,680
Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.

93
00:06:03,848 --> 00:06:04,932
I'm not Janine.

94
00:06:06,350 --> 00:06:08,894
Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.

95
00:06:08,978 --> 00:06:10,730
I know. Bob told me.

96
00:06:10,814 --> 00:06:11,980
Hello, there.

97
00:06:12,064 --> 00:06:14,149
Well, I wanted to tell you in person.

98
00:06:14,233 --> 00:06:16,360
And there's no reason
we can't be civil with each other.

99
00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:18,278
It's not that long ago
we were talking about getting married.

100
00:06:18,362 --> 00:06:21,281
Yes, but you were already married
to the force, weren't you?

101
00:06:21,365 --> 00:06:23,158
We're actually supposed to call it
"the service" now.

102
00:06:23,242 --> 00:06:25,954
Official vocab guidelines state
that "force" is too aggressive.

103
00:06:26,036 --> 00:06:27,831
See. It's only ever about the job.

104
00:06:27,913 --> 00:06:30,125
- It's all you care about.
- That's not true.

105
00:06:30,207 --> 00:06:33,127
No, you're right,
you do have that rubber plant.

106
00:06:33,211 --> 00:06:36,965
- It's a Japanese Peace Lily.
- You just can't switch off, Nicholas.

107
00:06:37,715 --> 00:06:42,887
And until you find a person you care
about more than your job, you never will.

108
00:06:43,805 --> 00:06:46,932
Besides, you were the one
who suggested we take a break.

109
00:06:47,016 --> 00:06:51,019
Yes, well,
guilty people often make the first move.

110
00:06:52,187 --> 00:06:54,231
Actually, there's something
I need to tell you.

111
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,776
- You're seeing someone else.
- Yes. How did you...

112
00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:58,862
- Is it Bob?
- No.

113
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:02,449
Does Bob look like
the kind of person I'd go out with?

114
00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:04,033
It's Dave.

115
00:07:04,117 --> 00:07:05,576
Hello, there.

116
00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:07,954
I see.

117
00:07:08,997 --> 00:07:10,497
Oh, Nicholas.

118
00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:13,375
You do realize that window
was broken from the inside?

119
00:07:21,259 --> 00:07:22,718
Hello there, Nicholas,
Frank Butterman here, your new Inspector.

120
00:07:22,802 --> 00:07:26,014
I'm just calling with details
of your accommodation.

121
00:07:26,096 --> 00:07:29,184
We've got you a lovely little cottage
on Spencer Hill.

122
00:07:29,766 --> 00:07:32,187
Look forward to meeting you anon. Cheerio.

123
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,483
Nicholas, Frank again.
One other thing about your cottage.

124
00:07:36,816 --> 00:07:37,942
It's not ready.

125
00:08:19,442 --> 00:08:23,112
It would appear the heavens have opened.

126
00:08:30,202 --> 00:08:34,206
- I was hoping to check in.
- Check in?

127
00:08:34,706 --> 00:08:37,043
But you've always been here.

128
00:08:37,418 --> 00:08:41,380
- Excuse me?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

129
00:08:41,463 --> 00:08:43,216
I thought you were my husband.

130
00:08:43,298 --> 00:08:46,009
- You must be Sergeant Angel.
- Yes, I am.

131
00:08:46,094 --> 00:08:49,389
I'm Joyce Cooper.
I trust you had a pleasant trip. Fascist.

132
00:08:49,889 --> 00:08:51,224
I beg your pardon?

133
00:08:51,307 --> 00:08:56,562
"System of Government characterized
by extreme dictatorship. " Seven across.

134
00:08:57,020 --> 00:09:01,567
- Oh, I see. It's "fascism. "
- Fascism. Wonderful.

135
00:09:01,817 --> 00:09:06,239
Now, we've put you in the Castle Suite.
Bernard will escort you up there.

136
00:09:07,573 --> 00:09:11,619
Well, actually,
I could probably make my own way up. Hag.

137
00:09:12,077 --> 00:09:13,871
I beg your pardon?

138
00:09:13,955 --> 00:09:17,750
"Evil old woman considered
frightful or ugly. " It's 12 down.

139
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,503
Oh, bless you.

140
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:09,635
- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
- Right you are, my love.

141
00:10:10,135 --> 00:10:11,888
Yes, sir, what can I get you?

142
00:10:11,971 --> 00:10:16,893
Could I have a glass
of the cranberry juice, please?

143
00:10:16,975 --> 00:10:18,269
Certainly.

144
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:21,815
Now, you wouldn't, by any chance,
be the new policeman?

145
00:10:21,898 --> 00:10:23,942
Police officer, yes. I'm Nicholas Angel.

146
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,903
- I'm Roy Porter. This is my wife Mary.
- Mary.

147
00:10:27,445 --> 00:10:28,696
Welcome to Sandford.

148
00:10:28,779 --> 00:10:30,280
If there's anything you need,
just let us know.

149
00:10:30,365 --> 00:10:33,659
Thank you. Could I borrow your newspaper?

150
00:10:33,743 --> 00:10:34,994
It's not ours, love.

151
00:10:35,077 --> 00:10:37,663
We're not big fans of the local fish wrapper,
are we, Mare?

152
00:10:37,746 --> 00:10:41,334
- They listed her age as 55.
- When I'm actually 53.

153
00:10:41,417 --> 00:10:42,668
Fifty-three.

154
00:10:44,129 --> 00:10:47,465
- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
- Right you are, my love.

155
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:22,375
- Excuse me.
- What?

156
00:11:22,458 --> 00:11:24,878
- When's your birthday?
- Twenty-second of February.

157
00:11:24,961 --> 00:11:26,962
- What year?
- Every year.

158
00:11:27,046 --> 00:11:28,173
Get out.

159
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:34,553
- When's your birthday?
- Eighth of May, 1969.

160
00:11:34,636 --> 00:11:36,431
- You're 37?
- Yeah.

161
00:11:36,514 --> 00:11:37,639
Get out.

162
00:11:37,724 --> 00:11:38,850
When's your birthday?

163
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,226
Out.

164
00:11:41,727 --> 00:11:44,898
- Is there a problem, Officer?
- Yes, there is, Mr. Porter.

165
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:47,775
It would appear a number
of your patrons are under age.

166
00:11:47,859 --> 00:11:50,570
Well, a few of them may be
a month or two south of proper.

167
00:11:50,653 --> 00:11:53,405
But if they're in here,
it stops them getting into trouble out there.

168
00:11:53,490 --> 00:11:55,741
Yeah, the way we see it,
it's all for the greater good.

169
00:11:55,825 --> 00:11:56,951
The greater good.

170
00:11:57,034 --> 00:12:01,331
Well, that's as may be,
but the law's the law and they'll have to go.

171
00:12:06,461 --> 00:12:09,422
- Another cranberry juice?
- I'm fine, thank you.

172
00:12:30,943 --> 00:12:33,863
I hope you're not planning on driving that.

173
00:12:34,072 --> 00:12:35,197
No.

174
00:12:51,047 --> 00:12:54,049
Right. I'm taking you to the station.

175
00:12:55,592 --> 00:12:56,970
Where is it?

176
00:13:03,768 --> 00:13:04,894
What?

177
00:13:15,488 --> 00:13:16,655
Move.

178
00:13:21,244 --> 00:13:23,455
"Nicholas Angel. "

179
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:27,082
- Oh, when did you start?
- Tomorrow.

180
00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:29,961
Well, I see you've already arrested
the whole village.

181
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,211
Not exactly.

182
00:13:32,046 --> 00:13:34,966
- You in for the night?
- Go on, four's free.

183
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:38,427
- Hey, now, I need to speak to him.
- He'll be no use till the morning.

184
00:13:38,510 --> 00:13:39,678
I see.

185
00:13:39,761 --> 00:13:42,764
You really want to process all this lot?

186
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,186
- My pen's running out.
- Not a problem.

187
00:14:25,182 --> 00:14:26,934
- Morning, Sergeant.
- Morning.

188
00:14:27,018 --> 00:14:28,186
Morning.

189
00:14:29,229 --> 00:14:30,395
Morning, Sergeant.

190
00:14:32,481 --> 00:14:34,359
Morning, Sergeant.

191
00:14:39,404 --> 00:14:41,615
- Lock me up.
- I'm sorry?

192
00:14:41,698 --> 00:14:43,826
I'm a slasher and I must be stopped.

193
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:48,373
- You're a what?
- A slasher of prices.

194
00:14:49,874 --> 00:14:54,671
Just kidding. I'm Simon Skinner.
I run the local supermarché.

195
00:14:54,921 --> 00:14:58,383
Drop in and see me sometime.
My discounts are criminal.

196
00:14:58,758 --> 00:15:00,384
Catch me later!

197
00:15:02,386 --> 00:15:04,681
Morning, Sergeant.

198
00:15:10,186 --> 00:15:12,312
Morning, Sergeant.

199
00:15:15,942 --> 00:15:19,153
Could you tell the Inspector
I've arrived, please?

200
00:15:19,446 --> 00:15:20,779
No.

201
00:15:21,364 --> 00:15:22,615
Why?

202
00:15:23,032 --> 00:15:25,033
He's not in yet.

203
00:15:25,326 --> 00:15:27,787
- Well, how's our guest?
- Guest?

204
00:15:27,870 --> 00:15:32,500
- The inebriate in cell four.
- I don't know. Nobody tells me nothing.

205
00:15:37,963 --> 00:15:39,798
Can I get cell four open, please?

206
00:15:39,883 --> 00:15:41,967
Danny, can you open four?

207
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:48,975
- He's gone.
- Oh, my God. Who's gone?

208
00:15:51,977 --> 00:15:56,149
- Why are you dressed like a police officer?
- Because I am one.

209
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,443
Sergeant Angel, at last. Frank Butterman.

210
00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:03,697
- I see you've already met my boy.
- Yes.

211
00:16:05,658 --> 00:16:08,952
Do forgive me.
I'm something of a Wild West nut.

212
00:16:09,037 --> 00:16:13,374
Speaking of which, that was a fair
few outlaws you rounded up last night.

213
00:16:13,541 --> 00:16:15,125
Thank you, sir.

214
00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:20,130
I admire your enthusiasm
and far be it from me to stifle your flair,

215
00:16:20,215 --> 00:16:22,926
but this isn't London.
Oh, yes, please, Danny.

216
00:16:23,009 --> 00:16:24,134
With respect, sir,

217
00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:27,471
geographical location shouldn't factor
in the application of the law.

218
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,847
No, thanks.

219
00:16:28,932 --> 00:16:32,851
Statistically, Sandford is
the safest village in the country.

220
00:16:32,936 --> 00:16:35,145
But that doesn't mean
it requires anything less

221
00:16:35,230 --> 00:16:37,690
than a careful and considered approach.

222
00:16:37,774 --> 00:16:40,692
There's a reason we accommodate
a few of the younglings at the pub.

223
00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:44,279
- The greater good?
- The greater good. Precisely.

224
00:16:44,364 --> 00:16:48,659
Your predecessor assumed
that rural policing was easy.

225
00:16:49,494 --> 00:16:51,495
Ended up having a nervous breakdown.

226
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:55,707
And Sergeant Popwell was
an exceptional officer, truly exceptional.

227
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,503
And he had one thing you haven't got.

228
00:16:58,586 --> 00:17:01,505
- What's that, sir?
- A great big bushy beard.

229
00:17:01,589 --> 00:17:03,674
Come on, let's have a mosey around.

230
00:17:05,969 --> 00:17:07,345
Locker room.

231
00:17:08,721 --> 00:17:10,222
Riot room.

232
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:13,893
Evidence room.

233
00:17:16,813 --> 00:17:20,900
Now, how about a trip to the Andes?

234
00:17:20,983 --> 00:17:24,820
Detective Sergeant Wainwright
and Detective Constable Cartwright.

235
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:27,824
Don't get up.

236
00:17:29,032 --> 00:17:31,702
I expect you're wondering
why we call them the Andes.

237
00:17:31,786 --> 00:17:35,457
- They're both called Andrew?
- They said you were good.

238
00:17:35,539 --> 00:17:38,209
Also, because talking to them is
an uphill struggle, isn't it, Dad?

239
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,627
- Fuck off!
- Thank you, Danny.

240
00:17:46,718 --> 00:17:49,804
And this is where it all happens.

241
00:17:51,306 --> 00:17:53,474
That is Sergeant Tony Fisher.

242
00:17:53,557 --> 00:17:54,851
PC Bob Walker.

243
00:17:56,310 --> 00:17:57,644
And that is Saxon.

244
00:17:58,188 --> 00:18:02,400
And this is one Doris Thatcher.

245
00:18:02,483 --> 00:18:04,568
- She's our only policewoman.
- She's not a policewoman.

246
00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:06,863
- Yeah, she is. I've seen her bra.
- She's a police officer.

247
00:18:06,945 --> 00:18:08,405
Being a woman has nothing to do with it.

248
00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:10,575
Oh, I don't know.
Comes in handy every so often.

249
00:18:10,909 --> 00:18:14,412
I could've given you the tour.
I've been round the station a few times.

250
00:18:14,703 --> 00:18:16,205
And what's upstairs?

251
00:18:17,957 --> 00:18:20,542
Well, well, well, I see we have visitors.

252
00:18:20,626 --> 00:18:22,921
Nicholas, this is Tom Weaver.

253
00:18:23,296 --> 00:18:26,715
Civilian liaison
with the Neighborhood Watch Alliance.

254
00:18:26,799 --> 00:18:29,928
You'll find that we run
a very tight ship here.

255
00:18:31,386 --> 00:18:36,683
From this command center
I can see what the whole village is up to.

256
00:18:37,852 --> 00:18:41,314
I must say I was rather admiring
your handiwork last night.

257
00:18:41,396 --> 00:18:43,982
It's a pity you didn't do the same
to those bloody hoodies.

258
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:46,693
Hanging around. Loitering. Sitting.

259
00:18:46,778 --> 00:18:49,197
Actually, I did notice some minor graffiti
on the fountain.

260
00:18:49,279 --> 00:18:51,615
Graffiti? They've gotta be dealt with, Frank.

261
00:18:51,699 --> 00:18:53,951
They're nippers, Tom. They'll come round.

262
00:18:54,035 --> 00:18:55,286
Which reminds me,

263
00:18:55,369 --> 00:18:58,705
our friend, The Living Statue,
was here on Saturday.

264
00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:03,836
11:00, 12:00, 1:00, 2:00.

265
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,756
If we don't come down hard
on these clowns,

266
00:19:06,839 --> 00:19:11,094
- we are gonna be up to our balls in jugglers.
- We'll get right onto it, Tom.

267
00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:15,765
We like to let them think they run the place.

268
00:19:15,848 --> 00:19:17,599
Well, that's that.

269
00:19:17,683 --> 00:19:20,103
Unless there's anything
you're unclear about?

270
00:19:20,185 --> 00:19:23,397
Yes, sir.
Why is everybody eating chocolate cake?

271
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:27,734
The Black Forest gateau is on Danny.
As punishment for his little indiscretion.

272
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:28,903
His...

273
00:19:28,987 --> 00:19:32,323
Sir, I don't think driving under the influence
can be called a "little indiscretion. "

274
00:19:32,406 --> 00:19:35,576
No, the gateau is for misplacing
his helmet the other week.

275
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:39,622
Last night's incident will require
something rather more serious.

276
00:19:39,705 --> 00:19:42,000
- Good.
- Do you like ice-cream?

277
00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:43,835
I'm sorry, sir, I don't follow.

278
00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:47,672
Let's just say that we won't be short
of Chunky Monkey for the next month.

279
00:19:48,338 --> 00:19:49,507
Dad.

280
00:19:49,590 --> 00:19:53,385
Now, since it's your first day
and it's 11:30, I'd say that's lunch.

281
00:19:59,683 --> 00:20:04,314
So, what made you choose Sandford then,
Sergeant Angel?

282
00:20:04,396 --> 00:20:06,023
It wasn't actually my choice.

283
00:20:06,106 --> 00:20:10,278
Oh, right, right, wasn't your choice to come
down here and tell me how to do my job.

284
00:20:10,361 --> 00:20:11,570
Our jobs.

285
00:20:13,615 --> 00:20:14,699
Yeah.

286
00:20:15,657 --> 00:20:18,577
Look, I can assure you it wasn't
my intention to upset the apple cart.

287
00:20:18,661 --> 00:20:21,914
Yeah, 'cause we all sell apples round here,
don't we?

288
00:20:21,998 --> 00:20:24,834
- Your dad sells apples, Andy.
- And raspberries.

289
00:20:24,917 --> 00:20:27,503
I bet you can't wait to jump
into Sergeant Popwell's grave.

290
00:20:27,586 --> 00:20:29,756
I'm not jumping into anyone's grave.

291
00:20:31,048 --> 00:20:34,384
- You got a mustache.
- I know.

292
00:20:35,052 --> 00:20:38,222
- Why have you got your stab vest on?
- It's a requirement.

293
00:20:38,306 --> 00:20:42,602
In the city maybe.
Nobody's gonna stab you in here, Sergeant.

294
00:20:42,894 --> 00:20:44,895
Not a member of the public anyhow.

295
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:49,733
- Have you been stabbed, Sergeant Fisher?
- No.

296
00:20:49,817 --> 00:20:51,236
Well, I have.

297
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,904
And I can assure you
it is not in the least bit amusing.

298
00:20:55,573 --> 00:20:58,117
Have you seen a lot of action,
Sergeant Angel?

299
00:20:58,201 --> 00:21:00,119
I've experienced my fair share, yes.

300
00:21:00,202 --> 00:21:02,704
- Did you cook any fools?
- Excuse me?

301
00:21:02,788 --> 00:21:04,039
Did you shoot anybody?

302
00:21:04,124 --> 00:21:07,460
He shot a crack head with a Kalashnikov.

303
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:11,756
- Where did you get that?
- The offender had the Kalashnikov.

304
00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:12,923
Where'd he get that?

305
00:21:13,007 --> 00:21:16,219
You do know there are more guns
in the country than there are in the city?

306
00:21:16,301 --> 00:21:19,346
Everybody and their mums
is packing round here.

307
00:21:20,097 --> 00:21:22,142
- Like who?
- Farmers.

308
00:21:22,224 --> 00:21:24,727
- Who else?
- Farmers's mums.

309
00:21:29,022 --> 00:21:31,817
What's it like being stabbed?

310
00:21:32,443 --> 00:21:35,779
It was the single most painful
experience of my life.

311
00:21:35,864 --> 00:21:38,240
What was the second most painful?

312
00:21:44,705 --> 00:21:45,748
You ever fired two guns
whilst jumping through the air?

313
00:21:45,789 --> 00:21:46,790
No.

314
00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:47,834
You ever fired one gun
whilst jumping through the air?

315
00:21:47,875 --> 00:21:48,876
No.

316
00:21:48,917 --> 00:21:49,919
- Ever been in a high speed pursuit?
- Yes, I have.

317
00:21:49,961 --> 00:21:50,961
You ever fired a gun
whilst in a high speed pursuit?

318
00:21:51,003 --> 00:21:52,755
No.

319
00:21:53,256 --> 00:21:57,551
Annette,
that Sergeant Angel's coming into your shop.

320
00:21:57,634 --> 00:21:59,304
Get a look at his arse.

321
00:21:59,971 --> 00:22:02,182
- What about Lethal Weapon?
- No.

322
00:22:02,265 --> 00:22:04,267
- You've seen Die Hard, though?
- No.

323
00:22:04,349 --> 00:22:05,977
- Bad Boys II?
- No.

324
00:22:06,059 --> 00:22:07,770
You ain't seen Bad Boys II?

325
00:22:11,775 --> 00:22:13,651
- Hell of a day, huh?
- Yeah.

326
00:22:13,734 --> 00:22:15,319
- Same again tomorrow?
- Yeah.

327
00:22:21,116 --> 00:22:24,369
Amanda Paver,
headmistress of Sandford Primary.

328
00:22:24,453 --> 00:22:25,872
How do you do, Sergeant?

329
00:22:25,954 --> 00:22:30,794
- Simon Skinner, I believe you've met.
- Oh, we're already firm friends.

330
00:22:30,876 --> 00:22:32,878
Oh, please, please, come with me, will you?

331
00:22:32,961 --> 00:22:34,838
This is Leslie Tiller,

332
00:22:35,131 --> 00:22:39,259
whose horticultural expertise
has helped put Sandford on the map.

333
00:22:39,510 --> 00:22:41,846
- She's ever so good.
- Oh, go on.

334
00:22:41,930 --> 00:22:44,348
This is James Reaper,
who owns Brannigan Farm.

335
00:22:44,432 --> 00:22:46,142
I hear you're quite the marksman.

336
00:22:46,226 --> 00:22:48,685
Perhaps you might like to join us
for a shoot one day.

337
00:22:48,769 --> 00:22:51,314
Well, I haven't held a firearm
for over two years, Mr. Reaper.

338
00:22:51,396 --> 00:22:53,023
I'd quite like to keep it that way.

339
00:22:53,107 --> 00:22:54,858
You will be popular with the local birds.

340
00:22:55,401 --> 00:22:56,653
Birds.

341
00:22:57,403 --> 00:22:59,948
Nicholas, hello. Reverend Shooter.

342
00:23:00,405 --> 00:23:03,701
I want to ask you,
would you read a homily at Sunday Service?

343
00:23:03,785 --> 00:23:05,869
That might be
a little hypocritical of me, Reverend.

344
00:23:05,953 --> 00:23:08,205
Oh, you're an atheist?

345
00:23:08,288 --> 00:23:09,749
No, I'm... I'm...

346
00:23:09,833 --> 00:23:12,876
I'm open to the concept of religion,
I'm just not entirely convinced by it.

347
00:23:12,961 --> 00:23:15,587
- You're an agnostic?
- I think I have a cream for that.

348
00:23:17,757 --> 00:23:20,884
Robin Hatcher, our resident sawbones.

349
00:23:20,969 --> 00:23:23,887
Hopefully we won't see too much
of each other over the coming months.

350
00:23:24,763 --> 00:23:26,723
Well, all that remains is to welcome you

351
00:23:26,807 --> 00:23:31,395
to the weekly meeting
of the Neighborhood Watch Alliance.

352
00:23:33,856 --> 00:23:36,817
Now, quick announcement before we begin.

353
00:23:37,192 --> 00:23:40,613
Janet Barker has just given birth to twins.

354
00:23:40,947 --> 00:23:42,990
So, congratulations to her.

355
00:23:43,074 --> 00:23:45,367
- Tom?
- Thanks, Joyce.

356
00:23:45,951 --> 00:23:47,036
Now.

357
00:23:47,787 --> 00:23:52,750
I am sure that all of you will have noticed
the return of a blight to our streets.

358
00:23:52,834 --> 00:23:57,172
It's made all the more disturbing as
the Village of the Year contest looms.

359
00:23:57,922 --> 00:24:03,051
I refer, of course,
to the extremely irritating Living Statue.

360
00:24:08,391 --> 00:24:11,728
Police work
is as much about preventing crime

361
00:24:11,810 --> 00:24:13,645
as it is about fighting crime.

362
00:24:13,730 --> 00:24:17,232
Most importantly,
it is about procedural correctness

363
00:24:17,317 --> 00:24:20,737
in the execution
of unquestionable moral authority.

364
00:24:21,863 --> 00:24:23,239
Any questions?

365
00:24:25,575 --> 00:24:26,826
Yes.

366
00:24:26,910 --> 00:24:29,621
Is it true that there is a place
in a man's head

367
00:24:29,703 --> 00:24:31,830
that if you shoot it, it will blow up?

368
00:24:35,751 --> 00:24:37,211
Hi, hi, Tim Messenger.

369
00:24:37,295 --> 00:24:39,588
Can I get a quick shot
for the Sandford Citizen?

370
00:24:39,672 --> 00:24:40,839
Okay.

371
00:24:40,923 --> 00:24:43,050
How about you put the teacher
in handcuffs?

372
00:24:43,134 --> 00:24:44,635
I don't think that gives off the right signals.

373
00:24:44,719 --> 00:24:46,596
Too cheesy-pie. Okay. Gotcha.

374
00:24:47,012 --> 00:24:49,097
- Give the little blonde kid your hat.
- I'd rather not.

375
00:24:49,473 --> 00:24:51,476
- Wave your hitting stick about.
- No.

376
00:24:51,558 --> 00:24:52,810
Righty-ho-ho.

377
00:24:57,315 --> 00:25:00,317
Oh, can I have your autograph, please?

378
00:25:02,319 --> 00:25:05,365
- For the breakfast.
- Oh, sorry.

379
00:25:10,327 --> 00:25:12,497
Hey, that weren't me.

380
00:25:13,748 --> 00:25:16,334
- Morning, Angle.
- Good morning, Angle.

381
00:25:16,835 --> 00:25:18,670
- Morning, Angle.
- Morning, Angle.

382
00:25:18,752 --> 00:25:21,256
- Sergeant Angel.
- Morning. The swan's escaped.

383
00:25:21,338 --> 00:25:22,798
- The swan's escaped?
- Yeah.

384
00:25:22,882 --> 00:25:25,093
Right. And where has the swan
escaped from exactly?

385
00:25:25,175 --> 00:25:27,095
- The castle.
- Oh, yeah? And who might you be?

386
00:25:27,178 --> 00:25:30,515
Mr. Staker. Yeah, Mr. Peter Ian Staker.

387
00:25:30,597 --> 00:25:33,684
P.I. Staker. Right. Piss taker. Come on!

388
00:25:33,852 --> 00:25:37,689
Yes, Mr. Staker. We'll do everything we can.
Can you describe it to me?

389
00:25:37,771 --> 00:25:39,648
It's about two foot tall.

390
00:25:39,731 --> 00:25:42,192
- Long slender neck.
- Yeah.

391
00:25:42,277 --> 00:25:45,154
- Kind of orange and black bill.
- Anything else?

392
00:25:46,197 --> 00:25:47,656
Well, it's a swan.

393
00:25:55,623 --> 00:25:56,958
That's just gonna scare it.

394
00:26:02,337 --> 00:26:07,134
- No luck catching them swans then?
- It's just the one swan, actually.

395
00:26:09,887 --> 00:26:13,516
- Want anything from the shop?
- You've just been to the shop.

396
00:26:14,099 --> 00:26:15,643
I was thinking of a different shop.

397
00:26:15,727 --> 00:26:18,313
Constable Butterman,
this is not the time for personal errands.

398
00:26:18,395 --> 00:26:22,025
- Well, there's nothing going on, is there?
- There is always something going on.

399
00:26:22,107 --> 00:26:26,028
You have to look closer, all right?
What about this guy?

400
00:26:26,779 --> 00:26:28,071
- Mr. Treacher?
- Yeah.

401
00:26:28,155 --> 00:26:30,240
Why has he got that big coat on?

402
00:26:30,325 --> 00:26:34,162
He can't be cold. Why the extra layer?
Maybe he's trying to hide something.

403
00:26:34,746 --> 00:26:36,205
Mr. Treacher?

404
00:26:37,164 --> 00:26:38,500
Okay. What about this guy?

405
00:26:38,583 --> 00:26:41,044
Ask yourself, why has he got his hat
pulled down like that?

406
00:26:41,126 --> 00:26:44,422
- He's fuck ugly.
- Or he doesn't want you to see his face.

407
00:26:44,506 --> 00:26:46,548
Because he's fuck ugly.

408
00:26:46,965 --> 00:26:48,718
Okay, what's his story?

409
00:26:48,801 --> 00:26:50,260
- Oh, that's Lurch.
- Go on.

410
00:26:50,345 --> 00:26:52,638
- He's a trolley boy at the local supermarket.
- Good.

411
00:26:52,721 --> 00:26:54,557
Real name, Michael Armstrong.

412
00:26:54,641 --> 00:26:56,851
- Dad says he's got a child's mind.
- Okay.

413
00:26:56,934 --> 00:26:59,061
And lives up Summer Street
with his mum and his sister.

414
00:26:59,144 --> 00:27:00,395
And are they as big as he is?

415
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,107
- Who?
- The mum and the sister.

416
00:27:03,191 --> 00:27:04,692
Same person.

417
00:27:06,068 --> 00:27:07,444
What shop were you thinking of?

418
00:27:29,424 --> 00:27:32,929
Sergeant Angel to the Manager's office.

419
00:27:33,011 --> 00:27:36,098
Manager's office. Sergeant Angel.

420
00:27:38,809 --> 00:27:42,980
Sergeant Angel. Or is it Angle?

421
00:27:44,691 --> 00:27:47,734
Mr. Skinner, a baby's sicked up in aisle six.

422
00:27:48,611 --> 00:27:51,197
Please excuse me. Michael!

423
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:52,449
Yarp.

424
00:27:52,531 --> 00:27:55,993
- Child vomit. Aisle six. Mop it up.
- Yarp.

425
00:27:56,076 --> 00:27:59,288
- Mr. Skinner, is there a problem?
- No, no, no, no.

426
00:27:59,372 --> 00:28:03,625
I simply wanted to say how lovely it is
to see you supporting your local store.

427
00:28:03,710 --> 00:28:04,961
Well, that's quite all right.

428
00:28:05,044 --> 00:28:09,298
All too many have defected
to the big Megamart in Buford Abbey.

429
00:28:09,382 --> 00:28:13,845
May their heads be struck
from their shoulders for such disloyalty.

430
00:28:13,928 --> 00:28:16,972
Yes, well, I am on duty,
so if you'll excuse me.

431
00:28:17,056 --> 00:28:20,559
Of course. I simply spied you loitering
in organic produce

432
00:28:20,643 --> 00:28:23,270
and assumed you had time on your hands.

433
00:28:26,732 --> 00:28:29,152
Well, maybe I'm not the one
you should be keeping an eye on.

434
00:28:29,611 --> 00:28:32,489
That's the Fridge Magnate.
His name's George Merchant.

435
00:28:32,572 --> 00:28:36,826
Made a fortune in kitchen goods.
Built that monstrosity on Norris Avenue.

436
00:28:37,618 --> 00:28:40,038
Actually, I wasn't talking about him.

437
00:28:40,747 --> 00:28:43,500
I was talking about him.

438
00:28:44,584 --> 00:28:46,044
Excuse me.

439
00:28:51,799 --> 00:28:52,842
Excuse me.

440
00:29:02,769 --> 00:29:05,855
"Meet the cop that can't be stopped. "

441
00:29:22,872 --> 00:29:24,164
Tosser!

442
00:29:26,209 --> 00:29:27,751
Trouble in the high street.

443
00:29:27,836 --> 00:29:29,503
Sergeant Angel's having a spot of bother.

444
00:29:29,586 --> 00:29:30,797
Roger that.

445
00:29:41,182 --> 00:29:42,474
Morning, Sergeant.

446
00:29:49,816 --> 00:29:51,067
You mothers.

447
00:29:54,903 --> 00:29:59,576
- Let's cut through here. Head him off.
- Through the gardens?

448
00:29:59,659 --> 00:30:02,287
What's the matter, Danny?
You never taken a shortcut before.

449
00:30:46,538 --> 00:30:48,290
Hey, give me that!

450
00:30:54,798 --> 00:30:56,799
"You do not have to say anything,
however it may harm your defense

451
00:30:56,883 --> 00:30:59,594
"if you fail to mention when questioned
something you later rely on in court.

452
00:30:59,676 --> 00:31:01,762
"Anything you do say
can be given in evidence. "

453
00:31:01,846 --> 00:31:03,515
- Hi, Danny.
- All right, Pete?

454
00:31:03,597 --> 00:31:04,723
Do you know this man?

455
00:31:04,807 --> 00:31:06,518
Yeah, he's Auntie Jackie's
sister's brother's boy.

456
00:31:06,601 --> 00:31:08,478
And it didn't occur to you
to mention this before?

457
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,396
Couldn't see his face, could I?
I'm not made of eyes.

458
00:31:21,990 --> 00:31:23,826
Impressive collar.

459
00:31:23,910 --> 00:31:26,453
Shame Mr. Skinner
doesn't want to press charges.

460
00:31:26,538 --> 00:31:27,997
What do you mean,
he doesn't wanna press charges?

461
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,917
I'm simply suggesting that, you know,
Peter be given a second chance

462
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,962
before he becomes
just another crime statistic.

463
00:31:35,046 --> 00:31:37,882
I'm sure he's going to learn
a valuable lesson.

464
00:31:37,965 --> 00:31:41,677
- Stealing biscuits is wrong?
- Correct.

465
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:42,846
Thanks.

466
00:31:42,929 --> 00:31:45,807
And yet we respond by not taking
a single punitive measure?

467
00:31:45,890 --> 00:31:48,852
Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

468
00:31:48,934 --> 00:31:50,854
Like the biscuits, isn't it?

469
00:31:50,936 --> 00:31:53,815
- Mr. Skinner...
- Is everything all right?

470
00:31:53,940 --> 00:31:58,944
Well, sir, Mr. Skinner feels it would
be better not to prosecute an individual

471
00:31:59,028 --> 00:32:01,114
that has committed a blatant offense.

472
00:32:01,196 --> 00:32:02,656
Leave this with me.

473
00:32:02,740 --> 00:32:05,910
I'll make sure everyone gets
their just deserts.

474
00:32:05,993 --> 00:32:07,871
Oh, no!

475
00:32:10,707 --> 00:32:12,208
Twenty-seven.

476
00:32:12,291 --> 00:32:15,836
- Have you ever seen Point Break?
- No.

477
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,256
Amazing bit in Point Break
where they jump over fences.

478
00:32:18,338 --> 00:32:20,258
Is there now? Twenty-nine.

479
00:32:20,340 --> 00:32:23,303
Patrick Swayze's just robbed this bank
and Keanu Reeves is chasing him

480
00:32:23,385 --> 00:32:26,306
through people's gardens,
and he goes to shoot Swayze but he can't,

481
00:32:26,388 --> 00:32:27,557
'cause he loves him so much,

482
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:29,808
and he's firing his gun up in the air,
he's like...

483
00:32:29,893 --> 00:32:31,310
Forty.

484
00:32:31,394 --> 00:32:33,188
Have you ever fired your gun up
in the air and gone...

485
00:32:33,270 --> 00:32:36,607
No, I have not ever fired my gun
up in the air and gone...

486
00:32:36,691 --> 00:32:38,151
Thirty.

487
00:32:38,233 --> 00:32:41,945
Sorry, I... I just...
I just feel like I'm missing out sometimes.

488
00:32:42,029 --> 00:32:45,032
- I wanna do what you do.
- You do, do what I do.

489
00:32:45,115 --> 00:32:46,910
What on earth
do you think you're missing out on?

490
00:32:46,992 --> 00:32:50,454
Gun fights. Car chases.
Proper action and shit.

491
00:32:50,538 --> 00:32:53,958
Police work is not about
proper action or shit.

492
00:32:54,750 --> 00:32:56,169
Twenty-nine.

493
00:32:56,251 --> 00:32:57,586
If you had paid attention to me in school,

494
00:32:57,670 --> 00:33:00,839
you'd understand that it's not all about
gun fights and car chases.

495
00:33:02,299 --> 00:33:03,593
Fire up the roof.

496
00:33:08,222 --> 00:33:09,932
That was brilliant.

497
00:33:12,644 --> 00:33:15,145
Was I going a tad fast, Officer?

498
00:33:15,646 --> 00:33:17,731
Yes, you were, Mr. Blower.

499
00:33:17,816 --> 00:33:21,068
Well, now, you see,
we are staging a homage

500
00:33:21,152 --> 00:33:25,240
to William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet
and I'm a little late for the dress rehearsal.

501
00:33:25,323 --> 00:33:28,367
I'm playing the eponymous hero, you see.

502
00:33:28,576 --> 00:33:30,244
Romeo not Juliet.

503
00:33:32,579 --> 00:33:35,333
- What are you writing?
- Everything you're saying.

504
00:33:35,415 --> 00:33:36,835
I might need to refer to it later.

505
00:33:36,917 --> 00:33:41,005
Now, Officer, I am a respected solicitor
so there's no need to...

506
00:33:41,213 --> 00:33:42,632
Just stop writing, will you?

507
00:33:42,714 --> 00:33:47,929
Look, I'm merely trying to explain
why I might have exceeded the speed limit.

508
00:33:48,011 --> 00:33:50,807
You're playing the male lead
in a homage to William Shakespeare's

509
00:33:50,890 --> 00:33:53,809
Romeo and Juliet
and you're late for the dress rehearsal.

510
00:33:53,893 --> 00:33:56,770
You think this is sufficient reason
to travel at 48 in a 30 zone?

511
00:33:56,855 --> 00:33:58,690
- Well, I...
- To flout speed limits

512
00:33:58,772 --> 00:34:02,818
- specifically put in place to save lives.
- Just, look, this is preposterous.

513
00:34:02,902 --> 00:34:06,698
- "Preposterous. "
- Look, just stop writing!

514
00:34:06,780 --> 00:34:08,949
"Stop writing. "

515
00:34:10,659 --> 00:34:14,706
Look, you're right, I apologize.

516
00:34:16,123 --> 00:34:18,460
- See what I did there?
- You hypnotized him.

517
00:34:18,543 --> 00:34:19,960
No, I used this.

518
00:34:20,043 --> 00:34:22,547
This is the most important piece
of equipment you will ever own.

519
00:34:22,630 --> 00:34:25,507
This notebook has saved my skin
more times than I care to mention.

520
00:34:25,592 --> 00:34:27,135
You should think
about using yours more often.

521
00:34:27,217 --> 00:34:29,219
- I do use mine.
- Show me.

522
00:34:34,641 --> 00:34:37,771
- That's just extraordinary.
- You should see the one on the other side.

523
00:34:43,818 --> 00:34:46,820
- What are you up to tonight?
- I have to water my Peace Lily.

524
00:34:46,905 --> 00:34:48,447
Thought you might wanna do something.

525
00:34:48,530 --> 00:34:51,659
- What exactly were you thinking?
- Don't know. Pub?

526
00:34:51,826 --> 00:34:54,996
I don't think that's a good idea. Do you?

527
00:34:57,998 --> 00:34:59,501
You two.

528
00:34:59,666 --> 00:35:04,047
A Mr. Blower left you tickets
for Romeo and Juliet tonight.

529
00:35:04,130 --> 00:35:05,507
Said it was by way of an apology.

530
00:35:05,590 --> 00:35:07,132
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

531
00:35:07,550 --> 00:35:11,596
Well, we can't accept gifts from somebody
we've officially rebuked. So...

532
00:35:12,054 --> 00:35:13,264
Yeah.

533
00:35:14,599 --> 00:35:16,184
Nicholas. Glad I caught you.

534
00:35:16,266 --> 00:35:20,021
Wondered if you wouldn't mind
representing us at the am drams tonight.

535
00:35:20,105 --> 00:35:23,023
- Yes, sir, of course.
- And there's a spare for Danny, too.

536
00:35:23,108 --> 00:35:26,527
Yeah! Hey, come on, it might be fun.

537
00:35:33,117 --> 00:35:34,159
A dateless bargain to engrossing death.

538
00:35:34,202 --> 00:35:36,913
Here's to my love.

539
00:35:43,795 --> 00:35:44,963
Now.

540
00:35:49,759 --> 00:35:53,304
Poison? I'll kiss thy lips.

541
00:35:54,222 --> 00:35:57,307
Happily some poison
doth yet hang on them.

542
00:36:04,983 --> 00:36:06,150
Bang!

543
00:36:25,003 --> 00:36:28,255
Sergeant Angel, hi-hi.
Quick word for the Sandford Citizen.

544
00:36:28,922 --> 00:36:30,215
It was very enjoyable.

545
00:36:30,300 --> 00:36:32,552
- "Cop Enjoys Watching Young Lovers"?
- I don't think so.

546
00:36:32,635 --> 00:36:34,262
"Local Bobby Gives Thumbs Up
To Teen Suicide"?

547
00:36:34,344 --> 00:36:35,929
That's just grossly inappropriate.

548
00:36:36,597 --> 00:36:40,018
You will try and spell his name
correctly this time, won't you, Timothy?

549
00:36:40,101 --> 00:36:42,561
Absolute tosh, wasn't it?

550
00:36:42,853 --> 00:36:46,940
And annoyingly, the understudies
are actually professional actors.

551
00:36:47,108 --> 00:36:49,568
Greg over there was an extra in Straw Dogs

552
00:36:49,652 --> 00:36:51,528
and Sheree portrayed a cadaver
in Prime Suspect.

553
00:36:51,612 --> 00:36:53,782
Sergeant Angel, you came?

554
00:36:53,864 --> 00:36:57,242
So thrilled you accepted my invitation.

555
00:36:57,327 --> 00:37:00,288
Well, our Inspector
requested we attend. So...

556
00:37:00,371 --> 00:37:05,168
Yeah, we can't accept gifts from
someone we've officially rebuked so...

557
00:37:05,251 --> 00:37:06,585
Jog on.

558
00:37:07,253 --> 00:37:10,465
Congratulations to you and to Mrs. Blower.

559
00:37:12,717 --> 00:37:17,514
Oh, this is not my wife.
This is Miss Draper. My leading lady.

560
00:37:17,806 --> 00:37:22,309
Eve works in the local council, Sergeant.
Quite the lady in the know.

561
00:37:22,393 --> 00:37:25,355
- I am not.
- Nonsense.

562
00:37:25,438 --> 00:37:31,152
I'm sure if we bashed your head in, all sorts
of secrets would come tumbling out.

563
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,617
Romeo, Romeo, a pint of bitter for Romeo?

564
00:37:37,699 --> 00:37:39,577
Thank you very much for coming, George.
Excuse us.

565
00:37:39,661 --> 00:37:41,788
A pleasure, my liege.

566
00:37:41,871 --> 00:37:45,291
- Eve's nice, ain't she?
- She certainly has a distinctive laugh.

567
00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:48,795
She was in my year at school.
Always had a thing for her.

568
00:37:49,586 --> 00:37:51,547
She clearly has a thing for older men.

569
00:37:52,673 --> 00:37:54,967
What, with Martin Blower? No way!

570
00:37:55,467 --> 00:37:58,137
We just sat through three hours
of so-called acting, Constable,

571
00:37:58,221 --> 00:38:00,974
their kiss was
the only convincing moment in it.

572
00:38:01,056 --> 00:38:02,724
Hey, now you come to mention it,

573
00:38:02,809 --> 00:38:05,436
I too have reason to believe
she favors the older gent.

574
00:38:05,519 --> 00:38:06,646
Really? How so?

575
00:38:06,728 --> 00:38:09,815
Marcus Carter's big brother said
he'd fingered her up the duck pond.

576
00:38:13,318 --> 00:38:14,987
Oh, Officers.

577
00:38:15,070 --> 00:38:18,699
Again let me extend
my sincere apologies for earlier.

578
00:38:18,782 --> 00:38:22,161
That's quite all right, Mr. Blower. Drive safe.

579
00:38:27,375 --> 00:38:30,545
"Drive safe. " Oh, my God.

580
00:38:30,628 --> 00:38:33,005
You know that's the bloke
we done for speeding earlier.

581
00:38:33,088 --> 00:38:36,009
Yeah. Hopefully,
that's the last we'll see of him.

582
00:38:48,353 --> 00:38:49,688
Who is it?

583
00:38:54,277 --> 00:38:55,402
We haven't got long.

584
00:38:57,362 --> 00:38:58,572
To us.

585
00:39:00,784 --> 00:39:02,034
Who is it?

586
00:39:13,922 --> 00:39:15,255
Yeah?

587
00:39:18,134 --> 00:39:19,969
- ... decaffeinated?
- Decaffeinated?

588
00:39:24,556 --> 00:39:27,643
Little Brian Libby found them,
out on his paper round.

589
00:39:28,436 --> 00:39:31,271
Oh, he'll be having nightmares for a while.

590
00:39:31,731 --> 00:39:35,652
Must have hit the sign at some speed.
Took the whole top off.

591
00:39:35,735 --> 00:39:38,780
- I've had my top off in this lay-by.
- Tits.

592
00:39:38,862 --> 00:39:45,411
Most likely lost control,
left the road there and then ended up here.

593
00:39:47,079 --> 00:39:51,416
So, what do we reckon?

594
00:39:52,210 --> 00:39:53,670
Sergeant Angel?

595
00:39:54,253 --> 00:39:57,090
Well, we should get a proper cordon off,
screen the remains from public view.

596
00:39:57,172 --> 00:39:58,882
Close down the road
until the ambulance crew arrives,

597
00:39:58,967 --> 00:40:02,302
whereupon we should open
a single lane of traffic and ease congestion.

598
00:40:02,846 --> 00:40:04,179
Very good.

599
00:40:04,847 --> 00:40:05,931
What he said.

600
00:40:11,311 --> 00:40:13,440
- What happened, Danny?
- Car accident.

601
00:40:13,523 --> 00:40:15,275
Nasty way to go.

602
00:40:16,108 --> 00:40:18,110
Constable, official vocab guidelines state

603
00:40:18,193 --> 00:40:21,280
we no longer refer to these incidents
as "accidents," they're now "collisions. "

604
00:40:21,364 --> 00:40:22,449
Right.

605
00:40:22,532 --> 00:40:28,663
"For never was there a story of more woe.
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo. "

606
00:40:28,954 --> 00:40:32,625
- Excuse me?
- Martin and Eve. Such a tragedy.

607
00:40:32,708 --> 00:40:34,293
Mr. Skinner, do you mind telling me

608
00:40:34,376 --> 00:40:36,588
how you know the identity
of the persons involved?

609
00:40:36,670 --> 00:40:40,132
You know how it is. News travels fast.

610
00:40:40,340 --> 00:40:44,471
A love struck Romeo
sings a streetsus serenade

611
00:40:45,096 --> 00:40:47,474
- What happened, Danny?
- Traffic collision.

612
00:40:48,724 --> 00:40:50,643
Hey, why can't we say "accident" again?

613
00:40:50,726 --> 00:40:53,188
Because "accident" implies
there's nobody to blame.

614
00:40:54,688 --> 00:40:56,106
Put a sock in it, town mouse.

615
00:40:56,190 --> 00:40:59,943
Yeah, you wanna be a big cop in
a small town, fuck off up the model village.

616
00:41:00,027 --> 00:41:02,447
I'm just saying,
things aren't always as simple as they look.

617
00:41:02,530 --> 00:41:04,364
Most times they are.

618
00:41:04,449 --> 00:41:07,202
Let's just wait till Doctor Hatcher
comes back with something,

619
00:41:07,284 --> 00:41:09,871
before you go jumping the Kalashnikov.

620
00:41:09,954 --> 00:41:13,081
All right, in the meantime, why don't you
check out a few of Martin Blower's clients?

621
00:41:13,166 --> 00:41:16,043
Martin Blower represents
damn near most of the village.

622
00:41:16,126 --> 00:41:17,670
Did you want us to go through
the whole phone book?

623
00:41:17,753 --> 00:41:20,547
Yeah, or put a call into Aaron A. Aaronson,
shall we?

624
00:41:20,632 --> 00:41:21,965
Please, don't be childish.

625
00:41:22,050 --> 00:41:23,342
At least consider interviewing the widow.

626
00:41:23,425 --> 00:41:25,512
Martin Blower was clearly having
an affair with Eve Draper.

627
00:41:25,594 --> 00:41:29,014
Oh, and how did you establish that?

628
00:41:29,099 --> 00:41:31,851
'Cause we sat through three hours
of so-called acting last night,

629
00:41:31,934 --> 00:41:34,353
and the kiss was
the only convincing moment in it.

630
00:41:34,436 --> 00:41:36,523
All right, pipe down, big one.

631
00:41:36,606 --> 00:41:39,150
Here, what else you got,
Crockett and Tubby?

632
00:41:39,233 --> 00:41:41,652
- Skid marks.
- Now who's being childish?

633
00:41:41,735 --> 00:41:43,570
There were no skid marks at the scene.

634
00:41:43,655 --> 00:41:46,615
Doesn't it seem a little strange that
Martin Blower would lose control of his car

635
00:41:46,699 --> 00:41:48,617
and not think to apply the brakes?

636
00:41:49,244 --> 00:41:50,536
If there were no skid marks it follows

637
00:41:50,619 --> 00:41:54,541
that for 300 yards both driver and passenger
did nothing to prevent their fate.

638
00:41:54,623 --> 00:41:56,626
You don't have to be a detective
to work that out!

639
00:41:56,708 --> 00:41:57,876
Yeah.

640
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:01,047
- Are you causing trouble?
- Yes, they are.

641
00:42:01,130 --> 00:42:04,342
Well, a spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm.

642
00:42:04,425 --> 00:42:07,929
Old Arthur Webley's been clipping
hedgerows that don't belong to him.

643
00:42:08,012 --> 00:42:09,722
- Yes, sir?
- That's it.

644
00:42:10,722 --> 00:42:11,849
Yes, sir.

645
00:42:17,813 --> 00:42:21,150
- Why do we need the dog?
- It's not the dog we need.

646
00:42:28,907 --> 00:42:29,992
Right.

647
00:42:30,076 --> 00:42:31,202
What did he say?

648
00:42:37,083 --> 00:42:38,751
- What did he say?
- He said, "An 'edge is an 'edge.

649
00:42:38,835 --> 00:42:40,420
"He only chopped it down
'cause it spoilt his view.

650
00:42:40,503 --> 00:42:41,920
"What's Reaper moaning about?"

651
00:42:42,005 --> 00:42:43,088
Right.

652
00:42:43,172 --> 00:42:44,507
Look, I appreciate your position,
Mr. Webley,

653
00:42:44,590 --> 00:42:47,760
but you can't go around chopping down
other people's hedges without permission.

654
00:42:49,804 --> 00:42:51,139
"Yes, I suppose. "

655
00:42:51,222 --> 00:42:52,347
Thank you.

656
00:42:53,099 --> 00:42:54,601
All right.

657
00:42:56,268 --> 00:42:59,105
Mr. Webley,
I trust you have a license for that firearm?

658
00:43:01,483 --> 00:43:03,067
He does for this one.

659
00:43:04,818 --> 00:43:06,278
What do you mean by "this one"?

660
00:43:19,876 --> 00:43:22,545
By the power of Grey Skull.

661
00:43:22,628 --> 00:43:24,588
Where on earth did you get these?

662
00:43:24,672 --> 00:43:26,590
- Found them.
- He found them!

663
00:43:26,673 --> 00:43:30,260
- And what is this?
- Sea mine.

664
00:43:30,344 --> 00:43:31,887
Sea mine.

665
00:43:32,137 --> 00:43:34,681
Well, Mr. Webley,
this is an extremely dangerous collection.

666
00:43:34,766 --> 00:43:36,266
It's a wonder nobody's been hurt before.

667
00:43:36,351 --> 00:43:38,353
No, it's just a lot of junk.

668
00:43:50,532 --> 00:43:52,617
Move, move, move!

669
00:44:13,596 --> 00:44:16,474
- You what?
- No, apparently it's been deactivated. Over.

670
00:44:16,557 --> 00:44:18,643
That's right, deactivated!

671
00:44:18,726 --> 00:44:20,644
- It's not live.
- It looks live.

672
00:44:20,728 --> 00:44:21,813
All right.

673
00:44:44,835 --> 00:44:47,172
That was quite an impressive haul today,
Constable Butterman.

674
00:44:47,255 --> 00:44:50,675
Well, you know, I mean, maybe
we should do something to celebrate.

675
00:44:50,759 --> 00:44:52,177
Unless you gotta water your Peace Lily.

676
00:44:52,260 --> 00:44:55,679
- What exactly did you have in mind?
- I don't know. Pub?

677
00:45:01,351 --> 00:45:02,978
Right you are, my love.

678
00:45:03,061 --> 00:45:05,148
Yes, sirs, what can I get you?

679
00:45:05,231 --> 00:45:06,815
Pint of lager, please, Roy.

680
00:45:06,900 --> 00:45:08,525
And what can I get you
that isn't a cranberry juice?

681
00:45:08,610 --> 00:45:11,237
- I don't really wanna get drunk.
- You can get a little drunk.

682
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,032
- Okay, I'll have one.
- Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

683
00:45:14,364 --> 00:45:16,367
Mr. Porter, what's your wine selection?

684
00:45:16,451 --> 00:45:21,079
Oh, we got red or white.

685
00:45:22,289 --> 00:45:25,460
- I'll have a pint of lager, please.
- Yeah, Roy.

686
00:45:30,507 --> 00:45:34,802
- Any news from earlier?
- Yeah. CSI found nothing.

687
00:45:34,885 --> 00:45:39,389
Doctor Hatcher reported no misadventure
and Mrs. Blower has four alibis.

688
00:45:39,474 --> 00:45:45,438
Now, come on, Sergeant, it's not your job
to investigate this incident, is it?

689
00:45:46,231 --> 00:45:47,398
Is it?

690
00:45:47,481 --> 00:45:49,943
- No, it isn't.
- No, it isn't.

691
00:45:52,487 --> 00:45:55,739
- You don't switch off, do you?
- You sound like my ex.

692
00:45:56,365 --> 00:45:59,911
- Well, you are always thinking away.
- It's what I do.

693
00:45:59,994 --> 00:46:03,414
- Don't get me wrong. I think it's amazing.
- Really?

694
00:46:03,498 --> 00:46:06,126
I mean,
what made you wanna be a policeman?

695
00:46:06,208 --> 00:46:07,293
Officer.

696
00:46:07,376 --> 00:46:09,963
What made you wanna be
a policeman-officer?

697
00:46:12,507 --> 00:46:15,927
I don't remember a time
when I didn't wanna be a police officer.

698
00:46:16,010 --> 00:46:19,764
Apart from the summer of 1979
when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog.

699
00:46:20,764 --> 00:46:24,768
It all started with my Uncle Derek.
He was a Sergeant in the Met.

700
00:46:24,853 --> 00:46:27,771
He bought me a police pedal car
when I was five.

701
00:46:27,856 --> 00:46:29,983
I rode round in it every second I was awake.

702
00:46:30,065 --> 00:46:33,445
Arresting kids twice my size
for littering and spitting.

703
00:46:33,527 --> 00:46:36,614
I got beaten up a lot when I was young
but it didn't stop me.

704
00:46:36,697 --> 00:46:38,615
I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.

705
00:46:38,699 --> 00:46:39,784
He sounds like a good bloke.

706
00:46:39,867 --> 00:46:42,202
Actually, he was arrested
for selling drugs to students.

707
00:46:42,286 --> 00:46:43,413
What a cunt.

708
00:46:43,496 --> 00:46:45,914
Probably bought the pedal car
with the proceeds.

709
00:46:45,998 --> 00:46:49,293
Needless to say I never went near it again.
I just let it rust.

710
00:46:49,376 --> 00:46:51,420
But I never forgot
the clear sense of right and wrong

711
00:46:51,503 --> 00:46:53,505
that I felt at the wheel of that pedal car.

712
00:46:53,590 --> 00:46:56,217
I had to prove to myself
that the law could be proper

713
00:46:56,300 --> 00:46:58,677
and righteous
and for the good of humankind.

714
00:46:58,762 --> 00:47:02,389
It was from that moment,
I was destined to be a police officer.

715
00:47:03,016 --> 00:47:05,018
- Shame.
- How so?

716
00:47:05,101 --> 00:47:07,644
I think you would've made a great muppet.

717
00:47:11,273 --> 00:47:14,152
What about you? What made you
wanna become a police officer?

718
00:47:14,527 --> 00:47:17,655
I don't know. Dad does it.

719
00:47:17,739 --> 00:47:21,909
I think after my mum died, it's what
he wanted, you know, keep me close by.

720
00:47:21,992 --> 00:47:25,996
- Do you mind if I ask how she died?
- Traffic collision.

721
00:47:26,789 --> 00:47:28,166
I'm sorry.

722
00:47:29,333 --> 00:47:31,543
Never mind. Hey, watch this.

723
00:47:32,878 --> 00:47:35,297
- Jesus Christ!
- Oh, my eye!

724
00:47:36,965 --> 00:47:38,134
Ta-da!

725
00:47:38,217 --> 00:47:40,052
Hey, come on, silly bollocks, get them in.

726
00:47:52,398 --> 00:47:55,193
- 777.
- Mr. Skinner.

727
00:47:55,275 --> 00:47:57,862
- You know George Merchant, don't you?
- Evening, Officer.

728
00:47:57,945 --> 00:48:00,864
Yes, we were just discussing the accident.

729
00:48:00,949 --> 00:48:04,369
I'd come to know Martin
and Eve very well of late.

730
00:48:04,452 --> 00:48:05,994
Such a loss.

731
00:48:06,079 --> 00:48:08,539
What say we drink to their demise?

732
00:48:08,623 --> 00:48:10,166
Shouldn't that be "drink to their memories"?

733
00:48:10,250 --> 00:48:12,501
Of course. Cheers.

734
00:48:12,585 --> 00:48:14,420
I must go to the little boys' room.

735
00:48:15,797 --> 00:48:18,550
- I'm all right!
- "Little" being the operative word.

736
00:48:19,134 --> 00:48:21,719
Oh, he'll be in bits tomorrow.

737
00:48:30,519 --> 00:48:33,188
I think somebody needs to go home.

738
00:48:33,273 --> 00:48:37,068
- I'm... I'm not that drunk, sir.
- Not you. Him.

739
00:48:39,153 --> 00:48:40,487
What?

740
00:48:41,739 --> 00:48:45,617
Hey, we did get a little drunk.
Did you get it?

741
00:48:45,702 --> 00:48:48,413
'Cause he's... He's little and he's drunk.

742
00:48:50,248 --> 00:48:52,166
Oh, good grief.

743
00:48:52,500 --> 00:48:55,461
It's hardly in keeping
with the village's rustic esthetic, is it?

744
00:48:57,338 --> 00:48:59,840
- How much do I owe you?
- Twenty quid.

745
00:48:59,923 --> 00:49:01,925
There you go.

746
00:49:02,427 --> 00:49:04,637
- And there's your change.
- God bless you.

747
00:49:05,304 --> 00:49:06,556
Bye-bye.

748
00:49:09,601 --> 00:49:11,186
I'm all right.

749
00:49:14,438 --> 00:49:16,273
I would not wanna be him in the morning.

750
00:49:27,159 --> 00:49:30,246
Well, this is me.

751
00:49:30,829 --> 00:49:34,583
Well, I shall see you in the morning.

752
00:49:34,666 --> 00:49:37,545
Unless you wanna come in
for a cup of coffee?

753
00:49:37,628 --> 00:49:40,297
- I don't drink coffee.
- Tea?

754
00:49:40,380 --> 00:49:42,425
No caffeine after midday.

755
00:49:43,175 --> 00:49:45,052
How about another beer?

756
00:49:52,768 --> 00:49:53,936
Oh, dear.

757
00:50:00,275 --> 00:50:03,612
- When did you move in?
- About five years ago.

758
00:50:04,822 --> 00:50:07,534
- You should get some house plants.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

759
00:50:07,617 --> 00:50:10,452
Yeah. I've been tending my Peace Lily
for about three years now.

760
00:50:12,038 --> 00:50:15,583
It oxygenates the room,
helps you think, relieves stress.

761
00:50:15,666 --> 00:50:17,501
Its needs are simple.

762
00:50:21,797 --> 00:50:24,967
Janine used to say I love my Lily
more than I loved her.

763
00:50:25,050 --> 00:50:27,302
- Is that why you split up?
- What?

764
00:50:28,221 --> 00:50:31,641
- 'Cause you did it with a plant?
- No, no, no.

765
00:50:31,724 --> 00:50:35,269
It was more about me being
obsessed with the job.

766
00:50:35,561 --> 00:50:37,896
That's good though, right?

767
00:50:38,398 --> 00:50:39,858
Is it though?

768
00:50:39,940 --> 00:50:45,237
I did miss a few dinners.
You know, parties, a birthday or two.

769
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,365
- Listen, mate, I...
- Her dad's funeral.

770
00:50:49,492 --> 00:50:53,913
- I just wanna be good at what I do.
- You are good at what you do.

771
00:50:55,498 --> 00:50:59,835
You've just gotta learn to switch off
that big old melon of yours.

772
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:03,965
That's the whole problem, Danny.

773
00:51:07,342 --> 00:51:09,344
I don't think I know how.

774
00:51:10,262 --> 00:51:12,264
I can show you how.

775
00:51:18,271 --> 00:51:20,940
By the power of Grey Skull.

776
00:51:21,690 --> 00:51:24,110
Point Break or Bad Boys II?

777
00:51:24,193 --> 00:51:25,527
Which one do you think I'll prefer?

778
00:51:25,612 --> 00:51:27,739
No, I mean which one
do you wanna watch first?

779
00:51:27,822 --> 00:51:29,032
You are pulling my leg?

780
00:52:10,072 --> 00:52:12,074
What did you think of that?

781
00:52:12,157 --> 00:52:14,952
Well, I won't argue
that it was a no holds barred,

782
00:52:15,036 --> 00:52:18,081
adrenalin fueled thrill ride
but there's no way you could perpetrate

783
00:52:18,164 --> 00:52:22,418
that amount of carnage and mayhem and not
incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

784
00:52:22,501 --> 00:52:23,836
That is nothing, man.

785
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,588
This is about to go off.

786
00:52:41,688 --> 00:52:43,273
This shit just got real.

787
00:52:47,152 --> 00:52:48,902
Nasty way to go.

788
00:52:48,987 --> 00:52:52,990
I think our Mr. Merchant tried to have
a little fry up and left the gas on.

789
00:52:54,826 --> 00:52:57,996
Spends his whole life
devoted to the refrigerator

790
00:52:58,246 --> 00:53:00,623
then gets killed by an oven.

791
00:53:01,623 --> 00:53:04,918
I told him several times,
you shouldn't eat late at night.

792
00:53:05,003 --> 00:53:07,922
Oh, I don't know.
I quite like a little midnight gobble.

793
00:53:08,005 --> 00:53:09,215
Cocks.

794
00:53:09,298 --> 00:53:12,969
So, what do we reckon? Angel?

795
00:53:14,304 --> 00:53:15,429
Help me.

796
00:53:15,972 --> 00:53:19,516
Okay, we get a proper cordon up,
we let the fire crews finish their stuff,

797
00:53:19,601 --> 00:53:22,353
and then we get forensics in
to do a thorough sweep of the house.

798
00:53:22,436 --> 00:53:25,148
Very good. What he said.

799
00:53:25,231 --> 00:53:27,358
Sergeant Angel, hi-hi. A quick word?

800
00:53:27,442 --> 00:53:29,777
Mr. Messenger,
a statement will be issued shortly.

801
00:53:29,860 --> 00:53:32,530
Actually, I just wanted to ask,
"What's your perfect Sunday?"

802
00:53:32,614 --> 00:53:34,990
I'll deal with the press, Sergeant.

803
00:53:35,074 --> 00:53:40,038
Now, my perfect Sunday
is a lovely long lie in...

804
00:53:40,704 --> 00:53:45,335
Fire to destroy all you've done

805
00:53:49,588 --> 00:53:50,840
Like in the films.

806
00:53:51,298 --> 00:53:54,010
Something like,
something out of Backdraft.

807
00:53:55,844 --> 00:53:59,139
- What are you thinking? Foul play?
- Maybe.

808
00:53:59,599 --> 00:54:03,186
We're just hoping to talk to the last people
to see Mr. Merchant alive.

809
00:54:03,603 --> 00:54:08,690
Namely a Sergeant Knickerless Asswipe
and a Constable Fanny Batterbum.

810
00:54:08,775 --> 00:54:11,693
- That's us.
- Why is this such a big joke to you?

811
00:54:11,777 --> 00:54:13,237
Three people have died in a week.

812
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,949
Oh, come on, Doctor Sherlock,
they were accidents.

813
00:54:16,032 --> 00:54:17,534
People have accidents every day.

814
00:54:17,617 --> 00:54:20,536
- The victims knew each other.
- Everyone knows everyone round here.

815
00:54:20,619 --> 00:54:23,873
Yeah. If you didn't see anything suspicious,
then who did?

816
00:54:29,211 --> 00:54:31,130
It's a bit of a blind spot, I'm afraid.

817
00:54:31,213 --> 00:54:33,465
We just catch the very edge
of the explosion.

818
00:54:33,550 --> 00:54:35,385
Nasty way to go.

819
00:54:35,467 --> 00:54:38,054
- There was something took my eye.
- Really? What's that?

820
00:54:38,887 --> 00:54:41,099
Sandford's most wanted.

821
00:54:42,976 --> 00:54:45,353
There you go. It was the swan all along.

822
00:54:45,436 --> 00:54:48,731
- This is not funny, Detective!
- Oh, give over, Miss Marples.

823
00:54:48,815 --> 00:54:51,233
Yeah, you do your job
and we'll do ours, eh?

824
00:54:51,317 --> 00:54:53,570
Yeah. Haven't you got
a church fete to look after?

825
00:54:53,652 --> 00:54:55,612
No, I have not!

826
00:54:56,572 --> 00:54:57,739
Actually.

827
00:55:03,746 --> 00:55:04,789
Testing. Testing.

828
00:55:04,831 --> 00:55:05,831
Someone's in for a surprise at 3:00,
ladies and gentlemen.

829
00:55:05,873 --> 00:55:07,916
It's the raffle with
a very special guest presenter.

830
00:55:08,001 --> 00:55:10,586
Out in the country

831
00:55:10,836 --> 00:55:14,757
Far from all the sorts of noise of the city

832
00:55:14,923 --> 00:55:17,427
There's a village green

833
00:55:17,510 --> 00:55:21,389
It's been a long time since I last set eyes

834
00:55:21,472 --> 00:55:23,599
On the church with a steeple

835
00:55:23,682 --> 00:55:25,893
That's me after a couple of pints.

836
00:55:26,059 --> 00:55:27,436
Splat the rat.

837
00:55:30,063 --> 00:55:31,815
Splat the rat.

838
00:55:33,902 --> 00:55:35,945
Splat the rat.

839
00:55:38,072 --> 00:55:39,615
Shark!

840
00:55:41,451 --> 00:55:43,411
Seen any murderings, Nicholarse?

841
00:55:43,494 --> 00:55:46,121
Come on, boys.
Leave Sergeant Angel alone, he's working.

842
00:55:46,206 --> 00:55:49,666
Sorry, Chief,
won't waste any more police time.

843
00:55:49,751 --> 00:55:50,960
Have a nice time.

844
00:55:51,043 --> 00:55:53,463
Actually, Nicholas,
you might as well take a break.

845
00:55:53,545 --> 00:55:56,340
Hey, great. I've got something to show you.

846
00:56:02,304 --> 00:56:05,266
- This is a rifle range.
- You'll be really good at it.

847
00:56:05,349 --> 00:56:07,811
Feeling lucky, Sergeant?

848
00:56:08,644 --> 00:56:13,273
Three cans wins you the squeaky bunny,
five cans gets you the floppy lion.

849
00:56:13,358 --> 00:56:18,445
Take out all the little people,
you get to waltz off with the cuddly monkey.

850
00:56:19,572 --> 00:56:22,992
I thought I made it clear to you
how I feel about firearms.

851
00:56:23,076 --> 00:56:25,411
It's only an air rifle.

852
00:56:25,702 --> 00:56:26,871
Sergeant.

853
00:56:45,514 --> 00:56:47,224
Dear Lord!

854
00:56:48,601 --> 00:56:50,686
That was amazing.

855
00:56:55,150 --> 00:56:58,068
- Thank you, Danny.
- I can't believe I shot someone.

856
00:56:58,152 --> 00:57:01,405
- He's a doctor, he can deal with it.
- I never shot anyone before.

857
00:57:01,489 --> 00:57:03,699
Danny, believe me,
it's not something you ever get used to.

858
00:57:03,782 --> 00:57:06,034
Yeah. Maybe we should
go on the bouncy castle.

859
00:57:06,119 --> 00:57:07,202
Take our minds off of it.

860
00:57:07,286 --> 00:57:09,204
- Sergeant Angel, hi-hi.
- Mr. Messenger.

861
00:57:09,289 --> 00:57:11,916
I need to talk to you
about George Merchant. Alone.

862
00:57:12,375 --> 00:57:14,626
Churchyard. 3:00.

863
00:57:16,295 --> 00:57:17,422
What do you think he wants?

864
00:57:17,505 --> 00:57:20,550
Would
Sergeant Angel come to the stage, please?

865
00:57:23,594 --> 00:57:27,556
Here to announce the winners is the newest
addition to the Sandford Police Force.

866
00:57:27,639 --> 00:57:28,766
Service.

867
00:57:28,849 --> 00:57:30,601
Sergeant Nicholas Angel.

868
00:57:33,146 --> 00:57:34,438
- Prick.
- Wanker.

869
00:57:35,731 --> 00:57:37,900
Hello. Hello.

870
00:57:54,958 --> 00:57:59,588
The first name is Simon Skinner.

871
00:58:02,592 --> 00:58:04,135
He's in the loo.

872
00:58:04,885 --> 00:58:07,262
Too much of Joyce's lemonade, perhaps.

873
00:58:29,619 --> 00:58:32,038
And the next name is...

874
00:58:47,429 --> 00:58:49,764
Tim, your number's up.

875
00:58:58,815 --> 00:59:00,442
Excuse me. Excuse me.

876
00:59:02,943 --> 00:59:04,153
Hi-hi.

877
00:59:08,657 --> 00:59:09,951
Oh, no!

878
00:59:15,289 --> 00:59:18,208
Stand back, stand back!
There's been a terrible accident.

879
00:59:18,293 --> 00:59:21,003
- Accident?
- Just an accident.

880
00:59:21,628 --> 00:59:24,382
It's all right, it's all right.
There's nothing to see.

881
00:59:24,465 --> 00:59:28,302
Come on, everybody. It's all right.
It's just an accident.

882
00:59:37,019 --> 00:59:38,646
Nicholas, what is it?

883
00:59:38,730 --> 00:59:42,775
Sir, I think all these deaths are linked.
I think Tim Messenger was murdered.

884
00:59:43,193 --> 00:59:46,362
- Who could do something like this?
- Maybe it was the swan.

885
00:59:46,445 --> 00:59:49,532
- Apparently, they can break a man's arm.
- Or blow up a man's house.

886
00:59:49,615 --> 00:59:52,577
- Listen, you pair of...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Nicholas.

887
00:59:53,077 --> 00:59:55,413
Now, let me get this straight.

888
00:59:56,414 --> 01:00:00,418
- Are you saying that this is a crime scene?
- Yes, sir, I am.

889
01:00:00,501 --> 01:00:01,878
Very well.

890
01:00:02,420 --> 01:00:03,505
- Detectives.
- Sir.

891
01:00:03,588 --> 01:00:05,172
Start interviewing everyone
who was at the fete.

892
01:00:05,255 --> 01:00:06,340
Oh, he's got shorts on.

893
01:00:06,423 --> 01:00:07,550
- Sergeant Fisher?
- What?

894
01:00:07,634 --> 01:00:09,052
- Secure the area.
- What?

895
01:00:09,135 --> 01:00:10,344
- PC Thatcher?
- Yes, love?

896
01:00:10,427 --> 01:00:12,054
Get the CSI down here.

897
01:00:12,137 --> 01:00:13,347
PC Walker?

898
01:00:13,431 --> 01:00:15,724
Patrol the churchyard with Saxon.

899
01:00:15,809 --> 01:00:19,019
Nicholas, Danny, you know what to do.

900
01:00:25,318 --> 01:00:27,487
Do you really think this is murder?

901
01:00:27,653 --> 01:00:29,239
I just don't think we should rule it out,
that's all.

902
01:00:29,322 --> 01:00:30,824
Yeah. I think you're right.

903
01:00:30,907 --> 01:00:33,159
I think you're talking a load of old shit.

904
01:00:33,867 --> 01:00:37,121
He thinks you're talking a load of shit.
Swings and roundabouts, isn't it?

905
01:00:37,454 --> 01:00:38,706
Pain in the arse.

906
01:00:38,956 --> 01:00:41,000
- Did you find anything?
- Yeah.

907
01:00:41,083 --> 01:00:42,918
I was extremely shocked
when I looked at my watch

908
01:00:43,001 --> 01:00:44,420
and discovered that I should be in the pub.

909
01:00:44,503 --> 01:00:46,797
Did you go to his house?
Did you read his articles?

910
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:50,342
If you wanna wade through every copy of
the Sandford bloody Citizen, be our guest.

911
01:00:50,427 --> 01:00:52,344
It's your job, isn't it? Detect!

912
01:00:52,429 --> 01:00:56,682
This ain't the city, Mr. Angel.
Not everyone's a murdering psychopath.

913
01:00:56,849 --> 01:01:00,269
It's high time you realized that.
You and your monkey.

914
01:01:03,606 --> 01:01:05,567
Did he mean me or that?

915
01:01:07,235 --> 01:01:09,445
Oh, maybe we should go home.

916
01:01:09,653 --> 01:01:12,739
- What do you mean?
- Well, there's nothing going on, is there?

917
01:01:12,824 --> 01:01:14,451
Have you listened to anything that I've said?

918
01:01:14,534 --> 01:01:15,659
What do you mean?

919
01:01:15,742 --> 01:01:17,286
Is anything I've told you
in the last two weeks

920
01:01:17,369 --> 01:01:19,414
- sunk into that thick skull of yours?
- Yeah.

921
01:01:19,496 --> 01:01:21,206
Has it? Like what?

922
01:01:21,748 --> 01:01:23,668
You said I could be
an amazing policeman-officer.

923
01:01:23,751 --> 01:01:26,170
There's always something going on, Danny.

924
01:01:26,253 --> 01:01:29,882
And you won't be an amazing police officer
until you understand that.

925
01:01:29,965 --> 01:01:32,342
Well, I remembered something else
you said and all.

926
01:01:32,427 --> 01:01:34,052
- Oh, did you now?
- Yeah.

927
01:01:34,137 --> 01:01:36,431
You don't know how to switch off!

928
01:02:10,632 --> 01:02:12,092
Well, if you wanna wade through every copy

929
01:02:12,175 --> 01:02:14,469
of the Sandford bloody Citizen,
be our guest.

930
01:02:52,090 --> 01:02:54,675
- Morning, Constable.
- All right?

931
01:02:56,010 --> 01:02:57,929
Thanks for the monkey.

932
01:02:58,762 --> 01:03:01,306
- Yours, isn't it?
- I won it for you.

933
01:03:04,936 --> 01:03:06,896
Danny, I think I'm on to something.

934
01:03:06,980 --> 01:03:08,148
- Are you?
- Yes.

935
01:03:08,231 --> 01:03:12,568
And I think with a little deliberation
we can figure out what links these deaths.

936
01:03:13,027 --> 01:03:16,447
- We?
- Come on, partner. Let's go to work.

937
01:03:17,574 --> 01:03:19,492
Oh, oh, Sergeant Angel?

938
01:03:19,576 --> 01:03:24,204
- Someone from London called for you.
- Tell them I'll call them back.

939
01:03:25,039 --> 01:03:26,166
- Tim Messenger.
- Go.

940
01:03:26,248 --> 01:03:28,083
Editor and journalist
at The Sandford Citizen.

941
01:03:28,168 --> 01:03:29,460
- Fondness for puns.
- Go on.

942
01:03:29,543 --> 01:03:30,670
- Terrible speller.
- Oh, yeah?

943
01:03:30,753 --> 01:03:32,713
Nevertheless had uncovered
important information about...

944
01:03:32,797 --> 01:03:34,735
- George Merchant.
- Self-made millionaire.

945
01:03:34,771 --> 01:03:36,675
Fancied himself as a property developer.

946
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:39,512
- Said he had big plans for Sandford.
- Pissed on the floor in The Crown.

947
01:03:39,596 --> 01:03:41,764
But more importantly,
was a good friend and client of...

948
01:03:41,847 --> 01:03:43,599
- Martin Blower.
- Respected solicitor.

949
01:03:43,682 --> 01:03:45,934
- Affirmatron.
- Leading light of the local drama society.

950
01:03:46,018 --> 01:03:47,436
- Bad actor.
- Undoubtedly.

951
01:03:47,519 --> 01:03:49,063
- Bad driver.
- Not necessarily.

952
01:03:49,188 --> 01:03:50,815
- Cheated on his missus.
- Most certainly.

953
01:03:50,940 --> 01:03:52,858
- And we both know who with.
- Eve Draper.

954
01:03:52,942 --> 01:03:55,778
- Blower's leading lady. Distinctive laugh.
- True.

955
01:03:55,862 --> 01:03:57,280
- Favored older men.
- Fingered.

956
01:03:57,362 --> 01:03:58,614
- Worked at?
- Council.

957
01:03:58,697 --> 01:04:01,409
- More specifically?
- Department of Planning and Development.

958
01:04:01,534 --> 01:04:03,119
Where George Merchant secured permission

959
01:04:03,202 --> 01:04:05,579
to build his dubious mansion
on Norris Avenue.

960
01:04:05,704 --> 01:04:06,789
So...

961
01:04:06,873 --> 01:04:10,960
Maybe they were all accidents.
People have accidents every day.

962
01:04:12,295 --> 01:04:14,797
- What are you two up to?
- Nothing.

963
01:04:14,880 --> 01:04:16,007
Well, look sharp.

964
01:04:16,132 --> 01:04:18,842
- There's been reports of a fire in the station.
- What?

965
01:04:18,967 --> 01:04:22,597
Happy birthday to you

966
01:04:22,722 --> 01:04:26,893
Happy birthday to you

967
01:04:26,976 --> 01:04:30,646
- Danny, why didn't you say something?
- We were working, weren't we?

968
01:04:33,065 --> 01:04:36,110
- Hey, where are you going?
- Personal errand.

969
01:04:43,009 --> 01:04:44,427
Hello, Miss Tiller.

970
01:04:44,510 --> 01:04:47,222
I was wondering,
do you have any Japanese Peace Lilies?

971
01:04:47,347 --> 01:04:48,722
Of course.

972
01:04:49,514 --> 01:04:51,934
I was just about to pop off, actually.

973
01:04:52,768 --> 01:04:55,063
I can never find my scissors.

974
01:04:55,355 --> 01:04:59,275
- Is this for someone special?
- Yes. Yes, it is.

975
01:05:01,693 --> 01:05:06,324
- Are you going somewhere, Miss Tiller?
- Yes. I'm moving away.

976
01:05:07,449 --> 01:05:10,619
And why the move,
if you don't mind me asking?

977
01:05:10,702 --> 01:05:15,541
- Well, just between you and I...
- Yes?

978
01:05:15,791 --> 01:05:18,670
- You know that fella who blew up?
- George Merchant.

979
01:05:18,795 --> 01:05:21,922
Well, George Merchant, God rest him,
wanted to buy this land,

980
01:05:22,047 --> 01:05:25,592
so he sends round his legal fella,
Martin Blower, God rest him,

981
01:05:25,717 --> 01:05:27,804
and I thought I might take them up on it.

982
01:05:27,887 --> 01:05:31,599
I haven't really got that much family
round here, save for Cousin Sissy.

983
01:05:31,724 --> 01:05:35,143
So I thought I might take them up
on the offer and move to Buford Abbey.

984
01:05:35,228 --> 01:05:37,230
Would you like a card with this?

985
01:05:37,396 --> 01:05:39,690
No, sorry, you were talking about the offer?

986
01:05:39,815 --> 01:05:42,985
Well, it turns out that Martin Blower,
God rest him,

987
01:05:43,068 --> 01:05:45,237
knew where the new bypass road is going

988
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:48,407
because he was knocking off Eve Draper
from the council, God rest her,

989
01:05:48,490 --> 01:05:52,202
and then that reporter, God rest him,
finds out about the route

990
01:05:52,327 --> 01:05:54,414
and tells me this land's very valuable.

991
01:05:54,496 --> 01:05:58,585
Ten times what George Merchant and
Martin Blower, God rest them, offered me.

992
01:05:58,668 --> 01:06:01,670
So, with them having passed on,
I decided to sell it on myself

993
01:06:01,753 --> 01:06:04,548
to some folks from the city
that Martin, George and Eve,

994
01:06:04,673 --> 01:06:06,675
God rest the lot of them,
had been talking to.

995
01:06:06,759 --> 01:06:09,596
Apparently, they want to build
a big shopping center or something.

996
01:06:09,679 --> 01:06:12,472
Of course, Cousin Sissy won't be
too happy about that,

997
01:06:12,599 --> 01:06:14,641
but as far as I'm concerned,
Cousin Sissy can go and fuck...

998
01:06:14,766 --> 01:06:17,353
Would you just excuse me,
for just one second?

999
01:06:32,619 --> 01:06:33,786
Stop!

1000
01:06:34,704 --> 01:06:36,289
In the name of the law!

1001
01:07:34,514 --> 01:07:36,474
Hang about, hang about.

1002
01:07:37,349 --> 01:07:39,601
You're saying this wasn't an accident?

1003
01:07:40,936 --> 01:07:42,981
Leslie Tiller was fucking murdered!

1004
01:07:43,106 --> 01:07:44,523
- What, just like Tim Messenger?
- Yes!

1005
01:07:44,606 --> 01:07:45,775
- And George Merchant?
- Yes!

1006
01:07:45,858 --> 01:07:47,110
- And Eve Draper?
- Yes!

1007
01:07:47,193 --> 01:07:48,820
- And Martin Blower?
- No, actually.

1008
01:07:48,945 --> 01:07:50,780
- Really?
- 'Course he fucking was!

1009
01:07:50,864 --> 01:07:52,782
Thank you, Danny.

1010
01:07:52,865 --> 01:07:56,202
Oh, murder, murder, murder.
Change the fucking record.

1011
01:07:56,786 --> 01:07:57,954
Thank you, Andy.

1012
01:07:58,036 --> 01:08:02,291
Come on, Sergeant, you've gotta accept
it was just another nasty accident.

1013
01:08:02,375 --> 01:08:03,458
What are you suggesting?

1014
01:08:03,543 --> 01:08:06,045
That Leslie Tiller tripped
and fell on her own shears?

1015
01:08:06,128 --> 01:08:08,590
Ben Fletcher fell
on his pitchfork the other week.

1016
01:08:08,715 --> 01:08:12,135
Yeah, accidents happen all the time.
What makes you think it was murder?

1017
01:08:12,217 --> 01:08:15,179
- Because I was there!
- There's a point.

1018
01:08:15,304 --> 01:08:16,639
Why were you there?

1019
01:08:16,722 --> 01:08:20,976
I was buying Constable Butterman
a Japanese Peace Lily for his birthday.

1020
01:08:21,060 --> 01:08:23,645
What absolute horseshit.

1021
01:08:23,729 --> 01:08:27,692
I chased a suspect from the scene.
Innocent people don't run!

1022
01:08:27,817 --> 01:08:30,862
Here, maybe it was our old friend,
the cactus thief.

1023
01:08:30,987 --> 01:08:33,655
Oh, yeah, he was a prickly customer,
weren't he?

1024
01:08:34,489 --> 01:08:37,202
Am I going completely mad?

1025
01:08:39,328 --> 01:08:40,997
Maybe you are.

1026
01:08:42,916 --> 01:08:45,667
Maybe you did it.

1027
01:08:45,752 --> 01:08:49,087
Yeah, seeing as how you're such
a big fan of murder.

1028
01:08:49,171 --> 01:08:50,590
- What the...
- Sergeant Angel?

1029
01:08:50,672 --> 01:08:53,176
Yes! Sir.

1030
01:08:55,761 --> 01:08:58,640
Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas.

1031
01:08:58,765 --> 01:09:01,309
What am I going to do with you?

1032
01:09:01,434 --> 01:09:05,939
- Sir, you have to understand...
- No, you have to understand.

1033
01:09:06,939 --> 01:09:10,902
The boys here aren't used
to the concepts you're bandying about.

1034
01:09:11,528 --> 01:09:14,029
The "M" word, Nicholas.

1035
01:09:14,113 --> 01:09:18,326
There hasn't been a recorded murder
in Sandford for 20 years.

1036
01:09:18,451 --> 01:09:20,244
But, sir, I'm certain.

1037
01:09:20,787 --> 01:09:23,997
And what's more, I know who did it.

1038
01:09:30,046 --> 01:09:31,965
Can I see the manager, please?

1039
01:09:37,470 --> 01:09:43,434
Mr. Skinner to the Manager's office.
Manager's office. Mr. Skinner.

1040
01:09:44,143 --> 01:09:47,604
Sergeant Angel.
And to what do I owe this pleasure?

1041
01:09:47,729 --> 01:09:51,775
Simon Skinner, I'm arresting you
on suspicion of the murder of Leslie Tiller.

1042
01:09:51,900 --> 01:09:55,320
Leslie Tiller's dead? How?

1043
01:09:55,488 --> 01:09:57,782
She tripped and fell on her own shears.

1044
01:09:59,408 --> 01:10:02,744
I'm also arresting you on suspicion of
the murder of Tim Messenger on May 1st,

1045
01:10:02,828 --> 01:10:04,454
of George Merchant on April 29th

1046
01:10:04,581 --> 01:10:07,125
and of Eve Draper
and Martin Blower on April 28th.

1047
01:10:07,250 --> 01:10:11,212
- Why on earth would I do that, Sergeant?
- I'm glad you asked.

1048
01:10:13,006 --> 01:10:15,132
My suspicions were first aroused
when you appeared

1049
01:10:15,257 --> 01:10:18,011
at the scene of the Blower-Draper death,
on the outskirts of Sandford,

1050
01:10:18,094 --> 01:10:21,930
despite the fact you live and work
in the center of the village.

1051
01:10:23,182 --> 01:10:27,478
I couldn't help but recall your comments
at the theater on the previous evening.

1052
01:10:27,770 --> 01:10:30,689
When you not only indicated
an awareness of the couple's affair

1053
01:10:30,773 --> 01:10:32,774
but also inferred
that Eve's connections at the council

1054
01:10:32,859 --> 01:10:35,819
might make her privy
to important information.

1055
01:10:35,944 --> 01:10:38,198
You even spoke of "bashing her head in. "

1056
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:41,909
Perhaps hoping you might discover
the route of the proposed Sandford Bypass.

1057
01:10:42,034 --> 01:10:44,244
You were already suspicious
that George Merchant was buying up

1058
01:10:44,369 --> 01:10:46,622
a large area of land
on the outskirts of Sandford,

1059
01:10:46,706 --> 01:10:49,667
after an article Tim Messenger
wrote in the Sandford Citizen.

1060
01:10:49,792 --> 01:10:53,421
You see, the land Merchant was buying
had little value in of itself but,

1061
01:10:53,546 --> 01:10:57,425
if it became accessible by road,
it would be a prime location for say,

1062
01:10:57,800 --> 01:10:59,469
a retail park.

1063
01:10:59,551 --> 01:11:01,554
Consumed with concern for your business

1064
01:11:01,637 --> 01:11:03,680
and potential disloyalty
from fickle customers,

1065
01:11:03,805 --> 01:11:06,350
you yourself expressed a wish to behead.

1066
01:11:06,893 --> 01:11:09,561
You killed the competition in cold blood.

1067
01:11:09,645 --> 01:11:11,523
Staging the murders as accidents.

1068
01:11:11,648 --> 01:11:14,692
You used a vehicle removal truck
to stage the Blower-Draper death

1069
01:11:14,817 --> 01:11:16,694
and incinerated an old man
in his own house.

1070
01:11:16,819 --> 01:11:19,988
Covering your tracks with the judicial
application of bacon and beans.

1071
01:11:20,073 --> 01:11:23,033
However, there was a loose end.

1072
01:11:24,077 --> 01:11:25,537
Tim Messenger.

1073
01:11:25,662 --> 01:11:27,788
Splattered before he could share with me

1074
01:11:27,913 --> 01:11:30,832
what he told Leslie Tiller
that very afternoon.

1075
01:11:30,917 --> 01:11:33,752
The true value of her land.

1076
01:11:34,170 --> 01:11:37,047
Upon discovering she was about
to sell up to the developers,

1077
01:11:37,172 --> 01:11:39,967
you brutally murdered her
with her own shears.

1078
01:11:40,051 --> 01:11:44,805
And made good your escape utilizing
your impressive skills as a fun runner.

1079
01:11:51,270 --> 01:11:55,065
Very entertaining. But I rather think
you've been watching too many films.

1080
01:11:56,693 --> 01:11:57,734
He hasn't.

1081
01:11:57,819 --> 01:12:01,573
Why would I kill Leslie?
You clearly aren't aware that we're related.

1082
01:12:01,698 --> 01:12:04,242
Oh, but I am, "Cousin Sissy. "

1083
01:12:05,784 --> 01:12:10,081
I'm afraid my nickname of Sissy
is only a revelation to yourself.

1084
01:12:10,372 --> 01:12:13,751
My teenage years studying ballet
are well known.

1085
01:12:13,877 --> 01:12:17,005
- Yeah, Sissy Skinner.
- What a Gaylord.

1086
01:12:17,087 --> 01:12:18,631
Thank you, Andrews.

1087
01:12:18,715 --> 01:12:22,092
Now, despite my comments
about "beheading" customers,

1088
01:12:22,217 --> 01:12:25,721
I personally relish the competition
of another store.

1089
01:12:25,805 --> 01:12:29,434
Anything to energize my workforce.

1090
01:12:30,976 --> 01:12:35,564
And anyway, what makes you think
I could dislodge part of the church roof?

1091
01:12:35,648 --> 01:12:38,109
Or for that matter, stage a car crash?

1092
01:12:38,234 --> 01:12:41,570
It's a well known fact that
the church roof is in dire need of repair.

1093
01:12:41,654 --> 01:12:43,823
And isn't it true
that two of your own employees

1094
01:12:43,907 --> 01:12:46,367
operate the vehicle removal service
for the council?

1095
01:12:46,492 --> 01:12:48,828
Sergeant, this is the 21st Century.

1096
01:12:48,912 --> 01:12:51,831
Many people hold down several jobs.

1097
01:12:51,956 --> 01:12:55,627
I myself host a life drawing class
at the Village Hall.

1098
01:12:55,710 --> 01:12:58,755
Tina here is a table dancer at Flappers.

1099
01:12:59,087 --> 01:13:02,966
Nevertheless, you could have utilized
the vehicle removal truck for your own ends.

1100
01:13:03,091 --> 01:13:05,094
These accusations
are quite meaningless, Sergeant,

1101
01:13:05,177 --> 01:13:07,805
unless you can back them up
with hard evidence.

1102
01:13:07,930 --> 01:13:10,475
Well, you've got me there.

1103
01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:12,560
I'd need something conclusive.

1104
01:13:12,685 --> 01:13:14,811
Something that placed you
at the scene of the crime.

1105
01:13:14,938 --> 01:13:18,942
Perhaps a wound you sustained on
a piece of broken glass this very evening.

1106
01:13:20,609 --> 01:13:22,237
This very evening.

1107
01:13:23,529 --> 01:13:26,783
Sergeant, this is beginning
to get embarrassing.

1108
01:13:26,908 --> 01:13:30,036
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?

1109
01:13:32,372 --> 01:13:37,001
I'm sure the store's security footage
will absolve me.

1110
01:13:37,710 --> 01:13:40,380
Do feel free to spool through.

1111
01:13:57,896 --> 01:13:58,939
I can handle this, Danny.

1112
01:13:59,064 --> 01:14:02,318
You might as well go back
and just enjoy the rest of your birthday.

1113
01:14:02,402 --> 01:14:04,988
- Did you really get me that plant?
- Yes, I did.

1114
01:14:05,070 --> 01:14:08,533
But it's been impounded as evidence.

1115
01:14:08,658 --> 01:14:13,246
Well, I mean,
maybe Dad will still let me water it, eh?

1116
01:14:13,328 --> 01:14:14,497
Yeah.

1117
01:14:17,917 --> 01:14:19,335
Sergeant, I wanted you to know that

1118
01:14:19,418 --> 01:14:22,755
if I do indeed now
own the land belonging to...

1119
01:14:24,506 --> 01:14:30,345
belonging to Leslie, that I intend to turn it
into a memorial garden, in her honor.

1120
01:14:30,430 --> 01:14:35,018
Mr. Skinner, what you do with your land
is of no concern of mine,

1121
01:14:37,854 --> 01:14:39,021
so jog on.

1122
01:14:39,939 --> 01:14:44,527
Michael, will you escort the Sergeant
off the premises when he's quite finished?

1123
01:14:44,610 --> 01:14:46,154
Yarp.

1124
01:14:49,323 --> 01:14:53,619
I just can't believe Leslie's dead.
How did it happen?

1125
01:14:53,703 --> 01:14:56,038
She tripped and fell on her own shears.

1126
01:15:04,213 --> 01:15:06,381
Hey, that weren't me.

1127
01:15:14,474 --> 01:15:15,600
Hey, look.

1128
01:15:15,725 --> 01:15:18,394
Look, Mr. Treacher's
got his big coat on again.

1129
01:15:22,105 --> 01:15:26,485
- You want anything from the shop?
- Cornetto.

1130
01:15:29,072 --> 01:15:33,243
- No luck catching them killers, then?
- It's just the one killer, actually.

1131
01:15:36,662 --> 01:15:47,422
- No luck catching them killers, then?
- It's just the one killer, actually.

1132
01:15:47,506 --> 01:15:50,760
- What's the matter? You got brain-freeze?
- No, I got brainwave.

1133
01:15:50,842 --> 01:15:53,136
Get us back to the station, now!

1134
01:16:00,103 --> 01:16:01,813
- It's more than one person.
- Come again?

1135
01:16:01,938 --> 01:16:04,774
- It's more than one killer.
- It was Skinner a minute ago.

1136
01:16:04,899 --> 01:16:05,942
Yeah, well, maybe it still is.

1137
01:16:06,024 --> 01:16:08,403
You know, maybe he's... Maybe he's
not alone. Maybe there are others.

1138
01:16:08,528 --> 01:16:13,658
Nicholas, you're an exceptional officer.
But I've seen this before.

1139
01:16:14,117 --> 01:16:16,703
- Sir?
- Sergeant Popwell.

1140
01:16:16,786 --> 01:16:19,622
It was exactly the same thing.

1141
01:16:19,706 --> 01:16:24,127
You've come from a city
where there's danger round every corner,

1142
01:16:24,627 --> 01:16:27,130
and it's driven you round the bend.

1143
01:16:27,630 --> 01:16:28,922
Yes, sir.

1144
01:16:29,215 --> 01:16:32,635
Do yourself a favor. Sleep on it.

1145
01:16:32,719 --> 01:16:38,474
And if you still feel the same in the morning,
I give you my word, I'll get right on to it.

1146
01:16:42,811 --> 01:16:45,731
Hey. Hey, what's happening?
What's going on?

1147
01:16:46,399 --> 01:16:50,319
Nothing, nothing.
I'm just gonna go back to the hotel.

1148
01:16:50,403 --> 01:16:55,908
- I mean, do you want a lift?
- No, no, I could do with a walk.

1149
01:17:59,389 --> 01:18:02,266
Hey, big one, playtime's over.

1150
01:18:06,645 --> 01:18:08,021
Michael?

1151
01:18:08,939 --> 01:18:11,609
Michael? Are you there?

1152
01:18:12,234 --> 01:18:16,280
Michael? Is everything okay?

1153
01:18:18,949 --> 01:18:20,118
Yarp.

1154
01:18:20,243 --> 01:18:22,953
Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?

1155
01:18:23,078 --> 01:18:24,162
Yarp.

1156
01:18:24,247 --> 01:18:26,707
He's not gonna get back up again?

1157
01:18:29,335 --> 01:18:30,627
Narp!

1158
01:18:31,921 --> 01:18:34,465
Good. Proceed to the castle.

1159
01:18:39,720 --> 01:18:41,430
Frank, this shit just got real.

1160
01:18:41,514 --> 01:18:45,310
Skinner just sent someone to kill me,
and, now, now he's gone somewhere.

1161
01:18:45,435 --> 01:18:47,979
Up to the... To the castle, I think.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna go after him.

1162
01:18:48,104 --> 01:18:50,398
Okay? It's Nicholas, by the way.

1163
01:18:52,524 --> 01:18:56,988
Oh, my God.
What happened to your Peace Lily?

1164
01:18:57,279 --> 01:19:01,158
Danny. Danny, just stay here, okay?
And watch him, and call your dad.

1165
01:19:01,283 --> 01:19:03,328
- Tell him I was right.
- What are you gonna do?

1166
01:19:03,453 --> 01:19:08,041
- I'm gonna bust this thing wide open.
- Nicholas, wait.

1167
01:19:08,123 --> 01:19:11,877
- You might need this.
- Thanks, partner.

1168
01:19:45,078 --> 01:19:55,128
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?

1169
01:19:56,256 --> 01:20:00,385
I just can't believe Leslie's dead.
How did it happen?

1170
01:20:00,510 --> 01:20:03,555
You'll find that we run
a very tight ship here.

1171
01:20:03,680 --> 01:20:05,472
Who could do something like this?

1172
01:20:05,597 --> 01:20:08,935
Seems like Mr. Merchant tried
to have a little fry up and left the gas on.

1173
01:20:09,018 --> 01:20:10,353
Nasty way to go.

1174
01:20:10,478 --> 01:20:11,563
What happened, Danny?

1175
01:20:11,688 --> 01:20:13,480
No luck catching them killers, then?

1176
01:20:13,605 --> 01:20:15,440
No luck catching them killers, then?

1177
01:20:15,524 --> 01:20:17,734
No luck catching them...

1178
01:20:21,197 --> 01:20:23,615
Now, quick announcement before we begin.

1179
01:20:23,699 --> 01:20:28,078
Janet Barker has decided
to call her boys Roger and Martin.

1180
01:20:28,203 --> 01:20:33,458
And the christening will be
a week on Saturday and we're all invited.

1181
01:20:33,710 --> 01:20:36,045
- Tom.
- Thanks, Joyce.

1182
01:20:36,296 --> 01:20:39,381
Now, you'll all be delighted to hear

1183
01:20:39,465 --> 01:20:44,136
that the tenacious Sergeant Angel
has been taken care of.

1184
01:20:44,220 --> 01:20:49,809
Joyce will discover the Sergeant lying
on the wet floor of his bathroom,

1185
01:20:49,893 --> 01:20:54,146
having slipped
and tragically broken his neck.

1186
01:20:54,271 --> 01:20:56,315
So, with the dispatch of the Sergeant,

1187
01:20:56,399 --> 01:21:00,485
we will now be able to concentrate
on the eradication of our hoodie infestation.

1188
01:21:00,569 --> 01:21:01,654
Quite right.

1189
01:21:01,738 --> 01:21:05,199
After which, nothing will stand in our way.

1190
01:21:05,324 --> 01:21:08,161
Oh, I beg to differ, Mr. Weaver.

1191
01:21:08,286 --> 01:21:12,497
Well, well, well, I see we have visitors.

1192
01:21:12,832 --> 01:21:16,002
Sergeant Nicholas Angel.
Sandford Police Service.

1193
01:21:16,127 --> 01:21:18,837
My, he is tenacious, isn't he?

1194
01:21:18,921 --> 01:21:21,798
I'm arresting you under suspicion
of conspiracy to commit murder.

1195
01:21:21,882 --> 01:21:24,676
Oh, come, come, Sergeant.

1196
01:21:24,761 --> 01:21:26,345
You should be ashamed.

1197
01:21:26,429 --> 01:21:30,015
- Calling yourself a community that cares.
- Oh, but we do care, Nicholas.

1198
01:21:30,099 --> 01:21:31,850
It's all about the greater good.

1199
01:21:31,935 --> 01:21:33,435
The greater good.

1200
01:21:33,520 --> 01:21:35,020
How can this be for the greater good?

1201
01:21:35,104 --> 01:21:36,648
The greater good.

1202
01:21:36,773 --> 01:21:38,858
You see, as much as I enjoyed
your wild theories, Sergeant,

1203
01:21:38,942 --> 01:21:40,652
the truth is far less complex.

1204
01:21:40,777 --> 01:21:45,948
Blower's fate was simply the result
of his being an appalling actor.

1205
01:21:47,449 --> 01:21:48,701
Quite appalling.

1206
01:21:48,784 --> 01:21:50,537
You murdered him for that?

1207
01:21:51,621 --> 01:21:54,039
- Well, he murdered Bill Shakespeare.
- What?

1208
01:21:54,164 --> 01:21:57,627
The Dramatic Society
is an important feather in our cap.

1209
01:21:57,961 --> 01:21:59,420
Couldn't let
Blower jeopardize that.

1210
01:21:59,546 --> 01:22:01,756
Not when we had two semi-professionals
waiting in the wings.

1211
01:22:01,881 --> 01:22:04,425
Let's not forget that Greg
was an extra in Straw Dogs.

1212
01:22:04,551 --> 01:22:06,386
And Sheree played a cadaver
in Prime Suspect.

1213
01:22:06,469 --> 01:22:07,886
Yes, I know!

1214
01:22:07,970 --> 01:22:10,597
Martin was less concerned
with the reputation of the village

1215
01:22:10,722 --> 01:22:13,893
than he was with his sordid affair
with Eve Draper.

1216
01:22:14,018 --> 01:22:15,561
And so Eve deserved to die too?

1217
01:22:15,645 --> 01:22:18,064
Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.

1218
01:22:18,189 --> 01:22:19,399
Annoying.

1219
01:22:19,481 --> 01:22:22,318
- And, and George Merchant?
- He had an awful house.

1220
01:22:22,652 --> 01:22:23,694
Awful.

1221
01:22:23,819 --> 01:22:25,445
We begged him in vain
to make his residence

1222
01:22:25,529 --> 01:22:28,073
more in keeping
with the village's rustic esthetic.

1223
01:22:29,158 --> 01:22:31,743
And what about Tim Messenger?
What was his crime?

1224
01:22:31,828 --> 01:22:36,541
Tim Messenger's tenure as editor of
the Sandford Citizen has been unbearable.

1225
01:22:36,666 --> 01:22:40,461
Our once great paper had
become riddled with tabloid journalism.

1226
01:22:40,587 --> 01:22:42,505
Not to mention persistent errors.

1227
01:22:42,588 --> 01:22:45,841
- He listed her age as 55.
- When, actually, I'm 53.

1228
01:22:45,925 --> 01:22:47,426
Fifty-three.

1229
01:22:47,510 --> 01:22:49,179
What, what about Leslie Tiller?
One of your own?

1230
01:22:49,261 --> 01:22:51,764
Her horticultural expertise helped
put Sandford on the map.

1231
01:22:51,847 --> 01:22:53,891
Oh, she was ever so good.

1232
01:22:54,016 --> 01:22:56,144
Cousin Leslie was a terrible shame.

1233
01:22:56,435 --> 01:23:00,148
But it seemed she was set on moving away.

1234
01:23:00,273 --> 01:23:03,609
We couldn't have her sharing
her green fingers with anybody else.

1235
01:23:03,693 --> 01:23:05,653
Not least those heathens at Buford Abbey.

1236
01:23:05,778 --> 01:23:08,448
If we can't have her, no one can.

1237
01:23:08,530 --> 01:23:10,073
How can this be for the greater good?

1238
01:23:10,199 --> 01:23:12,202
- The greater good.
- Shut it!

1239
01:23:12,284 --> 01:23:15,454
These people died for no reason.
No reason whatsoever!

1240
01:23:15,537 --> 01:23:18,041
Oh, I wouldn't say that.

1241
01:23:19,792 --> 01:23:21,168
Hello, Nicholas.

1242
01:23:22,295 --> 01:23:24,171
I was like you once.

1243
01:23:24,796 --> 01:23:28,217
I believed in the immutable word of the law.

1244
01:23:28,551 --> 01:23:32,346
That is until the night Mrs. Butterman
was taken from me.

1245
01:23:33,264 --> 01:23:35,934
You see,
no one loved Sandford more than her.

1246
01:23:36,059 --> 01:23:40,020
She was head of the Women's Institute,
chair of the floral committee.

1247
01:23:40,104 --> 01:23:42,189
When they started
the Village of the Year contest,

1248
01:23:42,314 --> 01:23:45,984
she worked round the clock.
I've never seen such dedication.

1249
01:23:47,362 --> 01:23:52,658
On the eve of the adjudicator's arrival,
some travelers moved into Callahan Park.

1250
01:23:53,493 --> 01:23:56,996
Before you could say, "Gypsy scum,"
we were knee-deep in dog muck,

1251
01:23:57,079 --> 01:23:59,414
thieving kids and crusty jugglers.

1252
01:23:59,498 --> 01:24:01,251
Crusty jugglers.

1253
01:24:01,376 --> 01:24:04,420
We lost the title and Irene lost her mind.

1254
01:24:05,421 --> 01:24:09,551
She drove her Datsun Cherry
into Sandford Gorge.

1255
01:24:09,676 --> 01:24:14,764
From that moment on,
I swore that I would do her proud.

1256
01:24:15,097 --> 01:24:19,601
And whatever the cost,
we would make Sandford great again.

1257
01:24:19,935 --> 01:24:21,813
Sir, this doesn't make any sense.

1258
01:24:21,938 --> 01:24:25,774
The adjudicators arrive tomorrow.
We had to get everything ready.

1259
01:24:25,899 --> 01:24:28,569
Are you saying this is all about
winning the Best Village Award?

1260
01:24:28,694 --> 01:24:32,364
This is the best village, Nicholas.
You've seen the people.

1261
01:24:32,448 --> 01:24:36,911
- They're happy, contented.
- They're living in a dream world.

1262
01:24:37,036 --> 01:24:39,622
Sergeant Popwell
thought much the same as you.

1263
01:24:39,706 --> 01:24:41,748
I'm disappointed
you can't see the bigger picture.

1264
01:24:41,875 --> 01:24:44,252
Well, I'm happy to disappoint you, sir.

1265
01:24:44,377 --> 01:24:46,087
And I'm afraid
you're gonna have to come with me.

1266
01:24:46,212 --> 01:24:48,256
You are all gonna have to come with me.

1267
01:24:48,338 --> 01:24:52,426
No, Nicholas, I'm afraid it is you

1268
01:24:52,510 --> 01:24:55,262
who is going to have to come with us.

1269
01:25:03,313 --> 01:25:04,898
Danny, no.

1270
01:25:09,319 --> 01:25:10,778
Back off! Back off!

1271
01:25:10,904 --> 01:25:13,113
Or I swear to God,
you'll be explaining how Danny tripped over

1272
01:25:13,238 --> 01:25:14,657
and accidentally cut off his own head.

1273
01:25:14,740 --> 01:25:16,909
Come on, Nicholas.
You haven't got it in you.

1274
01:25:17,034 --> 01:25:18,328
I mean it!

1275
01:25:21,997 --> 01:25:23,248
Shit!

1276
01:25:38,014 --> 01:25:41,350
Gypsy scum. Travelers.

1277
01:25:41,475 --> 01:25:44,520
Thieving kids. Dog muck.

1278
01:25:46,773 --> 01:25:48,649
Crusty jugglers.

1279
01:25:48,858 --> 01:25:52,444
Crusty jugglers. Crusty jugglers.

1280
01:25:53,363 --> 01:25:54,655
Crusty jugglers.

1281
01:25:54,780 --> 01:25:58,368
There hasn't been a recorded murder
in Sandford for 20 years.

1282
01:25:58,451 --> 01:26:01,412
There's a reason we accommodate
a few of the younglings at the pub.

1283
01:26:01,537 --> 01:26:04,039
Spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm.

1284
01:26:04,122 --> 01:26:06,917
I'll make sure everyone gets
their just deserts.

1285
01:26:12,047 --> 01:26:14,926
If we don't come down hard
on these clowns...

1286
01:26:15,051 --> 01:26:16,719
We'll get round to it.

1287
01:26:28,981 --> 01:26:30,149
Danny!

1288
01:27:05,100 --> 01:27:06,435
Ta-da.

1289
01:27:06,685 --> 01:27:09,855
- What are you doing?
- Saving your skin.

1290
01:27:12,108 --> 01:27:14,819
- This is murder!
- It's not, it's ketchup.

1291
01:27:14,903 --> 01:27:17,654
I'm not talking about that,
I'm talking about the others.

1292
01:27:17,779 --> 01:27:20,699
- What others?
- The others the NWA have murdered.

1293
01:27:20,783 --> 01:27:22,118
- That's not true.
- It is!

1294
01:27:22,202 --> 01:27:24,369
Dad just said it was his special club, he...

1295
01:27:24,453 --> 01:27:26,331
I thought it was about
rapping people on the knuckles

1296
01:27:26,456 --> 01:27:29,626
- and sending them on their way.
- There are skeletons back there!

1297
01:27:29,708 --> 01:27:31,293
I don't know nothing about no skelingtons.

1298
01:27:31,377 --> 01:27:33,630
- What did you think was happening?
- Not this!

1299
01:27:33,712 --> 01:27:34,838
It's Frank.

1300
01:27:34,963 --> 01:27:37,132
He's appointed himself judge,
jury and executioner.

1301
01:27:37,257 --> 01:27:40,552
- He's not Judge Judy and executioner.
- He is!

1302
01:27:40,636 --> 01:27:43,805
- You've gotta help me take him down.
- I can't.

1303
01:27:44,890 --> 01:27:47,685
He's my dad. Take my car.

1304
01:27:48,770 --> 01:27:51,730
Go back to London.
There's nothing you can do.

1305
01:27:51,855 --> 01:27:53,315
I can come back.

1306
01:27:53,440 --> 01:27:55,527
I can come back,
and I can bring the blue fury

1307
01:27:55,652 --> 01:27:57,654
of the Metropolitan Police Service with me.

1308
01:27:57,737 --> 01:28:00,739
They'll make it disappear.
Who are they gonna believe?

1309
01:28:00,823 --> 01:28:03,576
My dad, or a loony London police officer.

1310
01:28:03,659 --> 01:28:05,203
But it won't be just me, will it?

1311
01:28:05,328 --> 01:28:08,497
We can do it together.
You and me. Partners.

1312
01:28:08,747 --> 01:28:12,502
Forget it, Nicholas. It's Sandford.

1313
01:29:04,636 --> 01:29:05,971
Is that everything? Sir?

1314
01:29:12,478 --> 01:29:15,899
Sir? Sir?

1315
01:29:17,399 --> 01:29:21,613
- Is there anything I can do for you?
- No.

1316
01:29:24,823 --> 01:29:27,118
This is something I have to do myself.

1317
01:29:52,810 --> 01:29:56,648
Another beautiful day in God's country.

1318
01:30:04,322 --> 01:30:05,823
Danny?

1319
01:30:14,873 --> 01:30:16,167
It's...

1320
01:30:21,506 --> 01:30:22,590
Mum!

1321
01:30:34,018 --> 01:30:35,435
What you gonna do?

1322
01:30:35,561 --> 01:30:38,605
Just walk in and arrest the whole village?

1323
01:30:40,399 --> 01:30:41,568
Not exactly.

1324
01:31:14,600 --> 01:31:17,811
Oh, Sergeant Angel?
Someone from London called for you.

1325
01:31:25,944 --> 01:31:28,198
I'll tell them you'll ring them back.

1326
01:31:30,449 --> 01:31:32,618
- Well, that's funny.
- What's that?

1327
01:31:33,118 --> 01:31:35,787
I didn't know we had a mounted division.

1328
01:31:35,872 --> 01:31:37,582
Nobody tells me nothing.

1329
01:31:53,972 --> 01:31:55,766
Wanna do something useful?

1330
01:32:05,234 --> 01:32:10,155
Annette, that Sergeant Angel's
back. Check out his horse.

1331
01:32:11,157 --> 01:32:13,076
Roger that!

1332
01:32:14,827 --> 01:32:17,788
- It's...
- Angel.

1333
01:33:29,068 --> 01:33:30,235
Morning.

1334
01:34:53,819 --> 01:34:55,738
That's what I'm talking about.

1335
01:35:10,670 --> 01:35:12,838
Still feel like you're missing out?

1336
01:35:39,532 --> 01:35:40,908
Fascist!

1337
01:35:57,550 --> 01:35:58,717
Hag!

1338
01:36:17,237 --> 01:36:20,907
Stop! Stop this, please!

1339
01:36:21,573 --> 01:36:24,953
Let us stop this mindless violence.

1340
01:36:26,246 --> 01:36:28,247
Nicholas, my son.

1341
01:36:29,414 --> 01:36:33,336
You may not be a man of God,
but surely you're a man of peace.

1342
01:36:33,418 --> 01:36:39,175
I may not be a man of God, Reverend,
but I know right, and I know wrong,

1343
01:36:39,926 --> 01:36:42,470
and I have the good grace
to know which is which.

1344
01:36:42,595 --> 01:36:45,597
Oh, fuck off, Grasshopper.

1345
01:36:47,182 --> 01:36:48,643
No!

1346
01:36:49,853 --> 01:36:51,604
Jesus Christ!

1347
01:36:52,104 --> 01:36:54,106
Nicholas! Nicholas!

1348
01:37:00,445 --> 01:37:02,198
I thought you was a goner.

1349
01:37:02,282 --> 01:37:03,992
Drop your weapons!

1350
01:37:04,617 --> 01:37:07,036
- Dr. Hatcher, no!
- Shut up, Danny.

1351
01:37:08,037 --> 01:37:11,541
I brought you into this world,
I think it's rather fitting

1352
01:37:11,623 --> 01:37:14,460
I should be the one to take you out of it.

1353
01:37:14,793 --> 01:37:18,631
You and your interfering little friend.

1354
01:37:19,131 --> 01:37:20,257
Now...

1355
01:37:24,636 --> 01:37:25,889
drop them.

1356
01:37:42,404 --> 01:37:46,533
- You're a doctor, deal with it.
- Yeah, motherfucker.

1357
01:37:47,159 --> 01:37:49,494
- Danny, let's roll.
- What you thinking?

1358
01:37:51,497 --> 01:37:52,582
Pub?

1359
01:38:52,725 --> 01:38:54,685
Roy!

1360
01:38:55,395 --> 01:38:58,439
Somebody call the police!

1361
01:38:58,564 --> 01:38:59,690
Freeze!

1362
01:39:02,569 --> 01:39:05,404
Officers, arrest that man.

1363
01:39:05,904 --> 01:39:09,074
- Danny, step away from the Sergeant.
- No, Dad.

1364
01:39:09,492 --> 01:39:11,869
Danny, you'll do as you're told.

1365
01:39:11,994 --> 01:39:14,454
I'm not taking orders from you anymore.

1366
01:39:14,581 --> 01:39:18,042
- Officers, arrest these men!
- Wait, wait!

1367
01:39:18,167 --> 01:39:19,252
You can arrest us if you like.

1368
01:39:19,335 --> 01:39:21,962
You can throw us in prison and go back
to being blind, submissive slaves.

1369
01:39:22,087 --> 01:39:23,881
Or you can be real police officers,

1370
01:39:24,006 --> 01:39:26,176
and help us bring an end
to this absurd story.

1371
01:39:26,259 --> 01:39:28,427
What the fuck is he on about?

1372
01:39:28,511 --> 01:39:29,720
Fuck are you on about?

1373
01:39:29,845 --> 01:39:32,431
Have you ever wondered
why the crime rate in Sandford is so low?

1374
01:39:32,515 --> 01:39:36,310
- And yet the accident rate, it's so high?
- No. Yeah. What?

1375
01:39:36,435 --> 01:39:38,270
You've been brainwashed, Tony.

1376
01:39:38,354 --> 01:39:41,608
Brainwashed into naivety by an old man
with a murderous obsession.

1377
01:39:41,690 --> 01:39:46,613
- This is ridiculous.
- No, it's not, Dad. It's very unridiculous.

1378
01:39:46,695 --> 01:39:49,740
And it's only now that I'm starting to realize
how unridiculous it all is.

1379
01:39:49,865 --> 01:39:51,326
Silence, Danny!

1380
01:39:51,783 --> 01:39:54,578
- Think of your mother.
- Mum is dead, Dad.

1381
01:39:55,787 --> 01:39:59,167
For the first time in my life,
you know, I'm glad.

1382
01:39:59,292 --> 01:40:01,627
If she could see what you've become,

1383
01:40:01,711 --> 01:40:05,840
I think she'd probably kill herself
all over again.

1384
01:40:05,965 --> 01:40:07,509
Sorry, I am completely lost.

1385
01:40:07,634 --> 01:40:09,260
Sandford is a lie, Doris.

1386
01:40:09,385 --> 01:40:12,764
For the last 20 years, the village
has been controlled by Frank and the NWA.

1387
01:40:12,889 --> 01:40:15,307
They've lulled everyone
into thinking this is a perfect village

1388
01:40:15,390 --> 01:40:18,185
and killed anyone
who's threatened to change that.

1389
01:40:25,818 --> 01:40:27,904
I reckon he's got something there.

1390
01:40:29,404 --> 01:40:32,367
He says,
"He reckons you got something there. "

1391
01:40:32,492 --> 01:40:33,701
I know.

1392
01:40:33,826 --> 01:40:37,037
You're not seriously gonna
believe this man, are you?

1393
01:40:37,162 --> 01:40:40,207
Are you? He isn't even from round here.

1394
01:40:44,170 --> 01:40:48,382
Maybe it's time to give it up, sir.

1395
01:40:50,092 --> 01:40:52,636
You incompetent flatfoots!

1396
01:41:01,770 --> 01:41:04,439
Officer Walker, stay here with Saxon
and hold everything down.

1397
01:41:04,524 --> 01:41:05,649
Fair enough.

1398
01:41:05,774 --> 01:41:07,777
Officers, let's go.

1399
01:41:08,778 --> 01:41:11,113
- What about Dad?
- He'll come round again.

1400
01:41:11,447 --> 01:41:13,240
Want anything from the shop?

1401
01:41:31,050 --> 01:41:32,217
- What you thinking?
- Well...

1402
01:41:32,301 --> 01:41:34,304
We should strike now,
while we've got the element of surprise.

1403
01:41:34,386 --> 01:41:36,180
Longer we wait,
more time they've got to mobilize.

1404
01:41:36,305 --> 01:41:39,057
I say we go in through the front entrance,
take the place aisle by aisle.

1405
01:41:39,141 --> 01:41:41,019
They won't be expecting that.

1406
01:41:41,644 --> 01:41:43,313
Very good. What he said.

1407
01:41:45,564 --> 01:41:48,775
My, my. Here come the fuzz.

1408
01:41:50,987 --> 01:41:53,780
- Maybe they're not here.
- Wait here.

1409
01:41:53,907 --> 01:41:57,409
- Don't go in on your own.
- Don't worry, he knows what he's doing.

1410
01:42:00,329 --> 01:42:01,956
Okay. They're in.

1411
01:42:02,081 --> 01:42:05,167
You deal with the store.
I'll deal with the trolley boy.

1412
01:42:14,511 --> 01:42:18,972
No, listen. Wait, wait, wait, Michael,
wait, listen to me. Listen, listen.

1413
01:42:19,181 --> 01:42:21,725
Is this what you really, really want?

1414
01:42:22,018 --> 01:42:23,144
Yarp.

1415
01:42:23,520 --> 01:42:24,729
Suit yourself.

1416
01:42:33,445 --> 01:42:35,113
Go, go, go.

1417
01:42:37,533 --> 01:42:39,618
Oh, come on.

1418
01:42:51,965 --> 01:42:53,800
Andy!

1419
01:42:56,552 --> 01:42:59,514
It's all right, Andy. It's just Bolognese!

1420
01:43:59,948 --> 01:44:01,909
- How's Lurch?
- He's in the freezer.

1421
01:44:02,034 --> 01:44:04,412
- Did you say, "Cool off"?
- No, I didn't say anything, actually.

1422
01:44:04,537 --> 01:44:06,206
Shame.

1423
01:44:06,288 --> 01:44:07,707
There was a bit earlier on that you missed

1424
01:44:07,789 --> 01:44:09,375
when I distracted him
with the cuddly monkey.

1425
01:44:09,458 --> 01:44:12,252
And then I said, "Playtime's over,"
and I hit him with the Peace Lily.

1426
01:44:12,377 --> 01:44:14,421
You're off the fucking chain!

1427
01:44:14,546 --> 01:44:18,009
- What's the situation?
- Two blokes and a fuckload of cutlery.

1428
01:44:18,134 --> 01:44:19,511
What do you reckon?

1429
01:44:22,889 --> 01:44:24,056
Idea.

1430
01:44:47,747 --> 01:44:49,248
Good work, everyone.

1431
01:44:59,007 --> 01:45:01,970
- Nice one, Doris.
- Nothing like a bit of girl on girl.

1432
01:45:04,680 --> 01:45:06,724
Fruit attack!

1433
01:45:07,516 --> 01:45:10,353
Can you handle this, Sergeant Fisher?
We're gonna go after the big boss.

1434
01:45:10,435 --> 01:45:12,354
We're on it, Sergeant.

1435
01:45:12,855 --> 01:45:14,649
- Danny, let's rock.
- Angel!

1436
01:45:14,774 --> 01:45:16,484
Don't go being a twat now.

1437
01:45:16,775 --> 01:45:19,028
I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.

1438
01:45:26,286 --> 01:45:27,828
- We should get down there.
- How?

1439
01:45:27,953 --> 01:45:30,331
Skip.

1440
01:45:36,296 --> 01:45:39,340
- Head them off?
- Fuck, yeah.

1441
01:45:50,643 --> 01:45:54,271
- I'll drive.
- Shotgun! Punch that shit!

1442
01:46:38,106 --> 01:46:39,650
Bang! Bang!

1443
01:46:45,614 --> 01:46:46,949
Swan!

1444
01:47:06,386 --> 01:47:07,470
Swan!

1445
01:47:34,997 --> 01:47:39,168
Stay back! Or the ginger nut gets it!

1446
01:47:41,087 --> 01:47:43,672
You little fucker!

1447
01:48:19,458 --> 01:48:23,755
Get out of my village!

1448
01:48:29,719 --> 01:48:32,221
It's not your village anymore.

1449
01:48:49,072 --> 01:48:50,907
- You did good, kid.
- Ta.

1450
01:48:50,989 --> 01:48:53,243
- What's your name?
- Aaron A. Aaronson.

1451
01:48:53,659 --> 01:48:55,118
Sorry?

1452
01:48:57,079 --> 01:49:03,711
Angel!

1453
01:49:21,604 --> 01:49:22,939
It's over, Danny.

1454
01:49:24,356 --> 01:49:25,524
It's over.

1455
01:49:29,362 --> 01:49:34,617
This really hurts.

1456
01:49:34,701 --> 01:49:40,122
I'm going to need some ice-cream.

1457
01:49:40,206 --> 01:49:43,376
Yeah, well, don't worry.
There's plenty of ice-cream at the station.

1458
01:49:43,458 --> 01:49:44,627
Isn't that right, Danny?

1459
01:49:45,878 --> 01:49:47,005
Stay back!

1460
01:49:47,130 --> 01:49:50,550
- Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!
- Now, now.

1461
01:49:50,884 --> 01:49:52,635
We don't want any more bloodshed.

1462
01:49:52,719 --> 01:49:55,470
Frank, this whole thing started
because you lost somebody you loved.

1463
01:49:55,555 --> 01:49:57,472
Don't expect me to believe
you'd let it end the same way.

1464
01:49:57,556 --> 01:50:00,100
I'll tell you how this is gonna end!

1465
01:50:42,685 --> 01:50:44,854
I feel like I should say something smart.

1466
01:50:44,938 --> 01:50:47,731
You don't have to say anything at all.

1467
01:50:59,618 --> 01:51:03,038
Satisfactory conclusion
to the whole operation.

1468
01:51:03,122 --> 01:51:07,126
Now, my perfect Sunday would begin with...

1469
01:51:12,465 --> 01:51:13,882
What do you say, Nicholas?

1470
01:51:13,966 --> 01:51:16,176
We... We...
We have been trying to reach you for days.

1471
01:51:16,301 --> 01:51:19,430
- Yeah, well, I've been kind of busy.
- We need you back.

1472
01:51:19,555 --> 01:51:23,350
The figures have gone a little squiffy
in your absence, it has to be said.

1473
01:51:23,475 --> 01:51:24,560
Come back to London.

1474
01:51:24,644 --> 01:51:27,896
Sandford's hardly a fitting place
for such an exceptional officer.

1475
01:51:27,980 --> 01:51:30,692
Yeah, well, the thing is, sir.

1476
01:51:31,650 --> 01:51:33,403
I kind of like it here.

1477
01:51:33,485 --> 01:51:36,864
Besides, we have to do
a considerable amount of paperwork.

1478
01:52:07,270 --> 01:52:08,354
- Fuck's sake, Nick, this is gonna take ages.
- Yeah, it's gonna take all night.

1479
01:52:08,389 --> 01:52:09,354
Well, good job
we've got the manpower, Andy?

1480
01:52:09,689 --> 01:52:13,943
Well, official vocab guidelines state
that we say "staffing," not "manpower,"

1481
01:52:14,027 --> 01:52:16,695
'cause "manpower's" a bit sexist.

1482
01:52:19,114 --> 01:52:20,908
You don't mind a bit
of manpower do you, Doris?

1483
01:52:21,033 --> 01:52:23,328
Oh, dirty bastard!

1484
01:52:25,121 --> 01:52:26,247
Andy!

1485
01:52:26,372 --> 01:52:28,373
You cheeky fucker!

1486
01:52:37,132 --> 01:52:39,051
You know what you are?

1487
01:52:39,886 --> 01:52:41,554
A bloody busybody!

1488
01:52:47,393 --> 01:52:49,645
No!

1489
01:53:04,159 --> 01:53:05,328
Oh, God, no!

1490
01:53:28,600 --> 01:53:29,853
Danny!

1491
01:53:32,354 --> 01:53:33,480
Danny!

1492
01:53:34,524 --> 01:53:35,692
Oh, God.

1493
01:53:35,774 --> 01:53:37,402
Hold on, Danny, just hold on.

1494
01:53:37,527 --> 01:53:40,238
Hold on, it's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be fine.

1495
01:53:40,863 --> 01:53:43,615
Just hang on, hang on!

1496
01:53:44,117 --> 01:53:45,909
Everything's gonna be fine.

1497
01:53:47,203 --> 01:53:48,954
Everything's gonna be fine.

1498
01:53:49,454 --> 01:53:51,248
Everything's gonna be fine.

1499
01:53:52,041 --> 01:53:54,042
Everything's gonna be just fine.

1500
01:54:32,748 --> 01:54:33,791
Hope these are okay.

1501
01:54:36,920 --> 01:54:40,297
Yeah. They're lovely.

1502
01:54:49,849 --> 01:54:53,019
- Any officers near the church?
- Go ahead, Doris.

1503
01:54:53,101 --> 01:54:54,811
Chief, we've had a report
of some hippy types

1504
01:54:54,938 --> 01:54:57,356
messing with the recycling bins
at the supermarket.

1505
01:54:57,439 --> 01:54:59,149
- Leave it with us.
- Righto.

1506
01:54:59,274 --> 01:55:03,363
Sergeant Butterman,
little hand says it's time to rock and roll.

1507
01:55:03,613 --> 01:55:05,155
Bring the noise.